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Telling your kids the truth about Santa Claus


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In reply to an earlier post on Nov 17, 2010 2:47:08 PM PST
Jane, I have to agree with Sheila, for two reasons, but I also understand what you are saying - I deeply resented being told what I think and what I was old enough for as a child - little things like reading ahead in a school book or deciding what to wear. I think children get far too little respect and that needs to change.

I work with children - LOTS of children - I teach about 200 new ones each day, during field trips from schools. Usually I teach the history of toys, and in 1/2 hour sessions. I basically sit down with them and ask a lot of questions, which eventually evolves into telling them how things used to be. Then they make a toy. It is the rule in some schools to send an adult for every 4 children. so there are always a lot of adults as well. I wish I could say the adults were all supportive and respectful ( especially of the kids) but every single day, I have to ask adults not to snicker at these children as they tell us about the world they live in - which is often quite different from the one adults live in. 4, 5 and 6 are the ages I see the most. A minority are like you and me - analytical and investigative. Most however, have a great deal of fantasy in their lives, and accept it as the norm. Developmental specialists tell us there are good reasons for this and it is healthy.

At 7 and 8 though, there is a dramatic change. I find that overnight most kids have turned into jaded cynics who no longer care about much besides getting the toy at the end of the session. They tend to parrot things they've heard instead of speaking their true minds. I tend to think this is not natural, but something that our school systems and warehousing kids in day care rather than parenting one on one cause, both directly and indirectly. Once in a while I find kids who have retained their earlier view, but these usually have learned to keep mum.

I tell them to love what they love to do, no matter what anyone tells them, and to relax and enjoy their childhoods. Adults are pushing kids to grow up too fast nowadays and it is up to kids to resist that. I do my best to empower them, because adults have a way of taking childrens power - and self concept - away. I think it is tragic that so many are crushed by the time they are in first grade. It infuriates me when i see a teacher actively do that. Some people go into teaching with a chip on their shoulders and a score to settle, and kids end up being the victims.

I can tell you that a lie to a child this preschool age is a serious thing. This is quite the earnest age, and yet, it is also a very silly age and they make many funny associations that they know are not true, but enjoy the idea of. Unless they have a neurological disorder like Downs or autism, a child from three on will make things up in play and understand absurdities. I remember my son telling my milk allergic daughter that his milk comes from cows and hers comes from rice. She was three. She burst out laughing, and cackled "That's right! My milk is made from rice and yours comes from french fries!"

Kids know the difference between a lie that is literal, which is deceitful, vs fantasy, which is just play. The exception is when there is abuse or war to contend with. Maria Montessorri discovered this blurring of worlds while she was developing her teaching method. She banned fantasy, and Montesorri schools today still do not allow it. What people (including, apparently, the directors of these schools) don't understand is that she had a reason for doing this that no longer exists for the majority of kids. Her first students were survivors of WW1 and their fantasies were very dark. She gave them realism as an escape from their horrors. Most children don't need that now and I've met several who were traumatized by Montessorri schools because that part of their childhood was truncated.

Posted on Nov 17, 2010 5:09:31 PM PST
E. DeJesus says:
I think each person sees things differently and "feels" things differently. I worshipped my mom, I put her on a pedestal, and the thought that an "un-truth" could pass her lips was too much for me to handle. Of course I asked her directly and was teased badly, which added to me feeling ridiculed and deceived. Sometimes I am amazed that my siblings and I can remember the same incident so differently.

I think it's a bit ironic when people say "I've never known anyone that felt hurt or betrayed when they found out Santa wasn't real", but as soon as someone expresses those exact feelings, they dismiss it by saying "must of been something more to it".

