The Romans wanted Jesus to get good exercise and plenty of sun so they built a balance beam for Him so that He could do a Bronze Age version of the Presidential Fitness Program and spread the gospel of good exercise.
Jesus was so good at this that He performed a new exercise called Pontius Pilates for 3 days straight, which was such an awesome feat that statues of this great gymnast were produced for centuries afterward! One flaw to the sellout show was that, unlike modern fitness programs where scantily clad females flank the instructor, Jesus was flanked by thieves forced to do community service because the Romans were too cheap to hire models.
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