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~ (Author) "At 30,000 feet, somewhere between Buffalo and Dallas, he put his magazine in his seat pocket, turned in my direction, and asked, "What kind of..." (more)
Key Phrases: emotional love tank, primary love language, emotional love language, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts (more...)
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (690 customer reviews)

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Editorial Reviews

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Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouse’s – and your own – love language? Chapman’s short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

Although some readers may find choosing to love a spouse that they no longer even like –hoping the feelings of affection will follow later– a difficult concept to swallow, Chapman promises that the results will be worth the effort. "Love is a choice," says Chapman. "And either partner can start the process today." --Cindy Crosby. This text refers to the Amazon.com Exclusive Journal & Paperback Book Set.

Product Description

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce. Quality Time Words of Affirmation Gifts Acts of Service Physical TouchDr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return.Skillful communication is within your grasp!Click here for the Study Guide for Spouse and Group Discussion
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 204 pages
  • Publisher: Northfield Publishing; 2nd edition (June 1, 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1881273156
  • ISBN-13: 978-1881273158
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (690 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #749 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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    #5 in  Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Marriage
    #10 in  Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Marriage
    #14 in  Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance

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Gary Chapman
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First Sentence:
At 30,000 feet, somewhere between Buffalo and Dallas, he put his magazine in his seat pocket, turned in my direction, and asked, "What kind of work do you do?" Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
emotional love tank, primary love language, emotional love language, five love languages, emotional need for love, love tanks, emotional tank
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Betty Jo, Dead Sea, China Grove, Little Rock, Babbling Brook
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4.7 out of 5 stars (690 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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394 of 406 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Where's The Needle On *Your* Love Tank?, October 7, 2003
How's your relationship with your mate? Your children? Your parents? Your siblings? It may be a matter of the state of the "love tank".

Author Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate believes everyone has a love tank, and that tank is filled by different love languages. These five languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Often, we tend to give love in the languages we are most fluent in, which usually ends up being the languages that fill up our love tank. This would be why a husband who does yard work, dishes, car maintenance, etc. (Acts of Service) is floored when his wife says "You never show me you love me. You never cuddle with me, or caress my hair, or make the first move for sex." (Physical Touch). Or, "Why don't you spend time with me? Why do you work so much?" (Quality Time). And, "Why don't you buy me flowers? Why don't you ever get me cards or balloons...just because?" (Gifts) Or "You never tell me what I mean to you. Why don't you ever share with me what I mean to you, or what my good qualities are?" (Words of Affirmation) But, if her language is primarily Acts of Service, she'll feel so loved and honored because her husband does so many things for her, and thus feels "full" in her love tank.

This may not sound like a big deal, but considering the divorce rate is 50% (as one relationship instance), and so many seem to be unhappy with their primary relationships, the concept of love languages may very well be a signficant factor in understanding self and others, and in relationship growth. Perhaps relationships get rocky or arrive at an impasse because individuals are speaking a different love language than what fills up the "love tank" of the object of their affection...and a result, the recipient doesn't feel loved. It's not that they feel empty and unfufilled because love isn't being given, but because the language "spoken" is not something that registers to the recipient as a form of love.

Chapman further theorizes that we usually have 2 main love languages that fill up our tank. He also says that if a person has a hard time identifying their main love languages, they've either been on empty for so long and are out of touch with their needs, or they have been so filled up by their spouse, that all 5 languages tend to speak to them equally.

A story in the book that illustrates the love tank theory is the "burnt toast syndrome". A woman was sick in bed. Her husband would always bring her burnt toast to her when she was ailing. She was so hurt and offended by this repeated insensitivity and ignorance, that she finally burst into tears one day, and asked him why he did that...and didn't he care? She was floored to hear him say "I'm sorry honey. I had no idea. Burnt toast is my favorite, and I gave you what I would consider my favorite breakfast...burnt toast."

Chapman writes: "When your spouse's emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks right and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world."

I recommend this book highly. It could very well be a relationship saver!

