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OT: Write me some jokes.


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Showing 1-25 of 103 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Mar 6, 2013 11:45:43 AM PST
Junkiiiii says:
I'm bored and we haven't seen this thread in a while. C'mon. Give us some of your best.

I'll start with the corniest one.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumkin Pi

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:46:18 AM PST
[Deleted by Amazon on Mar 6, 2013 6:16:00 PM PST]

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:47:14 AM PST
Benpachi says:
A baby seal walks into a club.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:47:40 AM PST
XD

That, is actually really funny. How come I've never heard that one?

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:47:43 AM PST
Benpachi says:
What's the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my cork in your mouth.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:48:41 AM PST
J. says:
Gah, you stole the only joke I can ever remember.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:50:03 AM PST
Benpachi says:
What do you call a black guy who sells drugs?

A pharmacist, you effing racist.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:50:53 AM PST
jtshiel says:
What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? A dead baby nailed to 5 trees.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:51:17 AM PST
pokritz says:
wow i started laughing out loud at this

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:51:19 AM PST
Ice King says:
What's the difference between a dead baby and sand?

I don't eat sand.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:51:19 AM PST
I posted this in another thread, but I don't think many people saw it. Figured it should be shared:

Three construction workers are eating their lunch on the top of a skyscraper that they are currently working on.

The first construction worker, a native of China, opens his lunch and says, "Rice! Rice! Everyday it's rice. If I have to eat rice one more time I'm jumping off this building".

The second construction worker, a native of Mexico, opens his lunch and says, "Tacos! Tacos, every single day. If I have to eat tacos one more time I'm jumping with you."

The third construction worker, a native of Poland, opens his lunch and says, "Kielbasa! Kielbasa! Every day it's kielbasa. If I get Kielbasa one more day I'm going to jump with the two of you."

Well, the second day rolls around and the three are eating lunch on top of the skyscraper again. The first worker opens lunch and screams, "Rice!" before jumping off the building. The second worker opens his lunch and screams, "Tacos!" and jumps as well. The third worker opens his lunch and screams, "Kielbasa!" and jumps after the first two.

At the funeral, the wives of the three men were standing around crying together. The Chinese worker's wife says, "I thought he loved rice as it is part of our national heritage. I wish he would have said something!" The Mexican worker's wife stated, "I wish my husband would have told me he didn't want tacos again. I also thought he loved them!" The Polish wife stood there a moment before she said, "I just don't get it, he packed his own lunch!"

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:52:26 AM PST
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on

The Reply:

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:53:42 AM PST
A man was out late with his buddies and glances at his watch and sees to his horror that it is 2:30 am. He says, "Oh, man, my wife is going to kill me! I told her I'd be home by 10 and it's 2:30!"

His buddy says, "No problem, dude. When you get home just take off your shoes, quietly sneak upstairs, slip into bed and give her the best licking she has ever had in years. She'll completely forget that you got home late."

The man thinks this is good advice so he gets a taxi to take him home. He steps inside, takes off his shoes, slides into bed and gets to work. She's moaning and thrashing and right after she finishes she falls asleep. The man thinks to himself that he got away with it and sneaks into the bathroom to put on his pajamas. He is shocked to see his wife sitting in the bathroom!

"Shhhhh," she says. "My mother is in town visiting."

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:54:37 AM PST
Rev. Otter says:
Q: what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A: a stick.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:54:44 AM PST
Emily Sedai says:
Why is 77 better than 69?

You get 8 more.

*My standard joke

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:55:02 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Mar 6, 2013 11:55:20 AM PST
How did everyone know that Princess Diana was in a car accident?

She was all over the radio.... and the dashboard, and the steering wheel...

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:55:03 AM PST
O....M....G..

I am lol'ing. XD

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:55:29 AM PST
jtshiel says:
A talking horse walks into a bar and starts talking. The bartender asks where he learned to talk. The horse said school.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:56:46 AM PST
Emily Sedai says:
Where do you find buccaneers?

On your buccanhead.

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:58:09 AM PST
Nightmare says:
3 guys are in a sauna -- One is Japanese, one is German, and one is a Redneck.

A beeping sound is suddenly heard, and the German taps his hip. He explains that he has a beeper built into his leg so he never loses it.

The sound of a cell phone ringing reaches the ears of the German and Redneck, and they look to the Japanese man as he puts his wrist to his ear and begins talking. After his conversation on the phone he explains that he has a cell phone embedded in his arm thanks to the wonders of modern technology.

Not to be outdone by the foreigners, the Redneck goes into the bathroom and stuffs some toilet paper with a long trail into his butt. He comes out, looks at the toilet paper protruding from his rear end and exclaims to the others, "Oh look, I'm getting a fax!"

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:58:14 AM PST
I went to the pub last night and had a few shots. I saw this fat chick dancing on a table.

I said to her, "Nice legs!"

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

Posted on Mar 6, 2013 11:58:18 AM PST
Junkiiiii says:
Job well done. I am cracking up here. Keep up the good work.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:58:39 AM PST
I love jokes like this.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:58:48 AM PST
Brykume says:
How apropo. A joke by Bitters just happens to include typographical oddities. I'm out of here.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 6, 2013 11:59:18 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Mar 6, 2013 12:00:27 PM PST
Nicos says:
oh boy dead baby jokes

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?

An erection.
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This discussion

Discussion in:  Video Games forum
Participants:  39
Total posts:  103
Initial post:  Mar 6, 2013
Latest post:  Mar 7, 2013

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