Captivating: A Guided Journal: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul (Paperback)

Every little girl has dreams of being rescued by the hero, of being swept away into a great adventure, of being the beautiful princess. Sadly, when women grow up, they are taught to be tough, efficient, and independent. Many Christian women are tired, struggling under the weight of the pressure to be a "good servant," a nurturing caregiver, passionate lover, or capable home manager.

What the Wild at Heart Field Manual did for men, the Captivating: A Guided Journal can do for women. By revealing the three distinctly female desires every woman shares, John and Stasi Eldredge invite participants to recover their feminine hearts, which may have suffered many wounds but were originally defined in the image of a passionate God.

Chapter One

The Heart of a Woman

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.
--Tammy Wynette

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free.
--Tom Petty, Wildflowers

I love the sentence "Sometimes, it's hard to be a woman" from the old Tammy Wynette song. Talk about an understatement. Yes, there are many, many times when it is very hard to be a man as well. Yet, we women are living in a time when the pressures from without and the pressures from within to live well as a woman often feel massive and relentless. Sometimes, it's harder to be a woman.

Welcome, Beloved of God. Take a deep breath. Relax. You are among friends here. Before you pick up a pen, take a moment to invite Jesus in to your time now; ask Him to guide and lead and have his way with your thoughts and your heart. He is after all, the creator of our hearts, as women. He knows who we are. He knows and understands the stories of our lives much better than we do. And he knows the desires of our hearts with intimate detail. He placed them there. Let's ask him to come, and to help us.

Dear Jesus, I love you. I need you. I come before you now, once again, as yours, asking for your help, your grace. My life is yours. My heart is yours. Would you please come and shine your light into the depths of my heart that I might understand myself better and come to know your healing and your presence more deeply. Help me to remember what I need to remember. Help me to see, to understand, to repent, to forgive and to become. Jesus, I give you access to all of my heart. I invite you in to every part. Come, Holy Spirit, have your way…that I might love you, God, more deeply and truly with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Windows to Your Heart

John and I love movies, because they speak so deeply to the heart. (You'll remember that Jesus loved to tell stories, too. He did it to reach the heart). In chapter one we said, "Look at the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of?" It might be really helpful, as a way of entering into this journey, to go back and watch one or two of your favorite movies. And as you do, ask yourself, Why do I love this? What does it stir in me?

In fact, why don't you jot down the names of several movies you love right here:

Now, as you begin, flip back over chapter one in Captivating, skim the pages. Did you highlight anything? What strikes you? What did it evoke in your heart?

What do you like about this chapter?

What do you not like about it? What are you struggling with?

What, if anything presented in this chapter, are you having a hard time believing?

Coming Alive

I began chapter one by retelling the story of our Oxbow Bend canoeing experience; the beauty of it and the dangerous turn it took.

We rose to the challenge working together, and the fact that it required all of me, that I was in it with my family and for my family, that I was surrounded by wild, shimmering beauty and it was, well, kind of dangerous made the time . . . transcendent.

Have you experienced something similar? Can you recall a time in your life when you felt alive as a woman? Who were you with? What happened? How did you feel?

A Woman's Journey

Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
--Anais Nin

When did you first know that you were no longer a girl, but had become a woman, a "grown up"? Was there a milestone? An event?

Do you feel like you are a woman? Are there places in your heart where you still feel young?

There seems to be a growing number of books on the masculine journey--rites of passage, initiations, and the like--many of them helpful. But there has been precious little wisdom offered on the path to becoming a woman. Oh, we know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches, and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same thing as knowing what the journey towards becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal really should be.

What expectations have been laid upon you, as a woman? What do you feel the pressure to be?

The Church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enough. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily . . . you are here to serve. That's why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community. Seriously now--picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

Think about the women you meet at church. They're trying to live up to some model of femininity. What do they "teach" you about being a woman? What are they saying to us through their lives?

What have you been taught that a mature, godly woman should look like?

Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it--something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much, at the same time.

Have you ever felt that way? Are you feeling it these days? In what ways?

The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women--whatever that means--life wouldn't be so hard. Right?

Do you believe that? That if you were "better" life wouldn't be so hard? "Better" in what ways?

Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought--that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain--uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Do you feel like you know what it means to be a true woman? Do you feel like you are?

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us--whether from a driven culture or a driven church--is Try Harder.

Do you resonate with that? Do you ever feel that way? How have you--how are you now--"trying harder?"

The Heart of a Woman

And in all the exhortations we have missed the most important thing of all. We have missed the heart of a woman. And that is not a wise thing to do, for as the scriptures tell us, the heart is central. "Above all else, watch over your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). Above all else.

Think about it: God created you as a woman. "God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27 NIV). Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so as a woman. Female. That's how and where you bear his image. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities--as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image--when he created you as his woman--that journey begins with your heart.

Is it a new thought to you that your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you? What does that meant to you?

Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know…We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

Amen? Do you see those desires within your own heart? In the movies that you love? In your dreams--or, in your disappointments?

To Be Romanced

I will find you.
No matter how long it takes, no matter how far--I will find you.
--Nathaniel to Cora in The Last of the Mohicans)

How do you think Cora felt as Nathaniel made this pledge to her?

The desire to be romanced is set deep in the heart of every little girl and every woman. By looking at the stories we love, we can get a hint, a clue to what those desires are. What were some of your favorite games as a little girl? Do you remember role-playing games that you played as a child? If you do, who or what did you like to pret...