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Guide to Pirate Parenting
 
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Guide to Pirate Parenting (Paperback)

by Tim Bete (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)

List Price: $10.95
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Guide to Pirate Parenting + The Government Manual for New Pirates + The Pirate Primer: Mastering the Language of Swashbucklers & Rogues
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Editorial Reviews

Product Description
If you're like most parents, you long to raise your children as pirates but just don't know how. In "Guide to Pirate Parenting," Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers. In Guide to Pirate Parenting you'll learn: . Ten benefits of raising a pirate . At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener . Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie . How to prevent sogging the quartermaster . The best place to maroon your disobedient child . How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child's hair . The difference between plundering and pillaging . How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner . When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar Each information-packed section ends with "Your pirate's progress," a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 136 pages
  • Publisher: Cold Tree Press (April 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1583851275
  • ISBN-13: 978-1583851272
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.8 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #908,819 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

12 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.5 out of 5 stars (12 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Heartedly recommend this book!, May 21, 2007
Reviewed by Susan Pettrone for Reader Views (5/07)

As I am the parent of pirate "Barnacle Boo" who eats, sleeps and dreams all things pirate, I was both hesitant and eager to read this book. Since said "Barnacle Boo" has his `cabin' (we're not allowed to call it a room anymore...it's his CABIN thank Ye' very much!) arrayed in every bit of pirate memorabilia from fish netting, to personalized cabin sign (thank ye' Uncle Joel!) to hand-painted maps on carpet....I was sincerely wondering what other advice could be given this mother of a sea captain.

I shouldn't have worried. Not only is this book easily read and understood by parents of all grades of pirates, from the very beginning pirate starting in mere infancy, but it also covers the most advanced of pirates with every level in between. With chapters easily found and documented such as "Baby pirates-mapping out your child's future" and "Quelling mutinies-disciplining your pirate," even this mother of a pirate found plenty of advice I had not previously considered, such as under the heading of "shall I maroon my pirate?," the author suggests to ". . . maroon him in the produce section of a grocery store. He won't find anything to eat there." THAT I found not only great advice but a suggestion I wish I'd had during my last shopping trip when said Barnacle Boo decided to push his pirating limits by demanding more sugared "pirate puffs." This mother was pushed to the limit of making Boo walk the plank but since there was no plank available, I settled for a "general pirate grounding from pillaging" instead.

But, as useful as the part on proper pirate discipline was my favorite part of the entire book was the section entitled, "Your Pirates first ship--How to convert your minivan into a Pirate Schooner." I especially enjoyed the section where you are taught how to rename your future vessel with a proper pirate moniker. Somehow "town and county unlimited" didn't have the dashing tone Barnacle Boo desired, but he WAS satisfied with the moniker we worked out from the book. We took the toss of the dice, "Happy Curse" and adapted it to a more sinister level thus...."Barnacle Boo's Bloody Curse" was born. This name my son felt had a rough, tough pirate-like air to it and also showed the vessel had been on many a dangerous voyage! Personally, I have no problem whatsoever with the changes to the minivan, but I do suspect his father will be a bit reluctant to fly the skull and crossbones through the sunroof....but as Barnacle Boo says, "We'll cross that gangplank when we come to it!"

Seriously, I do have a son who is crazy for pirates and he does have a room that is pirate-themed. He is a creative child and it takes all my energies to keep up with him and his thirst for new creative pirate items. This book gave me not only a chuckle but did stir the imagination with more than one idea within its pages. And I found myself laughing aloud on more than one occasion, when I realized how very much some of the articles mirrored my 8-year-old pirate son!

Both Barnacle Boo and I heartily recommend "Cap'n Billy `The Butcher' MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting" for all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or others who have a pirate loving child in their life, for even though the title states "Pirate Parenting," in my opinion, it is more "pirate loving." For anyone who has a child who adores pirates as mine does, will admit, having a good sense of humor is as all important and having the right treasure map or parrot...for without one of the three, being a pirate is about as worthless as a broken jar of dirt! Savvy?!?
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Cute but corny, June 12, 2008
So, a pirate walks into a bar.... As Tim Bete tells it, at least, that's how his Guide to Pirate Parenting got its beginning. A pirate, one Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall, sat down next to him at the Crow's Nest Tavern. After an hour's worth of chit chat and one potentially fatal faux pas on Bete's part ("Do you work in a theme park?"), Cap'n Billy, having learned that Bete was a writer, demanded that he transcribe the Cap'n's pirate-themed parenting advice. Teaching parents how to raise their children as pirates, the Cap'n figured, would be good for the pirating industry, there being a shortage of pirates in the modern day. As for parents, they'll find that kids raised as pirates will have higher self-esteem and a more colorful vocabulary. And the fact that one's children are pirates is useful as a ready excuse for any behavioral issues that should come up.

