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The Myth of Self-esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever
 
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The Myth of Self-esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever (Paperback)

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Product Description

Many psychologists preach the importance of self-esteem, but on closer analysis the meaning of self-esteem often amounts to little more than basing our sense of self-worth on the success of our achievements or relationships. In this insightful exploration of true self-acceptance, Albert Ellis criticizes the traditional definition of self-esteem, calling it conditional self-acceptance—i.e., we feel good about ourselves only on condition that we fulfill certain ambitions and personal desires. Ellis proposes instead Unconditional Self-Acceptance (U.S.A.)—learning to appreciate our unique personalities no matter what good or bad actions we do or how successful our relationships turn out to be. This more realistic approach, Ellis points out, helps us to avoid the common pitfall of failing to live up to our (often unrealistic) expectations and the consequent feelings of self-denigration, low esteem, and depression, which impede our ability to tackle life’s challenges.

Ellis provides a historical review of the concepts of self-esteem and self-acceptance, examining the thinking of great religious teachers, philosophers, and psychologists—including Lao Tsu, Jesus, Spinoza, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Buber, Heidegger, Sartre, Tillich, D.T. Suzuki, the Dalai Lama, Carl Rogers, and Nathaniel Branden, among others. He then provides exercises for training oneself to change self-defeating habits to the healthy, positive approach of self-acceptance. These include specific thinking techniques as well as emotive and behavioral exercises. He concludes by stressing that unconditional self-acceptance is the basis for establishing healthy relationships with others, through Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA) and a total philosophy of life anchored in Unconditional Life-Acceptance (ULA).



About the Author

Albert Ellis, Ph.D. (New York, NY), the author of more than seventy-five books, including many popular best-sellers, is the president of The Albert Ellis Institute for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. He has practiced psychotherapy, marriage and family counseling, and sex therapy for over sixty years. Other books by Albert Ellis available from Prometheus Books are: The Road to Tolerance, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: It Works for Me—It Can Work for You; Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors: New Directions for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy; and (with Raymond J. Yeager) Why Some Therapies Don’t Work: The Dangers of Transpersonal Psychology.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 344 pages
  • Publisher: Prometheus Books (October 3, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1591023548
  • ISBN-13: 978-1591023548
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #471,823 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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The Myth of Self-esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever
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46 of 48 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The mantra of "Self Esteem" , March 14, 2006
Albert Ellis performs a valuable service with this book. The mantra of "Self Esteem" has indeed become pervasive in today's society, but not due to Dr. Ellis. We are told that some children don't do well in school because they suffer from "low self-esteem," that people commit crimes for the same reason, and that if we can only figure out how to universally raise people's self esteem, all societal problems will vanish.

Last night I was reading the old book "Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow" (not written by Dr. Ellis). Good title, but by the second chapter, the author starts implying that if we're not in work we love, it must be because we suffer from (you guessed it) "low self-esteem." The rest of the book is devoted to telling us how we can supposedly "raise" it.

Ellis' point is that "self-esteem" is NOT the root cause of all mental problems, contrary to what many self-help "experts" tell us. In fact, "self-esteem" can even be counter-productive. If you have high self-esteem, for example, you may think that you "deserve" to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled no matter what job you have or what circumstances you are in. Dr. Ellis' point is that we must get away from obsessing over "self-esteem," both as individuals and as a society, and start dealing with the real false beliefs that cause us distress.

This book is not so much about not trying to achieve significant things in life as it is about not blaming ourselves when we fail, as we occasionally will.
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18 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Just what is self-esteem? , April 22, 2006
Just what is self-esteem? Many believe we must have it; but here's a famous psychologist to say it's all a myth, and he bases his contention on the thoughts of some of the finest religious thinkers and philosophers of our times. Instead Albert Ellis in THE MYTH OF SELF-ESTEEM (1591023548 ) explains his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy as an alternative to achieve unconditional self-acceptance, using exercises which promote such acceptance over the more commonly held self-esteem.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars `self-esteem' nuts, October 20, 2009
Many Americans are `self-esteem' nuts. They have been obsessed for long time to seek building and enhancing `self-esteem'.

But what is `self-esteem' anyway? Typically, in the mind of most people in America, it means `overall rating of your worth as a person'.

If you're an intelligent person capable of critical thinking and are willing to seriously think about the concept of this `self-esteem' stuff, you'll tend to feel that it's very confusing.

`I speak very well, so I feel good about my self'; then `I'm overweight, so I feel lousy about myself'; then `my school grade is A+, so I'm better than most people in the class'; then `I failed to enroll in Harvard, what a loser I am'; then `Cathy didn't invite me for her wedding, so I must be not good enough, I feel depressed', etc, etc. So, how much is your 'total worth'? No wonder so many people's `self-esteem' is in the hands of other people.

In order to rate your `total worth' (self-esteem) against other people, you have to enlist all of your strength and weakness and opinion of every people you know, and enlist all the attributes of other people you can imagine, and weigh them on a magic balance.

How this is possible? What's your overall worth to yourself?

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! It's absurd to rate your `total worth'. It's absurd that `your total worth' depends on comparison with and opinion of other people.

As a person, you value your own existence, care for your own needs and naturally want to enjoy your life. So, based on reality, naturally you want to develop some skills and abilities to earn a decent living and also to seek to realize you potential. That's all. You're not perfect (not even close to being perfect). No one really is. You don't have to rate your `total worth'. The `total self-worth' in public eyes is really an arbitrary foolish idea.

This book powerfully refutes this `total self-worth' myth. But considerable intelligence is required on a reader's part to fully understand the content of the book.

I would not be surprised if only a small proportion of people in America can truly understand and appreciate this book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

1.0 out of 5 stars Message ruined by messenger...Get over yourself, Dr. Ellis!
This book continues on from earlier works by attempting to further define and strengthen arguments for accepting 'USA'. I say 'attempt'. Read more
Published 10 months ago by a reader

2.0 out of 5 stars USA and self esteem are the same thing
Though I have great respect for Dr. Ellis, he totally blows it with his title. His description of Unconditional Self Acceptance IS self esteem. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Santa Smurf

2.0 out of 5 stars WHAT myth?
This is my opinion:
I'm not sure how this man gets away with implying that he is debunking a myth. Read more
Published on January 31, 2006 by H.P.

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