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The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard (Paperback)

by Alan J Levine (Author)
Key Phrases: new ferry, cosmic sea, cabin boy, The Emperor, The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard, The Captain (more...)
4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
List Price: $17.95
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The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard + The Case Of Stolen Time - The Misadventures Of Inspector Moustachio + Under The Eagle's Beak: The Search for the Treasure of Pirate's Pit
Price For All Three: $42.63

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Editorial Reviews

Product Description
“Avast ye land lubbers! This here book does for we pirates what lemons did for scurvy! It’s good fer what ails ye! Buy it or blast ye! Arrr!”—Long John Silver

“The mastery of relativity and quantum mechanics these pirates demonstrate does not surprise me. I often did physics with pirates and found them to be brilliant theorists when not monkey-full and rat-legged on hot chocolate.”—Albert Einstein

“No, I don’t plan on reading the book. I never did approve of his choice to become a pirate. His father and I worked so hard to get him through college and then he goes off and does this. But we’ve since accepted that our son is a slimed sea dog and a curse upon the waters. We still love him.”—Brownbeard’s mom, Ethel

Blackbeard the Pirate’s lesser-known, not-quite-as-successful cousin, Short Stubbly Brownbeard, leads a normal, boring life of respectability and social engagements. All of that changes one night while working late at the office. Brownbeard is attacked by a mob of angry numbers thirsty for the blood of a young accountant. Fearing for his mental balance, Brownbeard leaves his desk job to become a pirate.

With the aid of a dysfunctional but semi-competent crew, Brownbeard finds himself across the galaxy on the most ambitious heist ever. In The Empire of Sa’Laam, with its miles high and miles deep towers, Brownbeard and crew hatch a wickedly devious plan to swindle The Emperor of his wealth. But in Sa’Laam, the game of Empire is for real—it’s played every night in front of millions of screaming fans—and it’s played for keeps.

If Brownbeard participates, he’ll have to face both the sinister truth behind the facade of Sa’Laam, and his own greed and complacency. But the truth will necessitate a fight to the death, requiring a courage and resolve which Brownbeard has never possessed. Can he win the game? Or will his first adventure as a pirate be his last?

Visit the author's web site at www.alanjlevine.com



About the Author
Though not a practicing pirate, Alan J. Levine sometimes sports a short, stubbly brown beard, drinks grog, and has been known to exclaim “Arrr me hearties!” He resides in the sleepy seaside port of Atlanta, Georgia with his wife, son, cat and numerous scurvy dogs.

Product Details

  • Reading level: Ages 9-12
  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: iUniverse, Inc. (June 22, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0595392482
  • ISBN-13: 978-0595392483
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,589,198 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Front Cover | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
new ferry, cosmic sea, cabin boy, yer programs, level bleachers, traveling box, missing eyebrow, hap ter, program seller
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Emperor, The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard, The Captain, Milky Way, Land of Longing, Captain Brownbeard, The Empire of Sa'Laam, Squire Bob, Blackbeard the Pirate, King of Clouds, New York, Captain Greentoe, Captain Chaos, Too Poo Loo, Bingabong River, Sand Witch Hazel, Alanf Levine, The Five Rudimentary Winds, Petulant Pelican, Interstellar Route, Sub-Universal Vampire, Miss Hazel, Dream Time, Sand Witch
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4.5 out of 5 stars (2 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Hoist the Jolly Roger and prepare to be entertained, October 12, 2006
By Daniel Jolley "darkgenius" (Shelby, North Carolina USA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)      
Avast, ye maties! This here be a thrilling tale of unequalled derring-do, timber-shivering adventure, rapacious skullduggery, etc. Here be not only pirates but witches, trolls, a scurvy feline navigator, lots of men hitting rocks with big sticks, monsters, child-enslaving scalawags, some of the most ornery numbers you've ever seen (that number 4's a saucy little land lubber), and more gold and trinkets than even the great Blackbeard has ever seen. Speaking of Blackbeard, he's here, too. Short Stubbly Brownbeard, you see, is Blackbeard's cousin. He didn't start out as a pirate, though. After his education was complete, Brownbeard settled in to a promising career as an accountant in Charleston - until a late-night attack by a murderous gang of numbers deprived him of an eyebrow (which he soon replaced with a papier mache one) and convinced him to give in to the pirate blood that coursed through his veins.

