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Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart
 
 
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Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Paperback)

~ (Author) "DURING OUR YEARS OF WORKING WITH PEOPLE CONFRONTING LOSSES, from a death earlier that day or one chronically embedded from decades before, my wife, Ondrea,..." (more)
Key Phrases: unattended sorrow, liberating awareness, merciful awareness (more...)
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
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Customers buy this book with Who Dies?: An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying by Stephen Levine

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper," says grief counselor Stephen Levine, whose work over the past 30 years has won acclaim from the likes of [[LINK]][Elisabeth Ku[umlaut]bler-Ross]. He claims that chronic grief can result just as easily from the death of a loved one as it can from everyday disappointments like "unfulfilled ambitions." Whatever the source of one's sense of loss, Levine argues that grief must be thoroughly worked through, or it can lead insidiously to addiction, clinical depression, and other physical complaints. Borrowing heavily from Buddhist teachings, Levine recommends mindfulness meditation as one of several paths to reaching relief through "self-mercy." Unfortunately, as earnest he may be, Levine has a tendency to meanders in his writing, even in chapters that average just five pages in length. He's right that Americans in particular are too-often taught to "swallow our grief," but (likely distraught) readers may have a hard time wading through his ponderings to reach the far-between bits of concrete advice. --Erica Jorgensen --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.


From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. According to Levine, "unattended sorrow," even years after a loss, casts a shadow over one's entire life, leading to fear, doubt, shame and, more concretely, eating disorders, troubled sleep and sexual dysfunction. These sorrows, he writes, involve not only death but "the ungrieved losses of love betrayed, of trusts broken, and of the repeated bruises left by unkindness" that, unheeded, "sink well below the level of our awareness." In this valuable addition to the literature on mourning and bereavement, Levine writes in a soothing voice informed by many of the principles of Buddhism, but also encompassing all the major spiritual traditions. Levine (A Gradual Awakening), who has done grief counseling with concentration camp survivors, Vietnam vets and many others, points out that a new loss may be intensified by earlier, unresolved griefs about the death or divorce of parents, the loss of a sibling or other psychological traumas. Levine identifies three stages on the path to easing the anguish of loss: softening the pain, cultivating mercy and making peace with the pain. He recommends a number of techniques, including a breathing exercise to loosen a stomach constricted by fear and denial and periods of silent time spent meditating or walking. All of his easy-to-follow suggestions involve extending kindness and forgiveness to the self, which, Levine says, will lead to the practice of dealing with others in the spirit of mercy and love. Although, as Levine acknowledges, the healing process is slow, opening the pain-filled heart can lead to the unfolding of a new life.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Rodale Books (February 7, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1594863814
  • ISBN-13: 978-1594863813
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #41,360 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Stephen Levine
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Front Cover | Front Flap | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Flap | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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DURING OUR YEARS OF WORKING WITH PEOPLE CONFRONTING LOSSES, from a death earlier that day or one chronically embedded from decades before, my wife, Ondrea, and I were often moved by how many asked if they were grieving "correctly." Read the first page
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unattended sorrow, liberating awareness, merciful awareness, afflictive states, ordinary grief, grief point, grief journal, heart speech, may all beings, chronic grief, soft belly
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Customer Reviews

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3.9 out of 5 stars (11 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Attending to Sorrow, February 23, 2006
This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)
Your child died or your spouse left you. Your parent abandoned you. Your kids are "disconnected." Grief has many faces. Stephen Levine's book was recommended by a counselor I recently saw due to some personal grief issues.

There are times I got lost in the read, but this was due to the sometimes poetic nature of the writer. I just keep reading and learned about breathing, tapping, mindfulness and forgiveness. Interspersed are tidbits of wisdom from Buddhist philosophy. All positive ways to embrace your life.

This books isn't written to take your pain away. Rather, it helps you to embrace your human-ness. It affirmed my belief that the inability to feel empathy, hurt and pain, is -- apathy. I prefer being human and Stephen Levine wraps you in that comfort.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A Healing Journey: Gentle and Compassionate, September 20, 2007
By Alice Saczawa (Mineral, VA United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)
I read the review that said this book is repetitive, etc. . . . and I felt I needed to share my experiences with this book.

