310 of 324 people found the following review helpful
One of the few books that may really change your life,
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Paperback)
The relationship/self-help book market is booming. When looking for one of these books you are presented with a bewildering array of "experts" and "specialists", each with their pet theories about where men and women come from or what "rules" you should apply to your relationship.
It is rare to find a book written by an author with solid academic credentials and years of clinical practice. This book is one such find.
The book is organized into three parts. In part I, Dr. Hendrix describes the type of relationships most of us have - "Unconscious Marriage". In this section, he details how our childhood experiences, self image and ideals of romantic love combine to create an unstated power struggle between spouses. Often many books stop at this point, assuming that the reader can now go forth and solve their problems. Fortunately Dr. Hendrix continues.
In the second part, he describes what a more fulfilling relationship might look like, the "Conscious Marriage". He describes how to begin with commitment, stop destructive exit patterns, creating a zone of safety, understanding yourself and your partner, how to begin real self growth and containing rage. He closes by providing two examples of marriages that have been transformed by applying these techniques. The exercises and approaches described by Dr. Hendrix are hard. His most meaningful techniques are not quick tricks but require a lot of introspection and self awareness. As he mentions in his book, many couples may require external assistance (we did). However, his techniques provides lasting changes in the way that you interact with your partner.
The final part of the book is a series of exercises that help drive how the major points in each chapter of the preceding two sections. Relevant and helpful, their main point appears to be to draw the reader into applying the theories presented in the book to their own situation. In this respect, they are helpful.
We have tried a number of different books/techniques to help our relationship and we found this one to be the most helpful by orders of magnitude. I hope it works well for others
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Initial post: Mar 9, 2012 1:02:50 PM PST
Wisdom Shop says:
I just posted a review of this must-read book, but your review is so much better! Thanks for clearly articulating why this book is truly a must-read for anyone who is married. Another book I often recommend and sell is The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work, though definitely not as good as Getting the Love You Want, it can be a helpful supplement for a couple who is about at the end of their relationship rope. Thanks again for the fine review!
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