This is Captain Grammar of the Starship Enterprose. Your attention, your attention please.
I've taken over the bridge and the former captain has been confined to the brig. All hands stand down from Red Alert. You have a new captain, and stricter regulations will be enforced. Under no conditions are shipboard personnel to abandon the Oxford comma; she has served this ship well for many years and on more than one occasion saved the lives of the senior crew from lethal or embarrassing misunderstandings. (Remember the time Starfleet Command sent that disastrous communique that the Vulcan ambassador intended to meet with "Earth's enemies, the Betazoids and the Klingons" and the Klingons thought they were included under 'enemies' rather than it being a list of three separate parties? It took over two years to clean up the space junk left from the battle THAT one precipitated.)
Additionally, over-use of the word "and," boring the captain to death by adding an adverb after every "he said," and confusing "their" and "they're" will result in the assignment of extra shifts in less savory parts of the ship, such as those cramped-up Jefferies tubes.
Use of sentence fragments is restricted to senior officers or such personnel as can demonstrate they know how to use them to actual good effect.
Thank you for your attention. You may now return to your regular doldrum activities. Ice cream will be served in the mess at 1900 hours, and all shipboard supply of broccoli and sprouts has been tossed out the aft airlock. If other officers or enlisted personnel have grammar gaffes, awkward punctuation, or frequent malapropisms that they would like to condemn, they may do so here. I will leave the channel open.
Captain Grammar, Stardate Who-Gives-A-****
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