Some people and some children are more sensitive than others. That's life.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 17, 2010 9:16:39 PM PST
Thanks so much, R. Cardinal! Writing was utterly destroyed for me in school by a succession of teachers who never read for content or the ability to craft an enticing sentence. It has been a long road back to discovering a love of writing ( I'm not that much younger than you). I wonder how well any of us would any of us speak if we were graded the way young writing students are graded? We'd all begin stuttering if we dared speak at all. So, when I home schooled my kids, I never gave them a single spelling or grammar lesson. If that sounds a bit rash, I did consult a friend who is an award winning English teacher - she backed me up and said grammar is only taught because it is easy to grade. She told me to raise good readers and they will absorb the rest, so that is what I did. I caught a lot of flack for that, but I believed in this, and besides, how long does it really take to learn to conjugate a verb if you really need to?
My son has just started college so in a sense I am now being graded on how well this worked. He aced his entrance exams but it took him about 3 weeks of class time to get up to speed with grammar terms. I think that terrified him a bit and he was probably pretty irked with me at this point, but I did notice it got his attention and made him take his studies seriously. Then his teacher began assigning daily essays and suddenly he finds wisdom in my decision. He excitedly forwards each one to me, like a first grader coming home with stars on his papers. Every single essay has gotten his teacher's top grade, with a + sign after it. She often comments on what a natural and inventive writer he is. His sister is just as good. It always seemed obvious to me, but now I believe I have proven something to my doubters: Water that hasn't been muddied flows better.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 5:35:24 AM PST
MommaMia says:
I believe it is possible to say I have never known anyone who felt hurt or betrayed when they found out Santa wasn't real. That's the truth. I never met anyone who expressed that. It's that simple. Based on that, I made the statement.

When I said I thought there must have been more to their resentment and anger toward their parents, I based THAT on reading the individual posting of the person, and on good old common sense.

If a person holds it against their parent that they allowed their child to participate in one of the magical illusions of the holidays, then I think that person is carrying needless anger and baggage and is being unfair to their parent.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 5:48:40 AM PST
Sheila says:
Maybe I'm just reading more into the comments than they deserve.

Again, the comment was something like -- I had a great relationship, my parent told me s/he lied and said Santa was real, and it caused great consternation. If that was the whole comment, I'd back off my statement, but even in the telling of it, to make the point, there was included -- and I was teased and ridiculed. Perhaps it was the teasing and ridicule that are the problem. Rarely is that a one time thing. Perhaps the Santa situation is the focal point in retrospect.

Again, just because things went badly for you as a child, doesn't mean your child will have the same negative experience, just like you didn't have the same positive one your parents expected. That's all I'm saying. For me, that is reason enough to err on the side of providing my child with magic.

Sheila

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 8:19:30 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
If you were hurt by something as a child, I would think you would err on the side that protects them from experiencing the same hurt.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 8:30:31 AM PST
R. Cardinal says:
I have to agree with the general comments of Sheila and MommoMia plus:
If your holding a grudge against your parents over Santa for all these years its long over due to "get over it". Young children especially those kids 5 years old or less live in a different world than an adult. Half the time they are in reality and the other half they are in a fantasy world so even without the stories passed on by parents young children will invent some for themselves. All of the "supernatural" stories are accepted in an unconditional way by children especially when reinforced by parents and other family members. Our children come into this world with minds like blank hard drives and as parents we start passing on all of our "beliefs" both good and bad, with and without "issues". The expression, "chip off the old block" is an old expression and we all know that it simply means that the child has turned out like the parent. The hardest task a parent has is to allow the child to become their own person. Its so hard in fact that its as rare as hens teeth. Our children grow up with predisposed ideas on everything from whats good and bad to who to vote for in politics to accepting a religion they didn't chose, the list is endless. So now because you were hurt by the fact that Santa wasn't real you feel your child will be hurt as well which is very doubtful as kids are very resilient and they have had lots and lots of imaginary friends over the years that they say goodbye to when they start grade school.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 8:37:48 AM PST
MommaMia says:
Yes, that would seem the logical thing to do, however, you have to be sure that you aren't doing your child an injustice when following these instincts. I was picked on in school as a child, and have some bad memories of elementary school. There were days when I thought I would home school my kids to eliminate that whole threat for them, but doing that would have been an injustice to my kids. Hiding them from the world and sheltering them from hurt isn't going to make them well rounded and properly socialized nor will it cause them to feel no pain in their lives. Maybe that's a bad comparison, but it makes sense to me. Just because you were hurt by something as a child doesn't mean you must keep that thing completely away from your child so they don't experience the same hurt you did.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 9:00:25 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
I agree. I am not one of the people that holds a grudge against their parents (my mom) for lying to me, it did however cause me to question her honesty at that time. I also think that if a family choses to not believe in "Santa", they should do it in as loving a manner as possible, not coldly.

