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What if you have a gay child?


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Initial post: Mar 16, 2012 12:24:22 AM PDT
Lidia says:
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In reply to an earlier post on Mar 16, 2012 3:39:51 PM PDT
You love your child, of course, and realize that all human beings are worthy of love and dignity, and that it is the parents' job to protect their child from those who would harm or hate them.

Check out the advocacy group PFLAG, Parents and Friends and Family of Lesbian and Gays at their website here:

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 17, 2012 3:21:22 AM PDT
[Deleted by Amazon on Mar 17, 2012 8:46:28 AM PDT]

Posted on Mar 17, 2012 3:53:22 AM PDT
Lidia says:
I back my child unconditionally

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 18, 2012 8:32:38 PM PDT
JACK LOBO says:
What exactly do you mean "I back my child unconditionally"? Are you referring to the dignity of his personhood or are you in agreement with his lifestyle? This "being gay" seems to have reached epidemic proportions. I don't think there's a single parent that ever prayed or wished their child to be gay. Why? Because as a parent we know that it is not good for them. I try to understand the struggles gay people go through. Not all gay people are gay at the same level. Some people stop gay behavior while others prefer to remain in it. The "gay community" always preaches equality and tolerance yet they are by far the most intolerant of all people. If anyone leaves that lifestyle they are condemned, hated, mocked, and sometimes even threatened. Where was the so called gay community when that young man (I forget his name) who recently jumped to his death after that video of him went all over the internet? Where was his support group? I'll tell you, NOWHERE. Why? Because there is no true "gay community". The only time there seems to be a community is when they show up at events to torment , shout obscenities, and spit on people who don't agree with them. As far as your child goes, there is no sure fire easy answer or cure. I would simply tell them this. "You are so much more valuable than the activities you choose to participate in"

Posted on Mar 18, 2012 8:33:20 PM PDT
Smurphette says:
Yo've already made your decision when you decided to call it a "path of shame" and a "dark society". Your child is the same person he or she always was, the same baby you loved, the same toddler who's scraped knees you made better, the same child you anxiously awaited their return after that first day at school, the same child that proudly came to YOU with their accomplishments.

This isn't about you, but in a way, it is. Your child is JUST FINE. They have accepted themselves. They are at a healthier place mentally than you. Do they feel that the things that make you who you are shame 'THEM'? Do THEY feel that the core of who 'you' are is dark and secret? You should seek mental help to enable you to get through this process; because it will be a process. You are grieving for the child you thought you had but never really did, the future you created in your mind that was never going to happen. And odds are, those things were all phantasmic anyway, wishful thinking is only ever that.

You don't control who or if your child marries or has children (what if they had never wanted any anyway?), and in the end, would you rather they be with a same gender partner that adores, supports, and brings out the best in them...or with an opposite gender partner that abuses them, takes advantage of your kindness, and ultimately makes your child wish they had the guts to kill themselves?

You shame yourself by thinking of your child in this way. The only "path of shame" is the one you create for yourself. Every child on God's Earth is different, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Having the strength of will to admit to one's differences, even when you know that the person who should be your biggest fan, your closest supporter, thinks of you as "part of a dark society" is frankly, purely AMAZING.

Your child is AMAZING.

I am so sad you are missing it. I hope you come to terms with your narrowmindedness and get some help for this disability - because really, that's what it is - it's stopping you from interacting with one of the people you should be closest to. Your own narrowminded preconceptions are disabling you! And you are missing out on the best years of your child's life.

Now THAT'S a shame.

Love your child, love your family. With patience and time, come acceptance. Remember that you don't have to understand, you just have to love.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 18, 2012 9:31:18 PM PDT
JACK LOBO says:
I fully disagree with your post. I told Lidia to love her child inspite of being gay, yet you tell her to love him BECAUSE he's gay. Does that mean she should hate him if he isn't? There is nothing "mentally healthy" about a man who has the desire to place his personal private entity into the filthy dirty bacteria infested region of another man. This mother needed help and all you did was condemn her by telling her how unenlightened she is. You may be able to fool the weak minded with your sugary coated yet condescending post, but you can't fool the wise. How dare you make this poor woman feel worse than she already does by spouting alternative lifestyle rhetoric.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 18, 2012 11:43:43 PM PDT
Lidia says:
Firstly my book is all about my coming to terms with and accepting of my gay child.

