16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
This review is from: Getting to 'I Do': The Secret to Doing Relationships Right! (Paperback)
I recently finished, Getting to "I do". It's quite an interesting book but somewhat controversial. If you are a feminist you will probably not like the sex roles that the author believes each partner should be assigned. One partner is the male and the other is the female energy, gender is not an issue. The assigned roles are very traditional in view. There is no sex before a commitment and the relationships should be formed for the sole purpose of a future marriage. Female energy's should be passive, emotional, and nurturing. The male energy's should be agressive, logical and ready to assume role of provider. Each gender role fills the needs of the other.
The book describes why the traditional values of the past worked for couples and how you can follow the steps Dr. Allen provides to the point where you may get a marriage proposal. I think many of the topics mentioned are somewhat over idealized but she does make some strong arguments to why the traditional values worked for a woman in the past and how they still can today.
Although Dr. Allen's views on assigning sex roles within relationships is very tradtional the actual advice she gives on finding the right partner is very modern in view and proactive. Her advice is to date a lot until you find someone that suits you and agrees to be in a commited relationship that may lead to marriage. But she also urges you to leave a relationship if your partner does not agree to a commitment or marriage. There is no wasting time with her strategy. So you only end up with a partner that wants what you want (To be married).
One of the highlights of Dr. Allen's book is that the advice she gives really does serve the purpose of preserving a womans dignity in a relationship so that she is valued and cherished by her partner (In a committed relationship each partner knows what is expected of the other so there is no room left for insecurity or uncertainty).
I think the best part of this book are the sections dealing with communication. It's too bad Dr. Allen did not write an entire book dedicated to communicating within a relationship. It seems as if she has more practical experience and advice in this area.