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Post your pitch: The 30 word Challenge (The return)

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Showing 151-175 of 318 posts in this discussion
In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 10:22:15 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 21, 2012 10:33:41 PM PDT
@ Tom Conrad:

FWIW, I like this sentence:
"...and perhaps most of all fate was the sheer unbearable arrogance of the living."

However, I like the one I "saw" better:
"the sheer unbearable arrogance of living."

[I didn't initially see the word "the" between "of" and "living." My mistake! LOL]

Posted on May 21, 2012 11:47:50 PM PDT
James, being a bit different works, especially on this site where too many like to post half a page (which is probably never read)of blurb.

Do these work well for you?

Posted on May 22, 2012 1:57:36 AM PDT
Will, welcome pitch has changed several times, as per advice obtained from oldog...I believe in 30 words you are enticing someone to have a look at your book not telling them what genre it belongs to. 30 words does not give scope for that? I hope you think this is enough to entice someone to have a look...I've included the other attempts at the bottom to save you from scrolling back...
Thanks for your help...this is a good idea...
Vanessa Wester :)

Hybrid (The Evolution Series)

University. Land of opportunity? Not for a Hybrid. First love doesn't stand a chance when fate plays its hand. A life in the Amazon awaits - the change is coming.

1st pitch:
University should be about independence, new opportunities, friends and expanding the mind. For Steven, it's the start of a new life...just not the one he anticipated.

2nd pitch:
For Steven, University is the land of opportunities... Unfortunately, a Hybrid like him is not destined to live like everyone else. A life in the Amazon awaits. The change is coming...

3rd pitch:
University, land of opportunities! For a Hybrid like Steven, it doesn't bring success. For he is not like everyone else - life in the Amazon awaits. The change is coming.

4th Pitch:
University. Land of opportunity? Not for a Hybrid like Steven. Love doesn't stand a chance. Fate is in control. A life in the Amazon beckons. The change is coming.

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 3:10:36 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi Vanessa --

I love how your pitch has developed more and more detail. I believe you've gone about as far as one can go !!!

Just for kicks, I'll show you what I thought you might end up with, edited with your latest additions:
"University, land of opportunities? A Hybrid like Steven, unlike everyone else, doesn't find success. Love doesn't stand a chance. Fate is in control. Amazon life beckons. The change is coming."

We've now reached that final point of assessing how the message sounds to the audience ear, the poetry of it. If L = longer phrase and S = shorter phrase, then yours is S S S S S S S S, while mine is S L S S S S. Which is better? I dunno!

You've done so very well, patient and persistent !!!

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 4:05:01 AM PDT
Thanks so much oldog...are you on twitter? I would really like to follow you... You seem very wise! :)

I have found the exercise very helpful... Maybe you should set up your own forum then you and will can have opposing views? :)

Thanks again for your help
Vanessa :)

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 4:53:20 AM PDT
RE "Do these work well for you?"

Yes and no, Mr, Macmillan Jones.

Yes, from the standpoint that I get at least 5-10 new hits a day on my YOUTUBE and other media sites book trailer for The Steel Deal when I do promote regularly.

No, from the critical standpoint that the book's higher than average price drives many interested, would-be AMAZON buyers away! Lol

Overall, being small press-published, I knew going in that being an unknown upstart (yet having a professional's set price for my e-and paperback book) was going to make selling THE STEEL DEAL in these tough economic times difficult.

In my spare time, I'm adapting the book to a screenplay. So I'm familiar with agents and the 30 second, back-of-cocktail napkin descriptions and "elevator ride" reductions of books.

Luckily, I don't write for a living; so, I don't fixate on hard, daily sales stats and fluctuations. My YOUTUBE book trailer stats are about the only thing I keep an eye on--and that's just out of curiosity because even their rise wouldn't amount to earning enough to survive on (if the hits equaled customers buying the book).

So, I'm having fun writing in a genre I like and doing the movie style bulbs I like. What critical reviews I snag are usually good. And what I lose in sales is made up for in the fact that I can tell people I'm a published author who's working on making his book into a movie someday. ; )

Thanks for the look, Mr. Macmillan Jones.

Posted on May 22, 2012 5:29:49 AM PDT
James, don't be so dam formal. Only my bank manager and insurance salesmen call me Mr macmillan Jones.

What I meant was that I've seen you do mega long promo posts, then you come up with these cute short ideas - have you trialled one against the other?

I'm in your position you see. As I'm published through a smallindie house, I have no price control either, and am just planning my next big marketing push after a lot of writing this week.

Posted on May 22, 2012 5:32:06 AM PDT
Vanessa, Oldog and I have different tastes, but sing from the same sheet really. A 30 word pitch has to fix your book in the customer's mind, and entice them to look inside.

After that, it's up to the writing. If you can't grab a customer who reads 2 pages, well they are a lost cause anyway

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 5:44:07 AM PDT
Sorry. It's that "dam" Midwestern American decency again! Lol

I've trailed the short ones against the long. Many AMAZON posters/readers seem to prefer my longer ones because they're more informative (adding book trailer info, reviewers' snippets, and sometimes excerpts). Also, a few tell me my short ones tend to get lost because a behemoth, big rig truck of a post proceeds it and knocks it off the page.

