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Science Jokes


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Initial post: Apr 1, 2012 7:37:37 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 1, 2012 7:38:25 PM PDT
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In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 7:45:55 PM PDT
"A mom threatened her kid by breaking every little bone in his body if he did not chew his food very well."

Was that punishment for mastication?

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:04:50 PM PDT
noman says:
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am"

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:07:23 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 1, 2012 8:08:11 PM PDT
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Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:09:33 PM PDT
noman says:
Several professors were asked to solve the following problem: "Prove that all odd integers are prime."
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime - counter-example - claim is false.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime ...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime ...
Computer Scientist: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime ... segmentation fault
Lawyers: one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that nine is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine's primeness...
Liberals: The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.
Computer programmers: one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, five is prime, five is prime, five is prime five is prime, five is prime, five is prime

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:12:24 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 1, 2012 8:12:36 PM PDT
Hmm. Still has women in it. Why is it funny?

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:13:26 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 1, 2012 8:14:13 PM PDT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAYDiPizDIs

Has women in it (sort of). Is funny.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:13:38 PM PDT
"Was that punishment for mastication? "

Unconditional, tough love.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:13:55 PM PDT
noman says:
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said: "Never."
The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:15:15 PM PDT
Noman, you're so asymtotic.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:15:45 PM PDT
Joke made by woman. Don't think he got it.

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:15:50 PM PDT
noman says:
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to herself happily as she now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humour from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:19:55 PM PDT
A Hyracotherium walks into a bar. The barman says "why the short face?"

OK, so not really very funny. Unless you're a paleontologist.

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:20:28 PM PDT
This is last before retiring April's Fool.

A man went to a hotel, got drunk, called the front desk, asking why the hotel gave him a room with no exit door. The front desk asked the guest to count the doors in his room. The guest replied: a door for the bathroom, a door for the closet, and a door for Don't Disturb.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 8:22:37 PM PDT
noman says:
"Hey...nice asymptote."
"I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you home to my domain."
"I'll take you to your limit if you show me your end behavior."
****

a math romance
They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 8:30:30 PM PDT
A scientist walks into a bar....the next guy ducked.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 1, 2012 9:04:24 PM PDT
Christine:

I think it's a great one! And I'm not a paleontologist.

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 11:00:28 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 1, 2012 11:29:02 PM PDT
Doctor Who says:
A mathematician, physicist, and biologist are sitting at a table in a coffee shop. They observe two people entering a house across the street. A sort time later three people come out. The physicist says, "correct, within experimental error." The biologist says, "they must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "now, if one more person goes into the house, it will be empty."

Posted on Apr 1, 2012 11:24:55 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Apr 1, 2012 11:25:17 PM PDT]

Posted on Apr 2, 2012 8:21:47 AM PDT
Ambulocetus says:
1. How many atoms does it take to build an underground tunnel?
6.02214 X 10^23

2. A Higgs boson is going up the steps to a Catholic church, when a priest stops him. "I'm sorry," the priest says, "but you can't come in here."
"What?!" Says the Higgs boson. "You can't have mass without ME!"

Yadda-yadda-yadda, yadda-yadda-yadda. . . .

Posted on Apr 2, 2012 9:01:39 AM PDT
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Posted on Apr 2, 2012 9:01:53 AM PDT
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In reply to an earlier post on Apr 2, 2012 9:07:28 AM PDT
Ambulocetus says:
3) What experimental organism did Gregor Mendel have to be the most careful with?

Pisum mojado.

Posted on Apr 2, 2012 10:11:51 AM PDT
ErikR says:
There are only 10 types of people; those who understand binary and those who don't.

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 2, 2012 10:32:18 AM PDT
[Deleted by Amazon on Apr 2, 2012 10:32:59 AM PDT]
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This discussion

Discussion in:  Science forum
Participants:  17
Total posts:  53
Initial post:  Apr 1, 2012
Latest post:  Apr 18, 2012

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