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Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live (Paperback)

~ Martha Beck (Author) "Melvin worked as a middle manager at IBM, and a miserable middle manager Melvin made..." (more)
Key Phrases: soul shrapnel, turtle step, emotional shrapnel, North Star, Square One, Square Four (more...)
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Put the telescope away; the North Star mentioned here is a human body, not a heavenly one. And like Polaris, which has guided sailors for centuries, the human body's gut feelings and emotions can help guide a wayward soul back to his or her "essential self." In this absorbing combination of detailed self-awareness exercises and true stories from her own counseling experience (equal parts sobering and hysterically entertaining), Harvard-trained sociologist Martha Beck invites readers to explore their heart's desires and the vast social webs that keep such desires in check. The goal is not to forsake the "social self" and indulge every emotional impulse of the "essential self." Rather, Beck gives readers the tools and the encouragement to achieve maximum happiness by harmonizing these typically divergent voices.

Beck (author of Expecting Adam) admits that repairing a damaged emotional compass and setting out on such a vital journey--which often involves painful realizations and changes--"has all the combined attractions of suicide and childbirth." But the payoff, she concludes, is a love affair with real life. To that end, she walks readers through a lengthy exercise to evaluate their current lifestyle's pleasures and pains, teaches the process of listening to the body for directional cues, describes how to extract "soul shrapnel" (healing all those nasty, self-defeating emotional wounds), and provides an intriguing "Map of Change" to achieve an authentic life. Beck's impressive knowledge, her engaging (if somewhat irreverent) voice, and her ability to parse this scary process into achievable steps make her a new champion in the self-help arena. --Liane Thomas --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.



From Publishers Weekly

A fixed point in the sky that helps mariners stay on course, the North Star emerges as a symbol for realizing one's true potential in this cheerful and perceptive but too-long book. Though her navigational metaphors lose force with repetition, Beck's voice is light, down-to-earth and refreshing. Having found her way on her own journey from academia (she was a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School) to becoming an author (of Expecting Adam, a warmly received memoir about the birth of her Down's syndrome baby), Beck currently consults with clients on redirecting their lives. She teaches that each individual has a core personality that encompasses one's desires, emotions and preferences, which is sometimes blocked by a social self that responds to external influences and cultivates survival skills. By far the most fascinating material is on how to read warnings from the essential self: low energy, lapses into illness, forgetfulness, addictions, Freudian slips and mood swings. She advises steering toward the correct path by eliminating negative influences and practicing elaborate self-esteem exercises. A section on navigating change weighs the book down while suggestions for dealing with serious emotions like grief and anger are somewhat breezy. In the end, however, the numerous self-quizzes, exercises and chances to laugh will allow many readers to overlook these weaknesses. (Mar.)Forecast: Given the success of Expecting Adam and Beck's freelance contributions to Mademoiselle, Real Simple and Redbook, the author is likely to shine in a constellation of media venues and has a solid shot at capturing the imaginations of self-help seekers.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press (January 29, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812932188
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812932188
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (119 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #4,010 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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    #52 in  Books > Business & Investing > Job Hunting & Careers
    #60 in  Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Success
    #61 in  Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Motivational

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Martha Nibley Beck
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Surprise Me!
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First Sentence:
Melvin worked as a middle manager at IBM, and a miserable middle manager Melvin made. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
soul shrapnel, turtle step, emotional shrapnel, emotional compass, essential selves, catalytic event
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
North Star, Square One, Square Four, Square Two, Square Three, Charting Your Course, Getting Everybody, Map of Change, The Hero's Saga, Advanced Compass Reading, Neutral Response Strongest Positive Feeling, True False, Wildly Improbable Goals, Printe Shoppe, Just Because You're Paranoid, Kindergarten Complex, Reading Your Emotional Compass, Mary Lynn, United States, The Disconnected Self, New York, San Diego, Ebenezer Scrooge, Joseph Campbell, The Englishman
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Customer Reviews

119 Reviews
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4.5 out of 5 stars (119 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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321 of 327 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The best of its class, October 9, 2001
This review is from: Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live (Hardcover)
There are shelves and shelves of books on "making your dreams come true," but remarkably few that deal with identifying WHAT your dream is. My own background is similar to Beck's: I bought into my parents' dream that I would have an academic career, went all the way through a Ph.D., found a teaching job -- and discovered that I felt like a fish out of water. I was lucky enough to turn my skills into another career, but it's never engaged my heart, and if I could afford to abandon it I'd do so tomorrow without a single pang of regret. What to do with the rest of my life? I've been grappling with that question for several years now, and, after working through Beck's exercises, I feel for the first time that I'm approaching an answer.

The second part of the book deals with the change process and making your newly found dream into reality. Other writers have dealt with this (notably Barbara Sher), but I found Beck's approach more compelling for two reasons: (1) She doesn't gloss over the difficulties of creating a new life for yourself -- while she points out (as do many other authors) that the mere act of goal-setting can be very powerful, she also emphasizes that achieving those goals will be a long, difficult job. (2) She sees life changes as cyclic. Some books seem to imply that, once you've created a new life for yourself, you'll be settled for the rest of your days. That's just not true, and I felt that she did a good job of preparing readers for the inevitable NEXT series of changes in their lives. (Recommended supplementary reading: William Bridges' books on transitions.) All in all, I feel this is the best book of its type that I've read, and I recommend it highly to anyone who's grappling with these same issues in their own life.

