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Marty Kingsley "That Geek With The Clip-Ons" RSS Feed (West Virginia)

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I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (Widescreen Edition)
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (Widescreen Edition)
DVD ~ Adam Sandler
Offered by mjentertainment
Price: $5.93
416 used & new from $0.01

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Homophobic Hypocrisy, August 31, 2014
How my ratings work:
5 Stars: Really like it/Love it
4 Stars: Really like it/like it
3 Stars: Like it/Worth a look
2 Stars: Didn't like it
1 Star: Hate it

This is a movie that could've been a smart critique on homosexual relationships and gay rights. Instead it's another crass comedy that resorts to the lowest common denominator humor that is common in Adam Sandler comedies. Now don't get me wrong, I like plenty of Sandler's movies (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Wedding Singer), these were movies that while crude did show some bits of heart and good intentions and didn't try to be anything other than fun comedies (Wedding Singer being a bit above the usual crude comedy and being pretty sweet).

Plot: Chuck (Sandler) and Larry (Kevin James of King of Queens Fame who I enjoy but man has his movie career been lackluster at best) are New York firefighters and totally straight (the movie will not let you forget that they're in fact straight, because the audience might get confused). The movie makes sure we know Chuck is straight by making him a ladies man despite being a sexist jerk and treating women as objects throughout pretty much the entire film. Larry is a widower with a son and daughter (the son who is super effeminate, but it's never made clear if he's gay or straight and of course has him acting as gay as possible) and needs to make sure their taken care of if something should happen to him. So he comes up with the logical solution to ask Chuck (who owes him or saving him in a previous scene) to marry him in domestic partnership. Naturally people fall for this because people in bad comedies are all idiots. Jessica Biel plays a lawyer who talks about progress in gay marriage but can't see through these two for one second (and the movie does all it can to ogle her).

One of the worst scenes is Rob Schneider (a staple of Sandler/Happy Madison films) as possibly the most offensive Chinese stereotype you'll ever see (at least Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's had the excuse of it being the 1960s) and from there homosexual stereotypes that are at their basic (mincing, lisping, and being turned on by everything possibly homo erotic). We have a scene where Ving Rhames (of Pulp Fiction and various other films) plays a tough as nails firefighter who comes out to Chuck (of course he can't remain tough, he's gotta become flamboyant and over the top because that's how all gay people act right?). We even have a dropping the soap scene in the shower room of the fire department. Chuck hangs out with Jessica Biel (do you really care what her name is?) because she wants a gay best friend. We get a scene where the two get wet in the rain and naturally Biel strips down to her underwear and offers Chuck a chance to feel her up (remember guys, if you wanna feel a girl up and not get in trouble pretend to be gay).

So eventually they get found out and have to go to trial and the previous homophobic co-workers (who even tried to get them petitioned to a different station) are now supportive. The two are so insecure about proving themselves to be gay they can't even fake a kiss. The chief (played by Dan Aykroyd, good god how sad) and all their co workers take responsibility for going along with their fraud. So they end up in jail, but now suddenly they're heroes amongst the gay community (what a load), and naturally Chuck ends up with Jessica Biel (it's ok to lie to someone and make them look stupid as long as it was for the right reasons).

Yeah, this movie is a giant piece of hypocrisy. It acts like it's trying to be pro gay while at the same time making fun of the gay community. Kevin James is likable enough in his role, but Sandler's character is a horrible person. Oh yeah, Chuck also makes morbid jokes about Larry's dead wife and even sleeps with the cleaning lady in Larry's bed while he's asleep in it. It's just an unpleasant film that relies on an abundance of stereotypical gay jokes (and this was made in 2007).


Funny Games
Funny Games
DVD ~ Naomi Watts
4 used & new from $11.75

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars So you criticize violence by being violent? Makes perfect sense!, August 10, 2014
This review is from: Funny Games (DVD)
THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

How my ratings work:
5 - I loved it
4 - I really like it
3 - I like it/Worth a look
2 - Don't like it
1 - Hate it

So yeah, this movie is a shot for shot remake by the same director. Sounds as pointless as when Gus Van Sant did a shot for shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.

