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Reviews Written by
One More Option (USA)
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Biting Anorexia - A Book Review, September 3, 2009
This book is an exceptional, ongoing memoir of a woman who has dealt with eating disorders, depression, and other significant cognitive issues most of her life. This is not a book on "How to Overcome Your Eating Disorders," and this is not a narrative suggesting the disorder has been completely remedied in the author and is now only being considered in the past tense. Ms. Howard-Taylor suggests she expects to deal with her complex issues for the foreseeable future and she is in recovery rather than recovered.
For anyone looking for a feel-good religious-style transformation out of eating disorder issues, this is not the book for you. However, if you feel you are in a space where you'd like to read a frank and articulate narrative about the perceptions and actions of someone who has actively struggled with eating disorders, this is an extraordinarily good book.
A word of caution: I highly recommend this book for anyone who has dealt with or is dealing with someone else in their life with eating disorders. I also highly recommend this book to professionals who are counseling clients with eating disorders. However, this book is so candid, and it deals so intimately with day to day eating disorder considerations and experiences, that I would strongly encourage anyone who is personally dealing with eating disorders to read this book with notice and consent of the professional counselors with whom they are working.
The intent of this memoir is not to explain the root causes of eating disorders. The author suggests there are no singular and dominant sources that lead to eating disorders.
The book helps us understand how people with eating disorders are often also brilliant and talented. Anyone who stereotypically thinks a person with an eating disorder is somehow stupid or lacking education should have many of those myths dispelled by reading this book. Ms. Howard-Taylor is a more clear, educated, counseled, and organized writer than most people twice her age.
Ms. Howard-Taylor regularly has made the decisions TO WRITE out her internal conflicts. And that process of writing is a valuable expression and reference tool, a saving force for herself and others who struggle with similar internal issues.
I have less fear for people who are regularly writing and expressing their dramatic and life-threatening internal dialogues than I fear for people who are comparatively silent toward themselves and others on those issues. When people stop dialoguing and struggling, that concerns me much more. Ms. Howard-Taylor's life, her actions and her book champion the concept that expressing uncommon and "unacceptable" internal battles may be part of good therapeutic processes.
This is not a "Memoir of Blame" or a "Memoir of How I Was Mistreated in My Childhood." This is a memoir of someone actively and daily expressing their "internal war" involving core issues of self-perceptions, self-definitions, and survival.
This book ends with some summarizing observations, but it does not end with singular or simple solutions. The author gives the honest impression that her issues will stay with her and will likely be patterns she will continue to confront.
I have personally been intimately involved with people with eating disorders, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Depression and eating disorders are powerful illnesses that can derail the best and brightest among us.
Reading Ms. Howard-Taylor's book, I could hear the rushed and fast inner voices of which I am already familiar. I have recorded similar memories in my permanent collection. This is a beautiful memoir that artfully illustrates a representative mindset that people, who have dealt with loved ones with eating disorders, will likely be familiar. There is as much to read in between the lines of this quality writing as there is to glean from the text itself.
I want to emphasize that this book review does not touch on a plethora of the diverse topics in the book. By only reading this review, you will not have a summarizing sense of a tremendous amount of the engaging personal correspondence and narratives ventured in the book.
If, as mentioned in the movie "Shadowlands," it is true "We read to know we are not alone," then many people with these related issues should find some solace and companionship in reading this memoir.
The beauty of the book is in the expression of the honest doubts as much as it is in the expression of possible solutions. If you personally struggle with these issues, I recommend reading it in coordination and with the consent of your therapists.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Wild Girls - A Book Review, August 1, 2009
"To love is to see through two pairs of eyes." ~ Natalie Barney.
If a good book is a book that stimulates more new ideas and responses than any other book you've read in a long time, then "Wild Girls" was an excellent book for me. The book is so good, there are more interesting things about it than can be written in a concise review.
However, the attribute I liked least about this book was its title. The book is about lesbian and bisexual women and their lifestyles in late 19th and 20th century Europe and the U.S. I would not generally define these women as being "wild." Rather, they were making lifestyle decisions as mature women with mature responsibilities. Further, they were not girls, and most often, they did not act immature or "girlish."
Other titles, such as: "Sapphic Idylls" or "Sappho, Paris, and the Arts" would have been better for me.
