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I'ts possible that I am the number one classic


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Initial post: May 18, 2010 4:40:49 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 18, 2010 5:21:12 AM PDT
Or I could be very close to being the number one but this is a double-secret known only to a few insiders and I am not an insider.

I am making this risky statement because I was in the 200,000 and moving up fast in the classics when my classic rank was hidden following a very high level decision, no doubt. And I understand it. This happend a couple of weeks ago. Given that I was moving up more than 100,000 positions every day, from 4,000,000 to 200,000 in less than 2 weeks, I expect that I am the classic number one today but maybe we don't want to upset HK too much so the truth is hidden from her and the rest of us.

P.S. - I am trying my bestest grammer now.

P.P.S. - I am working on my next review and I am at the stage where I am deciding which one it should be but I'm leaning toward Double You's "Pointless Indecision" memorialiser. I hope it's got coupons in it that don't expire in six months but if it doesn't I will remove a star. I promise to call them as I see them because being number one does not mean pulling or telegraphing punches.

P.P.P.S. - If I am the number one I'm wondering who is the real number two. Nominations pretty please?

Posted on May 18, 2010 10:12:21 AM PDT
Diaphanous says:
Shortly before reading this it had occured to me that perhaps Eartha writes Klausner ...

In reply to an earlier post on May 18, 2010 1:21:34 PM PDT
"I am trying my bestest grammer now."

Apparently you are trying your funniest as well but sadly that is falling just as short as your grammer or should I say your grammar.

In reply to an earlier post on May 18, 2010 6:12:07 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 18, 2010 6:13:00 PM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
Eartha is god.

Being number one at amazon is only a very minor divine attribute.

You, too, shall believe "I'ts possible . . ."

Posted on May 19, 2010 7:49:43 AM PDT
I'm not sure what makes Eartha tick, but I thought that was a pretty funny post.

In reply to an earlier post on May 19, 2010 8:16:27 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 19, 2010 8:58:00 AM PDT
I see that Mr. O'Reilly is publishing another tell-all book where the patriots keep sucker-punching pinhead strawmen and winning all the time. I am planning to review it so as to consolidate my secret number one classic position and help the constant readers.

And, yes, I agree that reviewing is the permanent cure to depression. What could be better than reading well-thought hard-cover books by talented writers such as former presidents and presidents of vice or candidates when you feel down and under? Reviewing them, what else? :)

The first issue I have with O'Reilly's book though even before reading and reviewing it is the title. The cover has O'Reilley and O'Bama's heads on it so, if at all possible, the title should be changed to...

>>>> Loofah vs. Arugula <<<<

How about we all top reviewers write Mr. O'Reilly and suggest this welcome last-minute change to the title?

In reply to an earlier post on May 19, 2010 1:22:56 PM PDT
See, now, this is the difficulty. How are we supposed to come back after "Loofah vs. Arugula?" Did we spell arugula correctly? And it's a salad green, not a planet, right?

<shh, don't tell people you have an issue with the book before you read it>

Posted on May 19, 2010 3:07:12 PM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
classic EArtha: "What could be better than reading well-thought hard-cover books by talented writers such as former presidents and presidents of vice or candidates when you feel down and under? Reviewing them, what else? :)"

OR just wowsy writings done in the name of million dollar a talk former VP candidates going rouge

In reply to an earlier post on May 19, 2010 11:03:35 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 19, 2010 11:05:35 PM PDT
I think you are the number one of the most useless comments on any forum of amazon

In reply to an earlier post on May 20, 2010 4:20:29 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 20, 2010 4:36:19 AM PDT
Dear Bookwarm,

I see that you have 6 reviews and 4 helpfuls and I have 7 reviews and about 70 helpfuls. Now you tell me who is the more useful top reviewer. I shall leave the answer to you.

And you know what? I shall vote helpful on many of your six reviews because I want everyone to be a top reviewer like me. But I have a question for you. Did you pick your name because of the threat posed to books by globalist worming?

P.S. Your helpfuls just doubled. It's a miracle!!!

I especially liked your review on "the first book about marriages between Egyptian husbands and European wifes". If you haven't done it yet, you should peddle the topic to the Jerry Springer show or at least Oprah. Do they still have screams and fights at Oprah's? Or how about a diverse mixed gender pro wrestling tag team of an Egyptian husband and Euro wife? They'd be almost unbeatable.

And I like your other comment where you write "Why do we always have to put a book into a category?" This is by far THE question that noone asked before. I hope you have an answer and you share it with us because I myself would like to stop always doing that.

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2010 8:58:46 AM PDT
Smoten says:
This is stuff you actually worry about?

Posted on May 21, 2010 9:27:33 AM PDT
When I see this kind of post, I always wonder if it's some kind of Turing Test....

In reply to an earlier post on May 21, 2010 9:40:55 AM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
It's a jazz riff; we might not understand

Posted on May 24, 2010 5:23:47 PM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
darling you ARE Number One

Posted on May 25, 2010 2:45:59 AM PDT
melina zora says:
Earta,
your being number one reminds me of a joke I once heard.
Two patients were arguing in a psychiatric clinic about which of the two was Napoleon The Great! They both claimed to be the great man so they got into a heated argument. A third man sat nearby watching the argument escalate till the two men got into a fist fight and ended up lying at the third man's feet, utterly exhausted. One breathlessly asked the other what made him believe he was Napoleon. The second man replied tha God himself had told him so. Then the third man intervened crying out, "He is lying. I never told him any such thing".

