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petty inlaws golden grandson/daughter.


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Showing 1-7 of 7 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Nov 10, 2008 4:59:33 AM PST
jane says:
How do i deal with the petty stuff? my nephew and sisterinlaw are the golden ones. nephew runs down one of my four year olds on purpose and is not punished, in fact its brushed under the table. his mother even witnessed this and said he aimed right for him, motherinlaw says i spoke with my friends and they said it was normal seven year old behavior. no stinking way. i have raised two kids already 21/23 and they never nor did any of their friends run down a small child whose back was to them never even seen him coming. we have requested that our children be around our nephew when we are. when my motherinlaw was bringing over the nephews when i was at work, the golden child was allowed to take a toy he liked from my sons room and it never was returned. my son asked for his green motorcyle and mil said its gone i dont think he has it anymore, my son cried she told him to get over it. The favortisim is so great i prefer my sons not be around it. plus my nephew also has a history of hurting my oldest son 7, we let our sisterinlaw take our son home before we came so we could get the triplets ready, we get there we find out nephew wrapped up our son in the hameck and kicked him because he got in it. now sisterinlaw complains about her parents and how they treat her sons yet they always have them shes working. sil went to mil and wanted to know if i was upset. i told mil why did she go to you.? i told her i was upset, i ask all the time for the boys so i can have them. they all sneak over here with my nephews when i am at work to see my sons mil is watching them for me i work two days.
sisterinlaw never called me to tell me i would not have the boys mil announced she is going to have them, but did not say hey sil wanted me to let you know i will be having the boys, no that came after i said i was upset with her about a month later. mil remembers she MIGHT have told sil she would let me know.
so you see the petty stuff, can anyone help? my inlaws dont like me much because i am independent, i dont run to dadinlaw for every stinking thing. I choose to handle it on my own. like the 42yearold i am. so because i have a life and dont see my mommy and daddy everyday or weekend like sisterinlaw i am nothing but the dirt on their shoe. hey i still have four of your grandkids and i managed to carry three of them for 331/2 weeks to a healthy size. you people dont know how truly blessed you are.

thank you,
janet

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 11, 2008 12:51:28 PM PST
Mother Hen says:
Congratulations on having triplets...nice job gestating them to 33.5 weeks! (Did you follow Dr. Luke?) I know parenting multiples comes with special challenges in the early years, and you want all the help you can get. If you haven't joined a twins club yet, do yourself a favor and do so. Also, see if you can find another mom or two with whom you can trade off babysitting. You watch their kids 1 or 2 days week, and they watch your kids 1 or 2 days a week. Or maybe consider giving up whatever gains you're getting from working 2 days a week, and stay home.

I make this suggestion because so long as you are dependent on your mother-in-law for childcare, you will never see an end to her behaviors that you find objectionable. You need to define clear boundaries, and you'll never achieve that so long as you accept free childcare services from her.

If you don't want your kids to keep receiving such treatment, visits with Grandma and Grandpa will have to be supervised by you or your husband until such time as (a) nephew's behavior changes; or (b) your kids are big enough to stand up for themselves; or (c) Grandma stops indulging one grandchild's bad behavior at the expense of the others; or (d) maybe there will never be unsupervised time between Grandma and your kids. Don't let your mother-in-law's behavior ruin family relations...just know that she's not going to change, and it's up to you to change your routine.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 19, 2008 8:54:35 PM PST
Janet - I feel for you in your situation - that is terrible! I do have to agree with what Mother Hen said - it will be difficult to change anything as long as your mil is watching the kids for you. I know how difficult it can be to find someone trustworthy to watch our children, but most likely nothing will change if she is with them all when you or your husband is not there.

On a lighter note - triplets - WOW!!! We have three boys one 4 yr old and twin 2 yr olds and I know how crazy it has been around here, so I can only imagine how it is at your house. I don't mean to sound rude, but no one understands what it is like to care for multiples accept others who have multiples (my sister has twin boys who are 3 years old, so we have this discussion a lot!)

