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Post your pitch: The 30 word Challenge (The return)

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Posted on May 21, 2012 11:08:57 AM PDT
Jon Olson says:
As the elevator door closes ...

The Ride Home

A reporter covers the crime he committed.

Pedaling home one night, reporter Mark Wagner is harassed and knocked off his bicycle by three men in an SUV. Chased into a park, he is attacked by one of them with a knife. He passes up a chance to run, and defends himself with his bike lock, seriously injuring his attacker before fleeing.

He keeps the incident secret from his wife, a county prosecutor, and in the morning, his editor calls and asks him to investigate a report of violence in the park. As the days pass, Mark moves deeper into the life of the person he injured, with consequences he can't possibly foresee.

Posted on May 21, 2012 11:13:10 AM PDT

if you aren't a drive by, read the OP> post your effort in 30 words. Your elevator pitch.

Come on, give it a go...

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 11:49:14 AM PDT
It's 1867 Mexico. French Desiree uncovers a dangerous secret: Xavier, her Mexican husband, spies for Juarez. Her former French suitor, Gauthier, suspects Xavier. To save Xavier, Desiree risks everything.

Posted on May 21, 2012 11:54:06 AM PDT
Now we're getting there! Is Juarez mexican? (I don't know, you see)

Posted on May 21, 2012 11:55:08 AM PDT
Hamburg 1947: A Place for the Heart to Kip

A True Story about a life lived on the razor's edge of history.

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 12:00:40 PM PDT
I would guess that Jon had the same idea I originally had: 30 seconds not 30 words. It takes about 20-30 seconds to get to a floor.

My questions though: wouldn't you want to pre-qualify the agent before pitching? Does every agent represents every genre in their authors? Or is it a matter of pitch to everyone and maybe you'll get the name of an agent who represents your kind of work?

Posted on May 21, 2012 12:00:54 PM PDT
Harry, I've seen you post tiny pieces and other promos about half a page long.

Do you want to try for a happy medium?

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 12:30:02 PM PDT
If you don't know Juarez is Mexican, then you don't read Westerns or historical fiction, and probably don't represent the authors who write them. Why then should I pitch it to you?

1867 Mexico vs France, Juarez vs Maximillian. Desiree uncovers a dangerous secret: Xavier, her Mexican husband, spies for Juarez! Former French suitor Gauthier suspects. Desiree risks all to save Xavier.

Posted on May 21, 2012 12:38:45 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 21, 2012 12:41:49 PM PDT
Ah, because I might not be an agent or a publisher. When you've finished your book, the same rule holds good when you get out into bookshops, promoting your work to potential customers...

Some of the beggars run away before you get to 30 words! Trust me onthat...

Sorry, I missed your earlier post. for some reason it didn't show at first. Of course you check out an agent first. I write fantasy. If I sent my stuff to an agent in yourtarget zone, they'd have a fit. But this practise is really invaluable - if you get a good 30 word pitch, then you can use it as a promo here when yu've published, for one thing.

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 1:00:12 PM PDT
@Will Mac

LOL; sorry to laugh, but I hear you! Kind of hard to run away in an elevator, but not hard at all in a bookstore or elsewhere.

I mainly design artisan jewelry and sell it, but I'm also working on a novel. The 30-word limit has made me focus on what to say when I do get the chance. Yes, I grumbled, but I chose to take the challenge.

What do I need to change on the last attempt?

Posted on May 21, 2012 1:07:36 PM PDT
Sorry,I'm afraid that after a tough day at work I've been at the merlot, and possible am no longer over serious.

But when shortening versus, I think 'v' is more normal than 'vs'. But why shorten the word at all? Actually, I didn't like it as much as the time before. Now, you need to focus on finishing. Then, you'll find that a short pitch is useful when you start querying.

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 1:13:14 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 21, 2012 1:26:10 PM PDT
Thank you. Enjoy your wine and I'll quit whining.

