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Asset Tag - Property of Deep 13 Gizmonic Institute
Asset Tag - Property of Deep 13 Gizmonic Institute
Offered by Starbase 79
Price: $4.97

5.0 out of 5 stars For Those Who Work At Gizmonic Institute (Or Are Just Fond Of Red Jumpsuits), February 12, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
These vinyl asset protection tags are a necessary accessory for MST3K fans with portable electronic devices. The package contains eight labels and they look convincingly like real asset protection tags so those in the know will instantly comprehend that you're a true fan of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" while those ignorant to the blissful world of movie riffing will be none the wiser.

Hi-Keeba!


An In-depth Guide to Celebrity Cruises Solstice Class Ships - 2014 Edition: Possibly the Best Mainstream Cruise Ships on the High Seas Today
An In-depth Guide to Celebrity Cruises Solstice Class Ships - 2014 Edition: Possibly the Best Mainstream Cruise Ships on the High Seas Today
by Rick Bissell
Edition: Paperback
Price: $7.59
24 used & new from $5.65

4.0 out of 5 stars Great Introduction To Celebrity And The "Solstice" Class, February 12, 2016
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"An In-Depth Guide to Celebrity Cruises Solstice Class Ships - 2014 Updated Edition: Possibly the Best Mainstream Cruise Ships on the High Seas Today!" by Rick Bissell is a very good introduction to the Celebrity Cruises experience and their biggest and newest class, the "Solstice" sisters. I am an experienced cruiser and my enduring favorite cruise line is Celebrity as the service for the dollars spent is an excellent value (I also like Princess). I've been on numerous Celebrity cruises on all classes of ships including "Horizon" (my enduring favorite), "Century", "Mercury", "Millennium" (my current favorite ship in the fleet), "Infinity", "Constellation", "Solstice", and "Reflection" (the oldest and newest of the "Solstice" class, respectively). I have loved all these ships and I think Bissell's advice about Celebrity and the "Solstice" class is generally right on the money, though I personally prefer the "Millennium" class. I read this book in preparation for an upcoming cruise on "Reflection", and it provided a nice overview.

The book is probably best for those new to cruising or people who have never been on Celebrity before, but cruise veterans will still find interesting nuggets within. His "Five Rules of Stateroom Selection" (pp. 43-46) are especially helpful, and I have to say that I found rule four the most insightful tip in the book (pass on the stateroom next to cabins with a sofa bed and upper berth as they invite particularly noisy occupants; typically families of four). I admit I had never thought of that before, but it was a great "ah ha" moment that I'll remember.

I do think this is a good book for newer cruisers, and really does justice to Celebrity and the "Solstice" class, though experienced cruisers may find it less useful. Stylistically the book is a bit peculiar in that it has lots of friendly, almost chummy, tips, but then lapses into the more formal third person, though that's a nitpick. I will say that Bissell is extremely smitten with Celebrity and the book almost reads as if it came from the Celebrity PR department, although you probably could have guessed that from the title alone.

I liked this book and generally agree with Bissell about these ships and think this is a useful guide that particularly those new to cruising will find helpful.


Soviet Bus Stops
Soviet Bus Stops
by Christopher Herwig
Edition: Hardcover
Price: $24.79
31 used & new from $20.78

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Amazing Testament To An Astonishing Architectural Niche, February 11, 2016
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This review is from: Soviet Bus Stops (Hardcover)
Christopher Herwig has produced an amazing photographic journal of an utterly unique Soviet architectural art form, the bus stop. To get these photographs Herwig traveled to 14 countries including difficult to access Moldova, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan (not to mention his treks across Ukraine, Lithuania, Latvia, Belarus and Estonia among others). Herwig's text and the introduction by Jonathan Meades are illuminating and the essay "The Bus Pavilion: A Minor Architectural Form" by Vera Kavalkova-Halvarsson is especially insightful and explains how in a sea of ugly Brutalist architecture (particularly under Khrushchev and Brezhnev) big budget construction was tightly regulated, but smaller inexpensive projects like bus stops were not considered terribly significant and flew under the radar of the bureaucrats allowing an astonishing array of creativity from mostly young designers and architects with considerable help from local communities.