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 20, 2008 4:29:22 AM PST
jane says:
Thank you both, i agree with that. mil feels this is her time with them unsupervised. Unfortunatly, we need the income. but the brighter side is on fridays which is when most of the visitations can take place they get to come with me in january when they turn five. I just cant stand the blunt favortism, and lack of respect for my childrens feelings and person. and the lack of respect for me. Yes, its difficult with these three, but, the rewards are ten times more. i could get angry one moment and scoop them up and smother them with kisses the next. being a mom is truly the best. protecting them is the challange anymore. I have tried to ask my friends to watch my kids all of them work, so thats out. I just have to grin and bear it i guess. I just thought there would be a more polite way of putting up boundries. I thought we had but, to no avail.

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 8, 2008 5:59:03 AM PST
L Flores says:
Run as fast as you can in another direction with your children in tow...
those people sound very toxic!!!!!!!!!! don't rely on you m-i-law for
babysitting EITHER! Its not worth the damage that situation
will do to your family. Your nephew will most likely end up as a drug addict,
manipulative, sadistic, egocentric sociopath..... or dead at a young age,
leaving in-laws with debt, because they will end up paying his child support,
and bailing him out!!!
My own sister has an extended family very similar, and two of her sons are
negatively affected. One has now stolen his dad's service revolver, doing who knows WHAT with it,
addicted to dope, her other son has been run out of his home by his own father for no good reason,
and the next adolescent has begun with negative behaviours to rival the previous delinquent. All the while, the in laws carry on enabling and meddling. Her husband abuses her and the in-laws are silently complicit in all of this, silently condoning
his horrible behaviour, and the petty back and forth is alive and well. Respect yourself,
and live your life apart from that negative, sick environment. Your children will
thank you for it later... If you must work, think outside of the box for you kids sake!!!!
Otherwise, your children will continue to be abused, physically, and then when that monster is older,
perhaps even sexually, because that is the pattern with those types of child/bullies.
Don't believe me? Read the background of many serial rapist/murderers.

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 8, 2008 9:20:17 AM PST
L. Kitchings says:
These toxic in-laws will deteriorate your confidence as a wife and a mother. These people are toxic. I know that you are in a situation right now where you feel stuck but I have lived this scenario accomodating my abusive in-laws in order to keep things civil. It almost cost me my marriage. I finally got to a place where I put my foot down and got them out of our house, but not before she threatened to kill my children's dog right in front of them and screaming at me that she was embarrassed that her son was so stupide as to marry me.Make sure your husband realizes he needs to deal with this because they are his parents. Otherwise your behavior is discounted if he is not very much in support. Freedom form this negativity in your life will be worth whatever it costs.

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 8, 2008 10:09:57 AM PST
jane says:
Wow, it has not come to that. The motherinlaw and sisterinlaw are good at snowing my husband. He has recently opened his eyes but, is selective as to which battle he will fight.
i somtimes feel i cant trust him. That he allows or even complains about me to them, i care more abouit the kids then him. Hello I have triplet boys and an 8yr old, i work partime and keep a home tell me when to have time. i get fustrated because i dont get me time and i seriously need it. He goes to work and hides telling his parents he works all day. They have a breakroom with couches and he sleeps there for about three to four hours in between routes. hes a courier. But, when i even bring that up with mommy and daddy around oh no hes not your just being a bit8*h he works hard. I just was told my boys may go to a all day kindergarten. Wont need mommy dearest. I will work fulltime and be home for them afterschool and have little to no contact. I am estatic about this. Thank you all for your support. And like you both said free your life of the negativity, I need to get things in order and be free.
janet
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Discussion in:  Parenting forum
Participants:  5
Total posts:  7
Initial post:  Nov 10, 2008
Latest post:  Dec 8, 2008

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