"Sensuality, wanting a religion, invented love." ~ Natalie Barney.
Overview: The book gives biographical commentary and snapshots about the lives and relationships surrounding two American women: Natalie Barney, a wealthy lesbian socialite, and Romaine Brooks, a wealthy painter. The two women had a non-traditional romantic relationship for over 50 years. During that time, they also had relationships with other women.
The real value of the book for me was in the author's select choices and opinionated commentary on the lives of the many women involved.
Many people may not realize: When you paint a portrait, take a picture, or write a biography of someone, you almost always are involved in portraying that person is a limiting fashion.
Some people don't want portraits of themselves created, not simply because they are vain or don't want to see their own likeness, but also because they don't want to be portrayed in a limited fashion. People are usually more multi-faceted than their portraits or biographies convey.
Reading this biography of Natalie Barney, you will learn a great deal about her and you will understand how passionately many women became involved with her. But I never fully understood what made her so emotionally, sexually, and relationally attractive. Yet, clearly she was very attractive to many women.
If you were an alien from another planet, and all you had as a reference for human sexual interactions was this book, you might think everyone was easily promiscuous with everyone. There are so many women eager to sleep with Natalie that it is a shame we don't have more narrative portrayals of who she was and the physical and social presence she was able to regularly create around her.
"Peaple call it unnatural. All I can say is, it's always come naturally to me." ~ Natalie Barney.
Natalie's writings, of which we see short quotations at the beginnings of the chapters, are insightful and clearly expressed. I think I would need to read more of her writings to better understand her appeal. I have no idea what her personality was like, but her quotations are concise, bright, and funny. Was she brash? Was she a lesbian version of Mae West? Probably not, but both women were extremely smart and sexually candid.
Many women wanted to have ongoing "lasting" relationships with Natalie. Other women wanted to enjoy the sexual and courtship aspects of Natalie, but may have also been drawn to her because she did not present the obligations of maintaining an exclusive, monogamous relationship. For women who were sexually attracted to women, Natalie, who was independently wealthy, possibly presented an attractive, potentially lower maintenance, and discreet option.
You know a book is good when the footnotes are as interesting to read as most book's main texts, and that is the case with this book - the footnotes are fascinating snapshots of people and lives that would also be interesting to explore: from Jean Cocteau to Tallulah Bankhead to Gertrude Stein to Gluck to Una Elena Troubridge, on and on. This book is so full of interesting ideas and historical facts that it would be a disservice to read it fast. I wouldn't want to miss anything in or between the lines.
The artist Romaine Brooks wrote a memoir "No Pleasant Memories" that has never been published, and I think it would be fascinating to read, attempting to discern her mindset and perspectives. To see more of her artworks, you can visit a post I did on her artworks here.
One concept that is implied in the book, but not plainly stated is that women who chose to have their portrait painted by Romaine Brooks were taking a great risk. To be painted by Brooks was to increase your risk of being identified as a lesbian in an era when being homosexual was criminal or socially ostracizing. Once your portrait was painted, you would not necessarily be able to control who would own and who would see the painting.
I would like to imply that some of the women who wanted Brooks to paint their portraits wanted to make a long term "permanent" statement to future generations, proudly identifying themselves as a member of a rebellious, lesbian social culture.
This book would be a good read for many heterosexual men to learn more personal narratives about how some lesbian women are extremely averse to the thought of having sexual relations with men. Many men understand a strong aversion to sex with other men. But I suspect fewer men are empathetic to how strongly averse some women are to having sex with men.
One of the characteristics that may attract some women toward other women, in any era, is the knowledge that pregnancy will never be a risk. The "consequence" of "going all the way" sexually with another woman never creates the burdens, lifelong obligations, and associations of carrying a pregnancy and raising a child for the rest of your life.
And because some lesbian relationships are often less-visible and less-public than heterosexual relationships, some women may enjoy lesbian relationships because they don't have to deal as much with the social issues involved in being with or having broken up with an intimate social partner. Often there is less explaining to do and less accountability for actions done in secret and out of public view. But in "Wild Girls" we see that there often may be significant lifelong consequences and ongoing repercussions that accompany discreet lesbian liaisons.
