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"The List" that was spawned by the popular Don't Shoot Me Thread


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In reply to an earlier post on May 14, 2012 11:43:39 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 14, 2012 11:44:50 AM PDT
Did she just leave to blow off steam or was she leave-leaving as in the marriage is over? Was she planning to come back home?
IMO if she left to blow off steam, yes it's cheating but if she left as in the marriage was over I wouldn't classify it as cheating myself..

Posted on May 14, 2012 11:52:01 AM PDT
Vanessa says:
Now I'm more confused than ever :(

I think it would be nice if there was clear cut cheating in both of the books. It's been too long for me on This Matter of Marriage to really add anymore to the conversation. I didn't even read the other one. Perhaps a voting sytem then because it sounds like a lot of shades of grey in there. Unless, you want me to just mark in on The List in such a way that someone would know that it is left to the reader to interpret. Let me know :)

In reply to an earlier post on May 14, 2012 11:53:29 AM PDT
I skimmed This Matter of Marriage this morning and there isn't any cheating.

In reply to an earlier post on May 14, 2012 12:13:16 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 14, 2012 1:01:28 PM PDT
"He almost missed the birth but that was all him, not the h."

I have to disagree with that part. Yes he left but that was after the h kept refusing to tell him who the father was..(not to mention I think he was ashamed of himself) Saying "I tried to tell you once and you didn't want to hear it and your not getting the chance now." That would have been a convenient time to tell him IMO but she doesn't.. Keeping the baby's paternity a secret I understood for about .5 seconds but pretty soon he is telling her he loves her and she is marrying him and sleeping with him and going to doctor's visits with him I just couldn't believe she waited so long to tell him. Heck, she doesn't even tell him after she gives birth. SIX WEEKS after she gives birth and yes she painted the picture but who is to say she would have let him see it? ETA: She even admits that she is not sure she would have ever told him (admits this at 87%) I feel like it just got away from her or something. She wanted to wait to tell him but then it was TOO late..

Also I don't see the H as some a-hole H that we often see.. He was with the heroine 150% the whole way even when he didn't know the child was his.. So he gets points for that..

IMO- I don't think this one should be on The List either.. Just because I don't think of what he did as cheating. He was dreaming and fantasizing but for all he knew it was just someone he dreamed up, He didn't know who she was and knew he'd never see her again and he loved the h.. I think of it as someone dreaming of a celebrity or something, is that person then supposed to tell their spouse they cheated? Again that's just my opinion. :)

Posted on May 14, 2012 4:15:52 PM PDT
Reader says:
Re: BF lover
Eh, I think that quote was said in anger just because the h felt used. Don't ever mess with an angry pregnant woman. :) She did try to tell him though, he didn't want to hear it so now he crying about it? I saw it more as defelcting what the issue was because when he asked her they were talking about how he wasn't making love to her but to someone else and then the conversation conviniently turned to who is the father. Either way I saw his actions as leaving his pregnant wife, especially one so far along pretty childish. She's your wife, she is pregnant, the situation when agreed to be her husband has not changed, this is your time to man up and be there. If he needed to cool down fine, but leaving her like he did was a total d-move. Just my HO. :)

Re: Shamless
Sorry I have to rant:

Why oh, why do authors think it is romantic to have a H that has sex with someone else a few minutes after he has had sex with the h but the h stays waiting for the H for 5 years? 5 years!!! I am so frustrated! Even then, how can any female believe that thier husband has remained faithful to them when he is never home, leaves her after their child dies and when she goes to look for him he is sucking off shots off OW necks. Oh, but the h knows that he remained faithful because he would look her in the eye!? OMG, did this author forget to give this h a brain? So then it must be ok that your husband is reported to being with OW all the time, that he is sucking OW, that he is putting himself in that position when you need him. But...wait for it...wait for it... she says it is also her fault for not staying in the marriage! AHHH! Even after their divorce he pubically humiliates her by saying how he was so glad to be rid of his wife, ready to be with OW, ect. only to have the little woman wait for him at home for 5 years. When are authors going to get a clue?! Deep breath....

