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Telling your kids the truth about Santa Claus


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Initial post: Oct 26, 2010 6:01:43 PM PDT
How did your child respond when you told them that Santa was not real? Did you dread that moment? What is the best way to break the news?

Posted on Oct 26, 2010 7:16:05 PM PDT
Sheila says:
I never told my children that Santa was not real. I never will. Just like I would never tell my children how a magic trick is done. When they are ready to see through the illusion, they will figure it out for themselves. Until then, it is not my place to ruin the beauty of the dream.

Sheila
I'm Just Sayin' - sometimes all that is needed is a different perspective
Hot Tea (The Tea Series)
Sweet Tea (The Tea Series)

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 26, 2010 7:37:21 PM PDT
jmgirl says:
Funny you should bring this up. I've been thinking about it lately.

Recently, my 7 yr. old (I have a 5 yr. old too) realized that the chicken we eat is real chicken that used to be alive. He was so appalled. He acted like I kept some big secret from him. (It didn't help matters that I couldn't hide my laughter) He asked me if anything we eat has puppy or kitty in it.

Anyway, I was thinking, if he was that shocked about a food we eat all the time, how will he feel when I tell him about Santa?

I hope you get some responses. I'd like to hear them.

Posted on Nov 2, 2010 8:49:43 AM PDT
Sword Family says:
I was devestated when other children told me that Santa wasn't real in the 2nd grade. My parents found the confrontation in the principles office after I physically corrected the other boys. See, it was more than santa (the imaginary thief who stole Christmas from Christ (Jesus), they were calling my folks liars. My parents came clean. But this created a lack of trust with them that is still unfortunately present to this day! I have 5 children of my own, and I didn't start their lives by lying to them while making it known they couldn't lie. I told them santa was a lie in the sense people use it, and does not exist, and is not real! We celebrate "Christ"mas, not "X"-mas. They know the real reason behind the season. I also don't have children with whom I have to be confronted in a lie, a deep rooted lie when the truth does come about! My children, 8-17, have a great respect and trust of my wife and I partly because we make honesty a policy, even if it hurts! My wife was no so keen to ignoring the santa lie, and wanted to pursue that with our children, but I just couldn't bring myself to do to my children what was done to me! My wife now sees the fruit, which I didn't know would be there by avoiding this devestating lie, as well as tooth fairies, easter bunnies, sandman, etc.! Good luck, somewhere in your child lies a knowledge that they were purposely deceived, despite how they are able to overcome it, by the ones whom they trusted the most! And that isn't easy to deal with as a parent! The "joy" of deception was not worth the "hurt" of revelation in the case with my kids.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 2, 2010 9:22:56 AM PDT
jmgirl says:
Wow. That's crazy that the Santa lie affected you so horribly that it still bugs you today. Your post made me think and actually, I disagree with you.

We have talked briefly with our children about Jesus and why we have Christmas to begin with, but we are not terribly religious and want to enjoy ALL the magic that Christmas time has to offer. Christmas is a time for giving, sharing and togetherness. Anyone can celebrate those things, religious or not.

As far as the Santa lie, maybe it's a good thing. I don't want my kids to think of me as a liar, but it might be a good lesson to know that sometimes we are disappointed in life. It doesn't have to mean that all is lost. Once they get over the initial shock that there is no Santa, they will realize that Christmas still holds magic. In the form of family and giving and goodwill. I'm still not looking forward to that little chat with them, but I will be sure they know we can talk extensively about it. About lies and disappointment and betrayal and hurt. Then we can talk about why it's still ok. The Santa lie might be a good opportunity for them to learn a valuable life lesson, and teach them how to handle disappointment in a healthy manner.

Even if we don't agree, you put things in perspective for me so thanks!

