I've been dating a wonderful lady for six months. I've heard various married men and women say `the secret to a happy marriage is to marry your best friend.' My girlfriend is that. We can, and do, talk about anything/everything, and are truly on the same path in life spiritually, professionally, financially, and as regards family and children.
We've begun discussing marriage. On the surface, that sounds like a good idea to me. But when we delve deeper and begin discussing the specifics of when/where, I freeze-up and have a difficult time talking.
I think I'm afraid not so much of `commitment' per se, but rather of never experiencing with her the kind of love and fireworks I've felt for two of the roughly 15 other girlfriends I've had over the past 18 years. Unfortunately, both of those women dumped me after about three months, saying they did not have much chemistry with me (did not get more of an explanation than that.)
So I'm not sure whether the fireworks I've felt with the two other girlfriends are part of what might ever be a healthy, lasting relationship if I hold-out and wait to find that sort of chemistry with a third lady someday; or whether this love is something that somehow only occurs for me for women that for whatever reason just aren't going to have that much chemistry with me. (I saw a therapist for 6 months and we could not figure out why I felt the way I did for these two.)
My girlfriend has told me she's fallen in love with me and would like to get married. Ironically, I feel in many ways closer to her than to any of my previous girlfriends - even the two I was in love with. But the closeness I have with my girlfriend (ability to talk openly, and being on the exact same path in life), has not translated into `fireworks' and love for me. My girlfriend is someone I admire and respect and know would be an amazing mother, but do not (yet) `love' - at least not like I have the other two.
So, my dilemma is whether I marry my girlfriend and hope the fireworks develop (or resign myself to living without them), or end this relationship and pray for a relationship where the fireworks are mutual.
* I'm 40, Christian, never married.
* She's mid-30's Christian, divorced after 12 years, no children. I'm the first guy she's really been involved with since her divorce two years ago. (She has gone on a few dates with a half-dozen other guys a year ago prior to dating me.)
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