So, psychologically, I want to knock back with a big post of my own on occasion..., Will. ; )

Posted on May 22, 2012 5:55:40 AM PDT
Food for thought there, James...

Scuse me, I'm giving up writing today, to prepare a James' sized piece of spam now.

Be afraid, be very afraid...

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 6:01:37 AM PDT
And I'm giving up writing to prepare for work!

Thanks again, Will. It's a good service you're doing for writers who are interested in making their work better.

Continued success.

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 7:51:54 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 22, 2012 8:13:34 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi again Vanessa --

Will and I have opposing views right here :-)
I have no problem backing away and letting his word be the final word -- he is the master.
I just answered his call for some other people to come and help him critique.

I don't twitter. I do have a facebook account, but I don't use it. I tried using facebook once, and it became a terrible time-eater. Once I publish my book this month, I know I'm going to have to make my facebook public, and I'm not sure I'm thrilled at the prospect.

It occurs to me that there is another way of assessing the "ear appeal" of a Promo besides L and S. That is to do a word count or syllable count. For example, by word count your final version is 1 3 6 5 4 4 6 4 and mine is 4 10 5 4 3 4. Yours opens more crisply; mine opens more gradually and ends up with a crisp 4-3-4 punch. Does it matter? I dunno.

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 8:17:21 AM PDT
Sorry to sidetrack will...

Oldog, I have not started using Facebook yet... Twitter seems easier! I will eventually, but at the moment I keep Facebook for friends and family!

I appreciated both of your points of view... When you join the world of twitter look me up! :)
Vanessa Wester

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 8:20:34 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi Jacqueline --

We got way behind on 30 word pitches last weekend -- are you still wanting to participate?

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 8:23:37 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi Lyn --

We got way behind on 30 word pitches last weekend. Are you still wanting to participate? You've got a very good start already!

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 8:29:40 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi Rain --

Sorry to take so long getting back to you -- we had a bigger-than-ever response this weekend.

If 40 words works for you, that's great. I might suggest that you try to identify the two or three most important things you want your listener to know, and make sure to get those into the first 20-30 words.

Posted on May 22, 2012 9:26:50 AM PDT
Lyn Ragan says:
Oh yes, Oldog, would love love some feedback! Thank you...

An ordinary couple. A shocking murder. A fiance's search for paranormal answers.
A heartwarming true story about love, death, grief, awakening, and...communications from the Afterlife.
Wake Me Up!: How Chip's Afterlife Saved Me From Myself

Posted on May 22, 2012 10:15:50 AM PDT
Oldog and Vanessa,

if I may then, a piece of advice.

Set up a seperate author page (under the name you use for your books) on FB, and from there, set up a seperate book page. The book page lies a bit dormant until you can get 30 people to 'like'it on FB, then it starts to aquire a bit of life of it's own.

Then link your twitter account to the FB page, so that whatever you post on your book's FB site automatically turns up on Twitter.

Same for your have blogs, of course, in your writing names... I have a basic one at wordpress which works OK for me.

I made the mistake of not getting enough seperation when I started it all, and there's a little more personal content on my FB page than, in retrospect, I would like.

Posted on May 22, 2012 10:22:03 AM PDT
Grab your cleaver and the guardrails: Ride along with Voltaire on a space- and time-traveling frenzy in this slab of bizarro space fantasy. Bring the spleen of a cat. Voltaire's Adventures Before Candide

Posted on May 22, 2012 10:28:38 AM PDT

that sounds right up my street.

In reply to an earlier post on May 22, 2012 5:01:58 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 22, 2012 5:03:10 PM PDT
sophie says:
Mother Swap (Mother Swap series)
Hey Will and Oldog -I still haven't received feedback despite posting details twice and Vanessa's had loads. Why's that? Just asking. And yes please, I'd like help working out how to do TOC cos the other guy didn't reply either

Posted on May 22, 2012 6:51:28 PM PDT
G Atkinson says:
@ debjane

Don't feel bad. They skipped over mine as well. A lot of posts have been made here and those critiquing have been away. It will take a bit for them to go back through and give their honest opinion.

Posted on May 22, 2012 7:02:44 PM PDT
John R. says:
This book will motivate you & reveal the secrets to understanding life and how to mold your career in a way that you could have never imagined. How To Find A Job: When There Are No Jobs, 2012 Edition: A Necessary Job Search Book & Career Planning Guide For Surviving And Prospering In Today's Hyper Competitive Job Market

Posted on May 22, 2012 7:17:38 PM PDT
Rain Trueax says:
Since I first began doing this exercise, I've found it very useful especially for creating trailers.

Sky Daughter -- Maggie was hoping to find peace in Idaho's mountains. When she shoots, then saves a stranger's life, she enters instead into a world of passion and occult, dangerous secrets.

In reply to an earlier post on May 23, 2012 2:43:19 AM PDT
Oldog_Oltrix says:
Hi again debjane --

Please email me at so we can work on the TOC. The solution is specific to how you upload your book, so we need to take it offline.

Larry the oldog
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Discussion in:  Meet Our Authors forum
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Initial post:  Apr 19, 2012
Latest post:  Jul 3, 2012

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