I may have never told my daughter Santa is real, but I allow her to believe he exists and will allow her to for as long as she wants to. I don't feed his reindeer unless she asks me to. If she wants to write to him, that is fine. I will not be writing back. If she makes him chocolate chip cookies, hell yeah I'm eating them! She has many books some include Santa and some are about Santa. She owns many of the classic Christmas movies that include Santa. Her favorite pajamas say "I love Santa" and guess who bought them? When she asked me if he is real, my answer was "you need to decide for yourself if he is real. some people believe he is and some people don't" for now she has "chosen" to believe. The reason I answered her the way I did is BECAUSE of my experience as a child. I DID feel lied to and I DID feel hurt. I wish I had been given the "choice" to believe or not believe.

My ONLY problem with this entire discussion is the unfair judgements parents make on other parents simply because they may choose to tell their child that Santa is a "character" and not a real person. So many people grew up without Santa and grew up fine. It doesn't mean they don't have magic and fantasy in their lives....or that their parents are cold, literal people that are not allowing their children to be children.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 9:11:01 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Nov 18, 2010 9:12:33 AM PST
MommaMia says:
I have to tell a story here. My son is 23 years old. Very well behaved, well adjusted young man. When he was young he LOVED Super Mario Brothers. There were toys he wanted when the movie came out and I wanted to get them for him and give him a surprise. At the time I never thought this was a bad idea, and I have to say, this is one of his fondest memories, and he does know the truth now! I took the toys, brought them to work, wrote a letter to him from Mario and Luigi and had two people at work sign the names for me. I put a fake return address on the box and stuck it on our front porch before he came home from school. When he got home he was so excited to not only have the toys but to have them come from his favorite characters was a real plus. Looking back now, I know it sounds like I went to extreme lengths, and I did, but he was so happy, glowing really...and to this day we have a trusting relationship...that "deception" did nothing to damage our relationship. Of course he knows the truth now, as I have already said, and I know if I were to ask him right now if I was ever dishonest with him, he would say no. He didn't see this as an act of deception or dishonesty. I believe that is the same for Santa. I think that these bad feelings about deception and anger that people carry with them run much deeper than the one incident, as I have said.

I wanted to give him this thrilling, magical moment, and I did, and he is none the worse for wear.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 9:17:40 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
that is great! I don't make judgements on what other parents do, and I expect also to not be "judged" for my choices.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 9:35:59 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Nov 18, 2010 9:43:38 AM PST
Evelyn, You have been upset with me since this discussion began. But I'm not alone in noticing anger and resentment in some posts; especially yours, and not one, but every single one you've written. I feel exactly as MommaMia and Sheila do about those posts, and for the same reasons. No one has come on here wishing you ill will. I am the most outspoken, and I certainly haven't. The only thing I've done is show you your own words and to say it is not fair to your daughter to bring anger into this or any holiday and it is ridiculous to blame Santa for whatever happened to you.

