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Think Big [VHS]
Think Big [VHS]
VHS
10 used & new from $24.99

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars "Well well, if it ain't the 'Tardy Boys...", August 24, 2003
This review is from: Think Big [VHS] (VHS Tape)
Never one to pass up the chance of catching a cheeseball flick that I haven't yet seen, I decided to grab "Think Big" from the local rental joint, take it home, and fire 'er up. I wasn't expecting much from this low-brow, yet strangely cute and occasionally touching road/chase movie with a touch of sci-fi intrigue, but when it was all said & done I found myself mildly entertained by the dumb shenanigans. I even discovered one of the greatest lines ever uttered in low-budget cheeseball cinema history, which I used to title this review!

The protagonists, a pair of muscle-bound twins (the Barbarian Brothers, who attained modest cult success in the late 80s), apparently got their thespian chops from the WWF acting school. Too bad they didn't take a few of the school's wrestling courses while they were at it; they really coulda used it. Why, you ask? Well, it's probably `cuz this flick contains some of the most inept fighting sequences I've ever witnessed, especially the dustup at the airport! The battle royale at the truck stop was pretty funny though, especially the part where the two henchmen are arguing over who gets the chain and who gets the two-by-four.

But not only is `Think Big' a dumb movie with ridiculous-looking fight scenes, it's also a veritable showcase of notable b-listers from the late 80s:

- Richard Moll, best known as the bald-pated bailiff Bull Shannon from 'Night Court', pops up for a moment as a trucking dispatcher who gives Rafe & Vic (the twins) their latest cargo assignment. I love this one scene, `cuz one of the brothers constantly stares at him with one of the dopiest smiles I've ever seen! I can imagine him thinkin' to himself, "Oh my god, it's Bull Shannon! With hair!"

- Tom 'Tiny' Lister, best known as Zeus in `No Holds Barred', has a brief appearance here as well whilst still wearing that `Z' on the side of his head.

- David Carradine is constantly on the brothers' trail as an oily repo man out to take back their almost-paid-for truck. Carradine's overdone smarmy laughter, which starts up every time his character thought he had the rig in his hands, became pretty annoying after a while. He does get his come-uppance in the end however, albeit a stupid and unsatisfying one.

- Michael Winslow, best known as that guy who imitates different sounds in the `Police Academy' movies, shows up in the truck stop scene about halfway into the proceedings. Sadly, he doesn't break out any new sounds or noises here...

- Richard Kiel, best known as Jaws from a couple Roger Moore-era Bond movies, is the leader of the henchmen who try to chase down our gallant iron-pumping duo. Man, is that dude scary! And what's with that big ol' knot in the middle of his forehead? Probably a brain tumor, which would explain why he agreed to take this part...

- Martin Mull as the leader of the bad guy minions, doing what he does best: being overly-ingratiating and a bit too eager to please. Y'know, kinda like your stereotypical used car dealer, only more easily flustered when his nefarious plans are torn asunder. Kinda like all of the other roles I've seen him do...

- The blond dude who plays one of the henchmen, whose "accent" seems to shift from British to German and back again. Or maybe it's Australian to Swedish and back again? Ahhh, who can tell the diff-- he could be tryin' to speak two different dialects of Martian for all I know...

And if that ain't enough, our favorite pair of physically-overdeveloped, genetically-identical goombahs also rap the theme to the opening and closing credits! All I'll say about their mad skillz is this: Vanilla Ice, they ain't...

