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Memoir regret??


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Initial post: Aug 10, 2011 3:32:19 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Aug 15, 2011 9:52:45 PM PDT]

Posted on Aug 13, 2011 11:33:26 AM PDT
I told the truth in my book and stand by it. Any regrets were theirs, not mine :)

Posted on Aug 13, 2011 2:12:40 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Aug 15, 2011 9:52:55 PM PDT]

Posted on Nov 22, 2011 1:25:42 AM PST
It is really a tough question to decide how much of the truth you should tell in a memoir. I decided to tell it all except for some extremely personal issues that a couple of the persons in my book went through. Not telling them was a matter of showing respect. Otherwise I have told it all but I have changed the names and places of the story since the important thing was to tell the story and not accuse anyone of anything.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 22, 2011 12:09:44 PM PST
Riisa Renée says:
Agreed. And since the intent was to tell the story rather than accuse, I have actually had quite a favorable response from some key persons who were central to my story. An unintended benefit from telling my story was conversations that were quite cathartic and healing between myself and those mentioned in ways that I neither imagined possible nor thought necessary.

Living with no regrets,
Riisa Renée
Breaking the Silence

Posted on Nov 22, 2011 1:33:45 PM PST
I don't read memoirs that are a rehash of stored up resentment and negativity. Therefore, I didn' write one either. Though we write alone, we need to consider the reader, and believe there will be readers. It helps to print out pages and personally hand them to the people they are about. Having to look them in the eye and bear their honest scrutiny will eliminate regrets.

Posted on Nov 23, 2011 8:34:00 AM PST
[Deleted by Amazon on Nov 23, 2011 10:58:26 AM PST]

Posted on May 21, 2012 12:41:15 PM PDT
Niaih says:
I am so afraid to share mine. I wrote it in honour of the suicides others like me have opted for. But I can't do it alone, I think. I am so alone and when it's published, how will I survive the outrage and pain of the well-meaning majority who played a part in my hell? Any advice or guidance is appreciated: I need to share but am so easy to step on.

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2012 11:20:17 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 21, 2012 11:24:32 PM PDT
C. W. Oliver says:
First, the truth is truth; make no apology for saying it. It is those who wronged you who should apologize. If you are fair and true all will see it. If you seek revenge, that too, will be seen and will be to your detriment.

As others have suggested, change the name/location if the story you wish to tell would hurt the innocent or those not involved.

Those involved may not be very proud of what they've done and may welcome the opportunity to apologize. Others may not have realized how much they harmed you and want to apologize.

And then there will be those who see no need to apologize; their punishment is living with who and what they are. They will never get it.

Remember, when people are hurt they often react with anger to push down the bad emotions. People are often hurt by the truth because they wanted to hid from it, and the messenger is often not welcome. But this doesn't mean that you should hide the truth.

I hope this helps. Have courage with whatever you decide. You may not see it but there are people who care.

In reply to an earlier post on May 23, 2012 12:54:34 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 23, 2012 12:57:11 PM PDT
Anne says:
I changed all the names in mine, just to show a mark of respect to the people who impacted my life - good or bad. I haven't regretted sharing any of it. I think it freed me from doing so. I decided that I didn't have to be ashamed of any of the things that happened to me. After all, I didn't do any wrong. The wrong was done to me. What did I have to be ashamed of?

This realisation made me feel less guilty about sharing. My story is also inspirational, so the main reason behind sharing is to allow others to see that a negative past doesn't have to impact your future negatively. People who hurt you want you to be unhappy. If you allow yourself to be unhappy all your life, based on what they did to you, you've allowed them to win.
The book is here: Sunday's Child

In reply to an earlier post on May 29, 2012 11:00:19 AM PDT
My memoir is not "a rehash of stored up negativity and resentment." It is probably one of the more niche books one will ever read and is full of excitement, humor, romance and fun and titled Ocean Lifeguard: Reflections from a Son of the Beach.

Posted on May 30, 2012 11:52:25 AM PDT
My memoir I HAVE NONE!

Posted on Jun 1, 2012 4:19:12 AM PDT
Chris Thrall says:
No regrets! Doesn't get more personal than writing about leaving the Marines and becoming mentally ill from drug addiction while working for a Hong Kong crime family!