This was to be no ordinary pirating adventure, however. The For Sale, the ship Brownbeard was fortunate enough to borrow for two years, would sail the high seas of the Milky Way itself, thanks to Brownbeard's newly discovered patron, a winsome little sand witch named Hazel. It has long been Hazel's dream to become part of the most daring, fiercest, well-known pirate crews of all time. For her, looting and pillaging in the Caribbean is just too darn easy. She has her sights on the vast wealth of the richest kingdom in the galaxy, the Empire of Sa'Laam. So off Brownbeard goes, hitting the intergalactic sea lanes with a souped-up ship, a sand witch, and a crew consisting of a pet-loving cat named Kumquat, a troll named Wilbert, and a mute car key gremlin named Schmoor.

Brownbeard quickly makes a name for himself in Sa'Laam, where power and authority are determined by how far you can hit a stone with a stick. With a little enchanted help from Hazel, Brownbeard's stick-swinging prowess precedes him into Sa'Laam, so much so that he is immediately challenged by the Emperor upon his arrival - with the entire Empire watching. And this is just the beginning of Brownbeard's pirating adventure. While beating a hasty retreat from Sa'Laam, he and his crew seek refuge in the castle of the King of Clouds (or Elvis, as he currently calls himself) before taking on a powerful sorceress (and her weremonsters) in the Land of Longing. And if that weren't enough, Brownbeard and Hazel have to deal with their burgeoning feelings for one another.

Land lubbers of all ages should get quite a kick out of The Adventures of Short Stubbly Brownbeard, but the novel should prove particularly appealing to young adult readers. There's plenty of action, the plot never gets bogged down, and humor is scattered liberally throughout. Just remember that this is primarily a work of science fiction and fantasy. Ergo, you won't find any ships exchanging cannon fire on the high seas or gallant swordplay or buried treasure - not even a single case of walking the plank. As an accountant-turned-pirate, Brownbeard doesn't really throw a lot of pirate lingo at you, either, and the closest thing he has to a patch is his papier mache eyebrow. Never fear, though, because Blackbeard shows up to help meet all of your traditional pirate needs.

Basically, what I'm saying is that an enjoyable pirating adventure is had by all - and only the scurviest of scalawags would want to miss out on all the fun borne of Alan J. Levine's wild imagination.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Arrrrrrr! , November 19, 2006
Aye, this be a book for young rapscallions who be wantin' t' test their sea legs on the tale o' a scurvy number cruncher who be wantin' t' be a pirate just like his dear old cousin Blackbeard.

Be warned mateys, that this be no regular yarn o' Jolly Rogers, eye patches and walkin' the plank, so don't say you warn't in the know from the get-go. Short Stubbly Brownbeard rules the very, very, very high seas in this out-of-this-world piratical fantasy, which takes our hero, in a borrowed ship with a motley crew and winsome magical partner-in-crime t' galaxies far, far away in search o' booty, glory and fame.

They set their sights on the treasures o' Sa'laam, and after Brownbeard (Brownie for short) takes part in a rockin' arena sports game, they find a measure o' fame, and glory, but the treasure part is another matter altogether.

Their adventures take them t' grace the realms o' a Cloud King named Elvis (naturally) and int' the clutches o' a foul witch and warlock who be exploitin' starvin' third-galaxy children t' make sportin' gear for the lucrative Sa'laam market.

Aye, if ye be lustin' o'er action, adventure, stuff funny enough t' knock ye out o' your britches and a little romance t' boot, well what be ye waitin' for land lubber? Gar, Where can I find a bottle o'rum?



Amanda Richards, November 19, 2006
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