Customer Review

8 of 15 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Ed Wood but ..., July 30, 2011
This review is from: Big Box Of Wood (DVD)
bluntreview (dot) com says: A Big Box of Wood is not for case you missed the collection's disclaimer about simulated sex that shows on the sealed box's sticker; the art would not lead you to beware for those innocent kid eyes searching for more of director Ed Wood's wonders of celluloid.

Though, I read the warning and still went, "Huh? Is that a joke?" Um, no. The title is still great for this set. They've managed to make a platonic ménage à trois of word play: Wood the director, wood the standard erect penis reference, and wood the movement of the really bad films. Brilliant.

Many you of probably do not know (hell I didn't) Ed Wood, after that fluffy snapshot handed to us by Tim Burton showing a gosh-golly ne'er do well director and his heartfelt attempts at independent ultra-low-budget films, went into the world of porn for his moola. He wrote porn "novels," and porn scripts - and some borderline sex infused hot messes. Here you'll get six discs worth - well and a couple askew family friendly bits.

This set is hilarious for all the wrong reasons again. For the later more basic porn releases, I picture Travis Bickle from Schrader and Scorsese's brilliant Taxi Driver watching these bad continuity ridden soft porns off Broadway in his would-be-if-he-had-been hey day.

There are a couple old known Wood films (the really famous one played up on the box art), and then the fore-mentioned heaping helping of bad porn and general wastes of film stock and light.

It's Ed Wood porn - that kind of says it all. Though he did not direct most of the "work" here...he could have! The collection would be a hoot if the sex wasn't so - well - wooden and the stories so so so bad. No one watches porn for the think "What if Ed Wood scripted the wookawookmowmow?" And you'll get my point. It's fun to a point - right before your head starts to twist into its own very uncomfortable point and begins to wander towards anything else it could be engaged in.

One really clunky porn that sticks out is The Snow Bunnies. As expected the straight-off-the-casting-couch girls are pretty and can not act. But the men chosen as the protruding parts are mega-creepy. Now again, it's soft porn - not a belle-of-the-red-carpet chick flick material but could they not find even a semi-looker desperate for work? If to just look at while the up-and-down motion is happening would have made this gal more apt to watch all the way through instead of the FF button working double time. And, the sex you are privy to is like it is choreographed by a maybe had sex once on beer teenager who gets a camera and a few adults that are willing to be filmed, not that they themselves are very "knowing" in the field of fornicationary frolic. The edited in ski scenes look like they come from a resort elsewhere, and are used as filler film - a lot. The "film" is probably ten minutes if you cut the generic fun in the snow family resort sequences.

Eh. Honestly, the best part of the collection is the appropriately bad audio'd commentaries prior to each movie's start. It's another look at Ed Wood.

So, if you need your film history rounded, or you dig old bad porn? Yes. Get this. But do not buy for your younger family members who still think Ed Wood was Johnny Depp and his wacky gang of misfits...Let their little sugar plum dreams remain.

Snack recommendation: Nausea medicine, or stale week-old popcorn and a box of Kleenex.

Buy Big Box Of Wood

Box contains six discs:

Crossroad Avenger (The Adventures of the Tucson Kid) (TV pilot-1953), the short Trick Shooting (1953)and Bela Lugosi post rehab interview

Jail Bait (1954), Bride of the Monster (1955), The Violent Years (1956),
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959), The Sinister Urge (1960),Orgy of the Dead (1965), Drop Out Wife (1972), The Snow Bunnies (1972), Fugitive Girls ("Five Loose Women") (1974), The Beach Bunnies (1976), Hot Ice (1978)
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Showing 1-1 of 1 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Mar 13, 2012 8:26:50 AM PDT
Trewthe says:
Great review, don't know why more people haven't clicked the helpful button, i really enjoy most of the Ed Wood movies, even the semi-awful Orgy of the Dead had "some" charm, but i had to stop Snow Bunnies, it is awful, not in a good way either.Can't imagine watching the rest of the softcore porns if they are as bad as Snow Bunnies.
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