Yes, children vary in their degree of sensitivity, but also in their ability to cope, and part of the job of growing up is to learn how to cope with our weaknesses (sensitivity can be both a strength and a weakness - in this case it's weakness). I was an ultra mega sensitive child - the sort that really stood out because of it, much to my dismay. Whenever I hear anyone use sensitivity as an excuse, I'm more than a little skeptical. I was far too sensitive to expose myself by admitting it, so I know that whatever degree the claimant has it can't be so bad they can't rise above it. You know the expression "get over it"? Yeah, I cringe when i hear it too, but seriously, do the work and do get over it, because what is happening now is you are revisiting your own pain on your child. You don't think so? Well, if at least three of us, sitting so far away and never having met you, feel it. Trust me, your child is getting it heaped on her. Please don't tell me she is less sensitive so it's okay or she is so sensitive she'd tell you if it were so. Children work hard to hide their feelings and besides, it's never okay. Few children will burden their parents with such important information or have the words to express it. Please get over it and put it in your past ( not just on the back burner to simmer) for her sake.

To quote you, "I think it's a bit ironic when people say "I've never known anyone that felt hurt or betrayed when they found out Santa wasn't real", but as soon as someone expresses those exact feelings, they dismiss it by saying "must of been something more to it".

First of all, I never said I'd never met anyone who felt hurt or betrayed about it - I myself felt hurt when I learned and I said so. But to still be harboring resentment? That's what is important in what we keep saying, and you're not hearing it. Harboring doesn't happen for no reason. So, to correct you, I am not dismissing it - quite the opposite. I'm ringing an alarm when I say it. If you are still harboring resentment against your mom for any reason, then there IS more to it - either on your part or hers or half and half.

You say you worshiped your mom - put her on a pedestal. That is not a normal healthy relationship with one's mother. With a teacher or more distant relative, yes, but not with one's mother. It betrays a lack of closeness, which you confirm by saying she then ridiculed you for revealing your feelings to her. Your mother held you at arm's length - or further. You told us this yourself, by saying she was on a pedestal. That is not where mother's belong. I did not invent it - you said it.

Before you start screaming at me about what I do and don't know and judging, etc etc, well, here is where being sensitive is a good quality. It allows people to see the bigger picture.

My mother was cold and unreachable, and I did everything I could to win her over. Sound familiar? These are women who do not love unconditionally - indeed, they probably can't love at all. I would beat myself up when I failed. She was extremely intelligent, moral and ethical. I admired and trusted her for those things. But loving? That requires a different sort of trust. Even the most abused children trust their mothers to some degree when it comes to love. Some do not deserve our trust. The fact that my mother was dying made it more complicated - it felt like I was running a race, and constantly slipping into last place. When I lost that race, I was devastated.

What if I had carried that devastation into adulthood and had children? I was determined not to. I was just shy of 13 when she died, and, without knowing I was even angry with her, I decided I was not going to let her destroy me. It was not easy and some things relatives told me made it worse. I was 50 before they finally told me that my mother was cold and remote to everyone and no one could ever thaw her. In doing genealogy, I discovered that her father, who she worshiped (just as you and I worshiped our moms) was as cold as she was. His letters are cruel and distant. Her maternal grandfather killed several people (as a jayhawker) before becoming the wealthy landowner my mother spoke of. I had abolitionists on my dad's side too, but he was more of a mercenary - no detectable warmth. The fact that my father's family was so warm and close made my mother's coolness more confusing to me - I knew women who could love me just because I was family, so I told myself she was special - a discerning perfectionist to be admired. WRONG. I met only her parents and sister, and them only briefly, so the clues I got from them was that they had an aristocratic air and high expectations. I am drawn to high expectations, so thought this meant I belonged with them - a thought that makes me shudder now. I am grateful ( actually extremely grateful) that my mother died before my teens. Of course I wish I'd had a mother - sometimes I've intensely wished it. But I'd never wish THAT kind of mother on anyone. I'm grateful that I am not one of any number of people I know whose parents still meddle in their lives, and sometimes cripple them.