Of Barney and Brooks' relationship, the author Diana Souhami speculates:
"Romaine's conundrum was irresolvable. She did not want a sustained one-to-one relationship with Natalie, with all the business of home, commitment and coupledom: she found proximity to her impossible after a short time, but she was nevertheless jealous of Natalie's pursuit of other women." p. 146
I recommend this book highly for anyone wanting to learn more about sexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and relationships in general. The writing is uncommonly candid and insightful. The topics and information are very well selected and presented.
Other reviewers have pointed out factual errors in the book. When I read biography or autobiography, I'm not looking for "The Truth", and I don't devalue a story based on insignificant factual errors. Having said that, the author in this book too often assumed she knew the mindsets and intents of the women discussed. Also, the author did not often enough show the supporting personal correspondence and research used to support her statements. But even with those caveats, it is extremely difficult for any author to communicate the intent and rationales of another person. So, in biography, I appreciate it when authors take the time to give us their best educated guesses.
"We do not touch life except with our hearts." ~ Natalie Barney.
The UK Guardian review of this book by Jad Adams takes a pot shot at Barney and Brooks, saying these rich women didn't change the world and make homosexuality acceptable in the early 20th century. I think Adams' assertion is mean, incorrect, and inconsiderate of these women's context. How do you persecute a member of a persecuted class for not doing what would have likely been impossible and deadly during their lifetime? Further, the book communicates clearly that Brooks and Barney made regular and notorious social and artistic statements supporting the acceptability, pleasantries, and merits of homosexual love.
Brooks and Barney were remarkably bold and brave. Barney published homoerotic books and held regular lesbian social activities. Brooks publicly displayed homosexually-sympathetic paintings. They both worked consistently to promote and create lesbian artistic expressions, social communities, and relationships in a time when homosexuality was criminal, socially ostracized, and a constant threat to their family's wealth and reputation.
"In love there is no status quo." ~ Natalie Barney
"Our shadows are taller than ourselves." ~ Natalie Barney.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
The Complexities Of A Woman Ahead Of Her Time, July 25, 2009
Most people might assume "Miss Austen Regrets" will be a story about "Jane Austen and the one great love of her life she regretted letting slip away."
If you've seen "Becoming Jane," another fictional story speculating on some of the intense personal relationships that may have contributed to the creation of Jane Austen's artistry and intellect, you may remember that in that film, a main theme was "the one that got away" (because James McAwoy and Austen did not marry because they did not believe they would have enough money).
But in "Miss Austen Regrets," the screenplay writer speculates that Jane Austen may have been far more complex than simply an old-fashioned girl who spent her spinster years pining for the men she declined in her youth.
The casting for this film is spectacular. Olivia Williams, Gretta Scacchi, Pip Torrens, and Hugh Bonneville are all compelling and moving. They play each role as smart and fully concerned characters, with the worries of their era: money, reputation, and duty.
Austen is portrayed as brilliantly witty and imposingly intelligent. Her dialogues are full of double entendres as she flirts consistently, understatedly, yet overtly with every man who attempts to engage her in conversation. The men who try to match wits with her are easily matched or exceeded.
The script is solid. Other critics have complained the script portrays Austen as a wine-loving, flirtatious and "modern" woman that she was not. I didn't watch the film with an intent to find "the truth." I evaluated the story as a story. And as a story, the premise that Austen was feisty, independent minded, and focused on her work and supporting her family is easily plausible. And given the bravery and cleverness of her novels' characters, it's safe to assume that Austen may have been as clever as they come in social situations.
The film's editing pacing is swift, especially early on. The editors appear to have purposefully rushed the scenes early in the film. Later, as the story becomes more somber and considered, the film's editing adaptively slows.
From the script:
On why Austen never chose a husband, Austen jests:
"I never found one worth giving up flirting for."
After Austen is unfairly chastised at a party by a former suitor, the suitor asks for her pardon. She replies:
"You are forgiven everything except your failure to ask me to dance."
When considering the financial responsibilites she has chosen to take on in order to be the primary provider for herself, her unmarried sister, and mother, she reflects:
"I'm to be my own husband it seems . . . and theirs."
When facing terminal illness in her early forties, she muses:
"Sickness is a dangerous indulgence at my time of life."
How many of these quotes come from her actual letters or novels? I do not know. But the quotes and ideas color a beautiful mind and personality.