PLOT: Upper class family (the husband and wife played by the talented Tim Roth and Naomi Watts) get held hostage by two completely non threatening 20 something yuppies who make a bet they won't be alive by morning. Oh, and it all starts with them asking for eggs and being weird and awkward, "accidentally" dropping Naomi Watts's cell phone into the sink, and then attacking Tim Roth with a golf club and that means they can't do anything (not saying a golf club can't be an effective weapon, but there are numerous things around the house you could also use to defend yourself...but you know whatever). At one point the son manages to escape, but instead of climbing over the gate he takes a more difficult route and still gets caught. Eventually the son gets killed with a shotgun (it's off camera which apparently makes it less violent; I would argue it's more disturbing having it off camera. Plus I don't really wanna see a kid get his head blown off) and the yuppie killers head off for a while. The Roth and Watts instead of trying to to just leave the house spend time trying to dry off the wet cellphone and even use a hairdryer at one point (because that will totally get rid of the water damage). Also throughout the film we get endless shots of nothing (this is meant to satire audiences expecting something to happen; I know when I watch a movie I don't want anything happening) and the main yuppie killer talking to the camera from time to time asking the audience what we expect to happen next. Watts shoots yuppie killer sidekick with a shotgun (and the lead killer yells "LOOKOUT!" after he's been shot; a little late on the reaction buddy). He then finds the remote and rewinds the scene to stop her from shooting buddy (actually he hit the menu select arrow key, but you know who's gonna notice those little details?). So other stuff happens, they end up killing everyone and they go to another house to begin some more FUNNY GAMES! Hur hur hur!

Yeahhhhhhhhh...I really don't like this movie. And I know people out there are gonna be like "You just don't get what the director was trying to do." And no, I get what the point was. It's a satire of sorts of violence in the media and how people are "desensitized" to it. To me that's a giant load. Yes, I'll watch violent movies that show death and what not, but if I were to see real footage of death I wouldn't be thinking "Aw man that's cool!" I'd be more "Aw man, that's sad." or "Aw man, that's horrible." or something. I'm not desensitized because I'm fully aware that a movie is fictional. Nobody is actually dying and the deaths are just special effects. If I say "Aw man, that's awesome!" it's because I'm impressed by the effect and wonder how they managed to do it (which many making of features will gladly show). Do you have to show violence to be effective? No, plenty of movies are effective with minimal splatter (the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and John Carpenter's Halloween being prime examples of not needing a lot of blood to be creepy). Not that I can't enjoy splatter too; I love the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th movies and they tend to be on the bloody side. Troma films are famous for being splatter comedies, but those are done in such over the top ways you know it's mostly to be outrageous and funny (which they often are) and there's just a sense of wanting to have a good time.

This however, feels like the director is saying "Stop having fun audience." Others will think it bad of me to "want" the antagonists to die. And I'm not against a movie where the antagonist wins (many of Sergio Leone's movies feature characters you wouldn't call heroes and I enjoy them). A Clockwork Orange features a despicable character in the form of Alex. But Alex is engaging, he's an intriguing character who we see has some semblance of intelligence and charm to him. The yuppie killers though are duuuuuuuuul! They just talk in monotone and talk about stuff that doesn't mean anything attempting to sound profound. Maybe that too was the point, but it makes for a very boring sit. There's also the long scenes of the camera pointing at nothing. It's one thing with an incompetent director lingers on stuff because they have no sense of pacing (like James Nguyen, master filmmaker of Birdemic or Tommy Wiseau, the genius behind The Room), but when it's an established filmmaker like Michael Henke (who's other films I haven't seen yet, but clearly show skill as a filmmaker) it just feels like he's showing contempt for the audience (maybe that wasn't his goal, as I said it just feels that way to me).

Then there's the whole sense that the movie is criticizing violence, while being violent itself. Seems a bit hypocritical to me. And those that may say "But most of the violence is off screen." that doesn't make it any less violent. As stated earlier, you don't have to show violence on camera to be effective; also stated I don't really wanna see a little boy have his head blown off with a shotgun. You have this family being tortured and killed by these two sociopaths, and I'm supposed to by it's a critique on violence? Give me a break. Those wondering if I'd rather see the yuppie killers die...well, yeah! They're annoying characters and I can't believe for a second they could pull something like this off. Oh no, that must make me a bad person. Oh wait, it's a movie, it's not real. Excuse me for wanting the protagonists to not die and the antagonists to die or at least be punished for their actions. In fact, I wouldn't mind if it had ended with the family dying (as depressing as that would be) but the yuppie killers still get caught and arrested for what they did. Oh sure, it must seem "conventional" of me to want some sort of a satisfactory ending. Well, yeah, that to me is the point of movies and fiction in general. Really, the couple and their kid aren't exactly interesting characters either, so really it does what a lot of modern horror films do in that it gives you nothing to really care about. Just because a character is put into a dire situation doesn't mean I'm going to care. You have to have something there for me to care about. What are the husband, wife, and kid like? They don't have much personality outside of being scared. Who wouldn't be in their situation?