Posted on May 14, 2012 4:20:08 PM PDT
HouseFish says:
Reader,

Shameless is really a stupid book in my opinion. It is annoying to read stories like this, portraying the h as dumb and clueless and then, apologizing at the end because it was her fault for not telling her husband that she is probably infertile when the H was never home.
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Posted on May 14, 2012 4:27:07 PM PDT
Vanessa says:
Shameless sounds. . . well . . . shameless. Sounds like it may be a DD just like the other one, at least for me, that shares the same name. :D

Posted on May 14, 2012 4:30:57 PM PDT
B. Lim says:
I still think is partially h part too for not telling him about her infertlity. What kind a marriage without communication? She could goes on the road trip with him if she choose too, or she could phone him. She didn't even bother to tell him anything.

Posted on May 14, 2012 4:39:14 PM PDT
Reader says:
How can she communicate with someone that was not there? That wouldn't call her? Wasn't there after the death of their child? When she does go looking for him he is knee deep in OW and somehow she should stay? I'm so sick of martyr h! The only thing that she did that made sense was leave his sorry, alcholic, selfish, twisted @s*.

You also gotta love that he was having sex with all these females while still wearing his wedding ring. That to me is so much more of a slap in the face that a loving action. Ugh, gotta go read something from the h moves on thread.

Posted on May 14, 2012 4:46:19 PM PDT
HouseFish says:
The H in Shameless is douchebag. :-)

He left the h because he could not handle the situation and I thought that was very selfish of him. The h in the story can be a candidate for Ms. Doormat also. She is too passive.

Posted on May 14, 2012 5:19:29 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 14, 2012 5:21:26 PM PDT
B. Lim says:
The h only goes to H because she wanted a divorce. He never cheated on her while they were still marry. You can't blame everything on the H. He doesn't know how to handle the death of his child. The only way he know how is through drinking. Some people never know how to deal with the death of a child.

Posted on May 14, 2012 5:36:59 PM PDT
Reader says:
He might not have had sex with other woman during thier marriage but his behavior with other females was less than honorable. Other than the h being TSTL I don't see what she was suppose to do. She was willing to go on the road with him but his manager didn't allow it and he lacked the gnads to stand up for her. A days after their child dies he leaves to be on the road for 6 months without spending time with the h. At this point the marriage was over, the papers signed was just a formality. What else was she suppose to do, beg him? The drinking did not excuse the OW, his desertion of the h or all the mean things he said about the h to the press. I'm really struggeling to find the qualities in this guy.

Posted on May 14, 2012 5:37:28 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 14, 2012 5:39:03 PM PDT
Ayocadabra says:
I found Shameless interesting, if for no other reason than that every character had unpleasant tendencies so I hated them all. I read the third book first so I already hated the manager and the H's sister. :-)

I was willing to buy that the H never actually cheated on his wife and that he worked and drank 24/7 so that he wouldn't have to think about their lost child. I even bought that he really loved the h after the spectacular way he self-destructed once she left him. But he was still a weak douchebag who let his jerkface of a manager convince him to stay away from his wife, engaged in ridiculously inappropriate behavior for a married man and then tried to sex his way out of it after his normal 'please baby please' schtick didn't work.

I thought the heroine was just as sucky in a completely different manner - she was like the queen of whiny doormats. Common sense would say that if you're a shy, retiring type of person that can't handle lots of public attention and want a man who's going to be at home to have meatloaf with you every night, then you don't marry a hugely popular musician whose livelihood requires semi-constant traveling. That's like marrying Brad Pitt and then throwing tantrums about the media attention. It didn't make sense to me why she refused to join him on the road if she was that upset about him never being home, pre-baby. I don't like passive wafflers and that's all the h did for the whole story, both with the H and with the new fiancee. Yup, I hated everyone - the tricky manager, the wimpy sister, the people who are supposed to be friends of the h but are willing to manipulate the heck out of her in order to help facilitate twue luv. Blech.

