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Bud the Crud Goes to H-E-Double Sticks: The Final Instalment


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Initial post: Mar 27, 2012 8:07:27 AM PDT
Bud the Crud Goes to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

Recap
I am the chosen one. You'd think that would buy me something like less homework, or a seat at the cool kids lunch table, or at least half off a lemon fizz at the mall for pete's sake, but you'd be wrong. For one, my friend Besnick, who wasn't really all that friendly to begin with, went back to Schlopovania or whatever strange country he was from, my friend Tracey, who's a witch, thank you very much, got sucked into a vortex to another world, and my girlfriend Jocelyn (yup, she's my full-fledged girlfriend now) is currently not speaking to me because I want to go save Tracey and bring her back home. I know she's not speaking to me, because she informs me every day. On top of that, I've got a wizard (Tracey's dad) living inside my head who never shuts up (he's sleeping now. And he snores. Loud), my werewolf friend Guy hasn't come around since the whole chosen thing was brought up, and my sister is now a freaking vampire. Older sisters are bad enough, but giving her fangs and superpowers was like adding a laser beam to a shark and then training him in karate. The only friend I've got left is Will, Amber's husband. He's a vampire, too, but not like Amber. He doesn't nag you, or threaten to throw you out the window, or bite you when you're sleeping. He's actually one of the nicest people I've ever met. Except he's really into board games which I actually find more unsettling than being a vampire. He's coming with me into the vortex to help me bring Tracy back and also his ex-girlfriend. So you can imagine how Amber's dealing with everything. Last night I caught her biting the head off her stuffed animals.

So that's what life's like for the chosen one. You'd think it'd be like having an all access pass to Tidal Water Park, but it's more like going to the dentist to find out you need a cleaning and then having to get a double root canal. And the worst part, I don't even know what it is I'm chosen for. Sometimes, when I can't sleep or I'm really hungry, or I catch Amber gnawing on my bedpost because her 'teeth ache', I think maybe this *is* what I'm chosen one for--a really crappy, weird life. But most days I'm optimistic that things are going to get better. They definitely couldn't get any worse. At least that's what I thought on Monday.

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 8:13:19 AM PDT
BethW says:
Yeah Buddy is back!!!!!!!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:07:28 AM PDT
Yay, bud. Is back!!!!

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 11:11:11 AM PDT
G Jaros says:
YEAH!!!! Stop the bus! Bud is back!!!!

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 11:20:31 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
WTH! You move to a new house and you think you can move to a new thread to lose us?

THUMPS, the carppin' GPS!

YaY! Jamie, I am glad that Bud it back! Going to read the story now! :)

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 11:21:58 AM PDT
New Girl says:
Jamie, you just made my day!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:26:36 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Thanks Beth! :) I can't believe Jamie would try and lose me! *sobs*

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:32:12 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Yay, Bud has a full-fledged girlfriend now, of course we knew that but it is nice to hear Bud admit this! And Amber is a vampire! and married to Will! AWESOME!

I am soooooo looking forward to this trip to HE L L! :D

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:42:13 AM PDT
BethW says:
When I saw none of you all over here I realized Jaime had not left any breadcrumbs from the old thread :0)

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 11:46:49 AM PDT
Bob Houston says:
Beth, thanks for the link!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:55:47 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
He was truly trying to lose me, can you believe that!?! I know he was, the big ole Meany! *sobs*

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 5:34:13 PM PDT
Zebras says:
I'm going to yell Run, Buddy, Run, then go back and read the first installment, I just can't help myself!

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 5:37:53 PM PDT
Zebras says:
Yeah, really, Jamie, you should have at least left a note with the part bus, so we could find you easier!

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 8:18:16 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
bloop bloop

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 8:20:18 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 27, 2012 8:20:53 PM PDT
judester says:
'I know she's not speaking to me, because she informs me every day.' Now that must be H-E -Double Hockey Sticks!!! Forget about the fire and brimstone. LOL

WaHoo, Bud's back!!!

Thank you Beth!
And Dad, for rerouting the bus.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 8:24:23 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
?wazi burst in and grabs judester in a big hug sobbing 'I was soooo worried we had lost you!' I am glad you found us! :)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 8:28:46 PM PDT
judester says:
I was worried for a minute. Glad you all left bread crumbs. ;)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 8:31:46 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 27, 2012 8:32:16 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
It was all Beth W! She is my hero! :)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 8:41:17 PM PDT
judester says:
Yep! Mine too!