`Late


They Live
They Live
DVD ~ Roddy Piper
Price: $10.06
53 used & new from $5.93

62 of 127 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars LAME!!!, August 24, 2003
This review is from: They Live (DVD)
No, the title of my review (and 1-star rating) doesn't refer to the movie itself. Which I rather enjoyed, although it's kinda hard for me to take seriously Carpenter's message about the evils of money and rampant consumerism when I envision him laughing all the way to the bank as he deposits his residual checks from the upcoming re-release of this movie on DVD. I'm referring to the platter itself, which will be lacking any special features. Which is lame, `cuz the UK version (which is ALREADY AVAILABLE to UK consumers! WTF?!) includes a few trailers, a `Making-of' featurette, and a commentary track by director John Carpenter and star `Rowdy' Roddy Piper.
This little development has led me to believe that the distributors of this particular platter are setting the stateside consumers up for a little thing I call the `Dreaded DVD Double-Dip Ploy' (check out my "So You'd Like To..." guides on this annoying phenomenon for more detailed info). First, the distributor puts out a stripped-down, bare-bones edition of a popular movie on disc (such as, oh, let's say `They Live'). Then, several months to a couple years later, they do a re-release, only this time they throw in all sorts'a stuff, including commentary tracks, behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted scenes, and whatever else they have lyin' around. To put it simply, it's a sneaky way for the movie studios & video distributors to make the DVD-purchasing public buy the same thing (`cept different) twice. And I'm pretty sure that's what they'll be doin' for this specific flick some time down the road.
Of course, if all you're looking for is the movie itself without all that `special features' fluff, I won't keep you from placing your order. However, if you're like me-- a completist who has to have as many extras on his DVDs as he can stand-- I recommend you wait, and keep tabs on the latest upcoming digital disc release news. Don't fall into the DVD Double-Dip pit like so many others have!
You've been warned...
`Late


Action Jackson
Action Jackson
DVD ~ Carl Weathers
Offered by Sunday River
Price: $14.49
125 used & new from $0.01

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Apollo Creed goes down for the count..., August 23, 2003
This review is from: Action Jackson (DVD)
Always looking for a little something to add to my repertoire of silly action fare, I decided to give Action Jackson a whirl. I figured that it'd be at least half-way decent; it was produced by Joel Silver, the guy who oversaw the production of the Lethal Weapon flicks and the first two Die Hards, after all. With a resume like that, how could'ja go wrong? Whoops, forgot about 'The Last Boy Scout'...
I found 'Action Jackson' to be not just a bad movie, but a legendarily bad movie. What's the diff between `bad' and `legendarily bad', you ask? `Bad' is when I watch a dumb movie once, and have no interest in watching it again. `Legendarily bad' is when I watch a dumb movie once, and I am so astonished by how bad it is, I hafta watch it again, `cuz I couldn't believe how lousy it was the first time `round. Simply put, it's the cinematic rendition of me doin' a double-take. It was also a sad waste of approximately three hours of my life that could've been better spent watchin' the grass in my back yard grow...
Anyway, on to our star of the show, Carl Weathers. After watching him perform in this sad affair, I'd say that, for a leading man, he makes a really good supporting character. Then again, it probably wasn't his fault-there's only so much one can do when one is working off of a lousy script filled with really lame jokes and hokey one-liners. On the upside, though, his character does manage to survive all the way through the movie, which had become a rare thing for him ever since Rocky IV...
Craig T. Nelson of `Coach' fame is the heavy, a psychotic car manufacturer (the movie's based in Detroit) with aspirations of becoming a political kingmaker. Sadly, after spending a few nights watching him in `Coach', I can't take Nelson seriously in any role that's not comedic-well, except perhaps as Carol-Ann's dad in `Poltergeist'. But other than that, he just looks a bit too goofy to pull off the `Underhanded-action-flick-bad-guy' deal. I did love him overselling his character's death (following a nice, juicy blood squib) for all he's worth, though-that was good for a chuckle or two.
And alas, there's poor Sharon Stone in one of her less-than-memorable pre-Total Recall roles (not to mention one of her not-so-notable pre-Basic Instinct nudie scenes) as she plays the ill-fated wife of the future college football coach-- whoops, I mean avaricious car builder. Taking into consideration how retarded this flick is, I find her character's murder by her significant other halfway into the proceedings a mercy killing...
Other notable appearances include...
- Thomas Wilson, best known as Biff "Hello, McFly?!" Tannen from the `Back to the Future' movies, appears here as a smarmy, smart-aleck patrolman. His performance is reminiscent of Bill Paxton's most famous roles (think of Chet from 'Weird Science' crossed with Simon from 'True Lies'), only without any of the wit or warmth.
- Robert Davi as a tightly-wound and highly paranoid friend of Jackson's who knows just a little too much about the main heavy's avaricious aspirations. And you know what that means, right? Yep, you guessed it-- several seconds after tellin' our hero all he knows, he's bumped off in his apartment by a henchman disguised as a UPS driver. Y'know, for a guy who's is tryin' to lay low, and jumps at every little sound he hears, Davi's character didn't seem to mind lettin' the fake UPS guy just waltz on in...
- That Asian dude with the long hair and Fu Manchu who you always see playin' an evil henchman who gets bumped off right before climactic final fight between the hero and the heavy, appears here as an evil henchman who gets bumped off right before the climactic final fight between the hero and the heavy. No type-casting here, heh...
Speakin' of the final fight, you'll likely find yourself in stitches after watching Jackson drive a sports car up a couple flights of stairs on his way to the climactic duel. And if that ain't funny enough, you'll also get a kick outta the "playing chicken-with-a-taxicab" sequence. This moment features plenty of implausible explosions, as well as our hero performing the superhuman feat of punching through a windshield which apparently isn't made from that safety glass they use nowadays. Musta' been an American-made taxi, hmm? And this scene's climax was so ridiculous-- well, more so than you'd usually expect from an action flick--, I was laughing like a mental patient for a full minute after its conclusion!
On a final note: there's some folks' contention that `Action Jackson' was a pathetic attempt to cash in on the `Beverly Hills Cop' flicks by trying to ape the style and humor of the latter movie. Personally, I don't see any real similarities between the movies; for one thing, `BHC's comedic moments were actually funny, and intentionally so. The only moment that appears to be derived from those wonderful Eddie Murphy vehicles is Apollo's- whoops, I mean Jackson's little `preacher-sermon' act that he uses to get out of a jam during the pool-hall interrogation scene. Otherwise, I'm not sensing any real parallels here. But then again, I wasn't really lookin' for any, either...
'Late