I am genuinely astonished at the creativity on display here, and Herwig's photography is more than up to the challenge. The contrast between the diverse bus stops (many of which are now unserved and abandoned) and their settings are frequently amazing and definitely helped me have a more considered appreciation of this unusual architectural form as a mode of artistic expression. My favorites in the book were concentrated in Kazakhstan (particularly the unusual installation in Astana) and Lithuania, although for sheer diversity of design and astonishing concepts, the bus stops of Abkhazia (especially in Pitsunda and Gudauta) are unbeatable.

From both a photographic and architectural viewpoint, Herwig has created a truly unique gem with "Soviet Bus Stops" and I recommend it highly.


Green Tea Extract 1000mg x 90 Tablets, 98% Total Polyphenols (Highest on Amazon), 50% EGCG
Green Tea Extract 1000mg x 90 Tablets, 98% Total Polyphenols (Highest on Amazon), 50% EGCG
Offered by Sports Food
Price: $19.99
3 used & new from $19.99

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Very Good Green Tea Supplement At A Great Price, February 1, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I have used various green tea supplements over the years, and drink green tea as well. I was drawn to the Sports Food brand by the extremely high levels of polyphenols and EGCG in each tablet, and I have been quite pleased with the product. Note that each tablet also contains 8 mg of caffeine, so I definitely take them in the morning. There is one minor issue that made me knock one star off the otherwise stellar rating of this product, and that is the smell and taste of the pills: they are overwhelmingly aromatic (almost floral) and sweet, and frankly I dislike taking them from a palatability standpoint. Having said that, I do think this is a good and effective product, and the price makes this an excellent value. I recommend it for those looking for a green tea supplement.


Attack of the Vegan Zombies!
Attack of the Vegan Zombies!
DVD ~ Christine Egan
4 used & new from $9.00

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars The Grapes Of Wrath Are Back, And This Time They're Mad!, January 31, 2016
This review is from: Attack of the Vegan Zombies! (DVD)
"Attack of the Vegan Zombies!" is a slowly paced tale of witchcraft, zombies ("Zero trans fats has never been so deadly!"), and bad horticultural practices. The film is set on a family vineyard where the harvest is failing again. The acting is sometimes painful to watch, and the interpersonal conflicts often make little sense, but you probably could have guessed that when you picked up an independent movie with the words "vegan" and "zombies" right there in the title. In essence the couple who owns the place does much emoting about the repeated crop failures, at which point the wife reveals that both she and her mother are witches and before you know it they are conjuring up a spell for bountiful grapes. Hint: you may think the references to alcohol consumption are gratuitous padding, but fans of foreshadowing should take note.

Meanwhile as part of a university program (?) a couple of nerdy guys and a couple of hot cheerleader-types show up to help out at the vineyard. While the girls are making commentary that makes it clear they think a weekend without cellphone signal is worse than the holocaust, the boys are blathering on about the pH being abnormal in the grape crop. ("Not grapes on steroids!") It will come as no shock that this presages the arrival of the zombie grape monster and the only thing able to stop it is those meddling kids. I get the use of horror movie stereotypes in these B-movies, but the nerds are particularly annoying here (there is a great argument about which women are less attractive, Klingon or Ferengi), not that the girls are any more interesting. There are a lot of blown lines (Think they'll reshoot?) and general nonsensical plotpoints, perhaps the oddest of which is about society's anti-witch bias which involves greedy corporate interests clear-cutting forests...I have no clue. It doesn't matter anyway, because about then the body count starts going up ("There's a chance the plants could get aggressive.") with the plants getting possessive "like the Venus flytrap".

