Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
I Am Female, July 16, 2009
I am an attractive woman by beer-goggled standards. But because of my course mustache**, prominent mons pubis, and ample back fat, I don't often get approached by men (even when I premiered this shirt on a Friday night at the Denny's bar). After several unsuccessful weekends, I got wise to the ways of the manhunt. I Bedazzled the words "I AM FEMALE" on the back. You can't deny the allure of three wolves on the front and the unequivocally feminine rhinestone-studded message on back.
I would have given this shirt five stars but am resentful over the $24 I had to pony up for the studding apparatus.
**(No; I don't mean a Tuscan Whole Milk mustache. I'm growing the real deal).
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
With Great Powers Comes Great Responsibility, July 17, 2009
I admit it, I'm a ladies' man. And when you put this shirt on a ladies' man, it's like giving an AK-47 to a ninja. Sure it looks cool and probably would make for a good movie, but you know... somebody is going to get hurt in the end (no pun intended). That's what almost happened to me, this is my story...
Yes... I remember it like it was yesterday...because it was yesterday. My mom bought me this shirt because it matched the velvet painting hanging over my waterbed except my painting has wolves, the moon, AND an Indian man... on a horse. Deee-lux. At first, I thought nothing of the shirt other than finding agreeable the fine stitching of the seams and the effective use of negative space on the print. Then one Friday, I had a date with a gal that works at the swap meet. I landed the date by posing to her the question: "Hey baby, how about if we swap meat?" I made that up myself, that's how I operate. Her eyes rolled back trying to contain her excitement! To break her uncomfortable giddiness, I blurted out "How about I pick you up here at 8?". She replied "yeah, whatever"... SCORE!
7:30 rolls around and I find my lucky WWE shirt is covered with bondo from having worked on my Camaro the day before. Normally I would just flip it inside out and wear it, but the inverted silkscreen image of The Rock makes him look like Richard Pryor and a ladies man does not want Richard Pryor pressed against his chest when he's on a date. And so... I reprimanded my mom for not washing it (with a finger wag) and picked up my wolf-moon shirt and said to myself "Tommy (that's what I call myself, because it's my name)... Tommy, this will have to do." Boy did it do!
I grab the keys to my Camaro... ok... my mom's Camaro... and run out the door. Mom kicks open the screen door behind me and says "Where the hell is yous goin?" At this watershed moment in my life, I knew I had to think quick. I grabbed my little brother who was making mud pies in the front yard and said "Momma, I'm gonna take Timmy to Chuck E Cheese"... Off we go!
I stop by an abandoned parking lot where I sometimes shoot rats with my BB gun. I drag Timmy out of the car and he screams "I thought you were taking me to Chuck E Cheeezzz?" I pick up one of the dead rats I shot and said "This is Chuck E Cheese! Somebody must have burned it down and killed Chuck!" I threw the dead rat in his lap and as he sat motionless and sobbing uncontrollably, I jumped into the car, locked the door, and drove off. I could still see him crying in the rear-view as he cradled the rat, it was a nice warm feeling knowing he has learned to care for a fellow mammal like that.
When I arrive to pick up my date, I saw her duck behind the counter when she saw me. I couldn't believe how nervous she was! She couldn't even look me in the eye. That was the first sign of the power of this shirt, and I knew I had to be careful not to break her heart. I tried to calm her with casual conversation, but the more I spoke, the more flustered she would get - It was worse than I thought. Eventually she screamed out "You are so scary and weird!" "Scary and weird?" I thought to myself "Scary and weird????"... I looked down on my shirt, the black backdrop, the intriguing wolves, and realized that this shirt, like me, projected a Dark & Mysterious aura (or "scary and weird" as she put it). I was wise to what was going on here, this shirt plus my mojo was too much for her to handle. Before I could stop charming her with puckered lips, she spat in my face. Spat! We had exchanged bodily fluids only 5 minutes into our date! I didn't even know her name (that's how playas roll). In some countries that's illegal! I knew right then and there what I had to do...
I stood there, and all I could think about was that scene in Superman where he realizes that to be with Lois, he has to give up his super powers. Well my friend, I figuratively put that crystal in that thingamajig, and took off my wolf t-shirt freeing myself from these powers. The results were immediate. As soon as my shirt was off, her face went from red and flustered, to laughing and relaxed. We never spoke again though, I walked away knowing I saved a soul from certain heartbreak and a long life of bad relationships because of how much I would have hurt her. It felt good, real good to have done the right thing. She smiled as I walked away, I think she was grateful too.
I am giving this product 5 stars because not everyone out there is a ladies man. In the hands of lesser beings, it can help you find love. In the hands of a playa like me, it can only break hearts. That's why I say use with caution. I am passing the torch onto you, be careful out there folks.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Do not consume this product., July 16, 2009
I too purchased the three wolves t-shirt to bask in it's awesomeness, however I am unable to wear this shirt to my job because of some dress codes or some junk. Any way I decided to put the shirt into the blender and make a smoothie out of it. I didn't have any Tuscan milk to mix with it at the time so I just mixed in some "Blackberry Ridge favor" Boones Farm I had in the fridge. I assume that the power of the shirt was absorbed though the skin somehow and if I were to eat it the power would be inside me. The drink wasn't quite as smooth as I expected but after gulping it down I noticed an immediate difference. Hairs grew out all over my body, even in places you'd think hair couldn't grow. Women are not magnetically attracted to me, however the neighbor dogs are. They follow me around as if I can help them case cats or something, as now I sometimes feel the urge to do. I can't fly like some of the other reviewers but I do gnaw at my crotch from time to time. Maybe if there were only one or two wolves on this shirt and my body could handle it but I think the three wolves and the full moon just took things over the edge.
All I can say is that there should be some type of warning on the label that tells you not to eat this shirt or something. I'm hoping when all of it finally comes out the other end my symptoms will go away and I get back to normal. For now I just keep a electric shaver handy and avoid going outside in the full moon.
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