Following Bete's introduction on the genesis of his book are seven chapters in which the Cap'n answers common questions--a sort of pirate parenting FAQ--on the subjects of: pirate babies, food, sleeping issues, discipline, health, converting one's minivan into a pirate ship, and the teen years. For example:

"What is pink eye and how can I treat it?

"Conjunctivitis, or pink eye, is inflammation of the conjunctiva, the white part of the eye. It is caused by bacteria and viruses and is extremely contagious. Do not let your child share another pirate's glass eye. While swapping glass eyes may seem like harmless fun, it often spreads disease. To treat conjunctivitis, get a prescription antibiotic from your child's doctor or change your child's nickname to 'Pinkeye the Pirate.'"

As for parents, they'll find that kids raised as pirates will have higher self-esteem and a more colorful vocabulary.Bete's book is cute in parts (I did laugh aloud when I read that Cap'n Billy used to call his grade school speech teacher a "speech therrrrrapist"), but the pirate jokes wear thin pretty quickly. Even at only 120-odd pages the book seems over-long. It may be that it's the sort of book one is meant to dip into rather than read straight through. That would make the salt cod jokes easier to take. Still, it's difficult to know who the appropriate audience for this book is. Kids might appreciate the jokes and the pirate-themed nursery rhymes Bete includes more than adults will, but then they're not usually in the market for parenting advice. But if you know a father-to-be with a slightly corny sense of humor, this might be just the book to get him as a gift.

-- Debra Hamel
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Argh, Har, Har, May 19, 2007
What do you do when you run into a pirate who just so happens to have co-authored a book on Pirate Parenting?

I guess it depends on where his hook is resting.

If you're like me and love to laugh, and you have a sick and twisted mind, you buy his book, read it, review it and ask a few questions.

You've got to have an edgy sense of humor to enjoy this book which may hang out a little closer to fiction than non-fiction - which is probably good.

My patient hubby smiled as I shared some great gems. He shook his head, but didn't make me stop quoting.

The "Me cat kittened in my mouth" Q and A ended up being worth the cost of admission - two Abes and a George (11 bucks). Several rewritten nursery rhymes, songs and other great stuff only increased my enjoyment. A check list at the end of each section forces me to give my stamp of approval.

A quick test to see if you'd appreciate Pirate Parenting.

Creative discipline techniques are your forte. T or F.

You have a child who once cried because you called another child "geek" and forgot to toss him a "term of endearment." T or F.

Pirate talk amuses you. T or F.

You laugh when someone falls. T or F.

Wally from Dilbert is way funnier than Garfield. T or F

You often quote lines from Pink Panther movies i.e "Does your dig bite?" T or F

You laugh out loud at Dave Barry, Patrick McManus or
Dear Abby. T or F


If you can answer true to most of these, I believe you won't regret your $10.95 investment. Not only is it only slightly more expensive than the price of a movie, it's a very fast read.

Sure, you're not going to unbury a treasure of usable parenting tricks, but the imagination stimulation will almost make parenting fun. You don't actually have to serve them salt cod to appreciate the fact that you can tell them you are. Plank walking - arghh - who sez the plank has to be suspended over the ocean, matey?

If laughter is the best medicine, then I imagine that also applies to anti-anxiety meds. Think about it. The co-pay to the drugstore, or the opportunity to laugh your cares away?

Read Tim Bete's interview for further information at [...] May 21, 2007. If you are amused with his interview - I think you'll like the book. Check out his web page for some great endorsements.
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Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide To Pirate Parenting
By Tim Bete
Copyright 2007 Tim Bete
Published by Cold Tree Press

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5.0 out of 5 stars Fun and Laughter Abound in Pirate Parenting!
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