Posted on Nov 2, 2010 10:34:35 AM PDT
Sword Family says:
Well, this country was started by "bible thumping" Christians! Christmas was started as a celebration of Christ, see "Christ"mas, which actually holds catholic roots, for a "mass" in Christ's honor. However, all bologna aside, I am sorry for implying a "spiritual" debate. I am effected in thought of the santa "clause", but I remember my folks losing that trust I had before. That aside, is it right for a police officer to lock you up for murder, but elude murder himself, in the sake of magic? To me, and the winning where my wife is concerned, it is the morality of the situation. Is it right for me to instruct my children not to lie, and then do so? I don't think so, and I tell my 17 yr old daughter, (18 Dec 11th.) when I don't like her hair, or other things that might cause disappointment. However, she knows I am as honest as can be. We actually had a discussion the other day, I said something, was honest, and she said, "dad, you could have sweetened that up!" Then she stated that actually she was glad she knew I would be honest with her. Look, I am not an expert, I do whole-heartedly believe that I am doing it better than folks without jumping to that topic, and I share with my children my mistakes and that I hope they do it even better than me (raising children). I just wanted to share my thoughts, and that is all they are, thoughts. I have read everyone elses, and appreciate the mutual opinions and opportunities.

Posted on Nov 2, 2010 10:25:37 PM PDT
J. Madden says:
My kids know that Santa isn't real, and I never told them that he was real. It is important to me that they trust what I say to be true. If they grow up to reject my beliefs entirely, it is their decision but my job is to be consistent in sharing my faith and my values. I tell them that at Christmastime we give gifts to celebrate Jesus, the greatest gift of all. But I also tell them they will be in big trouble if they ever tell a child that Santa isn't real!

Posted on Nov 4, 2010 7:46:06 AM PDT
Elizabeth says:
Christmas is indeed about Christ. And Santa Claus is about St. Nicholas. He was a real man who lived and died; and like many good people who die
his legend grew more over the years. St Nicholas was inspired by the life of Christ and so in that spirit, gave of his wealth, giving coins and gifts to
the poor anonymously. Thoughtfully considering what someone might like or need and giving them that without expecting anything in return is what
that spirit is all about. It is not ALL what Christmas is about. But it is a PART of what Christmas CAN be about. Missing that point is rather sad and
poor in itself. Try distilling the gift-giving back to that which has real meaning. Does the older lady next door need an unexpected casserole or help with raking her leaves? Does the single gentleman at the office wish to be included in your Christmas party? Does a weary mother need
something just a bit impractical and pretty just for her? I learned about the "real" Santa when I inadvertently saw my father pack up a doll for my
best friend when her own father was laid-off from his job. My father told her that Santa left it for her. I was only about 7 years old, but I "got" it.
And it didn't ruin anything for me. It was beautiful and better than the storybooks. I am now 64 and that spirit still lives with me. If you are
exhausted by the keeping-up-with-the Jones aspect of Santa then cast it off and start doing the smaller and less costly (and sometimes free - like
giving of your time) things that bring you back to the real spirit of giving. You can tell your children that the spirit of St Nicholas can be in all of
us and we can continue to pass it on. They will not be disappointed. It will empower them. For we are lucky to be able to give. And it will
eternally bring you joy.

Posted on Nov 4, 2010 11:54:01 AM PDT
I. Wright says:
I told my children from the beginning that there was no such thing as santa. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ not some man in a red suit. I have read to them the story of St. Nicholas and we have talked in depth about the spirit of giving and what it means to be selfless and kind. I don't remember ever believing in santa when I was younger and it didn't hurt me any. If other parents want to let their children believe in santa I think that is fine. To each his own. The only problem that I have with it all is the condemnation you get from others about the decision to be honest with my kids. I've had people read me the riot act for what my husband and I decided before we ever had kids. I'm not going to call parents who teach their children to believe in santa liars so what gives them the right to call me out about not teaching my kids about santa. I'm confused.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 4, 2010 12:36:13 PM PDT
jmgirl says:
Well said!!!!!!! Bravo!

