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Customer Review

763 of 804 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Learning to Speak, December 23, 2010
This review is from: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Paperback)
The main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have unique preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Your love language is the way that you most feel loved and cared for. The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn't tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. So, you have to learn to speak your partner's love language. The author also believes that focusing intently on speaking the love languages will rekindle relationships where people don't even seem to like each other anymore.

My only critique is that they didn't focus more on understanding and discussing your emotions. For this you and your partner should read Emotional Intelligence 2.0. It did wonders for my husband and I.

The relationship expert who wrote the book arranges the book into the five love languages, and provides quizzes to help you determine which language you are:

- Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
Basically, they find ways to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.

- Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.

- Affection:
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.

- Quality Time:
This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.

- Gifts:
Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.

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Showing 1-10 of 11 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Nov 14, 2011 6:10:19 AM PST
[Deleted by Amazon on Mar 23, 2013 2:36:15 AM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 22, 2011 3:21:52 PM PST
Ryan Smith says:
I'm not sure what the researcher is referring to but this book is more for
Married couples or dating and would be a nice addition 200 Ways to Successfully Communicate In A Marriage

Posted on Feb 16, 2012 2:15:37 PM PST
A helpful and informative review!

(Personally I think this is a well written book. I like this book.)

Posted on Jul 9, 2012 4:36:43 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jul 10, 2012 6:20:54 PM PDT
Michael - says:
This review could have been a superb foreword for this book. The author of this review took the time, effort, and care to present an overview of this book in simple, clear, and concise terms - very, very well done!

Some believe that men and women basically use different parts of their brains. Often heard are: "The left brain thinks, the right brain feels." "The left brain analyzes, the right brain intuits." "The left brain is logical, the right brain is emotional." Likely, our thinking, feeling, and loving are more complex than these simple statements; yet, at least on occasion (likely more often) men and women think and feel differently and express themselves differently - the author of this book identifies, categorizes, and classifies love into five languages. I would add one additional language, which is the ability to sincerely and promptly say "I'm sorry" from one's heart. From my 45+ years of marriage and from what I have learned from many others, a successful, lasting, and happy marriage involves two great forgivers and apologizers. In my three and a half decades of managing people I have found that those who never or almost never say "I'm sorry" have difficulties with their working and personal relationships.

A husband and a wife differ to varying degrees about how they both think and feel about things, and this is in harmony with how the Creator said regarding Adam that He was going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him (not an identical twin of him - she was made different in a good way). A complement completes, perhaps making something just right. A husband and wife will benefit from loving each other, especially as the other person wants and needs to be loved.

Couple this with deep respect and you hold the two keys to a successful, lasting, and happy marriage and family life - Love and Respect.

Hopefully adding this thought will help your loving and respectful marriage grow more each and every day: "I love you more today than yesterday, but only half as much as tomorrow."

And one additional thought: "It is more beneficial for me to be respectful and loving in all that I do, than for me to be loved (something I very much want)."

Every marriage has the potential to be successful, lasting, and happy, especially using the two keys of "Love" and "Respect." Your marriage can be a most precious, valuable, and wonderful gift by using these two keys with sincerity and heartfelt caring; and, never let pride, the childish silent treatment, or other unloving disrespectful traits mar your treasured marriage!

A good "PRIDE" antidote expressed before the end of the day: "I'm sorry - I was mistaken - How can I make it up to you? - I'll do my best to be better - Will you please forgive me?"

A good "CHILDISH SILENT TREATMENT" antidote as soon as possible: Rescue the loving, caring, and respect adult within you. "Whining" and "I won't talk to you" are childish - they rarely worked in childhood and have no place among true adults. "Scolding" and "Lecturing" is easily blocked out. The best communications are loving, caring, and respectful adult expressions coupled with a big dose of attentive listening and understanding.

In ballroom dancing it has been said that "it takes two to tango," and "it takes one to lead." Many have found a successful, permanent, and happy marriage includes three - the loving husband, the respectful wife, and the Creator and Author of marriage (who perfectly knows what's best).

A good question to ask yourself at the beginning of each day: "What will I do today that shows I both love and respect my spouse?" TIP: While certainly one positive act or action daily is a good start, many are even better and will bring more benefits.

ADDITIONAL BENEFICIAL READING: "One Minute for Myself [Yourself]: How to Manage Your Most Valuable Asset" by Spencer Johnson, MD - while it is good to have a great relationship with your spouse; it is essential to have a good relationship with yourself, especially if your goal is to love your neighbor as yourself. Keep in mind if this is one of your goals that your closest neighbor is your spouse. Good relationships with ourselves and others I believe is what our true success in life is all about. My thought is that one needs a good relationship with oneself first in order to have good relationships with others - and it is wise to pursue "self-respect" by being respectful of yourself and all others. I like the thought of "self-respect" rather than "self-esteem" because it is easily possible to think too much of oneself; better to just focus on being respectful, caring, loving, and having proper self-respect.

Posted on Nov 17, 2012 5:37:10 AM PST
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Posted on Jan 28, 2013 8:31:36 PM PST
RinH says:
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In reply to an earlier post on Feb 19, 2013 12:39:38 PM PST
Jerry says:
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Posted on Feb 27, 2013 6:42:54 PM PST
Thank you very much for your detailed and thoughtful review!

Posted on Mar 5, 2013 12:20:10 PM PST
Scientific K says:
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Posted on Mar 20, 2013 10:01:44 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 20, 2013 10:02:58 AM PDT
Taylor Rand says:
An accurate review for anyone thinking of purchasing the book. The book's contents are commonsensical and useful if...

If your partner is willing to accept your attempts; if the other person no longer cares that you're speaking their "love language" then it doesn't seem to matter. It didn't in my relationship and I think the author glides over this big issue. His examples were filled with couples who at heart still wanted their relationship to succeed but only needed an interpreter.
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