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Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome
Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This book was great, except for the words, August 18, 2011
Behold my obligatory one-star review of Langy's latest crap. To see why I would do such a thing, consult my other one-star reviews. Unlike Lang, I tire of writing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. (And over again.)


The Wise Man's Fear: The Kingkiller Chronicle: Day Two
The Wise Man's Fear: The Kingkiller Chronicle: Day Two
Offered by Penguin Group (USA) LLC
Price: $5.99

915 of 1,054 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars This Book is Bi-Winning, March 6, 2011
I love The Name of the Wind. In fact, I've been able to make myself a hero on oodles of occasions by recommending Name of the Wind to people "looking for a good book." The only person I've recommended it to who didn't really care for it was my wife. So figure that one out.

I received Wise Man's Fear from Amazon early Tuesday morning and devoured it. I was never bored while reading it - the characters were sharp, Rothfuss is a ridiculously skilled writer, and there's plenty in this book to keep you engrossed and entertained.

So why three stars? Why am I not falling all over myself to praise this one?

Because it's kind of a mess. An engrossing, brilliant, hot and swanky mess, but a mess just the same.

My biggest problem is that, with some minor, token exceptions, I know exactly as much about the Chandrian as I did before I read this book. Same goes for the Amyr and the Valeritas door in the archives. I actually feel like I know less about the framing story with the Scrael and Kvothe's slow-mo death wish. All the new things Rothfuss reveals in Book II are things that are kind of cool and groovy in their own right, but they seem fairly inconsequential to the overall story, and often they feel as if they've been dragged in from the Kvothe band's inferior opening act. It's like I've watched an entire season of a Kvothe TV series that is saving all the good bits for sweeps, which presumably doesn't arrive until Book III.

And, to dangerously and alchemically mix metaphors, Book III is going to have to do a whole lot of heavy lifting to tie up all the loose ends. I would not be surprised if the Kingkiller Chronicles isn't really as trilological as Rothfuss initially intended. (No, trililogical isn't really a word. Shut up.)

And, to move from the trililogical to the puritanical, I found it jarring that Kvothe shifted from Gentlemanly Prude to Sheenlike Horndog in about twenty pages. Lots more sex in this book than the recommended daily allowance. Kvothe also kills a lot of people in very gruesome and bloody ways, and, disconcertingly, he seems to enjoy it altogether more than he ought. He's a very interesting, compelling character, but I don't like him nearly as much as I did before this book started. But what do I know? He's on a drug called Kvothe, and if you took it, your children would weep over your exploded body. (For the record, I don't really like Charlie Sheen that much, either.)

Oh, that leads me to a minor spoiler: Kvothe also, apparently, nibbles on some obscure birth control root on a regular basis to keep his Kvothified spermies in check. This was the only moment in the book that I thought was unqualifiedly ridiculous. Kvothe loses everything he owns multiple times in this book, but somehow, someway, he holds onto his arboreal condoms? Please.

To sum up: Wise Man's Fear is a mixed, messy bag. Still love Rothfuss; still love The Name of the Wind, and will buy and devour the third book on the first day of its release.
Comment Comments (87) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 17, 2014 10:12 AM PDT


Blood & Chrome: SyFy Channel's Sham Interpretation of Battlestar Galactica Continues
Blood & Chrome: SyFy Channel's Sham Interpretation of Battlestar Galactica Continues
by Andrew Fullen
Edition: Paperback
Price: $7.16
4 used & new from $7.16

72 of 75 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Really? Another one?, December 29, 2010
Andrew, a bit of advice. No one will purchase a 98-page pamphlet of screeds for nearly twenty bucks when you've been spewing all of this bile on the Internet for free for over a decade. I just paid less than your $18.95 asking price for the Keith Richards autobiography, and it's a real book. Why would I toss good money away to read more illiterate bile about a TV show that doesn't yet exist?

I'm sure you will counter my one-star review with several of your own, perhaps using your Dash Canyon or Josh Vegas aliases. It's remarkable that you would expend so much of your time and your mother's money to make an Amazon purchase with each fake account in order to prop up your literary detritus using phony five-star reviews. My advice is to stick with mini-tomes about too-inquisitive kids or werewolves in blue dresses. (Although the sad fact is that no one has read those books, either.)