The cruelest thing my mother ever did regarding Christmas was to put flash cards in my stocking - a dig at my weakness in math. No - she did something else. I desperately wanted a bride doll for Christmas when I was 4, I think. I received it, but that wedding dress kept slipping away, and each time, I knew I hadn't lost it, and I confronted her and the first two times she made it reappear. This is very telling to me now - I had her number better than I knew. To be 4 or 5 and know your mother hated marriage - that's a big burden to carry, especially since i knew my father worshiped her - and never stopped. I was extremely guarded with my feelings well into adulthood. My family regularly took advantage of them. I was so guarded that when I saw a boy's body floating in a river, I told no one, because I knew I would be ridiculed for it. No doubt that was one of the days I was punished for not paying attention in school, because I felt extreme relief when we learned from the news that he had been found by someone else. Looking back, I am horrified that any child would feel they had to do that, but I think children feel guarded about all sorts of things. One of the few places I could let down my guard was during holidays. I viewed it as an unprovoked attack in a sacred place when I opulled those flash cards out of my stocking.

Some parents really mess with kid's heads at Christmas. I think that is your real message, and it's a good point. My point is that is no reason to carry it to the next generation. You can tell us over and over that your daughter is perfect and well adjusted, which is terrific, but I know the kinds of secrets kids keep, and I'm just not fully buying it. This is why: it's not her job to be strong enough to invent Santa for herself ( that made me want to cry when I read it) or to deal with your distance and coolness at Christmas. It comes out as sarcasm to us, so it probably does to her as well. It's your job not to put this on her. It's your job and my job and everyone's job to stop whatever negative cycle we were born into.

As you sarcastically said - there are Jews etc who do not have Santas, so do they grow up to be serial killers? No, they have other ways of teaching and bringing the same spirit ( which is really the spirit of giving, and not the spirit of Christmas specifically) into their homes. I hear you saying your daughter does this and that, and she enjoys it, but not that you, as a parent, engage with her or bring warmth and giving into your home. 'Allowing' your daughter to believe in Santa, as you put it, is what my mother did. It's not the same as sharing. What you are showing us is yourself as a victim. Victims are takers, not givers. That is why they elicit so little sympathy. I AM sorry that childhood was rough for you, but it is no excuse for making it rough on you now or on your daughter.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 9:38:03 AM PST
Evelyn, it is not your choices we're judging you for. It's the anger you carry and how that is bound to affect your choices.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 9:51:47 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
Laurel - my mom did not ridicule me - my siblings did. You have "heard" what you wanted to on several issues. You might want to re-read this post from the beginning and perhaps if you do so with an open mind, you will see that.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 10:22:37 AM PST
MommaMia,

I did home school my kids, and it was because of abuse - not by other students but by my son's kindergarten teacher. His entire class was incontinent by the end of the year, which is proof positive of this abuse but the school refused to take action ( at least for several more years - eventually they did). I began studying bullying then, and concluded that it is top down phenomena. When you've got kids who bully look at the teachers and when you've got teachers who bully, look at the principal. That is exactly what was happening at my son's school.

It is a myth that homeschooling keeps kids from interacting with other kids. Even 15 years ago, when I started, and things were very different, there were groups that gathered for social and sometimes educational reasons. Very few home schoolers opt not to do that. Kids who are expelled for bullying often end up home schooling, so home schoolers do get exposed to them. The difference is, in schools where no adult is dealing with it, it continues and worsens. In a homeschool play group, there is some degree of recourse, even if it is only moving to a different group. What happens first though is that the children are typically asked to sit down with adults moderating, and try to sort things out.

