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No One Lives
No One Lives

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A gripping revitalization of the exploitation/road-horror film, October 12, 2013
A lot of horror films of the 00's and 10's fall under the hit-or-miss category, fortunately "No One Lives" is certainly a big hit. It isn't everyday you come across a modern day highway-themed road-horror film reminiscent of the glorious trash gold of the late '70s and early '80s, but "No One Lives" nails it. In the tradition of all the low-budget B-films of that era, "No One Lives" promises plenty of sleaze, gore, action and suspense into a taut, interesting movie. I highly recommend this movie to anybody that seeks these elements in a horror film. It's also worth noting that Lindsey Shaw (actress on TeenNick show "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide") plays a role in this, and THAT really came outta left field! Strongly recommend for horror fans who seek a B-film good time, I hope you all enjoy. Thanks for the time, and peace.

Children of the Corn
Children of the Corn
Price: $4.99

1.0 out of 5 stars The Complete Farmer's Almanac On How To Make Steven King Cry, July 27, 2013
This is the first film I've ever given a one-star rating on here. I always try to find some good in a movie, some redeeming quality that makes me like it, but it felt like no matter what happened in this movie, it just made me angrier and more bored.

Let me break it down for you like this: Burt and Vicky, in this film, are a married couple on the brink of utter marital destruction; the character Vicky is the most insufferable shrew one could imagine. Whereas Linda Hamilton's character in the 1984 original was playful, friendly and much more easily able to relate to, this Vicky spends the first 40-45 minutes doing nothing but yelling at her husband, blaming him and insulting him when he didn't even cause a need for her to be upset. Burt is honestly the only character I can relate to in the movie; he's good-natured, patient, strong-willed and is still able to emote like a regular human being (as opposed to his wife who basically does nothing but spew animosity throughout). This isn't a Children of the Corn remake!!! This is "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days: Hee-Haw Edition"!!!

The evil children in this movie are also very poorly done, especially in comparison to those of the original. The kids in this film aren't very bright and don't do a half-convincing job that they're evil; honestly I just felt like the little suckers needed a good spanking to set them straight. Also, I'm aware that one isn't supposed to like the villain in a horror film, but even as the bad guys, I just wanted to go up to the children and say "I don't like you." That's right, even the villains in this horror film aren't on par with a decently-done villain role. The character of Isaac was just an annoying little shrimp, whereas in the original he was twisted and menacing, and FAR more believable. This film's Malachai also has nowhere near as much finesse as Courtney Gains in the original movie; Malachai here just kinda has no personality and is pretty forgettable as far as being the bad guy that does the dirty work.

What really bothers me about the film, though, is that despite how insufferable the first 45 minutes or so were, halfway through, this movie has the utter nerve to pick up the pace. I wasn't expecting the film to be very exciting, but about 50 minutes in the kids start to attack, Burt fights back in an attempt to rescue Vicky, and all the creepy cult material kicks into play. It's bad enough that half the film wastes our time on pointless bickering, but to turn itself into an almost-decent excuse for a low-budget made-for-television remake of a horror classic just bothered me. It's the equivalence of hearing a musical artist you don't like do a legitimately good cover of a song you do like.

All in all, this was one of the poorest horror movie remakes I've ever seen. The ONLY reason I would suggest that anyone watch it is they, like me, want to complete the Children of the Corn film series. Otherwise, stay FAR away from this garbage. This is just one of those films that shouldn't have been made. In all honesty though, I do think there are some remakes of the 2000's that are legitimately good, such as The Last House on the Left, Maniac and Mother's Day, so give those films a chance before you subject yourself to the torture that is this movie. Thanks for the time, and peace.