The crop malfunction results in some of the most ponderous dialogue imaginable, and the vineyard owners provide no explanation to the kids resulting in what legal scholars might call kidnapping, though scholars of B-movies will likely just roll their eyes. After the grapes disconnect the phone lines and deactivate the car engines making the cast marooned in the vegetative nightmare, the unconvincing cheerleaders steal wine and commence drinking; as one nerd relates "They're hot, popular girls, genetically programmed to party." The film then explains that zombies can be herbivorous, and that vegan zombies crave red wine. All of this leads up to the best line of the movie (said as the demonic plants close in): "Is this going to affect our grade?" Meanwhile the love song one nerd (Louis, not that it matters) composes for one of the cheerleaders (Leigh, not that it matters either) is a particularly cringeworthy plot device, but that's OK, as the vines are closing in for their final solution, and for a few short minutes the movie starts to get interesting in the basement of the house.

Then it all comes unhinged as a ludicrous, pointless, and very boring family backstory reveals that the vineyard had been failing because in years past the evil mother in law put a curse on the land because she didn't want to live on the farm anymore. (Like somebody was keeping her from getting a cozy condo in town? Whatever.) The film closes with a terrible local news framing device revealing information about the survivor of the grape assault. Could there be a pregnancy involved? Maybe. Could there actually be hope for a sequel? Maybe not.

"Attack of the Vegan Zombies!" is tedious and boring much of the time. Riddled with awful dialogue and plot contrivances that don't really work well as humor or horror, it falls into the dingy middle ground, making it totally forgettable. Some of the scenery was nice (it was filmed on location at Grayhaven Winery in Gum Springs, Virginia), and there were occasionally amusing bits, making it worthy of two stars.


Attack of the Vegan Zombies
Attack of the Vegan Zombies
DVD ~ Egan
11 used & new from $2.98

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars The Grapes Of Wrath, Revisited, January 31, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Attack of the Vegan Zombies (DVD)
"Attack of the Vegan Zombies" is a slowly paced tale of witchcraft, zombies ("Zero trans fats has never been so deadly!"), and bad horticultural practices. The film is set on a family vineyard where the harvest is failing again. The acting is sometimes painful to watch, and the interpersonal conflicts often make little sense, but you probably could have guessed that when you picked up an independent movie with the words "vegan" and "zombies" right there in the title. In essence the couple who owns the place does much emoting about the repeated crop failures, at which point the wife reveals that both she and her mother are witches and before you know it they are conjuring up a spell for bountiful grapes. Hint: you may think the references to alcohol consumption are gratuitous padding, but fans of foreshadowing should take note.

Meanwhile as part of a university program (?) a couple of nerdy guys and a couple of hot cheerleader-types show up to help out at the vineyard. While the girls are making commentary that makes it clear they think a weekend without cellphone signal is worse than the holocaust, the boys are blathering on about the pH being abnormal in the grape crop. ("Not grapes on steroids!") It will come as no shock that this presages the arrival of the zombie grape monster and the only thing able to stop it is those meddling kids. I get the use of horror movie stereotypes in these B-movies, but the nerds are particularly annoying here (there is a great argument about which women are less attractive, Klingon or Ferengi), not that the girls are any more interesting. There are a lot of blown lines (Think they'll reshoot?) and general nonsensical plotpoints, perhaps the oddest of which is about society's anti-witch bias which involves greedy corporate interests clear-cutting forests...I have no clue. It doesn't matter anyway, because about then the body count starts going up ("There's a chance the plants could get aggressive.") with the plants getting possessive "like the Venus flytrap".

The crop malfunction results in some of the most ponderous dialogue imaginable, and the vineyard owners provide no explanation to the kids resulting in what legal scholars might call kidnapping, though scholars of B-movies will likely just roll their eyes. After the grapes disconnect the phone lines and deactivate the car engines making the cast marooned in the vegetative nightmare, the unconvincing cheerleaders steal wine and commence drinking; as one nerd relates "They're hot, popular girls, genetically programmed to party." The film then explains that zombies can be herbivorous, and that vegan zombies crave red wine. All of this leads up to the best line of the movie (said as the demonic plants close in): "Is this going to affect our grade?" Meanwhile the love song one nerd (Louis, not that it matters) composes for one of the cheerleaders (Leigh, not that it matters either) is a particularly cringeworthy plot device, but that's OK, as the vines are closing in for their final solution, and for a few short minutes the movie starts to get interesting in the basement of the house.