I just wanna state that if people like this movie, fine, that's ok with me. To each their own and all that. I can see how people can like it. I just don't want people saying I'm wrong for not liking it and that I "just don't get it." Because I get it and I still don't like it. But I still wanted to be able to give my opinion on this movie and state why I don't care for it.


LAMPAT LED Desk Lamp in Natural Light 10W w/ Eye-protection Multi-function & Aluminum Alloy Light Head, 3 Lighting Modes & 5- Level Brightness Control for each mode
LAMPAT LED Desk Lamp in Natural Light 10W w/ Eye-protection Multi-function & Aluminum Alloy Light Head, 3 Lighting Modes & 5- Level Brightness Control for each mode
Offered by Angella Beauty
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2 used & new from $36.99

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Solid Lamp, March 20, 2014
I've done lots of research, and I cannot find a better lamp at this price. ULTRA LIGHT LED desk lamp is indeed a great companion for your bedside ,office table or end table. Coming in piano black with a very sleek and attractive form it can be easily accommodated in your house or even carried while on picnic. The lamp comes with many important features. It has four lighting modes and five levels of lighting to conveniently fit your lighting requirements, be it bedside reading or very a very dim version. The lamp produces non flickering natural light and easy for the eye. All-in-all it is really nice, just what I was looking for. Also this is a very durable product with the LED bulbs which can last for over 2 decades.


No Title Available

5.0 out of 5 stars LOVING IT, October 7, 2013
There is nothing more in this world that I love other than this curler. It is the highlight of my mornings before I get ready for work. I love being fashionable, and part of it is getting hair and makeup done right. This is the right instrument for that!


Smiley
Smiley
DVD ~ Keith David
Price: $4.99
41 used & new from $2.10

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Hey Smiley, turn that smile upside down and go frag yourself!, July 30, 2013
This review is from: Smiley (DVD)
WARNING! SPOILERS WILL BE COMING!

How my ratings work:
5 - I loved it
4 - I really like it
3 - I like it/Worth a look
2 - Don't like it
1 - Hate it

I'll admit that when I first saw promotional material for this movie and a trailer, I thought "This couldn't bee too bad." Course the more I learned about the more it sounded totally moronic. Not helping is that after you really think about it, the killer has the face of an emoticon. OMG! EMOTICONS HAVE GAINED SENTIENCE! RUN!

The legend: There's an urban legend on the internet (which just sounds odd to begin with) that if you go onto a random chat room and type to someone "I DID IT FOR THE LULZ" three times (when I first read this I felt my brain was gonna pop from the stupid) and a guy named Smiley comes behind the LULZ victim with a knife and I'm sure you can guess what he does next. He's called Smiley because he sewed his eyes shut vertically (and must've had some large eyes or put more effort into slicing his eyes vertically and then sewing them shut) and carved a smile on his mouth. I guess he also somehow sanded off his nose and made his nostrils disappear. This must've looked too graphic for DVDs (but not posters), because on the cover it looks like he's wearing a sack with a smile put on it (which really isn't too bad and could've been creepy), and in the movie he appears to be wearing some sort of smiley face mask with a panty stocking over it (making it look more silly, but I guess the knife helps). Maybe if he wasn't an internet based killer it would be more effective, but horror based around the internet just come off really really stupid. First off, the chat roulette in the movie (called hide and go chat) is outdated by several years, and wouldn't most these days have sound as well?

Characters/plot: our main character is Ashley (played by an actress who's name you don't need to learn because I seriously doubt she's gonna have a career after this) who's just starting college. She rents a house with another college student named Proxy (good lord) and it's clear right away that Ashley has never interacted with another human being. She spouts dialogue that just makes you go "What is wrong with you?" Example: *Proxy invites her to a party* "Isn't in a school night? Oh ha, right, it's college I can do whatever I want! heh Yes, I except your invitation." or when Proxy hands her a joint "I think I'm high off your marijuana." Other characters include moron hacker Zane, moron computer nerd Binder (played by a youtube celebrity apparently...wow!), a dull as crud ethics teacher who just rambles on and on and says nothing and actually asks his students what a hypothesis is (funny, I thought that was something you learn in middle school).