Super Bowl XXXIII - Denver Broncos Championship Video [VHS]
Super Bowl XXXIII - Denver Broncos Championship Video [VHS]
VHS
Offered by camposhank
Price: $12.88
26 used & new from $0.99

8 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars The Broncos win a SECOND Super Bowl? You're kiddin', right?, August 10, 2003
I must've spent the entire 1998 off-season following the Broncos' upset victory over the Packers in Super Bowl XXXII getting over my disbelief that Denver had finally won the big one. I musta said to myself, "The Denver Broncos didn't REALLY win the Super Bowl, did they? Naaahh, can't be... not really...?" about a million times during those long spring and summer months leadin' up to kickoff '98. Hey, if you saw the three previous Super Bowls that John "Chiclet-Choppers" Elway and his team played in-- and never even came close to winning-- you'd have spent half a year in a daze of self-denial, too!

But, as the 1998 season hit its midpoint, it was apparent the Broncos were that year's team of destiny. By the time they reached thirteen straight victories, they looked like a lock to win it all-- which is what they'd eventually do of course. It says so on the video cover box, you know...

A few fave season highlights-and not-so-fave lowlights:

Game 2 versus Dallas: I love it when the Cowboys get beaten down in a convincing fashion-- well, not as much as when the Niners do it, but I'll take what I can get. Denver coasts to victory here, 42 to 23.

Game 3 at Oakland: Denver shakes off an early interception return for a TD and buries the ChokeLand Faders with the help of a touchdown-scoring pickoff of their own. Speakin' of that interception score: now I don't like the Raiders (like you haven't already figured that out for yourself, right?), but I was kinda miffed by Ray Crockett's tiny-step walk into the end zone strut for the score. 'Course, I've never been a big fan of over-the-top showboating, even when it's done by a team I like against one I can't stand. If I were the running back who followed him to the goal line (and gave up tryin' to stop him before he did his plodding little strut, 'cuz he's a mommy-coddled wussbag just like the rest of his team-- a team that should just move back to L.A. so that bay area pro sports can finally have a bit of class again (see, I really DO hate the Raiders!)), I woulda' run back at him and made like Don Beebe on Leon Lett before he crossed the goal line, if ya catch my drift. I did enjoy seeing then-Raiders head coach Jon Gruden (a few years before he joined a REAL TEAM and beat his old team senseless in the Super Bowl-- oh man, I still laugh like a mental patient every time I think about it! Heck, I'm thinkin' about it right now... eh heh... Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! See, told ya...) doing his "I-just-sucked-on-an-alum-soaked-lemon-for-an-hour" scowl at the end of this segment, though...