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192 of 201 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The single best transition book you can read, November 6, 2002
By Dr Cathy Goodwin (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)      
As a career/life coach who works with clients in midlife transition, I recommend this book to just about every client.
This is the ONE book to buy -- and I mean buy, not borrow! --
if you are undergoing a life transition.

Actually, despite the title, Martha Beck is a career counselor and the book focuses on career change. However, as Beck points out, relationships and personal questions can influence career change. Wisely she encourages readers to seek help from qualified therapists if personal issues cloud their careers -- but she is not afraid to tackle the tough emotional questions.
And her analysis of emotions would do credit to any personality or social psychologist. Fear, for instance, may not be fear at all.

Perhaps the best parts of the book are the chapter on intuition (a gem) and the five chapters that address the four stages of career change. Beck's view of intuition is sensible -- not New Age woo-woo but a way to gain deeper insight into our own motives. And describing the stages of transition, Beck gives us realistic indicators (those in phase 2 typically change their appearance!) as well as warnings about what to expect.

It's easy to miss the message between the lines, but Beck does hint that the path of change will not be an easy one. Unlike many authors, she dispenses with false cheer and hints of pain and sacrifice along the way. Change isn't magical. It can happen -- but you have to be realistic about yourself and your objectives.

That's a message I try to share with all my clients -- and I've sold so many copies of this book by word of mouth, I've been tempted to claim a share of the royalties. Don't miss it.

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127 of 131 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant, amazing, heaven-sent!, July 24, 2001
By "mittstamp" (Ithaca, New York) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live (Hardcover)
Okay, maybe I've gone a bit overboard. But only a very little. I had previously read "Expecting Adam," which I thought was good although it brought my own grad-student days in Boston way too close too home :( This book, however, is more than "self-help." It's a blueprint for learning how to make your own choices, accept responsibility for making things better, and a PhD course in the "life lessons" that are so obvious, we've forgotten them. As in "If it brings you joy, do it. No, seriously, if it brings you joy, do it." Martha (I can't call her Mrs. Beck, because after my husband and I formed a "study group" to work through the exercises in this book together, she's become the fairy godmother I never had!) might have gotten a PhD in sociology, but thank God her North Star steered her towards writing. This book is better than years of powerful Freudian therapy (which heaven knows I've had, as well as Adlerian.) It's difficult to speak in specifics, since the book covers issues from psychosomatic illness, decision-making, visualization, and so forth, but the plan she lays out is simple: Figure out what you love. Do it--and she'll tell what land mines you may encounter along the way, the various false starts, opposition from within/without, and offers concrete strategies (and I mean REALLY concrete--this is definitely an interactive book, so get ready to start writing, thinking, and loving your life.) Martha, please keep writing! Here's a big electronic hug ....
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Super Book - Excellent Way to Find and Live Your Passion!
I have read just about every career development book out there that's designed to identify what your life dream and goals are and how to make them come true. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Kate

5.0 out of 5 stars Life-Changing Book
This was the first book that I picked up after a devastating divorce. With my world in pieces around me, I sought comfort in Martha Beck's words, devouring them daily. Read more
Published 2 months ago by A. Lindsey

5.0 out of 5 stars Finding Your Own North Star
This is a wonderful book that explains in great detail how the subconscious mind works and how a person can find his/her true life purpose or... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Peony54

4.0 out of 5 stars Get therapy first. Then read this book.
I read this twice. Once before therapy, once after. Before therapy, I couldn't put any of her methods to use, since I couldn't see clearly--many of my thoughts/beliefs were an... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Docta

4.0 out of 5 stars Find Your Star Power
Finding Your Own North Star is not your "run of the mill" self-help book. Martha Beck has an edgy humor and she gives you plan in which to reach your north star or the life you... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Kimba Livesay

2.0 out of 5 stars godo for someone lost in heavy job
I thnk this book is good for someone lost themseleves in the heavy work and especially when that job is not suit them.

Published 5 months ago by Xuzhifang

3.0 out of 5 stars finding your own north star
seller did not indicated there was writing in the book. book in good condition other than that. arrived in timely fashion.
Published 7 months ago by B. G. Warren

5.0 out of 5 stars One of The Best Books Ever!
Self Help for Managing the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

This book changed my life. I use it ALL THE TIME in my practice. Excellent! Read more
Published 7 months ago by Tami Green

4.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck has also been on my book shelf for a few years now. An insightful book with some thought-provoking exercises, designed to help you to... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Eclectic Booklover

5.0 out of 5 stars Good Book
Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha Beck is a book that teachers you to find your "essential self. Read more
Published 9 months ago by John H. Eagan

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Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live - An Interview with Martha Beck, Ph.D.

Martha Beck is a New York Times bestselling author, an innovator in life coaching, and a monthly columnist at O: The Oprah Magazine. Martha has coached hundreds of individuals over the past fifteen years; recently, NPR called her “the best-known life ...

Author: Martha Beck;  Number Of Pages: 400;  Edition: Reprint; ...

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Created on Mar 15, 2007, last edited on Mar 15, 2007.

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