Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It (Paperback)

Men and women are very different in the way that they act, react, think and feel.

These differences are the inevitable consequence of our biology.

The first of these is a lot less controversial than the second and, perhaps the book would have ruffled fewer feathers if the authors had stuck to the first premise. However, the caveman-cavewoman analogies do help them to illustrate their points.

The book is well put together in a pretty light-hearted style. While not being unputdownable, it is an easy read. One quibble though has to be that, after a while, many of the jokes seem to be a little tedious.

As well as illustrating the differences between men and women, the book gives examples of how these lead to conflict and misunderstandings. Their advice is pretty much to learn about the differences and grin and bear it.

Of course, the book goes over much the same ground as the Mars-Venus stuff but, it does so at a somewhat simpler and, some would say, superficial level. If you get to the end of Mars-Venus and absorb what it says then this book is not for you. On the other hand, If you found M-V to be too heavy and a bit pretentious then the lighthearted and more direct style of this book could be just what you need.

At the end of the book, there is a substantial list of references and further reading. This varies from other popular psychology books to research papers which provide the scientific backing for the authors ideas. Unfortunately, they just list these with no comment and no attempt to categorise the items. This means that the list is of little use to a reader interested in exploring further topics or referring to some of the research on which the authors ideas depend.

I was excited at finding a genuine, factual book, explaining the psychological and biological differences between the male and female brain.

I was looking forward to understanding more about the human sexes at an unbiased level.

And then I started reading it.

And I wasn't excited any more.

For something portrayed as unbiased and fact-based, it's a purley just another male-bashing book. There are three main issues I have with it:

Firstly, most sources for their information are completely unreferenced and look like they're just there to prove their point. Common phrases

are "scientist have discovered", "research has found" and "experts now know" - all useless phrases, lacking substance to anyone with more

than one brain cell.

Secondly, it constantly repeats itself over and over. Usually in the form of annoyingly large key phrases dotted around every paragraph or

so. They would be a great way to sum up what's just been said, particularly if it was a hard concept to grasp, but they don't. They more or

less repeat the last sentence word for word. A good example can be found on page 7:

"Whether men and women are _equal_ is a political or moral question, but weather they are _identical_ is a scientific one.

[Then in large italicised writing underneath:]

The equality of men and women is a political or moral issue; the essential difference is a scientific one."

... and you feel like yelling at the book, "I KNOW, YOU JUST TOLD ME, STOP INSULTING MY READING ABILITIES".

Thirdly, and most importantly, it's heavily biased towards women. If it were marketed as such, I wouldn't have a problem, but it's not. And

let me point out at this stage that I have no problems at all with poking fun at male stereotypes. But every single page begins to wear you

down. Especially when there's not fun being poked at women.It's advertised as a biological insight into our brains and why men can and cannot

do some things and why women can and cannot do other things. Seems simple, and if they'd have stuck to the plan, it would have worked.

Instead, anything where women excel (multi-tasking etc.) is rammed down our throats time after time after time. Everything where women falter

(knowing left from right) is also blamed upon the male for not understanding the woman's brain. Anything the men excel (direction) at is

sparse, but played down when it's there and anything men don't do well at is the cause of much "jocularity" and usually subject to a

derogatory cartoon.

Here's a selection of some subject headings, cartoons and (annoyinglylarge and unnecessary italicised quotes):

Page xv: A cartoon entitled "A Sunday Drive" where the dad is at the wheel of a car. His wife is next to him, looking scared and the kids are

leaning out the back window with a sign saying, "HELP! WE ARE LOST BUT OUR DAD WON'T STOP TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS"

The text starts with a story about a family out for a drive where the dad gets angry because people are talking and he can't concentrate on

driving.

Page 4: [The first quote] How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? It's unknown, it's never happened.

Page 17: Chapter two starts with a cartoon of a man complaining he can't find the butter in the fridge.

Page 22: [Quote] Women have wider peripheral vision, men have tunnel vision.

Page 23: [Subject] Why Women's Eyes See So Much

Page 25: [Subject] Men and Ogling

Page 27: [Subject] Why Women Have A Sixth Sense

Page 29: [Subject] Why Men Can't Lie To Women
and [Subject] She Hears Better To...

Page 30: [Subject] Women Read Between the Lines

Page 31: [Subject] Why Boys Don't Listen

Page 32: [Subject] Men Miss The Details

Page 36: [Subject] Why Men Are So Thick-Skinned

Page 41: Chapter three starts with the age-old cartoon of a cross-section fo a female's and a male's brain. The male's is full of Sex,

exaggeration and "lame excuses" as well as tiny "Asking for directions microns" and one single "Hearing children in the middle of the night

neurone". Predictable, page 43 has the womens brain full of "committment" and "lie detector"

Page 47; [Quote] Tests show [uncredited] that women rate three percent higher in general intelligence than men.

Page 52: [Quote] Ask men and women if their brains work differently. Men will say they think they do, in fact there was something they were

reading on the Internet the other day... Women will say, of course they do - next question?

... and it carries on in that vein throughout. The annoying thing is, it's all true and we all know that, but why is there such a heavy

emphasis on the women's point of view?

Credit where it's due, I'm only one-third of the way through the book. If it gets better, I'll let you know.

Sadly, I have a feeling this will be my last post...