I highly recommend watching this film. It's funny, lively, spirited, and practically insightful.
Intellectually and morally, Austen was generations ahead of her era. Her practical common sense saw through the limitations and hypocrisies of her era's social systems. Why she never married is a fascinating question that has aroused the curiosity of every generation of her readers since.
What kind of man could have been worthy of Jane Austen? That list of men had to have been very, very short. So short, that Austen may have had to have created and crafted fictional men to fill that void. Sometimes, when we cannot find what we seek, we create it in our imagination - to fill the void of something we feel and believe should exist.
Austen keenly understood not only what was "missing" from her life, but also what was missing from her social culture. She had the force of character and intellect to shine a light on important, central, and emotional things that were absent in her generation - the unrealized wants and the unspoken hopes of millions of women (and men). And every generation of her readers since has marvelled at Austen's ability to sympathize with us - to show us what we have wanted and what we have lacked.
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You Have Killed Me
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by Jamie S. Rich
Edition: Hardcover |
| Price: $15.56 |
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| Availability: In Stock |
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5 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
You Have Killed Me - A Book Review, July 22, 2009
I love Jamie S. Rich and Joëlle Jones previous collaboration of "12 Reasons Why I Love Her". It is one of my favorite books of all time. Few stories draw as rich a background for heartbreak to be as fully realized. So, I have been waiting in anticipation for Rich & Jones' next collaboration. And "You Have Killed Me" is pleasing throughout.
The Visuals: It may be inaccurate to say Joëlle Jones is relatively unknown compared to many of her male counterparts in the world of graphic novels, but I'm not sure. However, in the dominantly male world of graphic novel illustration, Jones stands out as one of the most remarkable talents of all time. Her artistic intelligence is, at the least, under-recognized and under-appreciated.
Jones' characters are fully visually considered. It sometimes makes my head hurt to look at a page of her beautiful artistry & compositions and to consider the hundreds of decisions that have been made visually for each page. Jones cares about every nuance, body weight shift, and clothing detail. If you flip through the book and study only the facial expressions, you will see facial expressions rarely captured in illustration or photographs.
I would love for one day to see the world through Jones' eyes and considerations. I would feel apprehensive if I was in a room with her because I know she could see, recognize, and differentiate visual cues about me (or anyone) that few others could discern. Like Hannibal Lecter could correctly interpret significant psychological and historical traits from only a few dialogued and visual tells, I suspect Jones' visual acuity to be off the charts. You can pick up this book and open it to any page, and her artistry will be revealing and intelligent. Jones is an artist who can create new lifeforms and worlds with the craftsmanship of her pencils, inks, and mind.
If you loved the feel and visual environments of Darwyn Cooke's aside stories within his wonderful mini-series "The New Frontier", where it seemed everyone smoked glamorously and spent at least 3 nights a week out on the town, then you'll probably also love the 30s & 40s clothes, bars, cars, and settings Jones creates in this story.
The Story: Unfortunately, the book breaks down on the story side. While the story's pacing or execution are excellent, the story does little to inform us about the human condition. This criticism may be misplaced, because the story is probably aspiring to be an effective genre piece - and on that front, it succeeds.
The dialogue is crisp, rarely redundant, and very clever. The use of "thought voice-overs" is effectively done and appropriate for a private detective mystery narrative (although there were so many square boxes dialoguing the lead character's thoughts, that I felt I was reading a Jeph Loeb script - an inside joke for comic nerds who've read Loeb's Batman Hush series, his Superman/Batman series, his . . . you get the idea).
A problem I have with the story is it's a man's story, written by a man, and told through a male narrator. It is a "Femme Fatale" noir tale, and while the women are visually drawn beautifully, their written characterizations tell us very little about them.
This story, like most mysteries, is a "whodunnit," but we never clearly understand what transforms each character into a killer. We have "motives" and clever plot misdirections, but we don't understand the cognitive distortions that occur to transform these affluent characters into violent or conniving double dealers. Rather, our "suspension of disbelief" is used to believe the characters' conniving is credible - in order for the noir plot twists to progress in their proper order.
In this story, we end up with many wealthy, unloving, highly intelligent, and disconnected characters cutting each other down - in one way or another.