There is nos such thing as a real gay person becoming straight. You are born gay. Those saying that they converted, were either not gay, if they were, they have only became celibate. What a terrible life that must be.

If you have read my book, you might learn a lot of things that are very educational. Maybe then, you might understand gay people better.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 18, 2012 11:50:05 PM PDT
Lidia says:
Thanks for you comment, there are just a few things I want to set straight. It was in 1992 that my child (a daughter), at the age came out as gay. In those days, it was a shame. Because I love my child dearly, I couldn't see my way open to walk that path. Therefore I started asking questions and in the end became an activist for the rights of gay people.

My book is all about that road that I traveled. Maybe you can read my book and tell other people about it.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 18, 2012 11:55:36 PM PDT
Lidia says:
Pardon me, Jack Lobo, I do not need help, on the contrary, I want to help other people suffering with the accepting of their gay child. My book is all about my journey.

There is nothing "mentally healthy" about a man who has the desire to place his personal private entity into the filthy dirty bacteria infested region of another man.

With this sentence you just show how many education you need in this matter. You actually know nothing about homosexual relationships. Your opinion is based on assumptions.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 19, 2012 12:13:46 AM PDT
JACK LOBO says:
I'm sorry I misunderstood your child for being a boy instead of a girl. Most people would have said lesbian. And I'm also very sorry I fell for your deceptive ploy to schill a book. If you think for one second that homosexual relations (the Male type) isn't about a physically disgusting act it is you who need the education in this matter not me. Don't bother responding because I'm leaving this thread. You make me even sicker than the act of homosexuality itself.

Posted on Mar 19, 2012 5:24:29 PM PDT
Pam says:
Mr. Lobo, the vast majority of people who engage in the type of behavior you are disgusted with do so in a heterosexual relationship, not a homosexual one. Just an FYI - there are "disgusting" people everyone - at your office, your gym and your church.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 19, 2012 11:46:26 PM PDT
Lidia says:
Thanks, Pam, for this positive comment.

I hope to help people accepting homosexuals. The only way is proper education. You give my hope.

Posted on Mar 22, 2012 7:26:18 AM PDT
J Mukuddem says:
Hi Lidia - keep up the good work - I'm sure you are reaching a lot of people - and in the end, it's about love and grace.

Let's try and ignore the people who make derogatory and hateful statements. :)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 22, 2012 9:44:52 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 22, 2012 9:45:07 AM PDT
Lidia says:
Thanks, for your positive comment, Julia. I appreciate it.

Posted on Mar 24, 2012 5:30:21 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 24, 2012 5:31:09 PM PDT
Wow just because you do not like something sexually does not make it wrong it just means you do not want to engage in it. If you don't like anal sex don't have it. That really should solve your problem with gay men and gay sex. Stop boiling a complex person down to what they do in the bedroom because it is none of your business. But anal sex has been practiced for hundreds of years by people of every sexuality so I'm pretty sure it is never going to go away in the context of sex, gay, straight, or lesbian or otherwise.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 25, 2012 12:40:04 AM PDT
Lidia says:
Pennydreadful, I suppose you comment is meant for Mr Jack Lobo. If not and it was meant for me, you must have understood me very wrong. I love my gay child.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 10:53:46 AM PDT
Cyndi says:
I can only imagine the shock and what you are feeling, children need a parents love, clear communication, tough love (discipline). The Bible clearly states that homosexuality is wrong, I would seek Godly council right away...church psychologists....will not charge a fee. As a believer/follower of Christ, we are to love and pray for those who are confused about their God given gender. The enemy wants to destroy our families and take our children, but he has no power....unless we let him......God is in control.....I will pray the blood of Jesus over your child/you, you are added to my daily prayer list. There is hope in Jesus :).

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2012 11:41:23 AM PDT
Lidia says:
Thank you, Cyndi.

Maybe you should read my book.

I do not agree with you that it is a sin.

Posted on Mar 28, 2012 10:02:52 AM PDT
D. Fountain says:
Help resources for Christian Parents with Struggling or Gay-Identified Loved ones can be found at www.exodusinternational.org. They also host a great one-day conference called Love Won Out in various cities throughout the country: www.lovewonout.org. When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do When a Loved One Says They're Gay

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 28, 2012 10:21:33 AM PDT
Lidia says:
I suppose you are talking of the group of people who believe that they can cure homo-sexuality or can revert people from gay to straight? On that I say Thank you, but no thank you.