Then it all comes unhinged as a ludicrous, pointless, and very boring family backstory reveals that the vineyard had been failing because in years past the evil mother in law put a curse on the land because she didn't want to live on the farm anymore. (Like somebody was keeping her from getting a cozy condo in town? Whatever.) The film closes with a terrible local news framing device revealing information about the survivor of the grape assault. Could there be a pregnancy involved? Maybe. Could there actually be hope for a sequel? Maybe not.

"Attack of the Vegan Zombies" is tedious and boring much of the time. Riddled with awful dialogue and plot contrivances that don't really work well as humor or horror, it falls into the dingy middle ground, making it totally forgettable. Some of the scenery was nice (it was filmed on location at Grayhaven Winery in Gum Springs, Virginia), and there were occasionally amusing bits, making it worthy of two stars.


Thud! The USAF F-105 Thunderchief
Thud! The USAF F-105 Thunderchief
by anon.
Edition: Hardcover

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Republic's Tribute To Their Great Plane And The Men Who Flew It, January 31, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
If you are interested in the F-105 program and you can find a copy of this ultra-rare Fairchild Hiller Corporation book, buy it at once: it's rare, it's expensive, but it's totally worth it. "Thud!" is a 12" x 12" hardcover coffee table book that is half corporate promotion of the toughness of their flying machine (they deserved to brag, it was an amazing aircraft, particularly given where it had to go and the restrictions placed on the pilots that flew it), and half a tribute to the pilots who flew it and the ground crews who supported, maintained, and armed it. The photographs inside are a mix of color and black and white and there is some very nice artwork as well (from the likes of Maxine McCaffrey of the USAF Art Program) and many are very rare shots that I have never seen before despite having an extremely extensive F-105 library. The text is nicely done and explains some about the aircraft, the mission, and the men who flew the aircraft over North Vietnam, though this is in no way a thorough history.

My favorite photograph is inside the front cover and features a Thud releasing bombs on target with flak bursting alongside the big fighter. On that same page is a great introductory definition by Republic (Fairchild Hiller): "Thud. (thud), n, nickname applied affectionately to a species of fighter-bomber found in considerable numbers over North Vietnam, noted for extraordinary ability to carry out 75 per cent of Air force missions despite heaviest concentrations of flak, missiles, etc. in history; excels in SAM (surface to air missile) suppression role; Origin of name, Thud: USAF pilots. Official name of this unusual species: F-105 Thunderchief."

If you have the opportunity to buy a copy of this obscure book on the great Republic F-105, don't delay. It's an addition to your aviation bookshelf that you will particularly prize.


Cave Women on Mars
Cave Women on Mars
DVD ~ Christopher R. Mihm
Offered by Saint Euphoria LLC
Price: $4.99
3 used & new from $4.99

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars "What Is This 'Love' You Speak Of?", January 11, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Cave Women on Mars (DVD)
Although I am generally a fan of Christopher R. Mihm's oddball sci-fi spoofs (my favorite is the truly hilarious "Attack of the Moon Zombies"), this outing wasn't quite as enjoyable as most of the series. The film has a very simple plot: two astronauts from Earth land on Mars in the future of 1987 and immediately find themselves in the middle of a clash of two matriarchies (basically four women: two in white, two in black). Amid much drama love flourishes. That's it. OK, maybe that's a bit of a generalization, but you get the premise and why it's such a treasure trove for a Mihm spoof.

