So, you've finally decided that your current occupation (file clerk, doctor, lawyer, assistant ___) does not give you the respect that you deserve or the excitement that you crave. Now, you've decided, the time is ripe to conquer...well, something. You've made the right choice, you'll show those cretins down at the (office, lab, corner) that you were destined for better things. Well, here's what you'll need to begin your glorious conquest of some place that no one has ever heard of.
STEP ONE: Background
All great conquerors, Alexander the Great, Catherine the Great, Murray the Really, Really Interesting, have been outrageous egocentrists and A-holes. This reading list will get you started: The Fountainhead I read this book, now I understand that no one can do things better than me...anyone who thinks otherwise is stupid
The Art of War: (Miniature book) Most countries do not want to be conquered, you will have to fight them...but just remember, if you've learned anything from Ms. Rand, you're the one who is right and you must do what it is you want to do, conquer these plebian future subjects. Why hardcover? This handy guide will now double as a weapon of last resort should your plans utterly crumble around you. Do not try to be lazy on me and buy the DVD The Art of War that's what Napoleon did and look where he is now: dead...and short.
Done reading? What, you think one country's not enough for you? You want the whole world? TryRisk: The Game of Global Domination (2003) Ms. Smarty-Pants. You'll see that's just unrealistic...I'll bet you fail to even hold Europe. Safest bet, Papua New Guinea.
Are you American? Do you know nothing about geography other than...well, nothing? Let's get you situated: Buy a map. Better yet, buy a whole book. National Geographic Atlas of the World, Eighth Edition is the best one. If you own one of the other seven editions, they're useless, toss 'em. This one has three new continents and a brand new ocean!
Choose your mercenary army. Here are some suggestions to get you started: Soldier of Fortune Ad: Are you a gun-toting nut? Need some adventure? Call 1-800-CON-QUER Want a more classy group? Choose one of the following (but don't try to mix and match): Real Ninja or Pirates! (Teen's Top 10 (Awards))...But wait, I have a question. Here's your answer: Do Pirates Take Baths? If you've done your reading, everything else will take care of itself.