Of Unknown Origin
Of Unknown Origin
DVD ~ Peter Weller
Offered by Solo Enterprises
Price: $18.00
14 used & new from $7.27

5.0 out of 5 stars Topo Gigio woke up on the wrong side of the bed!, June 12, 2013
This review is from: Of Unknown Origin (DVD)
"Of Unknown Origin" is one of those obscure gems that, usually, only big-time horror fans will find while delving through lists of sleeper classics. The movie stars Peter Weller as an eccentric businessman who struggles to deal with a very cunning rat that's infesting his house. What gives this movie such a kick is that it's able to work on two levels: It works both as an entertaining B-movie in the animal-horror subgenre, but it also works as a gripping psychological thriller. Throughout the movie, Peter Weller's mental stamina is tested in a progressively frustrating battle against the rat, trying to exterminate it as it runs rampant through his house. We see how he becomes hooked on eliminating vermin (see the dinner scene where he goes on about rodents as a delicacy in some countries, a scene I found to be quite funny due to the characters' awkward reactions!). In short, this is an intriguing and entertaining movie about man vs. nature in an urbanized context, well worth the watch if you want something both fun and an underlying psychological case study! Thanks for the time, and peace.

Mark of the Devil
Mark of the Devil
DVD ~ Johannes Buzalski
Price: $8.74
38 used & new from $2.64

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A dark chapter in the annals of humanity exploited with gusto!, June 11, 2013
This review is from: Mark of the Devil (DVD)
Starring old-school horror legend Udo Kier, "Mark of the Devil" is a 1970 exploitation film that delves into the lives of witch-hunters in Europe, somewhere between the 15th and 19th century (it's never clarified in the movie, but regardless). At first you think might ask yourself how appalling can a drive-in film made as early as 1970 be? But don't be fooled, this 40+ year old movie is still brutal and shocking to this day. The scenes of graphic violence and torture are consistent throughout and show how horrible we as humans can be. I'm not going to give too much away but we do get two women burning at the stake and one getting her tongue ripped out with a medieval torture device. What's also shocking is how backwards their religious views were, believing they had to slaughter and torture for God. As a Christian myself, I found this revolting and upsetting at how corrupt people's views can be. Anyway, between the good acting and the audacious violence, this one is for the books, even to this day. Give it a watch and prepare to be thrown back to the drive-in days! Thanks for the time, and peace.

Blackwater Valley Exorcism
Blackwater Valley Exorcism
DVD ~ Jeffrey Combs
Price: $8.79
27 used & new from $0.01

3.0 out of 5 stars Blackwater Soap Opera..., April 15, 2013
This review is from: Blackwater Valley Exorcism (DVD)
Blackwater Valley Exorcism is, as the name would imply, another entry in the recently ever-expanding exorcism-horror subgenre. Right from the plot summary, I was predicting that this was a ripoff of The Exorcist and, to a point, it is. Sadly, this movie falls very short of that seminal classic. To me, this was one of those movies that seems promising enough within the first half, but by about the 40-minute mark, you can tell they just gave up completely on this film. There were some parts that I found, whether it was the intent of the creators or not (and I'm guessing not), to be quite comical. It also became too close to being a soap opera; there was a seemingly extraneous amount of characters with no satisfying back-story or development. To me, it felt as if they had set up everything for something big and exciting to happen, and then in the end gave up on it. The acting of Kristin Erickson is quite a saving grace, but overall, as far as exorcism-horror films go and horror films of the 00's, this is not a standout in either area.

Kill Theory (After Dark Horrorfest 4)
Kill Theory (After Dark Horrorfest 4)
DVD ~ Don McManus
Price: $8.79
37 used & new from $2.35

4.0 out of 5 stars Saw + Friday the 13th + film noir influence = Kill Theory, January 21, 2012
Skimming through the free on-demand movies, I came across this one and it caught my interest. "Kill Theory" is an intriguing movie that blends the elements of '80s slasher films such as "Friday the 13th" with the suspense/tension/torture-film elements of "Saw" and a dark, nightmarish setting that rounds it all off. This movie has a lot going for it: a clever and twisted villain, great atmosphere, and it certainly goes hard with the gore (the scene where that one jerk got bludgeoned in the skull with a shovel says it all!)