Captain Jackson (Mihm regular Josh Craig, seen here in a dual role!) is the steely commander with the Shatnerian diction, and Lieutenant Elliott (Daniel Sjerven) is the astronaut with eyes for a Martian woman. I absolutely loved the helmets the astronauts wore when they started exploring the landscape; it turns out Mars looks a lot like Maple Grove, Minnesota and has breathable air, which makes the astronauts get down to their jumpsuits in a hurry. There are some nice touches of parody here, like the ship's computer that says "Working" when it's processing. (Gene Roddenberry would doubtlessly be proud.) While out exploring Elliott hears a call for help and immediately gets captured by two hotties who are wary ("You will not enchant me with your black magic!") There is a ton of exposition about the clashes of the Martian women, their lack of exposure to love ("A woman without love is an empty animal, indeed."), and an unbelievably great monster that makes the entire film worthwhile. Ultimately there's lots of melodrama, some hilarious matte paintings of the galaxy to gaze upward at, and of course a bad case of love festering between Elliott and a Martian, even though she's technically human...look, it's kind of complicated: just watch the high priestess monologue for clarification. Will love prevail? I won't spoil the ending, but I bet you can guess.

The DVD, typical of Mihm, has a number of extras, and they are mostly entertaining. The commentary is very interesting and gives great insight into budget filmmaking; there were points where I actually thought the commentary was more interesting than the film, so maybe that's a mixed blessing. There are two separate introductions to the film on display, and the one I recommend to you is from Mihm himself, where he discusses sexism and sci-fi allegories in the genre. The blooper reel is very long and intermittently amusing, though it grows tiresome occasionally. The special effects feature was great, and well worth watching (low budget movies are marvels of creativity!) I especially liked how they shot the "overlooking the valley" sequence. There is an alternate scene which contains a huge load of even more exposition: feel free to skip it. There are also trailers, previews, and a photo gallery, all of which are worth seeing.

I had a hard time rating "Cave Women on Mars", finally settling on three stars. It's not without its charm and fun moments, but there is a huge amount of walking around in the woods, and the pace is plodding. It does summon up the feel of a 1950's sci-fi stinker, but not as well of some of Mihm's other films: if you are new to Mihm this is definitely not the place to start but loyal fans will feel rewarded.


Assault Of The Sasquatch
Assault Of The Sasquatch
DVD ~ Greg Nutcher
Price: $6.86
15 used & new from $2.17

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars A Historic Low Point In The Skunk Ape Genre, January 10, 2016
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Assault Of The Sasquatch (DVD)
I have seen a lot of skunk ape movies, and while some are decent most are laughably bad but enjoyable as cheesy entertainment. "Assault of the Sasquatch" (also known as "Sasquatch Assault") is absolutely deplorable when viewed as a serious creature feature, a comedy, or a cheesy guilty pleasure because it doesn't know what it wants to be. There are tons of characters who take their roles painfully seriously in a "junior high school drama club" way, while there are pointless intentionally comedic inserts, mostly from two nerds, Don and Murph, who are charter members of the "Sasquatch Society" (they have the membership cards to prove it) who run around filming the urban sasquatch and asking random people if they also saw the Bigfoot. I cannot overemphasize how painful this subplot is: when it's finally over via grisly deaths you'll just breathe a sigh of relief, though the one genuinely funny moment of the whole film is a nerd skewering with a "Dead End" sign.

The film starts with ridiculously long (almost eight minutes) opening credits while the story lumbers to life with some bear poachers baiting a trap with pizza. I bet you can't guess what they catch! After a struggle, the most amoral and grizzled poacher, Drake (Kevin Shea), who brings a constantly over-the-top mania to the film, is brought in by a couple of rangers and he's taken to a small police station in the nearby city. Let me just say that the acting here is absolutely terrible, the dialogue is amazingly hackneyed, and the backstories are pointless, convoluted, and incredibly contrived. The film has a lot of characters (so many that I actually had trouble keeping up with the character names, though I was in a boredom-induced stupor) and loads of needless interpersonal conflicts many of which are only marginally sensible. The exposition involved in getting the various plotlines exposed is painfully protracted, but just remember that it doesn't matter anyway. There's even a teen romance and stupider than normal love triangle in case you were worried.