In actuality, homeschooled kids are very rarely sheltered, They are more often exposed to a wider variety of experiences than schooled kids, which exposes them to greater social challenges. Scouting is one place my kids have gotten the same sort of social experience schooled kids get, but they also taught classes, where it was up to them to gain control of the class. My son really understands what makes kids tick, and that has given him some sort of crazy charisma that draws kids - especially boys - to him. He gets asked for his autograph, and if he is not careful, they climb on him. The first time this happened, it took two adults to peel them all off of him and hold him at bay while he made a dash for my car - it was funny, but scary too, to see him achieve rock star status with 24 kids. After that, he learned how to set boundaries early on. As for being well rounded, Oh MY, if you only knew. My son is a professionally rated bagpiper, is an Eagle Scout (learned an obsolete form of basketweaving for his project), has been in several ballets, kayaks, sails, does cosplay, speaks Japanese, blacksmiths, cooks, writes, acts ( he stayed in character, playing an 1850's man 24 hours a day for 4 months this past summer). He is emergency search and rescue trained, and even did surgery on a rooster ( after vets wrote him off). Amazingly, he still finds time to drive his poor old mother crazy. If he got any rounder, he'd roll away. His sister is less so but that is because she has always been more singularly driven. Still, she's certainly had plenty of experiences other kids have not had. One is gregarious and the other shy, but my shy one has no end of friends - most of whom are in school. My husband works in the museum industry, which has given them a lot of travel and experiences that even other hs'ers don't get, but most of the hser's we know get a lot more exposure to the world than you'd ever imagine. Teacher's unions have gone to great lengths to spread this myth of kids not being socialized, Actually it is a school code word for obedient. Obedience is something that varies more widely in hs'ers than in schooled kids, but it's in both directions. Some are wildly undisciplined, while others don't know how to cut loose. The vast majority, mine included, are in the middle.

What is an injustice is when schools or individual parents allow bullying and when kids have no tools or power to stop it through reasonable means. When that persists, it is a mercy to take a child out of school, but obviously you have to then give them a full (though somewhat different) learning experience .

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:08:28 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
My daughter doesn't need to invent Santa, it's been invented for her and is all around her, so save your tears. I am not distant and cool and I never claimed she was perfect. "you don't fully buy it?" Good! because it wasn't for sale.

"I hear you saying your daughter does this and that, and she enjoys it, but not that you, as a parent, engage with her or bring warmth and giving into your home."

I didn't realize I was required to make that clear but YES Laurel, I do.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:21:45 AM PST
MommaMia says:
Actually Laurel, my son had a teacher in elementary school that he was so scared of, he used to pee himself in the classroom rather than ask her if he could go to the bathroom. It was a horrible year. I asked if he could be moved, but no one would help me. I should have called the superintendent, but was young and didn't have the support even from my own family to continue the fight. I am sorry I didn't force the issue. She was a beast. She even made ME cry during my meetings with her. She retired that year after abusing my son and his classmates. He survived, of course, and she wasn't HITTING him or anything, but the mental abuse was obviously just as bad for him. But, again, he's fine now, doesn't think of it much, actually laughs a bit about what a horrible woman she was...well adjusted despite her attempts to belittle him.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 18, 2010 11:31:15 AM PST
Evelyn - this one?: "I had started questioning whether Santa existed and asked my mom straight out "Is he real, I want to know the truth" and she said "yes", so when people said he wasn't real I would argue with them (including my older siblings) and got teased to no end, but I knew I was right because my Mom would never lie to me."

Or this one?: "Of course I asked her directly and was teased badly, which added to me feeling ridiculed and deceived. Sometimes I am amazed that my siblings and I can remember the same incident so differently. "

The second time it definitely looks like it was your mother who ridiculed you - but that is immaterial. This is not about what happened, but where you have taken it, and who it now effects, which is your daughter and I promise you, your grandchildren. You don't hold a grudge? Seriously? Your grudge is of the textbook variety. You keep trying, but you can't gift wrap that thing enough to sell it as anything else to anyone.

You really think I'd have some sinister motive for reading your posts differently than what I do? You tell us your siblings have it all wrong too. Others here are totally wrong in what they see. Well, then, are we all guilty of being unable to read your posts correctly, of conspiring against you and trying to alter your words and your memory? Why would we do that?