One thing that did bother me was that, despite reviving the whole college-kids-on-vacation theme being a positive, it felt kind of rushed because it was almost forced right into from the beginning. It was like the movie-makers were saying "Okay, here's a half-dozen characters, instantly connect with them." It also got a little tedious in parts, however it still has quite a few moments of suspense that round it all off.

All in all, this was an interesting, suspenseful and gory movie that I think deserves more recognition, if only for the fact that it's not a Z-grade remake of a horror classic. Check it out if you get the chance! Thanks for the time, and peace.

House of the Dead II
House of the Dead II
DVD ~ Emmanuelle Vaugier
Price: $8.69
67 used & new from $0.48

4.0 out of 5 stars Not perfect, but better than the first, October 25, 2011
This review is from: House of the Dead II (DVD)
"House of the Dead 2" is an interesting film. What do you get when you cross aiming for a Romero-styled zombie movie with a "made for Sci-Fi channel" movie? Apparently you get this. "House of the Dead 2" has all the essentials that the first movie had: buckets of gore, lots of high-energy action scenes and those big, glorious t*ts hanging out here and there. Sure, it's not a fantastic zombie movie but it's quite good for low-budget entertainment.

The only real problems I had with this movie were the storyline and the ending. Not only was the plot minimalistic, but it was too one-dimensional for me, it felt as if the writers couldn't come up with enough material for sub-plots to really fill out the film. If they had maybe supplied one or two more minor storylines, the movie would have felt more complete. Also, this felt more like a military movie than a zombie movie, as if there wasn't a solid grasp on keeping the film from waning from its intended self. Finally, the ending was pretty awkward and left an odd tone for the conclusion to a movie. Not that many zombie movies are easy to end, if they're based on a massive outbreak at least, but regardless, the ending bugged me. Check this out if you want lots of thrills and bloodshed, but don't expect a brilliant storyline. Thanks for the time, and peace.

Island Claws [VHS]
Island Claws [VHS]
2 used & new from $34.00

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not great, but not horrible either, October 24, 2011
This review is from: Island Claws [VHS] (VHS Tape)
"Island Claws" is an obscure sleeper of a film from the animal-horror boom that gave us "Grizzly" and the "Jaws" series. Basically it's a sci-fi flick about crabs on an island community that run amok. There are some good action scenes and the character development aspect of the storyline is well-done, but the pacing of the movie is really where it suffers. Overall, entertaining for a watch if you've got some free time. I'd imagine that this movie is very hard to find, but it is up in its entirety on Youtube, which is where I came across it. Thanks for the time, and peace.

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane
Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane
DVD ~ David Chisum
Offered by SpReAdLoVe
Price: $6.65
73 used & new from $0.01

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A movie that soars in an era of remakes!, October 24, 2011
"Flight of the Living Dead" is a really fun, campy, entertaining zombie-horror film. There's lots of rapid-fire action scenes, explosive gore throughout the film, interesting and enticing character development, and some great slapstick humor to boot. Basically, this is everything beautiful about zombie exploitation with B-movie good-times and comedy thrown in for good measure. It takes a little bit for the movie to really kick off but once it does, the laughs, full-on gore and action don't stop! Highly recommended for zombie fans. Thanks for the time, and peace.

Night of the Demons
Night of the Demons
DVD ~ Cathy Podewell
Offered by Help Me Ronda Things
Price: $39.99
23 used & new from $8.46

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the seminal cult films in horror, a must-view for fans!, October 20, 2011
This review is from: Night of the Demons (DVD)
"Night of the Demons" is all that you've heard it was. A bunch of teenagers go to an abandoned haunted house on Halloween, laced with '80s metal, profanity, booze, costumes and sexual indulgence, and are in for a night of supernatural terror soaked in blood! From the deliciously enticing Angela to the slapstick humor to the spiritual/supernatural/semi-mythological element, this movie is all that and a bag of severed human heads! For fans of fun, campy, creative horror films, this is a definite essential. Thanks for the time and peace.

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