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66 of 83 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Old-fashioned thinking for today's twisted culture., June 17, 2008
I've noticed that people tend to get really extreme in their complaints or praise of this book and the Pearls in general. I recently finished this book and I'll try to share my perspective as someone who is not on either extreme of the opinion spectrum.
Issue #1: Are the Pearls faithful to the Bible?
I have a couple thoughts on this. First, I disagree with their over-commitment to the King James Version of the Bible. They are convinced it is the only true translation of the Bible. This is agreed by most Bible scholars to simply not be the case. There are a number of more accurate translations out there currently, and that on top of the fact that King James' language is simply not practical for today's English speakers. I'm not sure why the Pearls are so fanatical in their use of KJV. Second, I think they take things out of context. After all, their ministry is based on an incorrect use of 3 John, verse 4. I'm not sure why they allow themselves to obviously misuse scripture like this. They do this several times throughout the book.
I think the reader is safe to read the book, simply ignoring their use of scripture. The book can stand without their Biblical support. That said, they do have some reasonably good uses of scripture as well. And, even though they are not completely sound in their use of Biblical passages, they are not using them in a harmful way, and they do have a love for God, Jesus, the gospel, and the truth.
So, my point for this issue is: Don't look to this book as a source of Biblical training on raising children. It doesn't stand up as that sort of book, so don't expect it to deliver here.
Issue #2: Do the Pearls have anything useful to teach?
Considering what I said above, if you can look at this book as a practical guide to parenting rather than a Bible-verse-based guide to parenting, you'll find something very refreshing, counter-cultural, and helpful. As I mentioned earlier, I really think the book can stand without many of the scripture references used by the Pearls.
The Pearls trained their own children using tried and true methods of generations past, before "time-outs" were the norm for "disciplining" children.
I must say, to be fair to the Pearls, they never advocate beating children. They write absolutely to the contrary. They emphasize over and over with strong language that it is fundamentally important to do all things with love and gentleness. Don't let the extremist naysayers tell you otherwise. This book advocates controlled, anger-free, loving, and practical use of physical pain to train children. This works with children. Time has proven this across generations and cultures. It worked with me as a child, for which I have no resentment (in fact, I wish I had received MORE spankings). The question is, how do you perform your switching, rodding, or spanking? Is it accompanied by outbursts of anger? Is it done hastily or rashly? Or is it done with clear communication to the child, with understanding, words of wisdom, and complete calm? Is it done with a constant sense of love for the child?
These are two completely different approaches to training children with the sting of pain. Realize, when the Pearls talk about this form of training, it is nothing like beating. It is just enough sting to make the child realize they did something wrong. Just as burning your hand on a hot stove tells you not to perform that action again, so does the sting of a switch tell a child not to perform their wrong action again. The goal is not pain for it's own sake, but gentle and loving correction for the child's own good. This sting is something children understand and respond to.
One day, I was talking to a cousin of mine who has 4 children. His children are the sweetest, best-behaved children I have ever encountered. There is a sense of love and deep community among the whole family. So I asked my cousin for advice on raising good children. It came up that my cousin agreed with and used many principles from this book. He had read it and discovered it to be among the more useful parenting books he'd read. The point of this story is that the principles of this book, whether or not they are based on good Bible verses, is that they WORK. At the end of the day, that's what matters. Do the principles produce godly children? If so, I'll use that method, regardless of where it comes from.
Let me also mention the importance of heart training. This is a central focus of the Pearls' writing. The goal is always training heart attitudes of the child, communicating to them in such a way that they learn to understand what is happening at the depths of their heart, and how it comes out in their actions.
In my years as a parent, I have read several views on best practices. I have carefully observed many families, considering their philosophies, practices, and results. I can tell you that the best families I've seen, with a deep sense of love, godliness, and community, are those who used principles taught by the Pearls. The huge percentage of the time, "time-out" families produce rebellious, wild children who take pride in training their parents.
For this reason, I have to recommend this book highly to anyone who wants to raise godly children. Not because it presents profound biblical insight, but because it teaches the methods that work. Many people have painful experiences of abuse from their past, and so they will react rabidly against anything related to physical punishment. Let me advise you to read extremist reviews with caution. This book is not perfect, but it is far from terrible. It is the best parenting advice I've seen anywhere. It is great for the loving parent who uses it's methods, and it's worked for our family. This is one of those books you have to read before judging. It's very short, so it won't require a whole lot of your time. Pick up a copy.
Let me also state that another book the read side by side with this book is Tedd Tripp's book, "Shepherding a Child's Heart". This book teaches similar principles in terms of heart training. I think families who prefer this approach will find these two books to be a great duo for parenting advice. The best families I've seen prefer and recommend these books.
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38 of 50 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
1 star doesn't begin to describe..., July 19, 2004
I've heard of child training being compared to animal training, but never quite like this. When responsible, intelligent, knowledgeable people speak of animal training they speak of using consistency, patience, and an understanding of limitations. There is no talk of whipping into submission. I haven't even noticed whippings mentioned in this book...when it speaks of animals. Why then, do they consider themselves applying animal-trainer logic when they speak of whipping children? The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old. They recommend whipping the bare skin of "every child". Parents who don't whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as neglectful (p.19). How does a four month old understand what they are being whipped for? Where is the logic in this behavior? Is it clear that I condemn this book?
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38 of 50 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
So sad ..., July 13, 2004
By A Customer
I wish there was negative star ratings for this book!I was given this book when my oldest was born ... sad to say I followed some of the abuse set in it. Some things, like blanket training I could NOT do! I could not "whip" a four month old. I have to say that my oldest, now coming up eight years, is very insecure, fearful and clingy! I attribute this to the way we raised her in her early years. This book should be banned! It is not good parenting it is Child Abuse!!!
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