Please let me reiterate again that the dialogue is frequently excruciating with perhaps the best line in film being "They misspelled ketchup!" but prepare yourself for some real howlers, mostly delivered by Drake taunting the sasquatch, for instance when he's brandishing a knife and yells "Come out...it's time to dance!", or before engaging in a fistfight with the skunk ape while screaming "You want me? Let's see what you got, hairball!" Groan. Rarely have I been as tempted to turn off a movie and throw the DVD in the trash, though I ultimately did have to watch it in multiple viewing sessions over two days.

Getting back to the action, Bigfoot hitches a ride to the police station in Drake's truck, and starts his urbanization by breaking into a greenhouse. Not being content with observing foliage, it turns out Bigfoot wants to see other things; you see he's a peeping sasquatch. Yes, Bigfoot watches a woman showering (and ultimately kills her fully dressed dog), and discovers that he's fascinated by brassieres and likes terrible rap music. Fortunately Don and Murph are on the scene with their video camera and temporarily distract the viewer from the slightly less unentertaining things going on in the film. The action then shifts to the police station, where it remains for the bulk of the film. I will not spoil the intricate backstory contrivances leading to the ridiculous brawl in the station and the hostage taking and murder flashback that explains so many things that, believe me, you won't care about. The salient scene setup is Drake is in one cell and the caricature big-talking tough guy petty criminal, Colletti (Alex Exum), who was arrested for a traffic offense (despite being a murderer, hint, hint...) in the other, bantering and posturing pointlessly at great length. That Colletti would be willing to murder one side of the love triangle with scissors and escape while executing a wholly predictable double-cross will likely not surprise many viewers, nor will it surprise anyone that the entire armory of the station consists of guns sitting on shelves in the open.

Let me try to recall the characters who are now converging on this urban police station: there's the murderous thug, Colletti, who is now heavily armed; the nerds; the rangers; a cop whose wife was killed by Colletti; his daughter Jess, who is a spoiled brat because he's overprotective; his daughter's boyfriend, who sprays mace at the Bigfoot (which proved the most effective defense in the film) before being killed by Bigfoot hurling rocks and car tires at him; crazy poacher Drake; and of course the titular skunk ape. Oh, and there's the police station receptionist (or something) who is a hot blonde switchblade enthusiast, who is also a former street-smart exotic dancer of course. I may have forgotten someone in this unwieldy ensemble, but you get the point: there are a lot of characters and a lot of different conflicts in myriad subplots. In short there is a lot going on here, it's too bad that exactly none of it is interesting. I'm also going to point out that most of the characters spend most of the time in the police station, which you'll recall is in a city, acting as if they were trapped yet not a single one seems to remember they have cellphones to, you know, call for help. They also have vehicles to, you know, drive away. Instead of that they decide to engage in various brawls in the dark for the better part of an hour. Two key things to watch for: the blonde challenging Bigfoot with a switchblade and shield (it goes well), and Colletti's terrifying sasquatch encounter. At least he's out of the picture! Sasquatch has time to get around to surrounding locations at one point saving a woman from an abusive killer with a crescent wrench at the last second. (So is he a hero or an antihero? I'm so confused.) Because Colletti was able to take all the guns from the station armory, the cops just decide to free Drake (he's a bad guy, remember?) and they go into the evidence room to arm themselves. My favorite part of this is when the loving cop-dad gives his daughter a paring knife for defense against the sasquatch. Priceless.

At this point you're probably thinking "I wonder what pretense they could use to work some incredibly amateurish ATV riding stunts into this film?" All will be revealed! It's to distract the Bigfoot while the remainder of the cast escapes into the sewers! This gives way to lots of walking around in the dark punctuated by vacuous dialogue like "Sometimes you do stupid things in a state of panic" (I admit watching this movie was a stupid thing to do, but I was not panicked when I did so), and plaintive whining from Jess like "Krystle? Amy? Big scary man?" This movie makes "Scooby Doo" seem scary. The practical upshot is the cast wanders around in various combinations and much drama ensues for what seems like eternity, but nothing much really happens. Oh wait! Surprise! Colletti's back! There is no way you saw that coming, I bet. After taking the middle third of the movie off after his sasquatch altercation, he's back to avenge the death of his brother at the hands of cop-dad (long story, don't ask). This, of course, involves Jess to nobody's surprise. I won't spoil how that all plays out, but don't worry it's going to get confusing again really quick.