Ashley and Proxy think it would be hilarious to try the LULZ legend on some random person and get shocked when the person dies. This of course can't be reported because it happened on the internet, therefore the cops wouldn't take it seriously (video evidence, what's that!?). As it turns out the cops don't, as the main cop (played by Keith David, who was also in the amazingly stupid internet based horror film Chain Letter and deserves SOOOOOO much better! The dude was Goliath on Gargoyles for God sake!) says they need a body or for her to know said victims (because people only report deaths of people they know, never strangers).

Technical goofs: This movie is filled with so many continuity errors that it's just sad. And anyone who says "It's a low budget horror film!" that isn't a valid excuse! There are plenty of low budget horror films that still looked good (which this movie does look ok) and kept decent continuity.
Examples:

1. The opening kill girl hears about the urban legend from a girl she's baby sitting. Later at home, she goes to a random chat room and some dude with glasses who just loops with his eyebrow arching types it out to her. However, it first shows the screen as her typing it (indicated by YOU), but then shows STRANGER writing it.

2. We see said eyebrow looping dude at the party Ashley and Proxy go to, and we see him performing the LULZ and constantly see him looking at his friends and his "video" is still of him eyebrow looping or the video isn't on there at all (keen eyes will notice he doesn't even have a cam, built in or otherwise).

3. There's a scene where Ashley freaks out and smashes her laptop and someone films it and puts it on youtube (I can't make this up, if I could I'd have written and sold it for a quick buck). When talking to the cops, they show her the video. And you can clearly see the edit option above the video! COME ON! Would it have really been so hard to have them open the video in a different link that didn't feature that? Internet reviewers have better continuity and they have even less of a budget!

JUMP SCARES!: Every modern horror films has to have one. Not just a jump scare, but it also has to have that noise of someone banging on what sounds like a metal pan or something. Who needs atmosphere and mood? Let's just catch some people off guard with LOUD NOISES! There is a scene where I DID IT FOR THE LULZ! is painted on a wall in blood!

The ending (I gave a spoiler warning at the start, you have no right to be upset by this): Turns out that Proxy and her friends were all messing with Ashley to drive her insane, and it causes her to jump out a window (a really bad CGI window) fall on her head and kill her). They all see this as a win for Anonymous (the online hacking group for those that don't know; Apparently they like to cause people mental grief and kill people) and even the opening kill girl was in on it. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE! The opening kill girl was all spooked out in her house, plus she heard about the legend from the girl she was babysitting. The chat room thing is random, you have no way of knowing who you're going to chat with and therefore can't set up a fake kill or real kill. Ashley encounters Smiley in a chat room, meaning someone had to be sitting there for most likely days in hopes that she eventually came across him. This whole thing also had to rely on the cops being total morons who wouldn't take her seriously. Then there's the scene where she accidently shoots Binder, who was actually rigged with a squib and she had a fake gun that was placed at Zane's house, where she went to check on him. She could've easily gotten ahold of a real gun, or not even shot Binder and just let him in the house, which would've messed with their plan. And everyone in the group finds it awesome that Ashley was killed; apparently internet geeks are sociopaths. There was no reason for them to be messing with her! Well, other than the fact that they were bored I guess and figured "Hey, let's prank on this doofy girl! FOR THE LULZ!" Proxy via webcam finds it awesome as well, but later questions if they're bad people (OF COURSE NOT! You only messed with a girls psyche and caused her to die!) and Zane jokingly types in LULZ and Proxy gets killed by the real Smiley! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Everyone in this movie is awful! The acting is either really bad or just really bland. Once Proxy gets all nervous about Smiley, she starts showing up randomly to Ashley in an attempt to JUMP SCARE her and act crazy. The ethics teacher is so droning and bland, and his scenes are pointless and add nothing to the movie! Keith David I suppose isn't too bad, but it's not like he's in the movie long enough to make any impact. And the lead playing Ashley! MY GOD! SHE IS SOOOOOOOO BAD! She is one of the most awkward leads I've ever seen. Did the director not see her audition first? Did he really think "Oh yeah, she's a natural." The direction isn't too bad, but the script (co-written by the director) is just incredibly stupid. What is with modern horror films making most of the main characters either bland or just so obnoxious and or jerky that we have no reason to give a crap what happens to them? A good horror film will set up some character development and make them a little sympathetic before killing them off (like John Carpenter's Halloween or Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street). This is also a tame horror film for a modern day slasher. I'm not saying gore would make it better, but at least there'd be some entertainment from the killer being over the top in his killings. But no, he just stabs people (sure, that's mostly what Michael Meyers did, but again there was mood set and had presence). That's actually another thing, Smiley isn't really in the movie much. He's mentioned a lot, but he's not around much and there aren't many kills. Again, doesn't have to be a blood bath, but most super natural killers make a show of it. Even Chain Letter had OTT gore. That didn't make it good by any means, but it was still something.

