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Customer Discussions > Science Fiction forum

This is Captain Grammar of the Starship Enterprose


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Showing 1-14 of 14 posts in this discussion
Initial post: May 1, 2012 8:08:45 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 2, 2012 3:43:54 PM PDT
Stant Litore says:
This is Captain Grammar of the Starship Enterprose. Your attention, your attention please.

I've taken over the bridge and the former captain has been confined to the brig. All hands stand down from Red Alert. You have a new captain, and stricter regulations will be enforced. Under no conditions are shipboard personnel to abandon the Oxford comma; she has served this ship well for many years and on more than one occasion saved the lives of the senior crew from lethal or embarrassing misunderstandings. (Remember the time Starfleet Command sent that disastrous communique that the Vulcan ambassador intended to meet with "Earth's enemies, the Betazoids and the Klingons" and the Klingons thought they were included under 'enemies' rather than it being a list of three separate parties? It took over two years to clean up the space junk left from the battle THAT one precipitated.)

Additionally, over-use of the word "and," boring the captain to death by adding an adverb after every "he said," and confusing "their" and "they're" will result in the assignment of extra shifts in less savory parts of the ship, such as those cramped-up Jefferies tubes.

Use of sentence fragments is restricted to senior officers or such personnel as can demonstrate they know how to use them to actual good effect.

Thank you for your attention. You may now return to your regular doldrum activities. Ice cream will be served in the mess at 1900 hours, and all shipboard supply of broccoli and sprouts has been tossed out the aft airlock. If other officers or enlisted personnel have grammar gaffes, awkward punctuation, or frequent malapropisms that they would like to condemn, they may do so here. I will leave the channel open.

Captain Grammar, Stardate Who-Gives-A-****

In reply to an earlier post on May 1, 2012 8:40:47 PM PDT
AmeliaAT says:
I like your style, Captain Grammar! And I've taken an oath never to abandon the serial comma (a.k.a. "the Oxford comma").

Perhaps you could discreetly mention such discrete errors as confusing "discreet" with "discrete"? And remind the crew that no personal pronoun has an apostrophe in the possessive, and therefore "it's" should only be used to replace "it is" and not as a possessive pronoun?

Much obliged, sir!

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 7:04:13 AM PDT
Stant Litore says:
Lieutenant, consider it done.

Captain Grammar

Posted on May 2, 2012 7:43:10 AM PDT
Tom Rogers says:
I think we need to indicate the difference between the plural and singular possessive of 'it'. The lack of such a distinction is potentially very confusing, particularly for science fiction and horror fans, as they are likely to run into situations with lots of its.

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 9:23:15 AM PDT
Stant Litore says:
True words, Rogers. And when it's so likely that we'll run into frequent Its, it's imperative that no story's faulty punctuation be permitted to distract its readers from a full appreciation of its Its.

Posted on May 2, 2012 11:57:39 AM PDT
What is the appropriate punishment for those who think that "less" and "'fewer" are interchangeable?

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 1:34:59 PM PDT
Tom Rogers says:
I guess we'll give them a couple options and let them choose their own punishment, and they can pick the fewer of two weevils.

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 3:37:57 PM PDT
R. Wilde says:
"such as those cramped-up Jeffrey tubes."

Captain, what is the proper procedure for correcting an error? For example, the starship does not have "Jeffrey tubes," it has "Jefferies tubes," named after Matt Jefferies.

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 3:44:31 PM PDT
Stant Litore says:
Corrected, with my thanks.

You have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander for the courtesy with which you indicated the error.

Captain Grammar

In reply to an earlier post on May 2, 2012 10:35:34 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 2, 2012 10:36:22 PM PDT
alane says:
"I guess we'll give them a couple options and let them choose their own punishment, and they can pick the fewer of two weevils."

Fewer? Oh my.

I believe the correct term is "the lesser of two weevils".

Posted on May 3, 2012 4:44:25 AM PDT
[Deleted by Amazon on Aug 8, 2012 7:23:22 AM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on May 3, 2012 8:22:39 AM PDT
Stant Litore says:
Alane, I believe Rogers was making a joke. He was responding to Gilbert's question of what punishments should be visited upon those who confused the words "lesser" and "fewer." Hence, his joke that we give them options and allow them to pick the "fewer" of two weevils. ;)

Stant Litore

In reply to an earlier post on May 3, 2012 11:17:51 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 3, 2012 11:19:02 AM PDT
R. Wilde says:
Because if there's one thing which people interested in science abhor, it's accuracy and precision.

(Yes, yes, I know... it was intentional.)

In reply to an earlier post on May 3, 2012 1:13:34 PM PDT
Mrs. Garside says:
It's difficult to catch every typo, but that's no excuse not to make the effort. (I've actually seen posts declaring that big-name authors have earned the 'right' to make errors. There is never any right to make any error).

Funny post, Captain. The misuse of 'it's' is one of my bete-noirs. I guess schools don't teach grammar and punctuation these days.
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Discussion in:  Science Fiction forum
Participants:  8
Total posts:  14
Initial post:  May 1, 2012
Latest post:  May 3, 2012

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