Posted on Nov 4, 2010 4:06:17 PM PDT
Sheila says:
I happened to address this very thing with a lot of people -- so I wrote it all down.... what I wrote, follows. It is simply my opinion:

I will not lie to my child and tell her Santa is real. I want her to trust me when she is older and if I lie to her, she will not be able to do that.

I've had a number of parents try to promote this concept to me over the years. It always shocks me. These are intelligent, well-meaning people. They love their children and want to do the very best for them.

My questions are always the same. Do you really think so little of your child that you believe, when she is older, she will not be able to comprehend the difference between a parent creating extraordinary magic in the life of a little one, and a lie?

Am I to understand that within the framework of your parenting plan, a 3-year-old is allowed to wander the streets alone, and an 8-year-old has his own set of car keys?

The parents always try to argue that those are ridiculous questions. I think they are valid questions.

We expect our kids to learn and grow. The things we do with them and for them when they are young are not the same things we do with them and for them when they are older. Apply that tidbit to the original thought, and it's obvious that you should create the illusion of Santa and the Tooth Fairy, and every other magical being that your family tradition can allow. Little kids are not little adults, and to assign them the same 'reality' you have, is to disrespect their childhood.

Sheila
I'm Just Sayin' - sometimes all that is needed is a different perspective
Hot Tea (The Tea Series)
Sweet Tea (The Tea Series)

Posted on Nov 5, 2010 12:22:22 AM PDT
Ace Maverick says:
The best way to break it to them would be to sit them down and watch any movie about santa claus. Then, about half way through, when all the bad people are trying to convince the protagonist that there is no santa stop the movie and say, "You know what kids, the bad man is right."

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 5, 2010 6:41:16 AM PDT
I. Wright says:
HAHAHA.....funny!!!! Imagine the horror of it all!!!

Posted on Nov 7, 2010 10:09:51 PM PST
I found the most wonderful parenting book when my oldest was six. It was written in the early '60's and was based on developmental stages - something every parent should study. This book advised to absolutely wait until the child asks, but said that the first year they ask what they are asking for is reassurance. The second year they want to be leveled with.

So, when my son asked, I asked him to tell me what he thought. We had a great philosophical conversation, that revealed he indeed only wanted reassurance. I never responded directly - saying instead something like "Isn't he great? I loved waiting for him when I was little too".

The following year, I could tell his questions had a different weight and meaning. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to know, and he thought about it, and said " I want to know, but not until after Christmas.". So, the day after Christmas he asked again and said he really wanted to know who Santa was. I smiled at him and he said "It's you and Dad, isn't it?" I said yes, and to my surprise, he got so excited. He said "That means you're even more wonderful and generous than I thought! Thank you Mommy!" I just about fell over, but he brought me back to my senses when he announced "Now I will be Santa for Fini ( his sister)."

It was not only PERFECT, and brought us closer, not just that day but each year, and it vastly improved our holiday because he got very creative about his contribution to the holiday, making up game shows and other presentations, because I would not let him be Santa. It is also the only positive experience I've ever heard of. I am extremely happy I found that book and followed its advice.

Fini was a whole different story. She simply never asked. She;s always been very adult so I assumed she never believed in him very much to begin with. She hated him initially, thinking his name meant he had CLAWS. Her terror was so severe we had a snowman come down the chimney one year. A phone call from my grown nephew in the guise of Santa made them fast friends, but still, I thought she figured it out quite early, To my surprise she recently told me ( she's 15 ) that she figured it out very late - like age 11, LOL. I'm really pleased about that, because this was not a child who was given to fantasy so it gave her a little something that helped her be more of a child than was her natural inclination.

The worst thing I've ever seen a parent do is spoil this magic for their child. I have known several people who did it and every one of them were control freaks who wanted all their kid's focus to be on them. It is disgusting. Even if they do it in the guise of religion, it is control freaks who do it.

The second worst thing I can think of that parents sometimes do is make a fearful child sit on Santa's lap. Only at Christmas are children forced to sit on a stranger's lap. even if he gives them the willies. Think about it.