So yeah, this movie sucks. I know I rambled, but I wanted to blow off steam on how bad it was. And if this review keeps people from seeing it, then I feel I've done my job.


Highlander: The Source
Highlander: The Source
DVD ~ Adrian Paul
Price: $7.00
84 used & new from $0.01

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Why We Need A Zero Star Rating!, June 1, 2013
This review is from: Highlander: The Source (DVD)
How my ratings work:
5 - I really liked/loved it
4 - I liked it
3 - Could've been better/worth a look
2 - Just didn't live up to the potential
1 - Simply awful

SPOILERS AHEAD!

I'm gonna start by saying that I've only ever seen the first Highlander film all the way through. The other movies I've seen major scenes of and can safely say they aren't all that good. I still need to check out the TV series, as I hear it' s fun cheesy 90's show. I can say that I am a big fan of the first Highlander movie. It's not a perfect film by any means, but it's still a fun fantasy action movie. It helps that the story keeps it pretty simple and doesn't go into where the immortals come from (we've seen what happens when they try to explain where they came from). And while it gives me a chuckle to see Sean Connery playing an Egyptian who's pretending to be Spanish, and then we got French actor Christopher Lambert trying to do a Scottish Accent the movie still has a lot of heart to it. Part of that not only comes from the writing, but also the wonderful direction by Russell Mulcahy, and overall good performances by the cast (and we can all agree that Clancy Brown as the Kurgen is one of the most entertaining movie villains).

And then there is The Source...

What in God's holy name where these people thinking!? Seriously! It's as if they watched the original movies, hated it, and wanted to do all they could to drag it through the grime of the earth! I know so many others have said something like this, but I just had to vent my frustrations of how awful this movie is. Nothing about it makes sense! The whole planets coming so close to the earth is laughable, and it would cause horrific things to happen with this many planets that close to us. The acting is...uhhhhhhhggggg! The two worst characters in this entire mess are of course the Guardian and the priest guy Giovanni. Both have their own stupid look (Giovanni with his weird slicked hair and the Guardian who looks like Krato's retarded brother) and then there's just their personalities. First you go the Guardian, who is the least intimidating villain I have ever seen! He just mugs at the camera and says stupid one liners. Seriously, Jacob Kell was a better villain if only for the fact of how unintentionally hilarious Bruce Payne is. Giovanni is just an idiot! He is this cliched man of the cloth, talking about the newly mortal immortals dying because their faith isn't pure! Nothing against faith, but these are guys who know that non Catholic immortals have roamed the earth for eons now. The character Methos was one of the four horseman of the apocalypse! This whole "He didn't heal because his faith wasn't pure" just doesn't make sense in context with this series. The whole post apocalyptic setting just adds nothing to the story and the cannibal sub plot sounds like it would've made for a better movie. And I don't need to go into the raping of the Queen songs.

And the ending is the most insulting of all! The prize is to have babies!? Sure, making life is all fine and dandy, but it is so empty and hallow in this situation. It's especially hallow when the character of Anna had no development and you never once cared if Duncan and her lived happily ever after. That they make it so all the fighting and sacrificing was totally pointless! That apparently it was all about just being pure of heart and some other Care Bears nonsense. There's also the fact that this Source was never mentioned in any of the movies or in the entire six year run of the TV show (I may have not seen the show yet, but I know that this whole finding the Source was made up for this pile of puke). And apparently this whole thing was meant to be a trilogy! But thank God it doesn't seem to be happening; I think the producers of this knew that the fans would riot if they tried to make it.