What develops is a four-way brawl between cop-dad, Colletti, Drake, and Bigfoot. Each brings strengths and unique fighting styles to the grudge match. This has multiple twists and turns which I frankly can't recall, but nothing gets accomplished quickly. Oh, wait! Did I mention the Upperclass British Twit? Yeah, he arrives with a crossbow to make sense of all this. He wants to buy the Bigfoot, you see, and oh, wait, never mind, he's dead. I do give Drake style points for his climactic fight with Bigfoot: I never would have thought of using a nail gun to nail him to the floor. Thank goodness that fully fueled chainsaw is at easy arm's length! I won't tell you how it ends, but I am several thousand percent sure that you already know anyway. Not knowing when to leave well enough alone is not a hallmark of "Assault of the Sasquatch" and that has never been truer than the ending, which involves a particularly grating "Eyewitness News" framing device.

I know I've hurled a lot of invective at this movie but there is just so much to loathe here. The acting is atrocious; the script is incredibly contrived with groanworthy dialogue, and the fact that it's unclear what the film is trying to be as a half-horror, half-comedic spoof of the genre makes this simply a chore to watch. Of all the cinematic sins displayed here though, the biggest is utter lack of focus: there are so many characters with so many ponderous interpersonal conflicts that it's impossible to care about anything or anyone.

But just when I thought I was done, I saw there were extras. I give the producers credit for providing a full suite of bonus features, and amazingly their quality is just as good as the movie! First off, there is a commentary track that I found stultifying. I finally reached my breaking point and couldn't bear to watch the entire thing again as the commentary was just as boring as the film and wasn't interesting from a technical point of view either. (I really did try.) There's a trailer that's reasonably well done: just watch the trailer and skip the movie, it's got all the good parts in it anyway. There's also a trailer for "Banshee!!!" which looks better than this to be sure. There are a load of bloopers that are mostly boring and despite the fact that I normally enjoy bloopers, outtakes, and alternate scenes I found these to be a waste of time. There's a "Don & Murph Behind the Scenes" featurette and if anything it's even more painful than their actual scenes in the movie. It's fairly long and lets you see them riding a train. It lets you see them getting snacks. And it lets you see Shawn C. Phillips ("Don") give us a tour of the bathroom in the train, which tops my list of things I never wanted to see. If that wasn't enough, just to rub some salt into the wound, there's the "'Booty Poppin'' Music Video" which is genuinely one of the worst things I have ever seen.

"Assault of the Sasquatch" is not a camp classic. It is not so bad it's good. It is not funny. It is not scary. It is the most relentlessly uncharming Bigfoot movie I can recall in at least a decade. If you think you can watch any bad movie and glean a kernel of enjoyment from even the worst of the worst, here's a challenge for you.


Good Eats with Alton Brown Juicy Meats 3
Good Eats with Alton Brown Juicy Meats 3
DVD ~ Alton Brown
2 used & new from $19.55

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Unleash Your Inner Carnivore, January 8, 2016
"Good Eats" goes whole hog in this 3-episode DVD, "Juicy Meats 3". Featuring the episodes "Ham I Am", "Chops", and "Sausage: A Beautiful Grind", this is not a disc for vegetarians. I am not a particular fan of chops, so I watched that episode as educational entertainment, but the other two episodes were great and more practical. "Ham I Am" is perhaps the definitive cooking show on ham, while "Sausage: A Beautiful Grind" was fascinating. Included are bonus "Ask Alton" segments where viewer questions are addressed (don't skip them, they are highly informative) and a recipe booklet with featured preparations for these three shows. I recommend "City Ham" and "Italian Sausage" in particular.

Learning about cooking is an absolute joy with Alton Brown and I highly recommend these episodes of "Good Eats".


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