I never in my life met anyone who distrusted their parents for bringing this magic into their life. That is not the sort of deceit that robs a kid of trust; it's saying you are reliable and then not being there for your child that does that. Of course, I assume parents know to be playful in other ways with their kids. For example, we sometimes had opposites day (wearing clothes backwards, and doing other silly things) , usually inspired by a kid who got up on the wrong side of the bed. Is that real? Of course not, but it gets the grumpiest kids laughing. If a child distrusted me for something like that - well, it simply would not happen.

BTW, my kids are 19 and 15, and I have seen hundreds of kids grow up, because I teach too - up to 200 kids a day.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 7, 2010 10:45:02 PM PST
You bring up the point I wish every adult grasped. Children perceive the world very differently than adults do. Santa fits that childhood perception very nicely. Slaughtering animals does not. Nor does knowing that Picasso abused women, which was my own son's big horror. He is extraordinarily visual and can read the emotion of every artist. I discovered this by taking him to a Picasso retrospective when he was six. I next took him to a large Norman Rockwell exhibit - not knowing he had emotional problems too. My son saw tension and anxiety in every painting.

I teach kids during field trips. I mostly teach by asking them questions, and getting them to think. At least half the 6 yo's I meet believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. They believe the wii has been around for centuries, even if they know electricity has not.

My answer to your question, is a question of my own. Why would you equate the horror of slaughtering animals with a benevolent figure? Your child's view of the world has been that it is safe and friendly and generous. He's just lost some of his innocence. Santa helps him retain a link to that safe place for as long as he needs.

Related to this is the parent who forces a child to retire his comfort object - a stuffed animal, doll or blanket. I always thought this was crazy, but when I saw how an adult friend was comforted by his teddy bear while he died
( with it in his arms) I KNEW it was. I was so grateful to his parents for never taking that bear away.

It is sad that today's parents are in a mad rush to get their kid's childhood's over with and get started on adult cares so soon. Your child loses, and you lose when you do that. The ugly stuff will come soon enough.

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 1:34:55 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
I was completely devastated when I found out Santa wasn't real. What devastated me was how betrayed I felt that my Mom could lie to me. I refuse to do that to my daughter. I allow her to watch movies about Santa, etc. and told her that she can believe in Santa, but that not everyone does. I refuse to have gifts from "Santa" under the tree. They don't say "from" Mom (or anyone) but they don't say from "Santa" either. When my daughter (who is 6) asked for an I-Pad for x-mas, I said it is too expensive, her response was "Santa can buy it". I also refuse to use Santa as a threat like many parents do "If you don't behave, I'm going to tell Santa". I want my daughter to know that she can trust me to never lie to her. When she's going to get a needle - I tell her "it's going to hurt but only for a few seconds and then you'll feel better". She has decided to believe in Santa and I'm ok with that. I don't think it's fair for other parents to say I'm taking all the "magic" away from her. She has an incredible life and she is the center of our universe, I just don't feel comfortable lying to her.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 8, 2010 6:50:08 AM PST
You don't think it is fair? Intersting. Do you mean you think it is okay to take the magic away and unfair of others to criticize you for it, or you think they are wrong that it is magic? If it is the former, well, this is what bothers me the most about parents who do this. It is the controlling attitude behind it. It is not your right to rob another human being, even if it is your child, and especially if it is robbing them of how they think. It floors me how many people defend the freedom we have in the US while denying their own children of the freedom to think for themselves. I promise you, a child who is allowed to think for himself will not get into half the trouble one who can't will. I mean both kinds of trouble - making accidental foolish choices and intentional ones. I can give you a couple of young adults to compare if you doubt me on this.