Posted on May 14, 2012 6:09:13 PM PDT
Reader says:
Ayocadabra: Couldn't agree with you more. All were annoying. But you summed up my feelings nicely when you said the H is a "weak douchebag who let his jerkface of a manager convince him to stay away from his wife, engaged in ridiculously inappropriate behavior for a married man and then tried to sex his way out of it after his normal 'please baby please' schtick didn't work."

Posted on May 14, 2012 6:26:58 PM PDT
Ayocadabra says:
That prologue is crazy. The H is drunky drunk drunk and when the h tells him she's leaving him, he actually thinks that he'll just have sex with her to gain time to figure out how to fix his mess. Oy vey. Then after the third time the h runs HER particular schtick - I believe you didn't cheat, how could you cheat, I dont care what you did, how could you do that, I can't be with you, let's have sex, oh no go away cause I'm engaged, no wait I can't be with my FIANCEE cause I don't love him, I think...nah, I'll just stick my head in the sand on all counts - I was DONE with her too. I think I hated the manager the most though, especially after he offers the H a drink knowing that he's trying to get back on the wagon. But then --- SPOILER, IF YOU'RE GONNA READ THE REST OF THE BOOKS IN THIS SERIES AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, DON'T READ THIS -- the manager is really a cold-hearted &^%$ who walks away from his kid because she takes focus away from his career.

Posted on May 14, 2012 8:36:12 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 14, 2012 8:36:47 PM PDT
B. Lim says:
You know the manager has his own book. I really hate his story that I didn't finish it. He left his daughter and the mother of his child so he can be rich. He sign his parernity right to her new husband so he could pursuit his career. He claim he was young. He was freaking 25 not 18. This H was really selfish S.O.B. I think the h in Shamless is passive agressive.

Posted on May 14, 2012 9:13:19 PM PDT
HouseFish says:
Agreed B. Lim. Well said.

Posted on May 14, 2012 9:18:32 PM PDT
boogenhagen says:
I tried really hard to read Shameless but I gave up at about the sex on the desk part. These people need a skillet to the head and a back bone insertion for both of them. I just can't finish this book. ARGH!

Posted on May 14, 2012 10:35:10 PM PDT
B. Lim says:
Shamless is not so bad compare to Ruthless. Ruthless is about h want to get marry but H didn't because he is ass. He really need your skillet.

Posted on May 14, 2012 11:04:28 PM PDT
RgReader says:
Shameless- so the heroine never grows into a stronger person??? She takes the hero back after 5 years and says she's to blame and the hero never takes any responsibility/grovels??/

Posted on May 15, 2012 8:30:47 AM PDT
B. Lim says:
Yea, she take the H back and the H was mad at her for not telling him why she wanted a divorce.

Posted on May 15, 2012 11:08:41 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 15, 2012 11:21:36 AM PDT
bprice says:
Hi all, I rarely ever join in, but I follow your discussions just as fast as my little bloodshot eyeballs will allow. I am in need of your help however. Has anyone read " Better of without him" by Dee Ernst and if so could you please tell me if the husband ever realises his mistake in leaving the h, or does he just live hea w/OW. I know just from reviews that h moves on w/OM but I hate reading books where jilter has no regrets.Thanks, and can't tell you all how much I've enjoyed your discussions.

Posted on May 15, 2012 11:26:58 AM PDT
B. Lim says:
I think the spoiler for Better off without him is in the other thread. He did want h back.

In reply to an earlier post on May 15, 2012 12:05:24 PM PDT
boogenhagen says:
Welcome B.- it is nice to meet you:D -- Re Better Off Without Him He begs her to take him back but she totally done with the cheating jerk and ready to move onwith Ben the fabulous plumber. The ex husband is sorry, sorry, sorry but he was really rotten so he got his just deserts.

In reply to an earlier post on May 15, 2012 12:10:36 PM PDT
nicky which book is it? it sounds like something I would like to read.
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Initial post:  Sep 21, 2010
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