The moral is: Please don't claim that I ordained you number one. I never did any such thing.
However, there is yet another joke which if interpreted correctly could prove useful.

A woman sailed in her fishing boat to a quiet part of the sea and sat there, reading a book. A coast guard approached her and ordered her to leave as that was an area where fishing was not allowed. "But I am not fishing as you can plainly see," the woman replied. "I am reading my book"
"Yes, replied the coast guard."but you are in a fishing boat thus you have all the equipment to fish should you desire to do so later. If you don't obey orders, I shall be forced to arrest you"
"In that case I shall accuse you of sexually harassing me" retorted the woman.
"I never did ! How can you claim such a thing?" asked the shocked guard.
"No, you didn't. But you have got all the equipment to do so" answered the woman!

So do you Earta. Have the equipment I mean, to be NUMBER ONE!

Posted on May 25, 2010 4:05:24 AM PDT
melina zora says:
Earta,

Another piece of invaluable advice. Stop writing on these forums as there is a direct correlation between expressing your opinion here and receiving unhelpful votes. It does not, therefore constitute to becoming number one. So, retreat into your niche of inspirational, creative labour. You'll see your rank skyrocketing! Good luck with your efforts.

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 4:55:15 AM PDT
Dear Melina,

Your advice is well taken but you should know that I have all the evidence I need to prove that I am Amazon's number one classic reviewer. Or Amazon would not hide my classic rank because it would upset HK if she saw herself as number three. Like I explained already, I was moving up more than 100,000 every day when my classic rank was hidden three weeks ago. I was @ 200,000 then, only 2 days from becoming number one if I kept moving at the same pace. This is clear and irrefutable evidence that I've been the classic number one for about three weeks already and I will defend my position with all I've got.

I agree that I should keep reviewing to keep my high rank. These are the upcoming books I am planning to review once I read them:

O'Reilly's Pinheads and Patriots - my review title will be Loofah vs. Arugula.
W Bush's Executive (or Execution?) Point - my review title will be Megaphony

I would also like to review Newt's 2 Save America but I can't think of a catchy review title. Maybe someone can help? It should have something to do with Newt's sky-high moral values.

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 6:24:09 AM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
salamander salvation

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 8:50:46 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 25, 2010 12:25:51 PM PDT
Eartha Rembrandta says:

"Or Amazon would not hide my classic rank because it would upset HK if she saw herself as number three."

Although I find your hypothesis to be a stretch, I am curious as to why your Classic Ranking would be hidden but your new ranking isn't. It could be a glitch. Have you written to Customer Service about the issue?

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 11:13:01 AM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
my troll will tell you that I could be a glitch as well.

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 11:14:23 AM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
amphibian ambitions

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 3:05:30 PM PDT
melina zora says:
Dear Earta,

This is my final free advice. After today I am afraid I shall have to charge you something. I think you should make a tacit agreement with Amazon to allow HK to remain number one as you don't wish to cause undue stress to a valiant crusader for the amazon. com reviews! You can pretend to be reviewr number 200,000 or thereabouts but everyone else (except HK) will know you are the ONE!
Seeing you have only written seven reviews and gained number one status, then if one thinks in terms of relativity, you have indeed achieved an extraordinary task! I have it from the grapevine that you are soon to receive an invitation to the White House and seeing how fond you are of the former U.S. President he is to be invited for tea as an extra bonus. I think the former First Lady wishes to give you an autographed copy of her book.
This will only be the start of a brilliant future for you. So long as we don't let 'you know who' find out about it.
I can't help you with your request for an appropriate title for the book you will review as I am not aware of its content. It sounds like a thought provoking, rhetorical masterpiece concerning the decline of ethics in modern society. Once you've reviewed the books you mention you may even become number one in the new reviewer rank! Can one person hold both positions? I've given you food for thought. Life has attained new meaning for you now. I know you will not sleep much tonight in anticipation of the glory awaiting you.

P.S. Don't forget who gave you all this helpful advice when you reach the top.

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 3:09:01 PM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
hear hear!

In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2010 4:23:22 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on May 25, 2010 4:24:05 PM PDT
CW BRIGGS says:
[Customers don't think this post adds to the discussion. Show post anyway. Show all unhelpful posts.]

In reply to an earlier post on Jul 4, 2012 2:56:30 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 4, 2012 3:00:01 PM PDT
Dear Melina,

I am so grateful for your commentary and advice. Urgent duties prevented me from responding immediately but you should know that I followed your suggestions very much to the letter. My Loofa vs. Arugula review is still in the making but at least we know what the title is going to be. The full review should be out before the end of the year. My review of one former president's book (I affectionately refer to him as DoubleCrap) came out some time ago and it's been extremely successful. See for yourself http://www.amazon.com/review/RCKYEA9KN8AWK/ref=cm_aya_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0307590615#wasThisHelpful

My success has been a top reviewer's dream and more and much of it I owe to you.
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Discussion in:  Top Reviewers forum
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Total posts:  37
Initial post:  May 18, 2010
Latest post:  Jul 6, 2012

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