I do agree with never using Santa as a weapon. That falls into the punishing with rewards category and is a horrible thing to do to defenseless children. So is telling them God will strike them dead, or the all too common one teachers now use - setting up a reward system and then letting children know the reward is out of their reach. My son had one do that - not just the teacher but the entire school - they'd be yanked out of their mom's cars in the morning with the dreaded insult "Are you going top 'stay on your star' today?" The entire class was incontinent by the end of the year. A LOT of schools are now doing this, and it's very destructive. When I teach, I meet teachers form many different schools, generally about 15 each day. I can tell you within 3 minutes which ones do this - the kids have no ability to think and the teachers tend to be sarcastic and disrespectful.

However, something is truly remiss if a child thinks their parent is a liar because Santa is part of their holiday. The same can just as justifiably be applied to dieties, and yet every person I ever met who doesn't do the Santa thing plays up God as if that wasn't equally implausible. How can you justify that? It is not enough to say that you believe in God, so he exists.

Fantasy, whether it be a god or Santa or rocking a rubber doll to sleep or playing bang bang with your finger, or going vrrrooom vrrrrooom with a toy truck, or even watching TV shows and movies or reading books, is a large part of our lives - whether we are children or adults. It is not healthy to grow up in a literal world. Even adults need fantasy and escape, which we do in many different ways. Every child reads fiction, and certainly should. Are you going to preface each book reading with - "this is a lie but your teacher assigned it so we'll just do it and get it over with"?

You may feel your daughter has an incredible life, but your logic is fuzzy and you are denying her a normal and happy part of childhood, and she keeps insisting on accessing it anyway. Hello? Can't you tell she's trying to reach you? It's so important to learn to listen to one's children and give them what they really need, and not just 'stuff'. Children are not greedy unless their needs aren't being met. Give a kid piles and piles of stuff and they will ask for more, not because they have been conditioned to feel entitled, but because it wasn't what they needed in the first place.

When my son was three, he asked for the real Mickey Mouse ( whom he'd met) a white horse or a baby sister. We told him that Santa always communicates with parents to make sure what he gives is something they think he should have. Gifts that are too extravagant can cause problems, so we always told Santa no thank you to them. He understood. I think a huge part of the problem people have with Santa questions can be alleviated with some forethought. I for one appreciated those questions because they helped me prepare for much tougher questions later. BTW, we did say yes to the baby sister - just made him wait another year ;-). Ever since then, when his sister is not nice to him, he protests with "But, I asked Santa for you!"

Telling your child a needle will only hurt for a minute is going to backfire eventually - many shots hurt for days. I had a child who had a fear of needles, so her pediatrician referred us to a terrific elderly nurse at our Health Department, who showed her the needle, told her how far in it would go, and what it would feel like. Her motherly, no nonsense approach was perfect for my daughter, and she had no problem with shots in her office - in fact, the only thing she objected to was the offer of a sticker - she appreciated being respected like a grownup, and that spoiled the moment for her :-).

It's really all about respect. Respect your child's age and development and the fantasy that is part of that

The book Teaching Your Children Joy by Linda and Richard Ayres isn't about Christmas, but it can help you understand the true sources of happiness for children - for all of us.

Another terrific book that would be good for you to read is the First Honest Book About Lies. It's really interesting and entertaining as well as thought provoking - for adults and kids too.

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 7:06:37 AM PST
Sheila says:
This is the part I don't understand.

If you say you were devastated because your parents told you that Santa was not real, and you felt betrayed, ok, I can kind of understand that (although I think there is MUCH more to the story than Santa).

What makes you think that your child won't be equally devastated because you told them 'the truth'?

You are not the same as your child, just as you are not the same as your parents. Your parents thought they were doing the right thing -- and it backfired. What makes you think the opposite approach won't backfire?

If I have to err, I'm going to err on the side of magic, and fun, and respecting the fact that a childhood is a magical wonderful thing, and that children deserve to have one... with no worries about budgets and 'truth'.