Caprica Sucks: SyFy Channel Misfires Again With Ronald D. Moore's Caprica
Caprica Sucks: SyFy Channel Misfires Again With Ronald D. Moore's Caprica
by Andrew Fullen
Edition: Paperback

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars It's like an endless stream of flatulence, only less aromatic, May 26, 2010
Everything you need to know is in the title of the book. Apparently, Andrew Fullen thinks Caprica sucks. However, even if you agree with the thesis, you discover that having someone repeat it over and over using exponentially denser reiterations of the same theme is like voluntarily sticking your face in a rusty blender.

I should focus on the positive. Andrew Fullen's blatant contempt for the conventions of the English language may provide a certain amount of giggles for those callous few who enjoy mocking the less fortunate, but there's nothing in this book that resembles argument or persuasion. Perhaps you might also enjoy a multitude of feeble attempts to repeat the same puerile and stale tirades so that you can fill up a few dozen pages. Andrew is nothing if not inventive. (Except he's not inventive, so you do the math.)

The one bright spot is that if you agree with this assessment, then you are, according to Andrew, automatically a "stealth marketer" in the employ of the evil Universal Studios. You may find this impressive to the ladies on a first date, but if you're waiting for your employer to pay you, you wait in vain.

Speaking of vain, this book is the ultimate vanity publication, filled with sound and fury, signifying what it feels like if you've slept in a bathtub filled with dead poultry and your own excrement.
Comment Comments (52) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 23, 2011 11:37 AM PDT


Universal Studios Vs. The 1978 Battlestar Galactica Series: The Common Sense Manual
Universal Studios Vs. The 1978 Battlestar Galactica Series: The Common Sense Manual
by Andrew Fullen
Edition: Paperback

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars One Star Is Too Many, May 28, 2008
To call this a "book" is to be generous, both in terms of quality and quantity. It's less than 30,000 words in total, and while the author boasts of its formidable 100-page length, he achieves triple-digit page numbering by squeezing his margins by an extra inch and leaving the first three pages blank. As for the content, it's essentially a "greatest hits" collection of everything he's posted on the Internet for the past eleven years, which is succinctly summarized by the book's unwieldy title. The other 29,987 words of the pamphlet are spent repeating the thesis ad nauseum and disparaging anyone and everyone who doesn't agree with it.

Now there may be a few lost souls reading this who wonder who this fellow is. The answer is that he's Andrew Fullen, a short order cook from Chicago who has also written a few other self-published works in his own name. I actually blew the $2.50 necessary to buy one of those, too - Netherworld, a collection of short stories, which reads like pedestrian Encyclopedia Brown fan fiction translated verbatim from its original Flemish.

Andrew uses the nom de plume "Languatron" on the Internet, and he first appeared on the scene circa 1999 on a few Battlestar Galactica bulletin boards, most notably the official SciFi board devoted to the original series rather than the dismal remake which debuted in 2003. He even had an article posted at [...] under his own name.

Yet somewhere around Thanksgiving 2000, Langy began to pray, online, for divine justice to be heaped out on his enemies, calling down fire and brimstone to destroy Sci-Fi channel's upper management. It was also about this time where he began identifying those who disagreed with him, even innocuously, as lackeys of Universal Studios. It then became impossible to have a discussion with him. He dismissed even those who were sympathetic to his general thesis as corporate shills secretly hired to destroy him.

All of these traits are on display in this book, which bemoans Universal Studios' role in destroying Battlestar Galactica for inscrutable reasons. According to Languatron, this movie studio has devoted all of its considerable resources not to film and television production, but rather to "hating" the original Galactica TV series, which has been out of production since 1979. Lest you think I exaggerate, I offer this brief excerpt, with my own emphasis added:

"Universal Studios is extremely proficient at hating the 1978 Battlestar Galactica series. The very infrastructure of their entire corporation has been built upon this sad fact. They also have infinite satellite components revolving around their corporation to assist them in hating this series. This includes gullible journalists, industry insiders, studio peers, above the line producing personnel, and actors."

This strikes me as a ridiculous assertion, as I always assumed "hating" is an activity that does not require corporate governance. Languatron provides no concrete explanation as to how this works, but he does offer a theory. Apparently, George Lucas' failed lawsuit against Galactica in its initial run forced Universal to create a "shadow mechanism" that would derail any attempt to revive Galactica faithfully.