Do yourself a favor folks, stick with the first movie and the TV series (most say the third isn't so bad as it's more a remake). I also hear the anime movie isn't too bad.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jul 7, 2013 8:58 AM PDT


Dear Beloved Stranger
Dear Beloved Stranger
Price: $4.99

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Satisfied, March 18, 2013
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I received it the day I ordered it and the product worked fantastically. Overall I am very satisfied with my purchase.


The Room [Blu-ray]
The Room [Blu-ray]
DVD ~ Tommy Wiseau
Price: $35.99
2 used & new from $31.50

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's the film that defined ALL generations!, February 11, 2013
This review is from: The Room [Blu-ray] (Blu-ray)
How my ratings work:
5 - I really liked/loved it
4 - I liked it
3 - Could've been better/worth a look
2 - Just didn't live up to the potential
1 - Simply awful

That's right, I said ALL generations! Tommy Wiseau's cinematic masterpiece, The Room, is a one of a kind experience that will never be equaled. It's a story of friendship, love, betrayal, football, chocolate (the symbol of love), football, chickens (cheep cheep cheep cheep), drugs, and football. Made in 2003, The Room changed the way people watched movies and saw the world forever!

Johnny (played by writer/director/producer/executive producer/star Tommy Wiseau) is a successful banker living in San Francisco with his fiance Lisa (Juliette Danielle, who will go down in history as one of the greatest movie villains of all time). But Lisa is bored with Johnny and need some excitement. So she decides to have a fling with Johnny's best friend Mark (Greg Sestero, who's previous credit includes his Oscar nominated performance as Andre Toulon in the 1999 box office smash, Retro Puppet Master), much to Mark's charging. Meanwhile, Johnny's ward, Denny (Philip Haldiman) is dealing with the burden of growing up and dealing in drugs. Also meanwhile, Lisa's mother, Claudette (Carolyn Minnott, who's understated performance will bring tears to your eyes) must come face to face with her own mortality when she discovers she definitely has breast cancer.

The key to this entire story of course is Mr. Wiseau himself. this is a man who's facial expression says "Where am I?" He sports a physique that makes one say "I think he works out, but he could also be a reanimated corpse." There has never been a performance like this, nor will there ever be. Wiseau makes Sir Laurence Olivier look like a crazy homeless guy; I guarantee you that sometime soon you'll be hearing of Mr. Wiseau being knighted because he's just that awesome. You will never see a movie with more quotable lines, or grown men tossing around the old football like this movie. Some may question just why this movie is called The Room, when it clearly takes place in multiple locations. You see, the title is referring to the room in which you the viewer are watching this masterpiece of a film. The movie is subtly telling you that you must escape your world of slacking about and eating junk food, and must go out and play some football.

I have yet to get this film on Blu-ray, but I think I'll wait for the price to go down for a little. I don't think there's a commentary by the majestic Wiseau, and that's just a darn shame as the man is an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a tuna and peanut butter sandwich. But remember folks, never watch this movie alone, have one or more friends with you. That's right, this movie is so emotional and mind blowing, that to not have emotional support around you will cause you to explode!


Drive Thru
Drive Thru
DVD ~ Leighton Meester
Price: $8.89
34 used & new from $2.99

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Drive-Thru this DVD to destroy it! Hey, at least the pun is on par with the movie., February 9, 2013
This review is from: Drive Thru (DVD)
How my ratings work:
5 - I really liked/loved it
4 - I liked it
3 - Could've been better/worth a look
2 - Just didn't live up to the potential
1 - Simply awful

"SPOILER ALERT" (The quotations are to indicate that I don't really consider this stuff spoilers)

So apparently the filmmakers got really high one night, watched the 1984 classic A Nightmare on Elm Street, and then decided to go get some McDonald's, when they suddenly got the inspiration for a slasher film.

MORON FILMMAKER #1: Hey! I got an awesome idea for a movie! (takes a hit from his joint)

MORON FILMMAKER #2: Yeah!? What!?

MORON FILMMAKER #1: We should make a movie where a killer mascot of a drive-thru goes on a killing spree!

MORON FILMMAKER #2: That's so awesome!

That's at least how I think it went down, I could be wrong. But yeah, this is one of the stupidest slasher films I've ever come across. As a horror film it fails, as a comedy it isn't funny in the slightest. It even tries to be be political, and a slasher film is not the place to be shoving your politics down someone's throat.