If my child asked for an iPad, and was still young enough to believe in Santa - the discussion would go something like, 'An iPad? Just what in your life justifies such a huge gift? Are you using it for a business I'm not aware of? Have you taken such extraordinary care of all of your belongings that I can justify an adult device for a child? And if that child came back with 'Santa can buy it for me' .. my response would be 'Sweetie, have you stopped to think about how blessed this family is? We can afford the basics, perhaps Santa will be busy providing more important things to others, like food and clothing. Why would you ask for something so extravagant when the world is full of kids that don't have the basics. If you are that unclear on what you have - maybe we need to go through your stuff and start donating to those that will appreciate it.

Sheila
I'm Just Sayin' - sometimes all that is needed is a different perspective
Hot Tea (The Tea Series)
Sweet Tea (The Tea Series)

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 8:01:04 AM PST
Sheila, you hit the nail on the head. There is something mean spirited about erring on the side of the negative.

As you said, this is not about Santa. This is about something much deeper. Sword Family identified what it was for him - his peers at school embarrassed him, and he lacked the coping skills and confidence to rise above it. My guess is that both the principal and his parents made matters worse, as did the parents of the boys who told him, because they failed to teach their children to respect this magic. That is unfortunate, but why go through life punishing your own kids over it? Why raise little Santa Heathens out of spite?

Sword Family is living all sorts of lies. This country was NOT founded by bible thumping Christians. Read your history. Read the Constitution ( not interpretations but the real thing). Jesus is NOT the reason for the season. Christmas was adapted from the Winter Solstice and Easter from the Spring Equinox because pagans would not give up their beliefs without their cherished holidays. Christmas trees and all ornaments with a nature them, volunteerism, feasting, religious attachment - the whole shebang - is pagan in origin. Pagans used to save nuts and dry fruits and hang them on trees so that animals would live through the winter. This was so well known in the early years of this country that Christmas trees were banned in many areas before the large influx of Germans settled here - and before Teddy Roosevelt's son defied his dad and snuck one into the closet in his room - and then invited the entire staff of the White House except for Daddy President. But the ban was hypocritical because we always decorated with pagan greens and animal motifs. Current efforts to hijack Christmas in the way Sword Family does have failed, just as they have always failed, because the real history - the true meaning for the season, which is NOT the Christian one, will never leave us. Nor should it. Christianity did NOT bring the kindness to strangers, generosity and good will to this holiday. Historically, until the 1900's, the Christian participation was cold and rather cruel - about withholding, not giving, but don't take my word for it - go study history.

It gets even better. Around 1900, the custom in New York was to not begin preparing for the holiday until Christmas Eve. One shopped, cooked, wrapped, decorated, put up the tree, all on that one day. What if one owned the shops everyone else shopped in? When were you and your staff to prepare? Well, many shut down to get their own shopping done, right? Thank goodness there were Jewish merchants. They provided Kosher meals, making turkey more popular than pigs, and those candles that lit the tree? They were Hanukkah candles, made for Mennorahs. IN fact the entire candle tradition is more Jewish than Christian, isn't it? There was a wonderful symbiotic relationship between Christians and secular people and Jews at that time and place, at least on that marvelous, magical day. And you wondered why Santa is often seen winking ;-).

What I love best about Christmas is that spirit of Good Will To ALL Men. You have to wonder what is really behind those who actively fight against that spirit.

Bitter bible thumpers who spread lies about the origins of Christmas, of this country, and whatever else conveniences their mission don't instill trust in their kids or anyone else. They instill fear and dishonesty.

True stories require knowing your history.

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 8:27:12 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
I never told my daughter Santa doesn't exist. I told her that many people believe in Santa and many people do not, just as many people believe in God and many people do not. I buy her movies and books with Santa in them and she enjoys Christmas very much. I am truly allowing her to think for herself. My daughter is very well adjusted, does great in school and has a very
active imagination. She LOVES fantasy and pretending and I have never done anything but encourage that.

Apparently Ms. Parker, you feel your way is the "only" way and anyone who choses a different path is inferior to you. How sad for you.