Game 7 versus Jacksonville: Elam's record-tying 63-yard field goal to end the first half helps demoralize the Jags, as does RB Terrell Davis' feat of being only the third man in NFL history to rush for 1000 or more yards in the first seven games of the season.

Game 8 versus Cincinnati: Elway leads a last-minute tie-breaking scoring drive to sink the Bengals. Hey, wait a minute... a last-minute winning drive against THE BENGALS??? Boy, the Broncos musta' REALLY been out of it to let Cincinnati stay in the game, let alone allow them to tie...

Game 10 versus Oakland: The Silver-and-Blacked-Out get buried under a sea of Broncos points. I love it! Also, Elway joins Dan Marino as the only quarterbacks to pass for more than 50,000 career yards.

Game 13 versus KC: The Broncos overcome a 10-point deficit at one point, and go on to win it in the final minute.

The video blows right by Denver's back-to-back losses against the Giants and the Dolphins. And I don't blame 'em for not wasting time on 'em; who wants to watch clips of their team losing? Well, unless they're some sorta masochistic Detroit Lions aficionado or Cincinnati Bengals nut, that is...

Season finale versus Seattle: Terrell Davis needed 170 yards to become only the fourth RB in NFL history to gain 2000 yards in a season-- and he got 'em and then some! John Elway also makes a mark in the record books by completing his 300th career touchdown pass.

AFC Championship versus the New York Jets: Neither team could effectively move the ball during the first half, although the Jets did manage a 1/2-yard TD plunge following a punt block for a 10-0 halftime lead. But thanks to a Broncos defense that forced a few opportune Jets turnovers and took advantage of a couple fortunate bounces of the ball, Denver managed to pull away and hold on for one of the toughest wins I've ever witnessed in the NFL postseason.

Super Bowl XXXIII against the Atlanta Falcons: This game's big behind-the-scenes drama focused partly on Atlanta head coach Dan Reeves, who led the Broncos to their last three Super Bowl defeats, and was about to coach the Falcons to their first against his former team (ironic, isn't it?). This game would saddle him with the dubious distinction of being the third man to coach a team to four Super Bowl losses in as many tries.

Sadly, this game became yet another in a string of STUPOR Bowls. Denver held the lead for most of the day, and extended it well beyond the reach of Atlanta's ability to come back. The Falcons did have plenty of opportunities to make the game interesting, however; unfortunately for them, their many trips inside the Denver red zone yielded very little in the way of points. They did manage to return a kickoff for a TD late in the second half. But as narrator Harry Kalas said, the score was much too little, and far too late to help. Oh, did I fail to mention that John Elway won game MVP honors? Yeah, yeah, I know: I never thought I'd ever see the day, either...

'Late


WWF: WrestleMania III [VHS]
WWF: WrestleMania III [VHS]
VHS
Offered by Rays Music
Price: $23.98
26 used & new from $1.47