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78 of 79 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman, December 13, 1999
The author reveals, through 25 years of counseling, that he has determined people communicate love in five basic ways.They are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Giving Gifts. For example, if my primary love language is Quality Time, then I will show my love to others by spending quality time with them. If I don't receive that in return, my love tank will be empty. The author stresses the importance of knowing your loved one's love language so that you can communicate love to that person in a way in which he/she feels love, so that their love tank can be continually replenished. If my spous's love language is acts of service and he is always doing things for me to communicate his love, but I receive love through the language of quality time, I will not receive his acts of service as communicating love and therefore my love tank will be dry. I in return, must communicate my love to him through acts of service in order to fill his love tank. An empty love tank causes relationships to deteriorate.This book was excellent for teaching us to recognize the way in which our loved ones receive and feel loved.
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86 of 90 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars BEST GIFT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED, CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE, October 4, 1999
By A Customer
It is so simple and easy to understand. After I read it, I couldn't understand why I hadn't realized these concepts before. I wish I could give a copy of this book to every man, woman, and child. What a wonderful world we would have if we all understood the "Five Love Languages" and spoke them to all we meet everyday!! The family is a great place to start. My family and I regularly ask eachother "How full is the 'love tank?'". When things are tough at school, work or life in general, we now ask eachother freely "What can I do to make your love tank full?" Sometimes only the passing of time will cure a family problem (example: problems at work), but our family's committment to express to eachother the variety of dialects between quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch (which seem to be the most needed of the 5 languages in our particular household when outside problems occur) can make the hardest of times go by so much easier and faster. How I wish everyone would read this book!!!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

2.0 out of 5 stars A great theory but ridiculous in practice
This book is like so many other relationship books. The theory is great, but it is impossible to practice, especially if both parties aren't involved. Read more
Published 1 day ago by Charlie Barger

1.0 out of 5 stars Little to offer
It is quite disturbing, if not insulting, to read this book and note the level of intellect it addresses. It is juvenile and silly. Read more
Published 1 day ago by Liz Colby

5.0 out of 5 stars Great
Wonderful book with wonderful ideas and thoughts. Great insight. Good for couples of any ages. Really makes you think and ask the right questions of yourself and your... Read more
Published 1 day ago by Geri Alhadeff

5.0 out of 5 stars Better late than never...
A friend recommended this book to me while we were discussing books in general.

I bought a copy from Amazon, on spec, and found it well worth the cover price... Read more
Published 2 days ago by Coinneach Gordon

5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely worth the money!
This book is great for helping understand why you get unexpected reactions from your spouse...cause most of us speak different love languages! Read more
Published 2 days ago by J. Karelus

5.0 out of 5 stars Best Book Ever!
I read this book about 6 years ago and it really opened my eyes to the way relationships around me were working (or not, as the case may be. Read more
Published 3 days ago by PJ in Bellevue

4.0 out of 5 stars A must read for any relationship
Fabulous insight into the ways men and women think when it comes to love.
This book gives hope to relationships in trouble. Read more
Published 5 days ago by Flossie

5.0 out of 5 stars The Five Love Languages
I tell everyone to read this book!
You'll learn about the needs of others and yourself to feel fulfilled....
Thank you Gary!
Published 5 days ago by Boop

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book!
Great way to increase communication with your spouse. Very useful insight that we really hadn't considered as ways to better our marriage. Awesome book!
Published 8 days ago by J. Hayes

5.0 out of 5 stars Great CD book
Gave this as a gift. They love it!

I have read the book and it is a good read for anyone in a relationship. Read more
Published 8 days ago by S. Horton

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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

This is a: Non-Fiction Book

Dr. Gary Chapman is participating in a Virtual TownSquare panel hosted by Amazon’s Askville.com with 4 other best-selling authors by answering questions that are asked by people in the area of "Love and Relationships".  Askville.com is a communitysite ...

Author: Dr. Gary Chapman;  Pages: 204 pages;  Publisher: Northfield Publishing; ...

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