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Customer Review

0 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Organic, Lie, March 10, 2012
This review is from: Baby Gourmet Organic Simple Purees Stage 1(6 Months+) Juicy Pear and Garden Greens Baby Food, 3.5-Ounce Pouches (Pack of 12) (Grocery)
Vine Customer Review of Free Product (What's this?)

I ordered these bags of baby food in the expectation that a baby I personally know, seven-month-old Julius, would just pretty much lap them up, which would save his parents a fair amount on their food budget. As it turns out, as the result of a long series of carefully measured, double-blind observations involving a large experimental sample size and of course a large control group, it has been ruled out that any explanation other than a constitutional aversion to spinach causes Julius to vomit. Shortly after Julius eats spinach, he vomits. Not just mostly but every single time.

And I don't mean regular vomiting. I mean what's called projectile vomiting, which you can look up, in which the vomitus can be exprelled WITHOUT WARNING at astonsihingly high rates of speed considering they're coming from a seven-month-old baby who can barely sit up yet without help. Julius has ejected vomitus as far away as 10 feet at first burst, which is pretty impressive and a little dangerous if you happen to be leaning over him at the moment.

As it turns out, his parents and the other people who take care of him DO have a preference whether Julius eats spinach. Not surprisingly, they do NOT like it when their baby unexpectedly and at skin-stinging velocity pukes in their faces. You might call them selfish to deprive him of spinach, but I don't.

This product contains spinach in every bite, er, squoosh, so I am unable to test it in the field, on the ground, in real time going forward. I can say that the fact no one fed Julius this product several times has saved exactly that many episodes of his unwanted projectile vomiting. For this I add 1 star.

However, I also did offer some of the Juicy Pear & Garden Greens version to my dog, PheyeG'hdeaux, and he refused after the first taste. And this is a dog that will happily eat cat poop and long-dead squirrels. For this I subtract 1 star, so we're back to 5.


Up to a certain age, infants instinctively try not only to put things in their mouths but also to swallow them without regard to whether they are swallowable or even tasty. Few seven-year-olds would try to swallow half a pair of dice, but Julius, at one-twelfth that age, isn't yet that smart. If he tries to swallow an object of the wrong size and shape, it will get caught in his throat in such a way that his trachea, his breathing tube, is obstructed. Julius will eventually exhibit gross symptoms of his respiratory distress -- his inability to breathe -- but that won't matter if no adult is looking. If enough time goes by his brain will suffer anoxia, if enough more time goes by some of the neurons as well as other cells in that brain will perish, and if enough more time goes by Julius will be rendered unconcsious, and if the ultimate amount of time goes by he will die of asphyxiation.

So it's important that the cap for this product not be swallowable by anyone with tastes as undiscriminating and survival instincts as undeveloped as seven-month old Julius's. If it were the cap to the valve stem of the left front tire of your car, that would be one thing, or any of the other four tires, because the likelihood that cap will be reachable by your version of Julius is so low. But the likelihood the cap to a pouch of baby food will be reachable by an infant is much higher. The manufacturer has chosen a design for the cap that makes it all but impossible for Julius to swallow it or otherwise be harmed by it. In fact, you may safely dip this cap in honey and dust it with sugar and hand it to him and walk away. Or her.

First, it's way too big for even an adult to swallow. I took the opportunity of being in the same room with a pouch of this product and the family's well-known big-mouth. I asked her to determine whether she could swallow it, and after explaining my reason I watched as she tried really hard for ten seconds or so and deemed it "Not possible." The collar at its widest measures 1.257 inches. The height is 0.628 inches, which as you probably know is equal to 0.009373 smoots.

Second, the collar that surrounds the threaded part is mostly air, i.e., except for these four thin ribs or vanes, the collar is floating outside the threaded part, which means if the infant does manage to get it wedged at the top of the trachea where it enters the mouth, not only can air still pass through but any of the baby food itself can pass through.


Unfortunately, this is a product that's referred to as organic. The main ingredients -- pear, broccoli and spinach -- are "organic," and it contains no preservatives unless you count ascorbic acid and organic lemon juice. The problem, of course, is that without preservatives the product is more likely to spoil, to go bad. And going on the assumption that foods labelled organic are more expensive to get from soil to spoon, the price of this product is surely higher than it would be otherwise. For its being organic I subtract 1 star.


-- The goop, while it might be perfectly healthful for a baby, is a perfectly dreadful substitute for taco sauce, salad dressing, or the Alfredo sauce on a Parmesan-besprinkled bed of liguine. Trust me.

-- You might be wondering how well the goop inside, which does taste like pear and even kind of has the grit of pear, works as a substitute for, say, floor-tile mastic. I laid four one-foot linoleum tiles in a quarter-inch bed of Baby Gourmet 1 Simple Purees 6 Months+ Organic Juicy Pear & Garden Greens, 4.5-Ounce Pouches (Pack of 12) and waited a whole 24 hours, at the end of which time the tiles were not even remotely well-stuck to the subfloor but did attract a LOT of ants, so many that we needed the services of a professional exterminator, for which we will be suing Baby Gourmet for an amount in excess of $25,000.

-- When you fire a Marlin .22 caliber rifle at the pouch from ten yards away, the bullet passes through quite readily and embeds itself in the right door of the 2012 Hyundai Sonata that is parked in the driveway of your neighbor three houses west, who will start out incredulous and end up irate.

For these defects I subtract no stars, I just thought you should know.


Finally, the Product Description on Amazon is comical. It starts this way:

"We think every mom has a morbid fear of feeding their babies vegetables . . ." First, I find it sad that whoever wrote this decicded to say "their babies" when it should have been "her babies." One thing we know for sure about anyone who's a mom is that that person is a female, so the excessive political correctness of not using the gender-specific pronoun here is also comical.

But second, and more important, I find it incredible that the people at Baby Gourmet really believe "every mom has a morbid fear" of feeding vegetables to her baby. Not just some moms, not just many moms, not even most moms, but EVERY mom. That's just stupidly wrong. And it's even wronger when you remember that it's a MORBID fear, one that is on a par with fearing death itself. Whoever wrote this is telling us that the people at Baby Gourmet sincerely do believe that EVERY mom has a MORBID fear of feeding vegetables to her baby. This is insultingly false, and it gives you permission to question everything else they say. This is an example of offering for sale a solution to a problem that doesn't exist till the marketers create it.

Also, I have to point out that the description goes on to say "thus we have made a blend of Organic Pears, Organic Broccoli and Organic Spinach that taste well, out of this world actually!"

For the comical mistakes in the Product Description I subtract no stars. For the outrageous lie I subtract 1.

Five stars plus 1 minus 1 minus 1 minus 1 am 3.

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