4.0 out of 5 stars WrestleMania III: The Lowdown, August 9, 2003
Loud, overacting, physically-overdeveloped men dipped in pure testosterone. Garish and downright ridiculous-looking outfits. Backstage interviews full of loud, obnoxious trash talk. An audience consisting of more than its fair share of rubes and weirdos (if you doubt this part, check out the interviews with the fans outside the Silverdome prior to the main event!). Yep, it's pro wrestling all right...
Although the Hulk Hogan / Andre the Giant main event is the most notable match of this event, the contest between Ricky `the Dragon' Steamboat and Intercontinental champ `Macho Man' Randy Savage was the best of the bunch. It's nearly twenty minutes of momentum-changing action, featuring plenty of near-falls by both men. George `The Animal' Steele acts as the Dragon's corner man, and helps him get back inside the ring after taking some pretty hard bumps on a few occasions.
Although it featured King Kong Bundy (one of my all-time faves), the midget tag-team match he was part of (with Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo versus Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver and the Haiti Kid) was a wash. The little guys didn't really do that much rasslin', really; Little Beaver spent most of his time running away from Bundy after hittin' him with a couple highly ineffective quick shots. It did have one particularly amusing moment, however: Bundy managed to kick out of a cover by Hillbilly Jim and his two diminutive partners, both of whom practically flew right off of the big man!
The hair match between the apparently-retiring `Rowdy' Roddy Piper and `Adorable' Adrian Adonis was pretty hokey, although it was helped by a couple amazing `bumps' by Adonis. The Adorable One even does the ol' trick of trying to hit an opponent outside the ring with a big pair of shears, hits the top ring rope instead, and it causes the shears to bounce back and smack him in the head. Piper's finishing sleeper hold-which looked really bad- on Adonis put an end to the match, and Brutus Beefcake earns his moniker of `The Barber' by doing the honors of trimming the tresses of the vanquished.
Alice Cooper is the event's `rock-n-wrestling' connection as he manages Jake `The Snake' Roberts against the Honky Tonk Man, managed by `Mouth-of-the-South' Jimmy Hart. Although HTM managed to get the pin (thanks to a bit of illegal leverage the ref didn't see), The Snake and Cooper do manage to get a bit of revenge by throwin' Roberts' pet python on Jimmy Hart. There was one point right after the match where it looked like Hart and Cooper were gonna mix it up, but it was merely a ruse to get The Mouth of the South to try on the snake stole. The manager-versus-manager dealy was pretty surreal; as small and skinny as Jimmy Hart is, Alice Cooper is even punier! I grudgingly had to agree with color commentator Jesse Ventura that Hart probably coulda' taken him...
Bobby `The Brain' Heenan (my all-time fave manager) gets a pretty good share of face time in this event as the manager of three `heels' in three separate matches. His first charge, Hercules Hernandez, battles to a double disqualification against Billy Jack Haynes (or `Billy Jerk Haynes', as Heenan called him during the pre-match backstage interview). The next guy under his employ, `The King' Harley Race, manages to shake off several ridiculously-fake-looking, on-all-fours head-butts by the Junk Yard Dog to claim a victory in a humiliation match. As the vanquished competitor, JYD is forced to bow down to Harley Race (which he does) and then crown him, which he does... with a steel chair! Oh yes, Heenan also manages Andre the Giant for the main event, which I'll be goin' over in the next paragraph...
The last hour of the tape is dedicated to the main event. The first half-hour is a buildup to the match, featuring segments from Saturday Night's Main Event that set up this historic contest, as well as a wonderful pre-event interview with a perfectly-coiffed `Brain' where he proclaims his confidence in Andre winning the championship. Also thrown in is a press conference featuring plenty of amusing sniping between Heenan and `Mean Gene' Okerlund. One could tell Andre was nearing the end of his career as a wrestler when he plodded into frame and sat down during the press conference: he was barely able to move about, and his shirt was drenched in sweat.
Andre was also pretty slow in the ring, but he and Hogan worked things out to make it look good, and kept it going for about ten minutes. Bob Uecker, who was hangin' around Gorilla Monsoon and Ventura-- who pounded on him mercilessly with his trademark taunts-- during the whole event, acted as the ring announcer for the championship match. Mary Hart (the co-host of Entertainment Tonight with the blindingly-bright smile, who attempted to get a few words from Miss Elizabeth prior to the Macho Man's IC belt bout) acted as the bell-ringer.
Following his big body-slam and leg-drop of the titanic foe, Hogan sets the WrestleMania record for `longest time a wrestler milks the fans for cheap pop'! The Hulkster works the crowd for all he's worth for about fifteen minutes, doing those Mr. Universe body-builder poses and waving his hand around & putting it to his ear so he can hear the crowd's reaction whilst his `Real American' theme song plays on a loop. Man, think of the cost in tape the distributors of this video could've saved had they cut the post-match celebration out! We're talkin' tens of dollars here...
`Late


