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3.9 out of 5 stars22
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on October 8, 2004
God, I wish I didn't have to buy this book, but I did. I really liked my boyfriend, so I needed something to help me with the various confusing feelings I had about the relationship. I have been dating my divorced man for about three years now. In the beginning I consulted this book A LOT and it still gets pulled out every once and again when a new problem crops up and I feel vulnerable. Being a never married, childless 30-something, I found my divorced man's children (4!) and ex the hardest to deal with. This book helped me realize my feelings are okay and normal and also how to deal with them. A great reference guide for anyone dating a divorced person.
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on February 23, 2003
Finally there's a soul out there who understands what i'm going through and can help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i've been on the verge of breaking up with my own fabulous/impossible divorced man but now, finally armed with the real scoop and the necessary tools, i'm hanging in there and slowly starting to soar.
ladies, if you think you might need this book, then trust me, you do. i highly reccomend this to you.
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on May 3, 2004
A great book for unmarried women dating a divorced man. Very insightful and really dished out the truth, not easy to take. I found myself throwing this book across the room at times, only to pick it back up and re-read and highlight selections. A must for an woman considering marrying a man with "baggage".
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on June 1, 2005
I initially purchased this book when I found myself engaged to a divorced man complete with a six year old son. At the time I flipped through the book hoping to find some glimpse of what I was getting myself into, but truthfully it was too soon for me to have known what I was getting out of the deal.

A year and half later, just after my first wedding anniversary, my husband pulled this book out of our book box and smiled as he passed it too me like a funny memory. I decided to flip through briefly for memory's sake and then suddenly found myself reading the entire thing from cover to cover a second time around. Eureka! This was exactly what I needed. Something real, something light, yet something powerful. Something that acknowledged every fear and stab of pain and guilt and complete rage I have experienced since my marriage to a divorced man. This book gave me that moment of hope that I needed to feel like all of my anger and resentment and sense of despare wasn't the result of some mental breakdown, and that I wasn't broken.

Although the author's writing style might not be for everyone, it worked wonders for me. A book that focuses on the lighter side rather then the morbid process of dealing with someone elses divorce baggage. This had the right amount of business and pleasure.

This book didn't make any of my problems go away but it certainly got me to lighten up and get a grip on my circumstances and give my husband a little more benefit of the doubt.
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on August 30, 2005
Fram's book addresses many of the challenges women face when they marry a divorced man, including his guilt and residual divorce pain, his children, his ex, money, and bringing a new child into the marriage. Fram's take is humorous and geared more toward women who have jobs and have not had children yet. She takes a "modern" view that encourages women to tolerate less baloney than other books I've read on this subject. For these reasons, this book is worth reading and decent overall.

However, Fram's book takes a "shotgun" approach to her material, talking about each topic somewhat randomly. She makes some good points, but they are lost in a sea of long paragraphs. In addition, though she provides some valuable advice, there isn't enough of it, and she doesn't go into much depth on most topics. And her case examples are a little weak, using the same 2 people over and over again.

Overall, this book gives a woman marrying a divorced man the ability to identify with others in her position and the comfort of knowing her feelings are natural. But it doesn't thoroughly address the problems these women face, or provide enough advice on how to deal with them.
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on June 22, 2008
I found this book to be terrible. Seeing that Fram was the editor of both Seventeen and Cosmo, it's no wonder that this book read like a shi**y magazine article. Fram spends most of the book trying to convince her readers that Divorced Men are helpless and need a woman's touch to "save" them, and that "the X" is a manipulative monster who is out to get the reader and detroy lives.

There is nothing in this book for those of us whom wish to build healthy relationships - not just with our boyfriends, but with their ex-wifes as well. To quote "Rare is the FateMate who is blessed with an X she actually likes. In fact, it occurs with woefully so few FateMates that it's not worth my time or ink to write on this subject any further." Two sentences later, the chapter continues with "don't delude yourself, his X inherently hates you."

How is this book healthy, productive, or supportive in any constructive way?
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on February 27, 2003
This book is a must for any woman over thirty who has not yet found her man. It's wise, funny, informative and written in a clear and comprehensive way.
Not only does it tell you the in's and out's of dating and wedding a divorced man, it gives vital information to help you meet the many challanges along the way.
I laughed, I cried, I loved it. I'm giving it to all my friends who still haven't been able to close the deal, or are completely sure they want to.
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on April 3, 2012
This book's name might be its worst enemy. A better name would be, "Successfully Dating a Divorced Man." The title sounds trite, condescending to career women, and over traditional. Review: For a career-oriented woman who has not had children, dating a divorced man with kids was a huge adjustment. Luckily, I come from a family with a lot of children involved, so I was not at a total loss. However, I'd never had to "share" my man with ANYONE, and what could prepare one for THAT? It's a tough pill to swallow despite anyone's best and most mature efforts! Further, dating a very masculine man after I was married for 19 years to a "metrosexual" type .... Even tho I *thought* I knew men, and what they wanted (and had done VERY VERY WELL so far in my handling of this new relationship), the book still offered some VERY VALUABLE POINTERS on things I had missed out on.... and what this lady provides filled in the blanks closed the gap in what I was missing. Her advice helped us to have the best and most STRESS FREE relationship we could have! It is obvious that this book has changed my reactions to things that would have formerly resulted in a fight, or at least a heated discussion. Several times reading it, I was struck by the author's words... that had ALSO been previously been said to me by my WONDERFUL Divorced B.F. (!) Since reading it (very quickly, cover to cover), I have found my relationship with my divorced B.F. has gone to the next level. It's freed us up to GROW as a couple.... As woman, while we don't always like what we must do in these circumstances, the truth is, when we are involved with a divorced man, we are also involved with his entire family, including "the (often undermining and meddlesome) one who came before" us, and the "Mama Drama" land mines that lie therein. As she says, only a very emotionally mature woman could handle this set of circumstances. And tho some here are offended by her "take a backseat" and "put him and his kids first all the time" approach, I have found her words to ring so true - AT FIRST .... Yes! At first, it's all about HIM HIM HIM (and his kids, and sometimes his Ex. and even sometimes, his Ex's parents and siblings who may also try to interfere), but over time - as he heals and assuming you chose a truly good human being as your divorced man - then his TRUE and UNWOUNDED self will begin to shine thru. In short, if you can withstand the man and love him for who he is, and if you treat him right and don't elicit flashbacks, then you WILL get your DIAMOND at the end of your "rough" and hopefully, feel confident enjoying better times with his children, as well! So glad I took time to read it (and highlight the heck out of it!).
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on February 14, 2003
Having read a dozen of books on how to deal with divorced men - this is the most practical and helpful of all. It deals with the issues in a lighthearted way and made me laugh. Highly recommended!
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on June 28, 2007
I've already married my divorced man and I wish I had read this before I took the plunge. I can't stress ENOUGH that marrying a divorced man with children, a crazy ex wife and alimony payments is a big freaking deal and that a woman needs to be smart and prepared. That said, this book will help prepapre you for some of the seemingly unbelievable scenarios you will face. I recommend it as a starting point for a woman in the early blissful days of a relationship. You'll need the perspective before you let yourself be taken away by the " love will help us through this!" stage. This book is an easy breesy but eyeopening read. Even now after being married and in the thick of things, I find it helpful!
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