Customer Reviews

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book saved my life! After years of counseling with therapists who were just counter-transferring their own unresolved issues onto me, Bradshaw helped me see the roots of my "mental illness" were from my upbringing in a patriarchal, totalitarian, authoritarin, rigid family & religious system. I was always made to feel by these systems that there was something defective about ME when, in actuallity, THEY were highly dysfunctional. In turn, that led me to seek therapy by therapists indoctrinated in these same systems. After realizing that going to my church for counseling was actually the antithesis of psycological & spiritual growth, I discovered the tools in Bradshaw's important work to heal myself. As a theologian, Bradshaw beautifully discerns the difference between spirituality & religion - that the more religious a person is, the less spiritual they are. That mature, spiritual people accept others just as they are & that religious people & systems narcissistically strive to create cookie-cutter people who act, think & believe that same way they do. I've come to the conclusion that every therapist I hired chose counseling as a way to avoid looking at their own issues. Receiving a different diagnosis from each therapist proves this to me. This comes without blame directed toward my primary caregivers as I realize that they were "mystified" by the same family & religious systems. I will never again look outside myself for approval. I honestly feel that Bradshaw's work (and the other psychologists he gives praise & credit to) is the most profound psychological & spiritual work of the 20th century. If you read this amazing book your life will never be the same. You will be unable to live your life the way you always have & it will change the way you see yourself & others forever. For the first time, I have made real, effective, positive changes in my life. My relationships are healthy & nurturing. I have self-esteem - something I thought was impossible. When friends & family comment on the amazing changes I've made in my life & ask how I did it, I don't say a thing. I just hand them a copy of this book...

The central idea of Bradshaw's book is an interesting one: that in recent decades, psychological research has begun to focus on seeing the family as an emotional system, and that one can't just study an individual's psychological difficulties without seeing his or her role in the family & the family's interactions. Families each have their own unique culture which creates an emotional environment that children learn from & absorb. People growing up in healthy families become mature healthy people, who have their own identity & have a healthy separation from their family; they have learned that they are free to feel what they feel and express it even if it goes against the family "script," roles, or views. If there are disagreements, then people fight fairly, with nobody is trying to manipulate each other or use each other to satisfy unmet emotional needs.

Bradshaw then looks at the dynamics in dysfunctional families. He examines, in turn, families with alcoholics, families who are physically or emotionally abusive, and those that are co-dependent. These families may have problems with enmeshment, guilt, control, shame, family secrets, continuous fighting or no fighting because "wrong" emotions are forbidden. He highlights the fact that dysfunctional families often have dysfunctional kids, who then seek out, find, and marry other dysfunctional people (since they act in a familiar, though dysfunctional, way). In this way, certain family problems such as alcoholism, violence, and so on can be handed down across generations. Because of this, one should examine one's problems in the context of one's family, and always look for the "problem behind the problem" (i.e. ask what drives one to drink? Rather than just address alcoholism as an addiction). Bradshaw goes on to give a 12-step plan for recovery to escape this pattern. The 12-step program he outlines mimics the one that Alcoholics Anonymous uses (Bradshaw is himself a recovering alcoholic).

Overall, I found the book to have several pluses and minuses. On the plus side, I thoroughly enjoyed the first third of the book, which laid out the main idea that the family must be understood as a system. The rest of the book amplifies and repeats the ideas in the first third, then goes into detail about the dynamics in various dysfunctional families & recovery. These details seemed to be somewhat similar, redundant, and somewhat obvious, though they will probably resonate with those stuck in those particular situations. Next, one slightly annoying technique that Bradshaw uses is that he often spells out a phrase, then use each letter in that phrase to write a paragraph about a related idea (for example, F.A.M.I.L.Y => F=Feedback loops are important...; A=Autonomy is key...; M=Marriage is a chief Component of families....etc.). Also, Bradshaw seems to emphasize that "shame" is the root cause of almost every problem he describes; I thought that this oversimplifies the issues involved. Finally, the book seems (and is, I suppose) geared towards a mass audience, so it's not a deep psychological text and at times it seems to have some "pop psychology" elements. But as I said before, I thought the first third of the book was good & worth reading, since it covers the main ideas. The rest of the book, about recovery & specific situations of abuse, can be skimmed or read in depth if one particular family situation applies to you.

This books has been incredibly helpful for me, an adult child of an alcoholic. I read it several years ago when a friend told me that my Dad was an alcoholic. My family always denied the truth, but after reading this book, I could no longer pretend that all was well in my family of origin. This book is very insightful and describes the intricacies of the relationships that exist in both functional and dysfunctional families. It's a great first step in discovering the underlying motivations for compulsive/obsessive behaviors that many of us exhibit.

