Customer Review

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Wow. Needs a LOT of editing, December 15, 2011
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This review is from: Daddy's Dirty Secret (Pseudo Incest) (Kindle Edition)
To be honest, I was curious how the author would handle the relationship. Even without the blood between the 'father' and 'daughter' - it's still an interesting concept.

However, 26% into a 10 minute read, and there are too many grammatical errors. I know I can be incredibly nitpicky about this kind of thing, but that isn't the case here.

Let me give some examples from that small section.
"He is tall and muscular with just a few of gray at his temples Temple."

"After my first year college, my parents decided to reward with a summer vacation. A few years ago, they bought into Hawaiian timeshare."

"...so I spent the entire week before shopping one of my most daring purchase was an extremely revealing string bikini!"

These occur in the first 4 paragraphs, and aren't even all of them. I can't get into a story that can't even be bothered to include all the words needed for a sentence to make sense.

The last one, that made me close out of the file?
"I rubbed the sleep out of my stared up at my stepfather. "The usual, she went to the big island could take care of some business."

Thankfully this was free.
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Showing 1-2 of 2 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Dec 15, 2011 11:43:57 PM PST
Hi Angela,
I'm the author and I wanted to thank you for taking the time to review my short story! I made a mistake and uploaded a rough draft instead of the edited manuscript. Your review was the equivalent of someone telling me, "You've got broccoli stuck in your teeth!" Or pointing to some toilet paper stuck to my shoe! Damned embarrassing but I'm awfully glad you said something. The copy-edited version of this story has been uploaded!

In reply to an earlier post on Apr 18, 2012 6:08:10 AM PDT
Angela says:
Thank you for that update Ms. Foxxe! I'm glad that my review helped in that then.
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