Eating Smoke: One Man's Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong's Triad Heartland

Posted on Jul 11, 2012 3:45:42 PM PDT
With everything in the news today about child molesters, the Jerry Sandusky trial and the ongoing scandals within the Catholic Church, I've recently gotten a book published that you might find very topical. It will help anyone who's interested to understand how this kind of thing continues to happen. It will also give you insight into the affect this type of abuse has on someone that young. It's called "Unraveling Charlie"
If you are interested please go to my website where you can read some sample chapters.
www.unravelingcharlie.com

Posted on Jul 13, 2012 2:57:09 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 13, 2012 3:24:28 AM PDT
eileen dight says:
Plate Spinner: A MemoirI agonized for years over telling my story. How much to reveal about wrongs? During the last year of five years in the writing I had nightmares as I relived some difficult times I had sought to bury. I decided that any criticms about people in my past would be restricted to quoting their own expressions, for which they were responsible. Criticizing others in a memoir should be as restrained but honest as you can write it. You also need to lighten the tone in every way possible not only for your readers' amusement but also because no one wants to read about your chagrin. Using humor wherever possible will cheer them and you, there is always a funny side if you seek it.
Writing my memoir was cathartic as well as hugely entertaining. Readers tell me they were so hooked they couldn't put it down.i have a great sense of achievement from having written Plate Spinner not only because it's a legacy for my grandchildren and their children too, who won't know me when I've passed on except through this book, but because I've also captured the wonderful things that happened in my life and if my memory ever fades, I can go back to Plate Spinner and read all about it. If you write about your feelings no one can reproach you. If you are gratuitously unkind you will deserve to regret what you published. Remember it's out there forever so don't reveal what you can't take back.if you get it right you may leave them laughing or at least with a smile.Plate Spinner: A Memoir

Posted on Jul 19, 2012 11:47:54 PM PDT
[Deleted by Amazon on Jul 31, 2012 4:30:19 PM PDT]

Posted on Sep 10, 2012 1:43:09 PM PDT
I just published a memoir called All of the Ways to Hell that people have described as brutally honest. Personally, I don't know any other way to be, or to write. I can only tell the truth as I know it, and let the chips fall. And I have a lot to lose by telling the truth about what happened to me, what I think about it, and how I've dealt with it. So to me, it's very risky- but I can't do anything else.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 2, 2012 6:52:16 PM PDT
melanie says:
I have written "Reflections in a Broken Mirror" a memoir depicting my life. My mother has threatened to sue me, my dad did not speak to me for over 2 days, I have family members that will not speak to me and the memoir has created chaos in my family. However I stand by what I wrote and my intentions are to raise money for abused children. It seems to make that families don't like to have family secrets let out of the bag or take responsibly foe their own misbehavior. I was raw and honest and it is not liked at all. What you have to realize is that no one should guilt you for telling the truth, the issues are theirs not yours. Sometimes the truth hurts...

Monday I was told my book created my grandma to go to the Urgent Care, no offense but I have been guilted my whole life and refuse to be guilted anymore...usually when one writes a memoir it is because they are trying to help others through a story not to harm their family...but like I said, the truth hurts sometimes and when we as writers write a memoir telling the truth, we have to be prepared to take the heat...but you stand by what you wrote. What is your book called...I love reading true stories (my favorite)!

Posted on Jan 28, 2013 1:58:04 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Jan 28, 2013 2:02:16 AM PST
Bitterness doesn't belong in a memoir - at least not if you expect people to read it. I started to write mine 30 years ago, while I was still harboring bitterness over perceived mistakes that other people made. It was only after I outgrew the bitterness, three decades later, that I found the freedom to write what people are saying is a very powerful and inspiring memoir - under the title "Finding My Invincible Summer."

Posted on Jan 28, 2013 8:40:46 AM PST
My memoir recounts my 14 years as an "Ocean Lifeguard" with the famed Atlantic City Beach Patrol. We were a force of 125 men and often subjected to dangerous rescues. There was a lot of hell raising and no one was spared the good natured wisecracking that ensued. Though I did not use last names I did include pictures of some of the guards whose feelings were hurt by having their personalities honestly accessed. When I'd hear of one complaining I'd explain that I was not writing about choir boys. Let me also say I didn't spare myself and wrote of things I wasn't proud of and had never related to anyone until I decided to tell it like it was.
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Discussion in:  Memoir forum
Participants:  18
Total posts:  20
Initial post:  Aug 10, 2011
Latest post:  Jan 28, 2013

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