I belief that people are born gay, they can not be reverted to straight. The can only become celibate, with a lot of psychological damage.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 28, 2012 6:57:47 PM PDT
Dear All, allow me to start by saying: I don't have a gay child - therefore I don't know how I would react. However, my parents do, and they accepted me unconditionally (without judgement, but with loads of love and support) just like in the title of this book of Lidia Theron's. We never discuss other people's sexual behavior - neither straight nor gay, as we firmly believe that it is NONE of our business what kind of sex people practice. We also believe that it's the soul and personality that makes the person, and not his sexual habits. If we had to judge/condemn people by their differences, we would have needed to judge EVERYBODY who breathes: from hair style to fashion sense.

So, it brings me to my request: stop bickering about the homosexuals and others that are different. After all, that's why there is difference! We are not pre-fabricated houses from which we can expect or demand certain qualities! I'm very sorry for those of you who DO lead a judgmental life hidden behind the closet of care and the need to constantly fix what's wrong. Let me tell you: there's NOTHING wrong with my plumbing system, so it needs no fixing!

I'm a homosexual (and very proud of it) who does not believe that anybody can CURE me, as that's the way God made me, and I'm very happy walking that road. I believe God created me in exactly the same way as He did with you, and I've never tried to change a single one of my "different" (whatever that may mean) friends.
Homosexuality does IN NO WAY refer to pure sexual behavior - on the contrary it refers to people's sexual programming. I'm not a psychologist, and therefore I cannot define the difference between behavior and programming - but that's what I believe!!!

Furthermore, God created me with love and HE will judge me with love - I am not living for people's judgmental mentality. God expects me to LOVE, and that's what I do - I LOVE!!! I love myself, I love my life, I love my privileges, I love my happiness, I love my sadness, I love my cross that I was given, and I would never try to change it, as I do believe as believer in God the almighty that He has given me this cross for a reason.

What on earth makes you people believe that you can "straighten" me? I'm not a hairdo - I'm a person who breathes just like you do. And I am human (I hope in your eyes as well) just like you!

So, please, those of you believing that you can change me, stop!!!!!!!!!! Read the signs - don't get confused between stop signals and yield signals. If I need to change, God will do so on His time in His way - not you, fellow humans! Why on earth would I lie my burden in your filthy hands?

And, continue to judge others, for in the same way you will be judged (by others like you) and by the God of the living soul whom you still have to discover and learn to respect. You are selfish, self-centered and no wiser than I am, as only after He has come will we as humans have THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL! And that's not yet the time.

Now, the floor is your's. I've said what I wanted and now you can crucify me as much as you wish...for I believe without any doubt that God loves me and not your judgment of me or hatred towards me will change it in any way. I am a sinner like you, and in the end, we will ALL be judged by the Holy Father Himself!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 28, 2012 11:29:08 PM PDT
Lidia says:
Thank you, Anton.

If people can only realize, that gay people are only human. They also brush their teeth, raise children, pay their taxes. We, as heterosexuals never discuss our friends' sexual life an vice verse, why do we have to discuss their's?

When you come to think of it, how audacious to allow ourselves to do so. But. to come back to D. Fountain, his objection is of another kind. I would like to refer him also to Anton's comments with the request that he rather help people to be happy and fulfilled, whether straight or gay. Please, do not try to change them, I think that that is a sin towards God's creation.

Posted on Mar 29, 2012 3:44:49 AM PDT
J Mukuddem says:
Wow Anton - that's the best answer I've read in a very long time. I'm heterosexual by the way and also a Christian. People need to go and read the Bible properly before throwing stones and judging - that is also a sin. Every single person will stand before God on their own one day and give account of their lives, so let all of us rather look at their own lives and make sure you will have the right answers ...

Posted on Mar 29, 2012 4:19:43 PM PDT
E. Haro says:
Ummm...can we get to the idea that you suspect your child is gay but get mixed sginals from them?
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Discussion in:  Parenting forum
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Initial post:  Mar 16, 2012
Latest post:  Dec 2, 2012

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