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How to teach manners to a guy without offending him? Help!


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Showing 1-13 of 13 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 24, 2010 4:37:17 PM PST
R. Russell says:
Hello :-)
I am single, and I have met a guy that has a solid heart of gold and who has a crush on me.
There are a few things that I can't stand (he is a slob, he doesn't read so has no interesting conversation, doesn't care for his appearance -fat-, and has no manners), but I don't want to say goodbye to him just because I value his good heart tremendously... I know he doesn;t read, but I thought of trying to give him as a Xmas gift a book such as "How to be a gentleman", or "How to be interesting", etc., but I wouldn't want to offend him.... What do you guys think? Should I ask him if he would read the book before buying it?

Posted on Dec 24, 2010 5:53:10 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Dec 24, 2010 5:56:55 PM PST
G. Smith says:
It sound to me like you may know what you want in a man, however this gentleman only has one of those traits. You need to move on, you will never change him; if you do, it would only be temporary.

You could share your feeling with him; it will give him something to think about and therefore may help someone else out in the future.

Posted on Dec 24, 2010 5:55:06 PM PST
likeHONEY says:
he's not gonna change. sorry but you cannot change an overweight, ignorant, boor into prince charming. he is the way he is and no amount of self help books you hint him with will change that. he's not the guy you're looking for so keep looking

Posted on Dec 24, 2010 8:59:14 PM PST
R. Russell says:
Thank you G. Smith and likeHONEY for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I am afraid you both are absolutely right... I was not wanting to face it.

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 17, 2011 8:28:58 PM PST
This guy is NOT for you. If you do stay together, he will drive you insane within a few months, and you will begin to hate him as he gets fatter and sloppier, and you will make his life miserable. Remember, people show their best faces in the beginning of the relationship. Why don't you make a list of all the good attributes of yourself and your friends and choose a guy with those. Desperate women will accept any guy. They spend more time picking out a car than a life partner. If you bought a car that didn't have electric windows, would you try to install them later? I doubt it. It's easier to change the features of a car than the personality of another person, and you don't have the right to do it anyway. Leave the poor guy as he is. He'll find a slobby, fat girl who doesn't read, and the two will be very happy. Go find someone with your qualities who is your equal. There are plenty of good hearted people out there, but you don't have to date them all.

Posted on Jan 17, 2011 8:57:18 PM PST
MrImmoli says:
likeHONEY is a bit of an ass, but what most people are saying is true, he's not the right guy for you.

Though if you really want to try to change him I wouldn't buy him a book, I'd just drop subtle hints. Tell him he should cover his mouth when he sneezes, or whatever. If you bought him a book he wouldn't even read it. Also, give him a cookie when he does display good manners (bit of a joke...but yeah lol)

Also, I am very interested in how you say "he doesn't read so has no interesting conversation". Why do you say that as though people who do not read cannot have interesting conversations? I have had interesting conversations with people who don't read. Just not about books.
Sounds like it boils down to you are really into reading and love to talk about what you have read and books in general, but he does not read and is not interested in that stuff. Pretty much it comes back to he's not the right guy for you.

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 17, 2011 11:58:01 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Jan 18, 2011 12:36:25 AM PST
Oregongirl says:
No. That would be completely rude. Just accept him the way he is. And the previous poster is right. Being a nonreader doesn't necessarily make him uninteresting.

Posted on Jan 18, 2011 6:23:35 PM PST
fairlind says:
Yep, I'm with Oregongirl. Except for the comment on the guy not necessarily being uninteresting, since he has already proved uninteresting to you (and that's what matters here). But yes, you either like him and accept him as he is, or move on. Although I'll tell you right now, if you are at different intellectual levels, or have very different energy levels, one of you will soon be running for the hills, good hearts an' all. Good luck either way.

Posted on Jan 18, 2011 8:23:05 PM PST
Isaiah says:
He has a crush on You. Not visa versa. Don't wear yourself out ! Run for the hills !

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 20, 2011 5:19:54 AM PST
You don't have to throw a leg over every guy who likes you. Just be friends!

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 20, 2011 8:54:32 AM PST
GW (Gina) says:
Make-overs don't work when SO MUCH needs to be made over.
The dye is cast. If you took him on you would HATE him within 6 months.
Look elsewhere.

And don't be so willing to compromise...I assume YOU are a great catch, right?

In reply to an earlier post on Jan 20, 2011 8:59:14 AM PST
GW (Gina) says:
Panthor,
I like to throw my leg over every HORSE I meet.
But then, they have much better manners than many men.

Posted on Jan 22, 2011 4:00:53 PM PST
The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships, and Enhance Self-Esteem
This book will help you discuss his manners (or lack thereof) in a way he can hear and absorb. It has very practical advice for couples (Chapter 6).
Hope it helps!
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Discussion in:  Self-help forum
Participants:  12
Total posts:  13
Initial post:  Dec 24, 2010
Latest post:  Jan 22, 2011

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