"What is the exact form of this shadow mechanism? How does it work? Well, I must start off by stating that it does indeed exist, is in operation in full force as it always has... It is a mechanism that slowly creeps over the day to day operations of Universal Studios and makes it's presence known when historically, attempts to revive the 1978 Battlestar Galactica series have reached a certain point. There is a comfort zone where this mechanism will allow revival attempts to chug along. When revival attempts get beyond the comfort zone, that's when the mechanism moves in and shuts everything down."

The reader searches in vain for an intricate mechanical description of this ruthlessly efficient shadow mechanism, which one assumes is some sort of elaborate Rube Goldberg contraption with lots of gears and pulleys. Sadly, one is left to wonder how Languatron has the confidence to make such brash assertions with absolutely no supporting evidence. "How does it work?" he asks himself, and then answers by saying "it exists," and that's answer enough.

All is not lost, however. We do get an elaborate description of a second, more sinister "sister" shadow mechanism:

"This brings us to another shadow mechanism that Universal Studios oversees. Sort of the "sister mechanism" to the one that operates within the studio itself. This one exercises mass censorship and control over the Internet of any information which casts Universal Studios and their handling of the 1978 Battlestar Galactica series in a bad light. It's a shadow mechanism that exercises absolute authority over certain Internet bulletin boards ([...], [...], [...]) and absolute authority over journalists who post on-line articles."

Languatron has an interesting choice of enemies. Of the three boards Languatron cites as exercising Stalinistic control over the entire World Wide Web, two of them are decidedly pro-1978 Galactica and vigorously opposed to the recent remake, which both boards, along with Languatron, refer to as GINO, or Galactica In Name Only. Yet Languatron cannot seem to fathom the possibility that one can loathe GINO and still think Languatron is a jerk.

To read this diatribe is to enter a parallel world where the rules of logic are identical to those in the "Burn the Witch" skit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In that film, a group of villagers bring a woman dressed as witch before Sir Bedevere, who then proceeds to lead them through a series of deranged logical syllogisms to determine whether or not the woman is guilty of witchcraft. The logic he employs is as follows:

1. Witches burn. Wood burns. Therefore, witches are made of wood.
2. Wood floats in water. Ducks float in water. Therefore, wood weighs the same as a duck.
3. If the woman weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood, and therefore, she's a witch.

Witness, then, Languatron's similar reasoning.

1. Universal Studios hates Battlestar Galactica. I, Languatron, love Battlestar Galactica. Therefore, Universal Studios is my enemy.
2. Dozens of people on the Internet are my enemies. Universal Studios is my enemy. Therefore, all of my Internet enemies work for Universal Studios.
3. Everyone I meet on the Internet hates me. Therefore, Universal Studios must be in complete control of the Internet.

And thus we see that Languatron spends all of his time on the Internet burning witches made of wood.

Nothing in this book steps off from the treadmill Lang has been running on for the past decade or so on sundry Internet billboards. The same wild-eyed theories with no evidence are recycled along with a liberal dose of personal invective. (I admit to taking sick pleasure in Languatron's promise, in his final chapter, to "kick [my] ass to the Moon" if he ever meets me. One struggles to recall Woodward and Bernstein making similar threats to their journalistic subjects.) For the newcomer to the whole Lang experience, there may be some goofy fun in encountering a truly warped perspective for the first time. For me, a battle-hardened Lang veteran, I found the experience tedious. The only relief to be found was in his brazen contempt for the English language, as evidenced by these unvarnished excerpts, along with my editorial comments in brackets:

"Way to go Universal, you dolt!!"

[I think he meant "way to go, Universal Studios, you dolts!!" but his original sentence is open to so many more interpretations. Can a dolt truly go universal?]

"You can get the Toys-R-Us wind up version of Richard Hatch by the way, by sending in three box tops from specially marked boxes of Fruity & Cocoa Pebbles breakfast cereal."

[One could probably, by the way, go to Toys-R-Us and just buy Richard Hatch in person.]

"The Bermuda Triangle of Death houses the existence of Ronald D. M00r3's GINO series in the most sinister way."

[It presumably rents the existence of other television shows in semi-serious ways.]

"No form of art is being expressed by Edward James Olmos's bad acting, and no profound subliminal statement is being uttered. "

[I choose to believe that uttering subliminal statements is a form of art.]

"Ronald D. M00r3 is a man, an unremarkable man. Like all other television producers who go through it, Ronald D. M00r3 has made a television series that flopped."