The book is in treatment form right now (yes, I start it as if it were a script; that's my form of outlining). I now just need to flesh it out. Thanks for the invaluable lessons - including that I could easily see how a 30-word pitch would be useful for selling my jewelry.

Have a good evening!

Posted on May 21, 2012 1:24:41 PM PDT
Another glass, and I'm back to writing too. Deadline approaching...

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 1:50:10 PM PDT
sophie says:
Will, I haven't had any comments on mine yet and I posted ages ago

Posted on May 21, 2012 1:55:05 PM PDT
debjane, I do apologise.

I've just had a heavy few days since friday morning. tell me where it is...

Posted on May 21, 2012 1:55:31 PM PDT
David Hughes says:
Winnie-the-Pooh and the Angle of Dath

Unauthorized parody of the works of A. A. Milne. The Hundred-Acre Wood is plagued by a deranged killer. Winnie-the-Pooh and his friends lose their innocence forever.

Posted on May 21, 2012 1:55:52 PM PDT
otterific says:
Ok, I'll give it a try:

One adventurous modern woman. One genuine hunky Nineteenth Century mountain man. In the land of fire and ice, a love is born that transcends the test of time.
Yellowstone Heart Song (Yellowstone Romance Series)

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 2:00:36 PM PDT
David, forgive me, but do you not have copyright issues?

I am aware that the real life Christopher Robin would probably pay you to write in a sequel in which all the characters died slow, agonizing deaths: but Mr Disney may not be so kind

Posted on May 21, 2012 2:02:22 PM PDT
Peggy, I think that you could drop the word 'hunky', as i suspect your readers would already have that image.

Is there any danger in this wilderness?

Posted on May 21, 2012 2:11:21 PM PDT
otterific says:
of course there is danger in the form of wild animals, geysers, hot springs, hostile Indians, the weather, unfriendly trappers .... but my pitch focused on the romance aspect of the book, since I only had 30 words to play with, and this is primarily a romance. As Yellowstone is often called the land of fire and ice, that terminology would imply some of the above natural dangers (IMO)

Posted on May 21, 2012 2:18:43 PM PDT
Fine, Peggy. I don't know yellowstone at all, (except from the cartoons, ) so I don't know what connotations go with it. But i bet you are thinking of a little more than the tourist areas would show anyway..

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 3:06:12 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 21, 2012 3:07:19 PM PDT
David Hughes says:
Will - Thankfully, since it's clearly an unauthorized parody and I'm not basing it on the Disney trademarks of the characters, it's protected under Fair Use. :)

That, and all the characters don't die, just some. It's not a snuff film for Pooh toys, it has a story. :D

Posted on May 21, 2012 3:17:34 PM PDT
Lyn Ragan says:
Hi Will - posted a couple of days ago but I see you guys have been very busy. Thanks in advance for all you do!!

An ordinary couple. A shocking murder. A fiance's search for paranormal answers.
A heartwarming true story about love, death, grief, awakening, and...communications from the Afterlife.

Wake Me Up!: Love and The Afterlife

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 3:46:19 PM PDT
sophie says:
Mother Swap 2 - The Mystery of the Three Boys in the Mirror (Mother Swap series)Mother Swap (Mother Swap series)

Will, I understand. I know you're a busy man. I can't find it so here it is again -or it may be different this time.
Book 1 (for age 9+)
Matt is fed up with his mum nagging him so when he discovers he can swap her at the library, he jumps at the chance with hilarious and unexpected consequences.

Book 2 in the series-The Mystery of the Three Boys in the Mirror
Matt's new mother harbours a dark secret while her murderous servants strive to get rid of Matt for good. Can he outwit them and solve the mystery of the three boys in the mirror?

Posted on May 21, 2012 9:54:29 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Oct 4, 2014 7:30:49 PM PDT]
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Discussion in:  Meet Our Authors forum
Participants:  56
Total posts:  318
Initial post:  Apr 19, 2012
Latest post:  Jul 3, 2012

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