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RESPOND ELEGANTLY TO UNSOLICITED ADVICE

A guide by Steve Nakamoto - Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author (Southern California)

Products sampled from this guide:
RESPOND ELEGANTLY TO UNSOLICITED ADVICE

In February 2009 I attended the “Mega-Book Marketing Seminar” hosted by Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of The Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Included in the deluxe seminar package that I purchased was an exclusive networking luncheon with best-selling authors, literary agents, and book editors.

One of the people sitting next to me at the luncheon was a woman from San Francisco who wrote a book about little-known successful people from the Silicon Valley. Evidently, she has been a life-long writer and considers herself an expert in this field.

My table at lunch seated eight people and gave each of us a chance to discuss our individual book projects. When it was my time to share, I started by discussing what I had already accomplished as a relationship author. In mentioning my first dating book, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man, the woman from San Francisco said, “I don’t like that book title. It should say something about “sex” in it. I don’t see where the word “fish” has anything to do with love or dating.”

My reply to her was that the book has already been out for over 9 years, translated in 9 foreign languages, and has earned a Writer’s Digest Book Award. In my opinion, it was far too late to be thinking about changing that book title. But evidently, my words didn’t seem to sway the opinion of the writer from San Francisco.

When the luncheon was over and everyone had a chance to share, we all gathered ourselves to return back to the main ballroom to resume the seminar. As a common courtesy, I told the woman from San Francisco that I enjoyed meeting her and sharing ideas. Her reply to me went something like this: “You sound like a man who doesn’t know what he wants. You’ll never succeed in this business like that. You have to take action on your opportunities and not talk so much about it.”

Needless to say, I was quite stunned by this woman’s off-the-wall comments. But since I write an ezine about “Strategic Small Talk Tips,” I immediately began searching my mind for a proper response. Under the circumstances, I chose to say to her, “That’s interesting” which is what I do whenever I comment on ridiculous statements. But afterwards, I thought that there must be a more elegant reply when it comes specifically to handling unwanted, unsolicited advice.

After a few days of pondering this situation, I believe that the most empowering response to unwanted, unsolicited advice like I encountered at that luncheon would be to begin by saying either “You know what? That’s a good point,” “You’re probably right,” or “That’s understood.”

I would follow this remark by graciously saying, “Thank you for your honesty. I can always benefit from some unbiased feedback.”

And finally, I could take control of the conversation by adding, “And by the way, is there anyway I can help you out with feedback in return?” That question would probably catch the other person off-guard and put a quick end to the conversation.

The Bottom Line

Recognizing situations and being prepared to respond are the secrets to implementing effective communication tools. Receiving unsolicited advice can easily throw you off-balance emotionally and cause you to respond in an unresourceful manner. Effective communication is developed by mastering both the emotions and the skills in every conversation that you engage in so you can respond in the best way possible.

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Steve Nakamoto is a two-time Writer’s Digest Award-Winning author, former Dale Carnegie Instructor, and trainer for motivational expert Tony Robbins. Steve has served for nearly six years as the iVillage.com Mr. Answer Man relationship expert.

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For more help in the area of business, human relations, and communications, take a look at this list of excellent reads:

The 45 Second Presentation That Will Change Your Life
The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance [Updated & Revised]
Introduction to Mass Communication: Media Literacy and Culture
POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything
Transformational Speaking
Money Talks: How to Make a Million As A Speaker
Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive
Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive
Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want
Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success
----------------------------
The Art of Mingling: Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room
The Art of Small Talk: Because Dating's Not a Science - It's an Art (Marriable Series)
Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness
Fearless Networking
The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude: How to Find, Build and Keep a YES! Attitude for a Lifetime of SUCCESS
Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect with Others
The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk : How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything
How to Win Friends and Influence People
-----------------------------
Goodbye to Shy
How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
RoAne's Rules: How to Make the Right Impression: Working the Room, or One-on-One,What to Say and How to Say It
Talk to Me: Conversation Tips for the Small-Talk Challenged
10 Simple Solutions to Shyness: How to Overcome Shyness, Social Anxiety, and Fear of Public Speaking (The New Harbinger Ten Simple Solutions Series)
The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
---------------------------------
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
What Do I Say Next?: Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success
Your Ultimate Calling: 365 Ways to Bring Inspiration into Your Life (Hay House Lifestyles)
What Do I Say Next?: Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success
What's My Purpose? A Journey of Personal and Professional Growth
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
The Art of Mingling: Easy, Fun and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room
The Fine Art of the Big Talk: How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work
------------------------------
Googled: The End of the World As We Know It
The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience
Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
How To Win Friends and Influence People
The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (Dale Carnegie Training)
Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and the Business of Life
Say It Like Obama and WIN!: The Power of Speaking with Purpose and Vision
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Warren Buffett on Business: Principles from the Sage of Omaha
Googled: The End of the World As We Know It

---------------------------

I hope this list is helpful and I welcome your comments.