Sorrow can run deep. Especially when a pattern of grief and sorrow is laid down when you are a child; it can persistently sap your energy, your joy.

What is lovely about this book is that, recognizing the persistent nature of this malaise, it gently speaks to you of other alternatives. When I was in pain, I really appreciated the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the materials are presented. This book is more about helping you find your peace within your sorrow than about expressing tools and techniques; although the tools and techniques are there.

It is a lovely book, and it can be very, very helpful in working through those old patterns. I highly recommend it.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Some excellent content, but repetitious and loosely organized, September 1, 2006
This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)
This book has a very poignant message about sorrow which is not attended to. It also goes into how and why we sweep our feelings of sadness under the rug. Not only is it not acceptable to be sad beyond a certain length of time in our culture, in our fast-paced world we tend to accumulate ungrieved losses.

There are many very lyrical and moving quotes throughout the book. For this reason alone it is worth owning. For example, Levine uses the following metaphor to illustrate a point, "Where we expect to find a highly sensitive area around pain, we may discover it is actually going numb from overload. This is a true of a broken bone as it is of a broken heart." He goes on to say that this numbness is unattended sorrow, "it's all the places where we've gone numb... overflowing the walls by which we attempt to compartmentalize our pain."

While the book is filled with powerful content, you will have to wade through a lot of repetition to find the gems. The book is also loosely organized and I didn't find many of the specific suggestions useful for dealing with acute grief. I think he fails to present enough detail to get the full benefit from his practical advice and he tends to just keep repeating the same basic two or three concepts.

On the other hand, Levine does a great job of articulating the pain of grieving and some existential realities that accompany it. The style of the book is poetic and it's a good book to open randomly and just read for short periods of time. It could be very comforting at a time of loss, but it doesn't present a real roadmap of the grief process or a systematic way to get through it.

Stephen Levine is a mindfulness proponent, so is approach is more meditative and meandering. For Westerners, this may not come naturally, although I don't argue that it could be a very effective way to deal with grief if you understand more about it. However, I feel some important supporting text is missing and a more comprehensive overview of the grief process as a whole would probably be an addition that most readers would appreciate.
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 		 Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Loved These Short Vignettes That Were So Powerful and Poignant
I am a big fan of Stephen Levine's work and this was an excellent addition. There are short stories that really hit home in several areas of grief and loss. Read more
Published on October 29, 2007 by An Avid Book Lover

4.0 out of 5 stars Different and useful take on the grieving process....
This book is very different from most other books. Rather than explaining the grieving process and approaching it from the head, it is an invitation to opening up the heart and... Read more
Published on March 13, 2007 by Patrick D. Goonan

5.0 out of 5 stars Grieving the great and small losses in our lives
After the recent, too-early loss of my youngest sister, I searched for insight to help me and my parents through our grieving. Read more
Published on February 21, 2007 by Virginia Allain

5.0 out of 5 stars Unattended Sorrow
I'm a new widow having lost my love after almost 40 years. Went through service, thank you notes, legal stuff, but why didn't I feel better? Read more
Published on January 9, 2007 by Katherine G. Latta

3.0 out of 5 stars For Zach, Take Heart...
Liberating Losses
Second Try
We Don't All Grieve The Same., December 19, 2005
We, as human beings, search for the meaning in bad things which happen to us, and... Read more
Published on July 9, 2006 by Betty Burks

5.0 out of 5 stars Winner of an "Academy Award for Books"
Unattended Sorrow is one of eight books of the thousands published in 2005 to receive a Books for a Better Life award in a ceremony like an "Academy Awards" for books. Read more
Published on March 8, 2006 by Jordan

1.0 out of 5 stars Stephen Levine has saved my psyche!!!!
I have recently experienced a profound loss and I knew I had to go to Mr. Levine for some relief, some profound mercy. Read more
Published on November 3, 2005 by Phidian

3.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed
Although Levine has some insights, he's terribly repetitive and often simply varies a basic theme. The book did not offer me the solace I had intended receiving when I ordered it... Read more
Published on August 27, 2005 by Albert Ball

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