But again, my criticism may be misplaced because I'm critiquing a noir story because it has common noir characteristics. But as James Ellroy, author of "L.A. Confidential", doesn't like many "noir" or "hard-boiled" formulaic devices and cliches, I also don't like them. And I think Rich could have done a better job at crafting a more believable story with more universal themes - and still stay within the visual beauty of the noir genre.
I am rarely this critical in a review, but I am an admirer of Rich & Jones' abilities, and I want to see them use the best of their abilities.
The Ending (spoilers ahead): At the ending of "12 Reasons", we understood why the two main characters loved each other. Conversely, at the ending of "You Have Killed Me," we doubt if anyone really ever loved anyone, so when the relationships break down, there's little understanding of whether any of the previously affectionate relationships were worth saving, and there's even less heartache or sympathetic feelings of loss.
How did I want this story to end? I've never written a section like this in a book review, but for reasons I don't fully understand, I'm writing one here. I wanted us to understand the genuinely good love lost between either Mercer & Julie, Mercer & Jennie, or even Jennie & Julie. And I wanted to see tragic "small" decisions that led to horrible loss or tragic misunderstandings. For example, it would have been interesting to see the tragedies revealed as it became apparent that Julie (or Jennie) loved something else (drugs, gambling, another relationship, etc.) a little more than Mercer - and that would have figuratively "killed" Mercer. I really didn't expect a horror movie style ending where the cast is literally getting killed one by one in the end. But this story was more about clever dialogue and violent actions than it was about understanding human decisions and behaviors.
You can sometimes tell more about a person, not by how they characterize themselves, but rather by how they characterize others. In the world of "12 Reasons" we had fewer characters and a beautifully tragic understanding of the complexity, limitations, and conflicts of romantic relationships. In "You Have Killed Me," we are sadly given thinly drawn and less understood "good guys" and "bad guys" - and the resulting ending is less satisfying.
In most stories, we are dependent on the storytellers, especially when we cannot meet the characters in person. We are only able to interpret a character based on how fully and accurately a character is drawn and portrayed. And the characters in this story are drawn too narrowly and viewed primarily from only one perspective, the perspective of a male narrator whose assumptions and judgments are too quick and too confident for the amount of information examined.
Rich is a great writer. All of his characters are very attractive (Jones makes them even more attractive) with their precise wit and charm.
I highly recommend buying this book and wrapping yourself in the world Rich & Jones created and rendered. I love the creative team of Rich & Jones, and I hope they keep creating together. And I also hope they continue "seeing other people."
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Imprisoned - The Paradox Of Trying To Maintain Ethical Behavior In Chambers Of Torture, June 27, 2009
This is an excellent film documenting abuses by the US Military and US Military Intelligence services at the Abu Ghraib prison during the Iraq War. For general background on the events at Abu Gharib, you can visit Wikipedia or do news article searches.
This film is valuable not only because it reveals more information about the events, but also because it allows some of the Military personnel involved to tell their own stories. These stories may be true or they may simply be self-serving tales (the soldiers coloring their involvement in a light most favorable). It is fascinating to watch the people involved as they shape and reveal their involvement, actions, and justifications.
The film gives some sense of the timing of events and the long hours, days, and weeks of conduct. The film also shows video footage of the events, video that is less known than the photos.
It takes courage to admit you've participated in unethical or criminal actions. I admire the courage and decisions of everyone who agreed to participate in telling their own stories.
The events at Abu Ghraib are horrific. Corruption often comes because leadership is either corrupt or indifferent to corruption. It's difficult to be less corrupt than the leadership you are required to follow.
Abu Ghraib was a place where people became marred, damaged, and imprisoned - both the guards and the inmates.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Pete Seeger - Singing Because Many Songs Fall Silent If You Don't Keep Singing Them, June 25, 2009
This "biocumentary," a biography presented in a video documentary style, with apparent full cooperation of Pete Seeger and most of his immediate family, is excellent. If you don't know who Pete Seeger is, then learning his story, purposes, and methods will likely be worthwhile for you. This film presents a concise and fast-paced history of his artistry and advocacy.
Seeger used his talents and gifts to promote causes he believed in. He used songs to attempt to effect social changes. It would be easy to call much of his music didactic, but I think Seeger consciously conceded the loss of some of the beauties of indirectness and metaphor in order to speak more clearly to more people about issues he believed deserved more public attention and change.