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 9:40:30 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
"The worst thing I've ever seen a parent do is spoil this magic for their child. I have known several people who did it and every one of them were control freaks who wanted all their kid's focus to be on them. It is disgusting. Even if they do it in the guise of religion, it is control freaks who do it." - Laurel F. Parker

Do you generalize about everything or just the "Santa" issue? If someone told you that telling your children Santa exists is wrong, you would feel offended and get defensive...yet you feel the need to be-little others for making a different choice.

I am not a control freak and I do not even discuss religion with my daughter. I decorate for x-mas, etc. and there is plenty of "magic" in my daughter's life. She asked for an I-Pad because she had no idea they were so expensive (not because she is spoiled), she just wanted to play games on it like she does on her Daddy's I-pad. Implying that I take all "fantasy" out of her life simply because I allowed her to make her own decision on whether or not Santa exists, is ridiculous. I have no problem with her believing in Santa and don't go around saying "Santa is not real".

Get a grip Ms. Parker, It is not your place to "educate" everyone on how to raise children. ...and if this is "the worst thing you've ever seen a parent do", than you DO live in a fantasy world.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 8, 2010 9:46:51 AM PST
Evelyn,

Most of what I wrote was directed at Sword Family, who strikes me as a raving lunatic. Unlike that person, I think you have your heart in the right place, and most of your instincts are good. You just seem to be caught up in projecting your own childhood angst on your child, and I don't think that is fair to her. That is why I found it ironic that you used the word 'fair' about being judged by other adults. It's fair to deny your child the childhood her peers have, but not fair for people to judge you on that decision? Don't you see the double standard there?

It sounds like she is strong enough to persist in her separate beliefs, which is a nice healthy sign, but I'd caution you against the disapproval that comes out in your comments, even as you (commendably) try to be open minded. That comes off as wishy washy at an age when a child needs her parents to be really clear on what they believe, and rules, etc. Welcome to the challenges of walking thin lines - parenthood has more and more of those as our children get older :-).

Your daughter is only 6, an age at which most kids would be described as you describe yours (happy and thriving). In the next couple of years though, you will be entering rougher territory, with thinner and thinner lines to walk. Trust the wisdom of others who have worked with children, and have raised kids already (I have done both) and I promise you, you'll be a better parent for it. Learning child developmental norms will help.

I can tell you are an introspective person. Perhaps what would help you most would be if you kept an journal and then read what you write a bit later and see how it comes off. I think that, if you read the First Honest Book About Lies and then do that, you will find that you justify your beliefs and actions more than you are aware of - everyone does this, and I don't think you are worse than most. It just happens to show up that you do with this topic while the next person might with another.

Where I DO think you are wrong and destructive, is your spite. Your first post was pretty edgy, and full of sentences that began with "I refuse", so your insult about me feeling my way is the only way is a bit silly and reflects your own frustration and defiance. I don't care what you say to me, because I see it for what it is, but please get over the habit of doing that to your child or you will have troubles that are bigger than Santa could ever bring.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 8, 2010 10:02:50 AM PST
Wow Evelyn, you're one angry, defensive person. Your every post is loaded with anger, so obviously life isn't working so well for you. Here is a tip - when people gave me parenting advice I took the time to really think it over before accepting or rejecting it. All the best parents do, because smart people are willing to learn from the mistakes of others and not make them all themselves.

You've just proven my point about control freaks. If everything is black and white literal with you at the center , then it's no wonder Santa is such an uncomfortable concept.

BTW is it your place to educate me on what my place is? Did you not notice that this is a forum for advice on parenting? So.... it's kind of appropriate to use it for that, don't you think?

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 10:28:41 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
The person who started this discussion was asking "how did you tell your child the truth about Santa". I will never have to deal with that.

You are the one that felt the need to attack others, no body attacked you at all. You have a superiority complex and if anyone in this thread is a "control freak", it's you.

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 11:41:16 AM PST
E. DeJesus says:
Perhaps you should limit your advise to those that have asked for it. You are extremely condescending and have a distorted view from that very high horse you're riding on.
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