No Title Available

3 of 7 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars She's ba-ack..., August 5, 2003
= Durability:2.0 out of 5 stars  = Fun:3.0 out of 5 stars  = Educational:1.0 out of 5 stars 
When it comes to nigh-uncanny character likenesses, amazingly-realistic paint finishes, and bizarre accessories, the movie tie-in action figures put out by McFarlane Toys™ are among the elite (if not THE elite) of the 'realistic' toy collectibles market. Much like the T-800 endoskeleton that McF put out as part of their T2 line last year, The T-X Endoskeleton™ Movie Maniac™ figure is a pretty good showcase of McF's greatest attributes in the realm of collectible toys. This scaled-down bare-bones likeness of the real deal is incredibly "true-to-life"! The detailed paint finish shows all the highlights and detail that make this miniature cybernetic killer look (un)believably realistic! The figure even has different metal tones; some parts are somewhat brassy in color.
Sadly, I found myself somewhat disappointed by this figure, as well as the rest of the T3 line. Unlike McF's previous Movie Maniacs offerings, the paint job on these figures aren't quite as detailed as I expected them to be. They still look surprisingly realistic, just not quite as much as the T2 series did. Another downside to this collectible: like most McFarlane Toys™ action figures, this one's constructed more for show (either boxed or--*GASP!*-- loose) than it is for play, and isn't very durable.
And I know I'm goin' off on a tangent with this one, but... when is McFarlane Toys gonna come out with a new set of Sam and Twitch action figures?! It's been, what, almost seven years since they put out the first and only versions?! Oh yeah, Cy-Gor gets ten million different variations in plastic, but Sam & Twitch only get one?! It's just not fair...
`Late


Tartan Pistol Grip Box Sealing Tape Dispenser HB903 Black
Tartan Pistol Grip Box Sealing Tape Dispenser HB903 Black
Price: $7.80
29 used & new from $6.44

29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Packin' it away, August 5, 2003
If you're heavily into selling on eBay/Half.com/Amazon Marketplace, I'd recommend you look for something a bit sturdier. Otherwise, this little packaging tool is a godsend for the occasional-to-medium-duty online auction purveyor! It's also good to have around when you're shipping Christmas presents off to distant relatives.
Instead of havin' to fumble around on a bare roll of packaging tape in a frustrating effort to find the leader, the gun keeps it in place and ready to use on the next box! Just put the free end of the tape down on one side of the box, then-SKHKHKHKT!-all the way down to the other end, and let the serrated cutting blade sever the length from the rest of the roll! This particular model even has a tension knob on the spool that helps keep the tape roll in place with a clockwise turn, and also loosen it up when spent (counterclockwise turn).
On a final note: if you give the buyer the option of shipping via standard mail or Priority Mail, I recommend you keep two of these handy-one for the regular tape, and one for the Priority Mail tape. Believe you me, it's worth not having to go through the hassle of taking the regular roll off, then putting on the Priority roll, find the leader, thread it through the gun, etc.
`Late


Orbit Sugarfree Gum Peppermint, 14-Piece Packs (Pack of 12)
Orbit Sugarfree Gum Peppermint, 14-Piece Packs (Pack of 12)

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Breathe in DEEPLY, now..., August 1, 2003
Although Orbit peppermint chewing gum has a pretty good bite to it, it's not quite as `curiously strong' as the originator of the super-minty breath-control confectionry, Altoids. In fact, Orbit isn't all that much stronger than Wrigley's regular line of peppermint chewing gum, which I found a bit disappointing. It also has a slight hint of cinnamon in it, which makes for a slightly surreal taste experience. Kinda makes me wonder what cinnamon Orbit is gonna taste like, if and when Wrigley decides to put it out on the market!
The sweetness is pretty much used up about ten minutes in. Fortunately, the mint flavor has a lot more staying power, and maintains its potency for a couple of hours. Sometimes, when I'm chewing on a couple sticks, I'll breathe in through my mouth, and I can feel the peppermint-encapsulated oxygen headin' down the ol' windpipe and into my lungs! It's a really cool sensation, lemme tells ya...
`Late


WWF: WrestleMania I [VHS]
WWF: WrestleMania I [VHS]
VHS
Offered by Autumn Heart Books and Media
Price: $6.40
21 used & new from $2.67