Good luck,

Steve Nakamoto

Products mentioned include:
1.  The 45 Second Presentation That Will Change Your Life  by Don Failla
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2.  The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance [Updated & Revised]  by Adrian Robert Gostick
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3.  Introduction to Mass Communication: Media Literacy and Culture  by Stanley J. Baran
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4.  POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything  by Sam Horn
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5.  Transformational Speaking  by Gail Larsen
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6.  Money Talks: How to Make a Million As A Speaker  by Alan Weiss
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7.  Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive [Audiobook] [Unabridged]  by Robert B. Cialdini
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16.  How to Win Friends & Influence People  by Dale Carnegie
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17.  Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude: How to Find, Build and Keep a YES! Attitude for a Lifetime of SUCCESS  by Jeffrey H. Gitomer
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18.  Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect with Others  by Marco Iacoboni
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19.  The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk : How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything  by Bernardo J Carducci
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22.  How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking  by Dale Carnegie
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23.  How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less  by Nicholas Boothman
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24.  The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking  by Dale Carnegie
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25.  RoAne's Rules: How to Make the Right Impression: Working the Room, or One-on-One,What to Say and How to Say It [Abridged] [Audiobook] [CD] [Unabridged]  by Susan RoAne
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26.  Talk to Me: Conversation Tips for the Small-Talk Challenged  by Carole Honeychurch
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27.  10 Simple Solutions to Shyness: How to Overcome Shyness, Social Anxiety, and Fear of Public Speaking (The New Harbinger Ten Simple Solutions Series)  by Martin M. Antony
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28.  The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness  by Stephen R. Covey
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29.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change  by Stephen R. Covey
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30.  The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking  by Dale Carnegie
$7.99 Used & New from: $1.74
4.4 out of 5 stars   (95)
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31.  What Do I Say Next?: Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success  by Susan RoAne
$17.99 Used & New from: $0.01
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32.  Your Ultimate Calling: 365 Ways to Bring Inspiration into Your Life (Hay House Lifestyles)  by Wayne W. Dyer
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33.  What Do I Say Next?: Talking Your Way to Business and Social Success  by Susan RoAne
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34.  What's My Purpose? A Journey of Personal and Professional Growth  by Jim White
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35.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change  by Stephen R. Covey
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36.  How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends  by Don Gabor
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37.  How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships  by Leil Lowndes
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38.  The Art of Mingling: Easy, Fun and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room  by Jeanne Martinet
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39.  The Fine Art of the Big Talk: How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work  by Debra Fine
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40.  Googled: The End of the World As We Know It  by Ken Auletta
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41.  The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience  by Carmine Gallo
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42.  Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone  by Mark Goulston
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43.  How To Win Friends and Influence People  by Dale Carnegie
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44.  The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (Dale Carnegie Training)  by Dale Carnegie
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45.  Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and the Business of Life  by David Allen
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46.  Say It Like Obama and WIN!: The Power of Speaking with Purpose and Vision  by Shelly Leanne
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47.  Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us  by Daniel H. Pink
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48.  Warren Buffett on Business: Principles from the Sage of Omaha  by Richard J. Connors
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49.  Googled: The End of the World As We Know It [Kindle eBook]  by Ken Auletta
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How To Small Talk 0 Jun 27, 2012
Goleman's Social Intelligence VS. Albercht's Social Intelligence 1 Dec 2, 2010
POP! was a hit at the Inc. 500 Confererence 0 Jan 14, 2009
New Google Group! Yes! Attitude! 0 Jan 24, 2007
Sam Horn Delivers 0 Sep 4, 2006
POP! is totally inspiring 0 Aug 20, 2006
POP! is a Must for Entrepreneurs 0 Aug 11, 2006
POP! is great 0 Aug 9, 2006
 
   

About this Guide

 

Author

Steve Nakamoto - Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author (Southern California)
Qualifications: Author of the award-winning - TALK LIKE A WINNER!
Last updated: 10/29/12
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