So excited for more Bud.

THANK YOU BETH W!!!!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 28, 2012 9:01:56 AM PDT
"Crossbow?"

"Check."

"Stake?"

"Check."

"Net?"

"Check."

"Brimstones?"

"Are those the rocks that smell like pig vomit?"

"Do you know what pig vomit smells like?"

"No, but I'd bet this stuff is close."

"Then yes, that's the brimstone."

"Check. What's this stuff used for anyway?"

"Warlocks can't stand it."

I can't think of anybody who'd enjoy this stuff. I handed Will the jar of funny smelling stones and he stuffed it into a duffel bag with the other items.

"Morning star?"

"That's the stick with the chain and the spiky looking ball on the end of it?"

"Yes."

"It's over there." I pointed to it, lying on a heap of other strange looking weapons. The kind you might see in a He-Warrior battle pack.

"Hand it to me."

"It's heavy."

"Use two hands." Will picked up a pad of paper and crossed off Brimstone and then morning star. He'd been all serious ever since early this evening when we started packing and quite frankly not a lot of fun to be with.

I picked up the handle of the morning star and grunted and tugged but couldn't make the thing budge. "Is all this stuff really necessary?" I asked.
Will stopped what he was doing and stared at me. "Have you ever been into a vortex, Bud?"

"No. Have you?"

"No. So netiher one of us knows what to expect. I'm just trying to be prepared. Now quit playing around and hand me those jars."

Two heavy jugs, the kind they play at frontier world sometimes for their musical parade, sat by the window. They were filled with a red liquid. Will was a vampire. You do the math.

"I should really get home and study," I said.

"It's summer."

"I'm way behind."

"You don't have to come with me, Bud. I'll find Tracey and Camille. I'll bring them home safely by myself."

"What about Jebediah?" I asked. Did I tell you about him? You strike me as kind of a skimmer so maybe you forgot. Jebediah is a necormancer or a warlock or something powerful. He's also the reason Tracey and Camille disappeared to begin with. He tried to take over the world, just like any bad guy (though I seriously always wondered what they'd do with it, once they got it. I mean it's a big place, there's plenty enough to go around, you know?) and me and Will and the rest of my friends defeated him and sent him packing into some other realm. And he's had a good six months to get really cheesed off about the whole thing and now, stupidly, we were going after him.

"I stopped him once."

"Yeah, but isn't that something 'the one' is supposed to handle?" I socked up my courage, picked up the jars and handed them to Will. Even though I was just touching the handle, I couldn't help but think there was only a thin layer of glass between me and somebody's insides. I could never be a vampire. I don't even like it when I get my feet sandy at the beach.

"It's your choice, Buddy. Now, are you coming or going?"

I sighed. Quite frankly, there wasn't any real question I was going. Tracey had saved my life, for pete's sake, and she had my cat. Plus there was the whole friendship thing. I just wanted Will to know that as far as errands went, this one ranked right there at the very bottom along with take dad for colonscopy. "Don't worry son, we'll get to the bottom of this." And he's got a million more of those jokes just saved up.

"Coming," I muttered.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 28, 2012 9:43:58 AM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Squeeeeee! I am soooo excited! I am so glad you are back!

You have some speeling errors. :(
netiher
necormancer
colonscopy

Posted on Mar 28, 2012 10:15:25 AM PDT
G Jaros says:
LOL Jamie! no skimmers here! ;)

Posted on Mar 28, 2012 3:24:28 PM PDT
Zebras says:
I had to look up morningstar, I thought you were describing a mace, and apparently it works for either. I love learning new stuff, thanks Jamie!

Posted on Mar 29, 2012 3:11:32 PM PDT
?wazithinkin says:
Bloopity bloop . . . I hope we get a Friday chapter, Jamie :)

Posted on Mar 29, 2012 6:11:44 PM PDT
judester says:
"Hand it to me."

"It's heavy."

"Use two hands."

LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Discussion in:  Kindle forum
Participants:  16
Total posts:  1296
Initial post:  Mar 27, 2012
Latest post:  Aug 18, 2013

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