Generations come and go quickly. Fashions and artistic trends of the world move forward quickly, leaving most things from a couple generations ago behind and mostly forgotten. Seeger sang to keep good ideas in circulation and to keep public dialogues going on less visible and often unpopular-to-view issues.
Seeger did not seek to keep others in the ideas of the past. He often used older musical styles to express newer ideas for the future. That is maybe what separated him from many folk and bluegrass musicians.
He spurred on and helped to create the 60s and 70s folk music movements, movements that were not interested in preserving the old and conservative, but rather were interested in stimulating new and critical thinking.
Most of us will not be remembered primarily for what we did to strengthen and improve ourselves. If we are remembered, it will more likely be for what we did to strengthen and improve others in our generation and future generations. If that is true, Seeger will likely be well remembered.
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1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Planting Trees That Will Not Likely Come To Full Fruition Until After You Are Gone, June 3, 2009
I believe most people may have some major incorrect assumptions about Warren Buffet. For example, most people probably believe he made most of his money by being an excellent stock picker, buying the stock, then selling it for a profit. He was/is an excellent stock picker. He was a person who had the intelligence to understand the underrecognized wealth of a company, its assets, and earning potential. But his ability to create wealth was dependent as much or more on some other prominent, yet less recognized and less understood characteristics.
Here are some characteristics of Buffet's business life the average observer may not fully understand:
1) Buffet selected companies that would profit from his ownership and guidance. He bought companies he perceived would become more profitable under his direction, companies that without his direction would have likely done worse financially. In some cases, it's clearly implied that if Buffet's team had not bought the company, the company may have failed.
So, it wasn't simply a matter of Buffet seeing and recognizing undervalued assets or potentials. The company gained value after his purchase because of Buffet's guidance. The value didn't simply arise from the increased visibility that came from the company being added to Buffet's investment portfolio.
Buffet bought companies not only to profit from owning them. Rather, he bought companies when he believed his purchase and guidance would make the companies, their other owners (shareholders) and sometimes their employees, more profitable or wealthy - a win-win.
2) Buffet often bought controlling interests in the companies he invested in. Often, he did not prefer to purchase only a minority ownership interest in a company. He often preferred to buy a controlling interest, so that he could direct the company, their financial choices, and their distributions of assets.
Most of the time, Buffet didn't "give away" his money to a stock broker and lose control of how his money was used, like most investors do. When he bought a stock or company, he almost always maintained control of the assets he bought. This is incredibly rare in the world of stock purchases. Very few people have the amount of cash or business sense to buy controlling interests in as many diverse types of businesses as Buffet has done.
3) His financial objectives were not, as most might assume, to create a dynastic amount of wealth that he could transfer to his family line. Yes, he created a massive amount of wealth, and all of his immediate family members became very wealthy. But the majority of his wealth he chose to transfer to a charitable foundation that a) is not named after him or his family and b) will not be controlled by his directives.
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My family has planted fruit trees in our back yard. It's interesting to me how few people plant fruit trees anymore. Most modern yards I visit don't have fruit trees. This is probably for many reasons. Fruit trees take a lot of regular work. And they are not a "quick return" project. They don't produce good fruit for at least 3 years after you start them. And I suppose most people only have the time to buy their fruit at the grocery store.
But I believe it's important to plant fruit trees - trees that will create value and pleasant, measurable, and consistent benefits for others over time, even if we are no longer around to enjoy their fruits.
I love Buffet's story because his life's work was about finding underrecognized assets, then through his nurturing and involvement, the assets became more valuable, visible, and valued. He did not acquire assets or companies in order to hoard them or to create an excessive amount of benefits only for his immediate familiars. In the end, his life was about finding unseen wealth, growing that wealth, and sharing it efficiently with many others to create extraordinary benefits for others using a low amount of cost.
Buffet's life's work and teachings are models for creating wealth and tangible assets for not only himself but also for the greater good. He did it through many very diverse types of businesses. And he did it with the intent of teaching others how to work each day to plant and grow trees that would create uncommonly good benefits down the road, even after we are all gone - a valuable and worthwhile artistic aspiration.
