Customer Review

40 of 44 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not as helpful as I hoped, August 22, 2012
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This review is from: Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades (Paperback)
I have an elementary school age daughter who can be on both sides of girl troubles: the girl who gets upset by her friends and also upsets her friends. I was hoping this book can give me insights on how to navigate both sides well, but was disappointed.

The book seems to be all about "standing up to your friend who can be a bully" without defining what "bully" really is. I see certain amount of friction that kids go through as necessary part of learning and growing as long the friction is short term, and the child is not always the victim. But, I got the feeling that the authors didn't think so. They seem to think that all social struggles deserved close adult attention and how all these social struggles have lasting effects to girls.

The anecdotes in the book was realistic and typical of elementary age girls, but there wasn't much useful information for me on how to deal with it.
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Tracked by 3 customers

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Showing 1-6 of 6 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Oct 23, 2012 8:53:55 AM PDT
Momoftwo says:
I read your review of this book as I was looking for help to teach my daughter how to handle children that are mean to her. It was interesting to note that you stated that your daughter does get upset by her friends, but she also sometimes upsets her friends. Most parents that I know are oblivious to the fact that their child can and does say hurtful things to people! I know that my child has said hurtful things to other children when she feels attacked because she didn't know what else to do and felt like it was the only thing she could do to defend herself. Maybe that is what your daughter is doing? I think that as long as you are recognizing the fact that your child isn't perfect and you encourage her to be nice to her friends even when they are not nice to her that she is getting some great parenting.

Posted on Dec 15, 2012 12:59:59 AM PST
Entre Nous says:
[Customers don't think this post adds to the discussion. Show post anyway. Show all unhelpful posts.]

In reply to an earlier post on Dec 24, 2012 6:56:06 AM PST
avidreader says:
Wow.
Please do everyone the courtesy of taking a deep breath before you fire off another post attacking someone like that.
Do you know MDMom or her daughter?
The fact that she is reading books like this suggests she is addressing the issue - and wants to help her daughter avoid being the victim AND the victimizer. It's interesting that you attacked her, her parenting skills and her child without knowing her. I consider your post to be bullying.
Attacking people doesn't help the process or open the dialogue.
Good luck to all of our children. I share your outrage and sadness for the world that they live in today.

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 9, 2013 4:50:35 PM PDT
Entre Nous says:
avidreader, according to MDMom, (sorry MDMom for speaking of you in the third person), she sees a certain amount of "friction" a necessary part of growing and learning, providing it's short term. every parent should take issue with that opinion. Bullying is never okay. 100% of the time bullying is not okay. with all the horrors that are taking place daily on school campuses, movie theaters and shopping malls across the nation at the hands of bullied people, is that message not loud and clear enough that this should be zero tolerance behavior? We are producing more and more mentally vulnerable children with every preservative, mercury filled vaccine and pesticide-soaked, genetically modified food we eat during gestation and what we give them once they're born. further, these children are being raised without fear of consequences. we have literally given them free reign when they need and crave structure. we continue to tell our children to "make a better choice" which serves as nothing more than confusion. they need guidance, for pete's sake. what could happen to this beautiful child if her mom continues to subscribe to the notion that the writers are wrong and she is correct? contrary to the last 30 years of junk psychology, bullying stems from an unhealthy overabundance of ego. bullies misinterpret other people's behavior as hostile when it is not favorable to what they think they deserve. as adults they experience great difficulties coping as they realize they cannot bully the rest of the world. trouble with managing those emotions as adults may stem from a variety of factors, including physiological differences, and improper socializing as a child, when their aggression went unchecked. there are many things a parent can do, according to the children's trust fund it is suggested that the parents explain to their children that this behavior, bullying, is never acceptable under any circumstances. take immediate action to establish consequences for her/his behavior like taking away a favorite toy or privileged until evidence of improvement has occurred, (this can be easily put into action with a chat with the child's teacher or care giver). request a meeting with the parents of the other children involved, (of both the bullies and the bullied to come together as a team to resolve this issue while you still have the chance to make a difference. and finally, they suggest you speak with your child's pediatrician so that she/he can make arrangements with a mental health clinician that will be helpful in understanding and resolving the problem.
i apologize for not making myself more clear. my intention was to stress the urgency and seriousness of the matter and looking back on it, i was clearly just plain rude. on a personal level, i would suggest a good program like girl scouts which builds girls of strong character and levels that playing field without all the new age fluff. i myself, work with children and have raised two of my own. i have seen the often damaging effects of defensive style of parenting. it breaks my heart that it is the children, (the bullies, the bullied and the bystanders), who ultimately pay dearly for it.

Posted on Mar 24, 2014 1:26:58 AM PDT
Hey, I'm here (in the annals of amazon) because I'm in the exact situation you describe here. I have an 8-year-old daughter who is, well, a regular girl. She's sweet and well-intentioned, but she sometimes gets conflicted about social situations and often finds herself hurt as well as impelled to hurt others. I'm wondering, have you since found any reading material that you've found helpful?

Thanks!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 27, 2014 8:41:51 PM PDT
In my search for good books about bullying for elementary aged children (and their parents/caregivers) I came across the Weird! series by Erin Frankel. The 3 books cover a bullying situation, but each one is from a different girl's perspective - Weird! is about Luisa, the victim of bullying; Dare! is about Jaela, the bystander; and Tough! is about Sam, the bully. I haven't gotten them yet, but you can "look inside" to see several pages. Also, try Trudy Ludwig's Confessions of a Former Bully. Her books are really great.
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