Bradshaw presents the information in a very logical, non-threatening way. It was easy to read and understand. It makes so much sense. He gives concrete, workable solutions. I felt very relieved and hopeful after reading the book.

This is a book that will change your life, if you work it, are open to it, and are ready to "look" at yourself. I have read many of Bradshaw's as well as others, and the first time I picked this up, I thought, "yeah, I know what he's going to say". But when my therapist suggested I re-read it, because I was already journaling, doing dream interpretations, etc... it held a new facsination for me. I could relate in a way I never did the first time. Everything in time, I guess. Give it a try, if you already know that life isn't perfect, parent's aren't perfect, and you can give yourself a big break, and start living the life you deserve! Happy searching!

I cannot recommend this book more highly to anyone who has wondered how their family dynamics have shaped their personality. This book truly gives you the tools you need to get past your family control dramas and move on to being a self-actuated adult.

In this book, which is based on a TV series for PBS, brought Bradshaw into the public eye. The book essentially describes the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family. It is an attempt to explain family systems theory in layman's terms. He links our cultural values about children and parenting to the issues of shame, child abuse, eating disorders, and alcoholism.

The book has some clear strengths. Bradshaw succeeds in giving a relatively accurate (if somewhat simplistic) description of family systems theory. If you want to understand your own experiences in growing up in a troubled home, this book might help. If you are a student, however, and are trying to learn about family systems theory, this book could confuse you. Bradshaw tries to blend together the work of a variety of theorists, and in doing so he loses the meaning of the individual's work. His own theories are merely a reworking of other great theorists. The biggest problem with that is that he links people together that would actively disagree with one another if they were on a stage together. And some of them would really disagree with the way Bradshaw has reinterpreted their work. Satir is not interchangeable with Bowen. The average reader will not notice this, however, nor do they necessarily need to.

Bradshaw also talks alot about 12 step programs, and seems to believe that everyone can and will benefit in participating in such a group. He completely dismisses or ignores the writers who would argue that 12 step programs are ineffective for many. He draws on his own experiences, which is fine, but he generalizes these experiences to such an extent that he seems to believe that everyone must be just like him. He also veers off into left field with a chapter on Neuro Linguistic Programming, which does not seem to fit with the rest of the book.

The best thing about the book, aside from the explanation of how family systems function, is that the book contains individual chapters on each type of dyfunctional family. He uses mnemonics to help people remember the characteristics he is describing. Although this part of the book was repetitive (most dysfunctional families have alot in common, which Bradshaw acknowledges), it was easy to read and it was useful. I recognized myself in some of the behaviour patterns described.

In short, if you want a book written for laypersons to help you understand some of the things that happened in your childhood, this book might help you. If you are a looking for a strong theoretical book you could use for research purposes, you will need to look elsewhere.

John Bradshaw is an outstanding psychologist who has probed deeply into family dynamics, especially dysfunctional families. If you have ever wondered why you have trouble relating to your family "as you should" you may gain insights about your birth family and how you were treated by them. The family of origin's strengths and, more prticularly, their weaknesses will follow from generation to generation unless you gain insight into why you act/react to family members and make the necessary adjustments in your parenting style. John Bradshaw's "Bradshaw On: The Family" will help you see where you may have been damaged as a child. It is must reading for those who know there is "something wrong" but can't put their finger on it.

I think there are a lot of good ideas in this book that have helped me and could help others, but unfortunately it was painful to get through. Bradshaw uses too much jargon and needlessly creates some of his own hokey jargon. The personal examples are all extreme cases, leaving those of us who had difficult childhoods but not Lifetime Drama-material childhoods wondering if maybe we're making too much of things. I found the lists and summaries at the end of each chapter unhelpful and irritating. Bradshaw is repetitive, and goes off on tangents too easily. I also just don't like his tone, which comes off as a bit arrogant. Given all of that, I am glad that I read this book as it gave me a lot to think about and work on. It also helped me understand that some of what I went through as a child was not normal, and had consequences for my emotional development. As I read this book I wanted to keep reading in case there was more to learn, but I kept thinking, "there must be a better written book on this subject."

This book saved my life! It is a must-read for anyone from a dysfunctional family or in an abusive relationship. Bradshaw helps you get to the heart of your hurt, heal it, and move on. He offers understanding of the dynamics at work in abusive situations, and the understanding helps to heal. He has been there, and his analyses make sense, and they let you know you are NOT insane and you are NOT a victim. His insight is empowering and gives us all hope for the future where we might not have had any. I have given several copies to my friends in crisis and truly believe this honest look inside could benefit everyone.