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:36:55 AM PST
[Deleted by Amazon on Nov 18, 2010 11:45:17 AM PST]

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:37:13 AM PST
MommaMia says:
Evelyn...I may not agree with you on this, however, I acknowledge your right to raise your child as you see fit. I am not judging anyone here, just giving my own experience and lending to the discussion. If you ARE carrying anger and resentment toward your family (mother and even siblings) about this and possibly other incidents, I hope that you can forgive them and move on.

I hardly think that depriving your child of the illusion of Santa will damage them, just as I don't think that giving them the enjoyment of believing in him will harm them either.

I think it's fairly easy to agree to disagree.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:48:04 AM PST
DD67 says:
sword family:

You are not the first person that I have heard say that they felt like their parents had been lying to them. For this reason my husband and I allowed our children to grow up believing in santa, but we didn't go out of our way to make it too real and carry on about it. We asked our older children not to make a big deal to the younger children that santa wasn't real, but at the same time we didn't go out of our way taking bites out of cookies that were left out the night before or hiding wrapping paper so the kids couldn't see that it was our wrapping paper that was being used. This is actually how one of our children around age 4 or 5 discovered mom and dad pretending to be Santa, She asked us about it and we just told her it was a fun christmas story beleiving in Santa, she got it right away and said, " okay I want tell my little sister." All my children figured out by age 4 or 5 when they started realizing we would stay up late wrapping gifts and so forth.

I hope this is helpful. Mother Teresa

We have done the same for the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy,

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:52:01 AM PST
LULU says:
My older son is in 4th grade and he still talks like he believes, but I can see that he has serious doubts. I can tell it makes him sad and why shouldn't it? I still remember how magical Christmas felt when I was a kid and truly believed in Santa Claus. Nothing can bring back that feeling of butterflies in the stomach or really believing that you hear the reindeer on the roof. I'm thinking his learning the truth or admitting what he already knows will go the same way it did with the tooth fairy. He didn't talk about it or anything - one day he lost a tooth and didn't put it under his pillow. I cried that day, which I know some of you will think is pathetic, but I just hate how fast the time goes by. If I could relive the joy of their excitement on Christmas and the pure innocence on those faces in the morning and the glee, I'd do it again and again.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 11:54:20 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
I didn't repeat in the second statement that it was my siblings (and not my mom) that ridiculed me because I didn't find it necessary to. The person to whom I was speaking understood it just fine.

When I mentioned that my siblings remember incidents differently, that was a general statement. Many things from our childhood spark completely opposite memories in each of us. I really don't know what their memory of Santa is, because I haven't asked them.

You keep referring to me as ANGRY, yet you are the one that seems angry. Angry at everyone that doesn't agree with you. Angry that you can't change my mind.

My daughter is more than fine. If you ever had the privilege of meeting her or spending time with her (or even speaking with someone that has), you'd know that your concerns are unnecessary.

Don't know where you came up with the thought that I'm holding a grudge but it doesn't really matter. I had a very close relationship with my mom and a very close relationship with my daughter.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 12:04:51 PM PST
E. DeJesus says:
Momma Mia - I am not harboring any resentment towards them at all. I was trying to explain where the "hurt" of finding out about Santa came from. I think how and when a child finds out has a lot to do with how quickly they get over it. I don't think that parents who decide to not have "Santa" as a part of their Christmas (for religious reasons, or any other reasons) should be attacked by strangers who don't even know them. I think we SHOULD just agree to disagree.

Posted on Nov 18, 2010 12:12:49 PM PST
E. DeJesus says:
R. Cardinal - I got to read the beginning of what you were saying about "bullying" but couldn't read the rest because it appears that "Amazon" deleted your comment??? Why?
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Discussion in:  Parenting forum
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Initial post:  Oct 26, 2010
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