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars The Greatest Wrestling Event of All Time-- 'til next year..., August 1, 2003
If you're wonderin' where the WWE's pay-per-view empire got its start, you need look no further-- you've found it! I really get a kick out of a young Vincent Kennedy McMahon doing the intro to this presentation-he's kinda shaky readin' off of the cue cards here. Fortunately, he'd improve as the years went on...
Anyhoo, here's a few of my comments on this event's most notable matches...
- The first contest, featuring Tito Santana (or `Chicho' as Jesse Ventura likes to call him) and the (yawn) Masked Executioner, is a pretty standard contest, and nothing special. The changes in momentum are reasonably easy to predict. The only thing that surprised me here was how bouncy the ring ropes are! Nowadays, they have hardly any give to them at all...
- Although it was one of the shortest matches, if not THE shortest match I've ever witnessed, I've always enjoyed watching King Kong Bundy go to work against whoever his opponent is. In this case, it was `Special Delivery' Jones, who could've easily fit into an envelope after Bundy avalanched him, then finished him off with a flattening splash-pin. The ring announcer stated that the contest lasted only nine seconds from the opening bell to the three-count (Bundy didn't call for his trademark five-count here), when in actuality it was closer to twenty.
- Junk Yard Dog versus Greg `The Hammer' Valentine: JYD's really fake-lookin' down-on-all-fours head-butts on Valentine in the middle of the match were pretty funny to see. But what made this moment downright hilarious was color announcer Jesse Ventura's statement that JYD's head-butts were powerful enough "to drop an oak tree"! With gross exaggerations like that, it's little wonder he pursued a career in politics...
- Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) versus Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) for the WWF women's championship: Hey, remember that silly `Hulk Hogan Rock-N-Wrestling' cartoon from the mid-80s? Wasn't it kinda ironic that it didn't really feature any rock or wrestling? And where was I going with this observation, anyway? I think it had something to do with Cyndi Lauper helping make an actual rock-n-wrestling connection by managing challenger Wendi Richter... or something like that. I gotta go lie down now...
- Andre the Giant versus Big John Studd in a $15,000 body-slam match: I didn't care all that much for the event itself; it was BJS's manager Bobby `The Brain' Heenan antagonizing Mean Gene Okerlund during the pre-match interview that entertained me the most! And his snatching the duffel bag full of cash away from Andre after his victory was pretty funny as well.
- THE MAIN EVENT Tag Team Match: Hulk Hogan & Mr. T (with Jimmy `Superfly' Snuka) versus `Rowdy' Roddy Piper and Paul `Mr. Wonderful' Orndorff (with `Cowboy' Bob Orton). Three notable celebs took part in the sideline festivities for this event. Billy Martin acted as the ring announcer; you can tell he's trying not to laugh when he intros Piper and Orndorff. Muhammad Ali is the outside-the-ring referee who sometimes takes a swipe or two at the `heel' combatants. And Liberace is the guest timekeeper who starts the match with a little crystal call-the-servant bell. Sadly, his little kick-dance number with the Rockettes prior to the main event is cut out of this presentation.
This match had its moments; unfortunately, Mr. T didn't look all that great when he went to the mat. Aside from a fireman's grab and a pretty good hip lock, he was really struggling out in the ring. I was pretty surprised to see that he was the smallest of the four combatants in this event-- he ain't as big and bad as I originally thought (`Course, I'd never actually say that to his face...)! And judging from how winded he was during the post-bout interview, stamina clearly ain't the T-man's strong suit. Fortunately, Hogan did a reasonable job picking up the slack. I only wish he picked up ringside announcer/interviewer Lord Alfred Hayes and gave him a few good body-slams on a concrete sidewalk while he was at it...
`Late


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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Pink 'n Tasty Relief!, November 28, 2002
Hi there! My name is Frank, and I'll be fillin' in for Zaggy today while he celebrates Thanksgiving with his mom `n' dad. Speakin' of which, my review will be focused on my fave post-meal upset-stomach remedies ever made: Pepto-Bismol! As someone who has a lotta digestive troubles, I always keep a bottle of this magical pink elixir within reach for those less-than-pleasant moments. Be it at home or at work, I'm never more than a yard away from the stuff. It has a much more pleasant taste than Kaopectate or Imodium A-D, and it goes down a lot more smoother than Mylanta. Heck, I take it even when I'm not suffering the effects of Montezuma's Revenge, just for preventive purposes! Why, I love Pepto Bismol so much, one of these days I'm gonna fill my bathtub up with the stuff and have myself a relaxing soak! Unfortunately I can't afford to do this right now. But a guy can dream, right? Anyway, I gotta go. The local buffet's got a Thanksgivin' half-off special, and I don't wanna be stuck in the back of the line...
G'Bye


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