Mackenzie (Leighton Meester, of stuff, I really have yet to see her in anything that really says "someone to look out for") is an upper class stoner teen who acts like she's better than the other upper class teens because she and her friends are all hip and now. During a party, her friends play around with a ouija board (which they are confused by what it is, because after all young people don't know anything about non electronic stuff). Although we later see Mackenzie playing with a magic 8 ball, so I guess they're only familiar with certain older novelty items. Anywho, the ouija board moves on it's own to spell out a license plate number to a car belonging to a couple of idiot white guys trying to be gangsta (who probably produce the worst dialogue in the entire movie). The idiot gangstas are the opening kills by Horny the Clown, the mascot of local fast food restaurant Hella Burger. Sigh...in what universe would a restaurant be called that? And this place apparently opened in the 1970's, so I seriously doubt anyone would use that name back then. And Horny the Clown, sure that sounds like a character you want entertaining little kids. I get that it's supposed to be satire (at least I'm assuming they were going for satire), but you could've put a little more effort into the name and design even. Horny just looks stupid, and spouts off terrible one liners that would make Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin role his eyes. Mackenzie and her friends are unlikeable jerks who judge other people for being supposedly stupid, when they themselves talk about idiotic crap and smoke a lot of pot. I'll give kudos that most of the special effects seem to be done practically, but that can't save this pile of nothing. And that's the biggest problem really, it's an incredibly dull film. The main reason I'm writing this is that I'm hoping my rating will bump this movie's average rating down a little. I don't feel that this movie even deserves a 2 star average, it barely deserves 1.


Chain Letter (Unrated)
Chain Letter (Unrated)
DVD ~ Nikki Reed
Offered by Doc is in Sales
Price: $9.98
45 used & new from $0.99

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars The Internet Doesn't Work That Way!, January 11, 2013
This review is from: Chain Letter (Unrated) (DVD)
How my ratings work:
5 - I really liked/loved it
4 - I liked it
3 - Could've been better/worth a look
2 - Just didn't live up to the potential
1 - Simply awful

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

You'd think that by now Hollywood would know how computers and the internet works. For those that don't know, the internet doesn't produce static nor does it flash barcodes. I guess Hollywood folk assume that because computers have a screen like TVs have a screen then that must mean they produce static. That would be incorrect because TVs (old ones anyway) have different internal working compared to computers. Not that this can make a movie bad, so let's get to the actual review.

This movie is awful! Someone decides to kill people because they don't spread spam, wow, that's just wow. Also, like most modern horror films, we barely get to know the main characters, and if we do they aren't that interesting or they're sucky characters so we don't care what happens to them. I hate seeing Keith David and Brad Dourif slumming it in movies like this because both are so much better. I gotta say, 5 years really does affect how some people look, because Noah Segan looked more like a high school student in the 2005 film Brick (course he was around 22 then) than he does in this movie. That's another actor who's way better than this crap. I'll give it this, the movie looks good and the gore effects are decent and it's nice to see practical effects, but there are way better movies than this that have good gore (example: John Carpenter's The Thing, The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn, pretty much any of the original Nightmare on Elm Street films, and so many more). Even the Saw films, for the most part, at least attempt to make you care about the victims. And the motivations of the killer are never made clear, and they hint at some stupid anti tech cult but they never confirm if it's them.

Starting the movie off as a flashback is rarely a good idea, unless it gives you a chance to get to know the main character and actually cares what happens to them. This is not one of those movies. It's amazing how two people don't notice chains hooked up to their cars, or that they're garage door is slightly open. Then there's the fact that the girl chained up decides to lift her head up as she's being dragged, so of course she hits her head on the door. And finally there's the fact that he dad doesn't notice she's chained to the car and continues to drive and it splits her in half and one of her friends is running after the car shouting her name. Hate to break it to you dude, but you don't usually survive getting split in half so yelling her name won't make her less dead. I like to imagine that the dad didn't notice the parts of his daughter dragging behind his car till he got to work (sorry, I have a dark sense of humor like that) and then he puked his brains out.

There really is nothing much you can say about the movie itself because it just drags on and on and nothing really happens. Once again Hollywood, learn how the internet works and stop adding static to the internet. It doesn't make you look stylish, it makes your movie look stupid. I realize this isn't a very well put together review, but the movie wasn't well put together so I think it's a fair trade.


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