[Go through what? Maybe "it" was unremarkable, too.]

"Ronald D. M00r3 fit's the bill quite nicely, doesn't he?"

["Fit's?" Meaning what? "Fit is?" Something that belongs to Fit?]

"How is that for an effective cult, huh?"

[Huh?]

You get the idea.

Anyway, the book is available for download here. Languatron is reportedly using the proceeds of his book sales to frequent strip clubs. What he doesn't know is that we Universal executives have already planted our agents in all of the clubs he frequents.

How's that for a con'spiracy, huh?


Universal Studios vs. Battlestar Galactica:: How Universal Studios Mismanaged This Property To Utter Oblivion
Universal Studios vs. Battlestar Galactica:: How Universal Studios Mismanaged This Property To Utter Oblivion
by Andrew Fullen
Edition: Paperback

12 of 15 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Reads like it was written by a committee of drunken, angry monkeys, November 23, 2007
To call this a "book" is to be generous, both in terms of quality and quantity. It's less than 30,000 words in total, and while the author boasts of its formidable heft, he achieves triple-digit page numbering by squeezing his margins by an extra inch and leaving the first three pages blank. As for the content, it's essentially a "greatest hits" collection of everything he's posted on the Internet for the past nine years, which is succinctly summarized by the book's unwieldy title. The other 29,987 words of the pamphlet are spent repeating the thesis ad nauseum and disparaging anyone and everyone who doesn't agree with it.

Nothing in this book steps off from the treadmill this guy has been running on for the past decade or so on sundry Internet billboards. The same wild-eyed theories with no evidence are recycled along with a liberal dose of personal invective. For the newcomer to the whole Fullen experience, there may be some goofy fun in encountering a truly warped perspective for the first time. For me, a battle-hardened Fullen veteran, I found the experience tedious. The only relief to be found was in his brazen contempt for the English language and rules of grammar.

Enjoy.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 3, 2010 10:43 AM PDT


Hearts Afire - The Complete Second Season
Hearts Afire - The Complete Second Season
DVD ~ John Ritter
Offered by Heaven Sent by revdwl
Price: $41.95
15 used & new from $10.49

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I liked the one about the fish, October 18, 2006
I have always been an admirer of Betty Grable, and to see such great tributes pouring in so many months later - sometimes I sob. (I shouldn't, but I have a glandular problem.) When I start to think about what kind of salt I've been eating, whoa nelly! Stop the racetrack!

They key word here is "effervescent." I don't think I've ever been as effervescent as I am right now.

Anyway, about the fish. They're not important. What is important is love. Love, and a place to wear your hat.


Shakespeare By Another Name: A Biography Of Edward De Vere, Earl Of Oxford, The Man Who Was Shakespeare
Shakespeare By Another Name: A Biography Of Edward De Vere, Earl Of Oxford, The Man Who Was Shakespeare
by Mark Anderson
Edition: Hardcover
76 used & new from $1.41

20 of 27 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Meticulous, Dispassionate, and Dang Fun to Read, October 18, 2005
"Paper-thin research?" "Tin-foil hat conspiracy theory?" It's astonishing to me to see the venom of those who refuse to even consider the evidence that Anderson has so carefully, solidly assembled in this eminently readable book. This is not written in the tone of tin-foil hat conspiracy theorists. I, personally, do not believe that JFK was shot by anyone other than Lee Harvey Oswald; I don't believe in Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. I don't think the world is run by the Col. Sanders-led Pentavrit (sp?) that Mike Myers exposes in "So I Married an Axe Murderer."

However, it is impossible to read this book with an open mind and not come to the conclusion that Edward de Vere, using the name "William Shake-Speare" as a pseudonym , produced the greatest plays and poems written in the English language.

I won't recount the evidence here - that's not necessary, particularly since Anderson does it so well himself in the book. Certainly it's worth your consideration, and it greatly enriches your appreciation of Shakespeare's plays and poems.


No Title Available

17 of 39 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Watch the original instead, July 16, 2003
This is not the DVD of the original TV series. This thing is Galactica in name only. All the themes and ideas of the original series have been seriously twisted and mutilated. Even miniseries star Edward James Olmos admits that this bears little or no resemblance to the Battlestar Galactica that was a phenom back in 1978. Having read the script, I can say that it's nihilistic, derivative, and just plain boring.


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