No Deposit, No Return (1976)

Now on to the DVD transfer. It's sad. They didn't try to clean it up digitally or anything. It looks like they just used a VHS tape and threw it on a DVD. The quality of this film makes me a little leery about buying the next set they throw out. While I love to see these classics finally come to DVD, I hate to see them wasted on a junky transfer. If you have this one on VHS, don't waste your money to upgrade. And yes, it's in fullscreen with no extras other than the "trailer" (a 30 second television spot).

For undiscriminating types who don't care if they're ripped-off or not, "No Deposit, No Return" is a typical '70's-era Disney trifle with a great cast of veterans (David Niven, Darren McGavin, Don Knotts, Barbara Feldon, Herschel Bernardi, Charles Martin Smith and Vic Tayback) pulling out all the stops to enliven a mediocre script that, incidentally, contains one of the biggest plot holes I've ever seen in a Disney movie (back to this later). Fortunately, director Norman Tokar (a Disney regular) and the screenwriters throw everything in but the kitchen sink to create a freewheeling comedy that has more than its fair share of laughs. So even though "No Deposit..." pales in comparison to great Disney laugh-fests like "The Love Bug" and "The World's Greatest Athlete," it is still entertaining and will hold the kids' interest for all of its 112 minutes.

How's this for a contrived plot? Jay and Tracy Osborne (Brad Savage and Kim Richards) are poor little rich kids who attend a typically Disneyesque boarding school while their magazine editor mother (Feldon) globe-trots on business. Excited that they will be spending Easter vacation with her, they are crushed when Mom cancels and whisks the pair off (along with their pet skunk (!) Duster) to Los Angeles to spend the week with their despised Grandfather Osborne (Niven), who likes them about as much as they like him (meaning, not at all). At the same time, Duke (McGavin) and Bert (Knotts), a couple of luckless but kindhearted safecrackers, are trying to crack the safe at L.A. International Airport, but botch the job and set off the alarm. Meanwhile, Duster gets loose and causes pandemonium in the airport. In the confusion, Jay, Tracy, Duster, Duke and Bert end up in the same taxi, tailed by Grandfather Osborne in his limo. When Jay and Tracy figure out that Duke and Bert are harmless crooks, they con them into thinking they're homeless and letting them spend the night. The kids then work up a bogus kidnapping scheme and mail a ransom note to Grandfather Osborne (who has his butler keeping an eye on them from across the street) and con Duke and Bert into going along with it, figuring they'll split the money, and Jay and Tracy will go to Hong Kong to join their mother while Duke and Bert pay off the menacing loan shark (Tayback) they're in debt to (which is why they tried cracking the safe in the first place). Whew!

What follows is "Ransom of Red Chief" territory, with Osborne refusing to pay the ransom and the quartet continually dropping the ransom amount. It isn't until someone tips off the local police (represented by Bernardi and his by-the-book rookie partner Smith) that Grandfather Osborne has to start playing the game and making an attempt to get the kids back. What follows is scene-after-scene of typical '70's era Disney slapstick, including the Disney equivalent of the classic "Bullitt" and "French Connection" chase scenes (played for laughs, of course), as the entire cast chases each other around half of L.A. and the entire harbor area in a freewheeling slapstick car chase. Of course, everything ends in predictably warmhearted fashion.

Actually, were it not for the cast, "No Deposit, No Return" would be D.O.A. But Knotts is typically hilarious, McGavin a perfect straight man for Knotts, Bernardi and Smith bicker amusingly and Richards and Savage (straight off their famous roles in "Escape to Witch Mountain" and "The Apple Dumpling Gang") are cute and professional, unlike some of the other cloying non-actor child stars of the era. As for Niven, he is an absolute delight and plays wonderfully off his sophisticated image to get some genuine laughs. Feldon shows up late and scores points as a mother who leaves a little bit to be desired.

As for the production, the opening cartoon-credits sequence and theme music are rather boring compared to the bouncy themes of "The North Avenue Irregulars" and the Kurt Russell college comedies. And, like all other Disney films of the era, it plays like a live-action cartoon in which the reality of the era plays no part whatsoever (Watergate? Vietnam? Jimmy who?) It's basically by-the-numbers stuff, though admittedly entertaining.

As for the plot hole? Okay, here goes: If Grandfather Osborne is a millionaire and doesn't want the kids around, and Jay and Tracy would rather go to Hong Kong than spend time with him, then why not just ask Grandfather Osborne for the money so they can go to Hong Kong and be with their mother? If he doesn't want to be bothered with them, then why would he say no? It's simple: then there would be no movie.

I just don't get it. Lousy titles like "Cat From Outer Space" and "Hot Lead and Cold Feet" get widescreen treatment, while great films like "Darby O'Gill" and "Follow Me Boys" languish in full-screen prints. Even "No Deposit, No Return" deserves better. So, the verdict: "No Deposit, No Return" gets **1/2 while the DVD treatment rates *. As I said before, I give up.