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Acknowledging Pain And Loss And Working Toward More Honest Living, March 12, 2009
Written in 1992, when perceptions of LGBT lifestyles were culturally far worse than today, this book was an uncommon voice.
"Coming Out Within" - by Craig O'Neill, a Catholic Priest, and Kathleen Ritter, a psychotherapist and professor at CSU Bakersfield - asserted a premise (in 1992) that many (if not nearly all) non-heterosexuals developed their gender, sexual, familial, work, role, and relationship identities in a "heterosexual-only" Western Culture environment. In the late 20th Century, LGBT self-images were often created in dramatic and constant incongruities with popular "acceptable imagery."
It is important for everyone, in any era, to have easily available access to healthy portrayals, imagery, and written contextual reasoning to support our honest feelings and desires.
If you want to understand why I work so consistently to highlight intelligent, healthy, and considerate LGBT images of relationships and sexuality, then reading this book will give you more cultural imagery and self-perception concepts to consider.
I would not be surprised if Deborah Tolman, who in 2005 wrote "Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk About Sexuality," read "Coming Out Within" before writing her introduction to her book. Tolman's discussion of a "heterosexual exclusive" culture has many similarities to the authors' ideas in "Coming Out Within".
"Coming Out Within" may help homosexuals recognize some of their likely unrealized hurt, loss, and pain they took onto themselves as "expected" or "part of being gay in a straight society." The authors suggest it may be more healthy to acknowledge the mistreatment and unfairness they've grown accustomed to receiving from heterosexually-dominant families and communities.
"Some lesbians and gay men achieve success in the workplace at the expense of their integrity. They pretend that they are not who they are and, as a result, live distant from their inner beings, often in a world of fear and denial. The trappings of success that come with buying into a hetrosexually based life image are exchanged for the turmoil of incongruity and the pain of living separated from their souls. Peter Tchaikovsky described this well when he said, 'All that is left is to pretend. But to pretend to the end of one's life is the highest torment.' " p. 26
The authors then outline a therapeutic 8-Step process from "Loss to Transformation," giving many illustrative and practical examples each step of the way.
I don't recommend the book because I think their 8-phase healing process is the way to address related issues. I recommend the book because their 8-phase process is one more way to consider addressing related issues. The authors also wisely recommend individual counseling in addition to taking self-therapeutic steps.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Excellent Accounts Of War Injustices By The Germans, Americans, and Russians, March 5, 2009
The movie is aptly titled "The Rape of Europe" - the war and the conflicts led the Germans, Americans, and Russians to destroy each others' art and cultural heritages.
I am an avid art historian, and I am grateful this documentary was made. It recounts many atrocities of Hitler's ravages across Europe. Unquestionably, Hitler and the Germans systematically stole or destroyed art and culture from others. It is important for future generations to remember the immeasurable harm that came from the Nazis' conquest to attempt to achieve their vision of a larger and richer German empire, an empire that was built on the false moral premises that they were racially superior and it was acceptable for them to steal from racially-inferior people.
Other reviewers have warrantedly criticized this documentary for not equally reporting on the American and Russian destruction of their adversaries' art and cultural buildings. There are a few accounts of American and Russian carpet bombings. There are specific accounts of American attempts to avoid unnecessarily destroying some of their adversaires' cities and structures, but this documentary appears to have primarily a pro-allies perspective. I wish the documentary had accounted more of the allied atrocities. This war led all the nations involved to commit unbearable horrors against each other. World War II eventually led all the nations involved to participate in a rape of European arts, civility, and cultures.
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How We Face Our Fears, February 24, 2009
This is an excellent film from Paul Haggis, the writer and director of the 2004 Oscar winning Best Picture "Crash." It is a film that examines some of the horrors military men and women often face. It is a film that focuses on the suffering many families of fallen or returning soldiers often face. The film is not for the faint of heart.
The acting by Tommy Lee Jones, Charlize Theron, Susan Sarandon and others is superb. The direction, cinematography, editing, pacing, music, and storytelling are first rate.
The title "In The Valley of Elah" refers to the Biblical story of David and Goliath. The film investigates and speculates on how our formative stories may shape our aspirations. And the film explores how the complexities of reality often challenge us, sometimes leading us off the course and away from the ideals we originally aspired toward.
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(USA)
