62 of 78 people found the following review helpful
Harvey is just a a Control Freak with issues!,
This review is from: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Hardcover)
I got a couple of chapters into it and he talked about there are 3 ways men show love. The 2 I remember was protecting you and providing for you. I forgot the 3rd P.
He shares a story about how he was on a boat with some people and his wife was scuba diving. He did not go with her and he started freaking out and threatening those on the boat that she better be alive or they all have to save her.
I was thinking, he doesn't sound like he is protecting her, he sounds more like a control freak. The kicker for me was when he said that she was an adventerous girl and now doesn't do as much of the stuff she used to (like para sailing, etc)
I would think this is not demonstrating he is protecting her.
As well, this wife has probably lost an important piece of her personality as she has ended up sacrificing hobbies that made her happy - just to keep her man calm, when in reality he is the one that needs to deal with his issues. This is not the basis of a happy and emotionally balanced relationship.
I think this is sending a dangerous message to women - that it is okay to tolerate a control freak, who claims he is protecting you.
I would think if he were concern, he'd fret about making sure she was prepared with her oxygen tank, etc and ensuring she was properly certified.
Another example was that he shares a story of his dad threatening to kill the insurance man who was being rude to his wife. Threatening one's life is taking it to the extreme. I can understand speaking to him and telling him to stop harrassing them but again that shows to me that this is an unhealthy form of protecting a woman.
Steve Harvey is condoning violence and that is not cool!
I would not want to be with a man who was a control freak. I'd rather be happy alone!
That is not love!
Tracked by 4 customers
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Showing 1-10 of 12 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 12, 2009 2:48:21 PM PST
I thought I was alone in not wanting a man to freak out over the slightest thing in the name of protecting me.
How is that protective? It seems more to me like a man with some serious issues and problems and insecurities and that is NOT appealing at all.
Also, I think the other one was proclaim, but being shy, I wouldn't like that either... Having to be surrounded by people I don't know... eep.
I want a man who will except me for who I am, not someone I have to change myself to fit short of trying not to be messy.
Posted on Dec 20, 2009 6:08:29 PM PST
I suppose if women take this book seriously, they could end up getting a guy -- but my question is, would they be happy with what they were getting?
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 21, 2009 4:38:03 PM PST
Probably not, but they'd pretend they were happy anyway. All of those books should be How to Get Anything with an XY Chromosome that will Possibly Make your Life Miserable.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 21, 2009 5:28:40 PM PST
I had to chuckle at your way of describing it!
I say that there's nothing in life better than having a good partner and nothing worse than having a bad one. And there's nothing wrong with NOT having a partner! Personally, I'd rather have no partner than to have the kind of relationship Steve Harvey sets up in this book.
In reply to an earlier post on Dec 21, 2009 6:12:08 PM PST
Me too. I'd rather have rabbits and hermit crabs then have to act in a way that is against my nature to prop up a man who really should just GET OVER HIMSELF AND GROW UP.
Also butterflies and moths are nice too... And western conifer seed bugs.
It's much more relaxing to be single then to deal with a bad relationship that makes a person miserable and then they have to pretend like they are happy when they are really losing their minds.
In reply to an earlier post on Jan 5, 2010 11:32:29 AM PST
A Customer says:
The more I know men the more I love my dogs! I'm over 50, still single and loving it. It would be nice, before I die, to at least meet one man that was worthy of marriage.
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 21, 2010 5:07:59 PM PST
C. Wood says:
I'm also over 50 and I have cats, but it's the same thing. I have finally learned to love being single. I like being with me! I don't think I'd take a chance on trading my peace of mind to live with a man unless he was truly an exceptional human being. I don't want to be married! There's not a lot of men in the dating pool for 50+ women that we'd want to be with 24/7 or even for an evening. Too many times I have had to re-learn the lesson I am better off single. I think I got it now.
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 23, 2010 12:32:37 PM PST
Last edited by the author on Feb 23, 2010 12:33:18 PM PST
As someone who married later in life, I can tell you that there are advantages and disadvantages to being both single and married. And if you're contented the way you are now, that's great.
Posted on Apr 26, 2012 5:50:30 AM PDT
Thank you for your review! I listen to Steve every morning and when he comments on the Strawberry Letter I always agree with him and that made me want to read this book, but the comments I'm reading, wow I can't believe how bad it sounds. But I will still read it just so that I can make my own opinions, but it does not sound like it's a very good relationship book. I have heard his "Provide, protect, profess" mantra. Basically, to me, it does seem like he's saying this is the way men are and women have to accept it. How about telling MEN how they need to change? I like on his radio show how he encourages women to not tolerate the mess men do like cheat, or be controlling--yet he seems controlling himself.
I'm not married but I know you have to compromise and even maybe give up something for the other in certain circumstances, but it should not be assumed this is the way you keep a man and marriage happy. I think it's bad to think I should GO INTO a relationship knowing I have to give up a part of myself because my man needs to feel like a man and it's my job to do that by doing what he wants.
In reply to an earlier post on Apr 26, 2012 11:59:03 AM PDT
C. Wood says:
Of course, there are advantages to being married and being single. I'm open, but I'm extremely tired trying to find someone, so it's best to try to be content with the life I have instead of feeling like I'm being deprived.