The Official Razzie Movie Guide: Enjoying the Best of Hollywood's Worst
Since the point of my book, THE OFFICIAL RAZZIE® MOVIE GUIDE, is to encourage Bad Movie Lovers to not only read about but actually SEE the movies I consider the 100 Most Enjoyably Awful Films ever made, below is a listing of my Top Ten "Best of the Worst," with lynx to each title to add them to your Bad Movie Library. OFFICIAL RAZZIE® GUIDE lists a total of 100 titles, more than 65 of which are also available for rental from Netflix. Listed alphabetically, as they are in the book, here are my Top Ten...ENJOY!
Finally released on DVD, this nearly three hour wallow in the sex-obsessed world of Harold Robbins stars a wooden Candice Bergen, an unpronouncable Yugoslavian male starlet as one of her husbands, and Olivia deHavilland as a sleep-around hussy who hires the husband to be her male escort for the summer. Chock full of ridiculous mis-casting, over-the-top dialogue and hilariously out-dated 1970's "fashions," this one belongs in a time capsule about everything tasteless, tacky and truly delightful about the 1970s...Also available on VHS.
Forever referred to in RAZZIE® History as PLAN NINE FROM L. RON HUBBARD, this is John Travolta's "Dream Project," in which he plays a futuristic alien in platform boots, Rasta-beehive hair and a codpiece, with snot-covered shoestrings dangling from his nose. And Travolta ISN'T the silliest thing in the movie! With every camera angle slightly askew, every dialogue line delivered like it's being recorded for The Hard of Hearing and every costume, set and prop looking like it came from a Dumpster behind a community theatre production of STARLIGHT EXPRESS, this is one of the great, laugh-out-loud misfires of the 21st Century. Also available on VHS.
Body of Evidence
Madonna has ALWAZE been a Repeat Offender in the RAZZIES® and this is the Berry Best (Funniest) of her Berry Many Bad Movies. In it, The Immaterial Girl is accused (and tried in court!) for schtupping her lover to death. Over-heated, over-acted and over-the-top in every way, it features several "kinky sex" scenes that are sure to get you howling...with laughter! Also available on VHS.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (Snap Case Packaging)
No sequel could have equalled the scares in the original EXORCIST, but this ranks as one of the worst sequels EVER. Made by a director who admits to HATING the first pea-soup-fest, this one brings back chubby-cheeked cherub Linda Blair, who's in danger of being "repossessed," until out-of-control World Class Over Actor Richard Burton joins her in "hypnosync" (a process which must be seen to be disbelieved) and sets out to prove she has a "good side" as well as an "evil" one. Burton sums up audience reaction to this laughed-from-the-screen misfire with his marvelously melodramatic reading of the line: "It was horrible, utterly horrible...and fascinating!" Also available on VHS.
Glen or Glenda
Told as only Ed wood could tell it (with Wood playing the cross-dressing title role himself!) this is the story of one man's quest to get into his fiance's drawers...her underwear and sweater drawers, that is! With incredibly awkward "dream sequences," frequent use of jumbled stock footage and other-worldy narration by horror- movie-king/hop-head Bela Lugosi, this is Wood's greatest "masterpiece"...well, piece of something anyway! Also available in a DVD Boxed Ed Wood Set, as well as on VHS.
The Lonely Lady [VHS]
Produced by her way-older billionaire husband, and based on yet another incredibly trashy novel by Harold Robbins, this is Pia Zadora at the nadir of her non-acting abilities, playing a struggling screenwriter who suffers lesbian hot tub encounters, rape by garden hose, nervous breakdowns and a host of other hoot-a-minute humiliations on the way to winning Hollywood's Best Screenplay Award(!). Don't let the fact you've never heard of it dissuade you -- This is a MUST see for ANY Bad Movie Aficionado. It was also the first film ever to receive more RAZZIE® nominations than we had categories! For now, ONLY available on VHS.
Mommie Dearest (Hollywood Royalty/Special Collector's Edition)
Featuring a wild-eyed, way out-of-control performance by Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in the title role ("No wire hangers...EVER!") this one had every credential imaginable: Based on a best-selling book, starring an Oscar® winning actress, helmed by a previous Best Director Oscar® nominee and produced by a major Hollywood studio. But just about everything about MOMMIE-- From Dunaway's Groucho-like eyebrows and hilariously high-camp wigs and shoulderpads, to even its smallest cameo roles being over-acted -- makes it the Dearest, queerest Movie Star Bio ever made. Promoted as an Oscar® contender when first released, it instead went on to sweep The 2nd Annual RAZZIES®, taking nine nominations and five spray-painted gold statuettes. Also available on VHS.
The Oscar [VHS]
Beloved by Bad Movie Buffs for over 40 years, this is the sordid tale of one really bad actor's climb all the way to the top in Tinsel Town -- An Oscar® nomination as Best Actor! Made with the full cooperation of the AMPAS, this one has more ham on display than any deli window, more blowhard/bloviating dialogue than the entire RKO movie library, and more laughable "insights" into how showbiz works than just about any other "Hollywood expose" ever made. Expose yourself to it NOW -- You'll be laughing so hard, you'll be glad you did! For now, ONLY available on VHS.
A salacious sleeze-fest from first frame to last, this is the "dramatic" story of one Las Vegas lap dancer's rise to "fame," one slutty step at a time. With more nudity than a sex-ed film, nimrod performances by every cast member, and pricelessly puerile dialogue by Joe Eszterhas, this has long been hailed as The Best Bad Movie of the 1990s. With a record 13 Worst Achievement nominations and 7 "wins," it is also the all-time RAZZIE® champion. For extra enjoyment, turn on the Closed Captioning feature! Also available on VHS, and in a VIP/DVD edition complete with tassles and Bad Movie Party instructions!
Xanadu - Magical Musical Edition (With Complete Soundtrack CD)
Olivia Newton-John's ONLY solo starring film, this one's a relic of the early 1980s that centers on Olivia "coming to life" as the Greek Muse of disco music, encouraging Gene Kelly and Michael Beck to create a palace showcasing
the "art" of disco roller skating(!). A world-class bomb in its original release, it is now revered as a classic example of why movie musicals died when disco was born. Featuring songs by ELO (remember them??) and "dance" numbers that make Pia Zadora in SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS seem talented. Playing on a 99-cent Double Feature with CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC, this one helped give me the idea of creating the RAZZIES® in the first place! Also available on VHS.
To check out the OTHER 90 titles skewered in The Official Razzie Movie Guide: Enjoying the Best of Hollywood's Worst visit the listing page for it.
Meanwhile, Alwaze Remember: If It's BAD Enough to be Good...It's BAD Enough to be Worth SEEING!!!