Bud the Crud Goes to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks
I am the chosen one. You'd think that would buy me something like less homework, or a seat at the cool kids lunch table, or at least half off a lemon fizz at the mall for pete's sake, but you'd be wrong. For one, my friend Besnick, who wasn't really all that friendly to begin with, went back to Schlopovania or whatever strange country he was from, my friend Tracey, who's a witch, thank you very much, got sucked into a vortex to another world, and my girlfriend Jocelyn (yup, she's my full-fledged girlfriend now) is currently not speaking to me because I want to go save Tracey and bring her back home. I know she's not speaking to me, because she informs me every day. On top of that, I've got a wizard (Tracey's dad) living inside my head who never shuts up (he's sleeping now. And he snores. Loud), my werewolf friend Guy hasn't come around since the whole chosen thing was brought up, and my sister is now a freaking vampire. Older sisters are bad enough, but giving her fangs and superpowers was like adding a laser beam to a shark and then training him in karate. The only friend I've got left is Will, Amber's husband. He's a vampire, too, but not like Amber. He doesn't nag you, or threaten to throw you out the window, or bite you when you're sleeping. He's actually one of the nicest people I've ever met. Except he's really into board games which I actually find more unsettling than being a vampire. He's coming with me into the vortex to help me bring Tracy back and also his ex-girlfriend. So you can imagine how Amber's dealing with everything. Last night I caught her biting the head off her stuffed animals.
So that's what life's like for the chosen one. You'd think it'd be like having an all access pass to Tidal Water Park, but it's more like going to the dentist to find out you need a cleaning and then having to get a double root canal. And the worst part, I don't even know what it is I'm chosen for. Sometimes, when I can't sleep or I'm really hungry, or I catch Amber gnawing on my bedpost because her 'teeth ache', I think maybe this *is* what I'm chosen one for--a really crappy, weird life. But most days I'm optimistic that things are going to get better. They definitely couldn't get any worse. At least that's what I thought on Monday.
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