511 of 557 people found the following review helpful
Seriously consider "7" before all other books on this topic!,
This review is from: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Hardcover)
A very reasonable as well as scientific approach to marriage. Many marriage-oriented books offer logical short-term band-aids (e.g., focusing on perceived Mars/Venus gender differences, communicating better, smoothing over conflicts) that make for a provocative read and/or admirable goals, but by and large fail in the long-run to resuscitate shaky marriages. Gottman creates a path for marital success via theories and exercises with an established track record for success. Many people wouldn't think that a fit marriage has to be exercised regularly, no less than one's body through regular workouts. Gottman's book serves as the ultimate guide to marital fitness, yet is a valuable read even if you are unmarried or have already experienced a failed marriage.
Good marriages don't necessarily have less conflicts than bad ones. Gottman gets under the surface and digs into such deeper issues as the maintaining of HONOR and RESPECT for your partner in the heat of all-too-common battles. Along the way he punches holes in a lot of marriage-counseling paradigms. In short, this book can improve a good marriage (or any similiar commitment between two people), heal a salvagable one, or explain why a bad one got to or beyond the point of no return. Or even serve as a form of CRUCIAL pre-marital counseling.
My question, why isn't there a mandatory course in marriage at the high school level that incorporates Gottman's research? Wouldn't the knowledge gained be of as much or more importance than any other accumulated as teenagers head into adulthood? I consider topics such as those raised by Gottman to be of enormous value for my daughters to read (and discuss!) when they reach their mid-teens...better too early than too late!
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Showing 1-8 of 8 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Sep 15, 2007 2:13:29 PM PDT
This book is required reading at Western Seminay.
In reply to an earlier post on Jan 28, 2008 12:07:42 PM PST
Christy A. Brewer says:
Well, while a "marriage" book may not be appropriate for high school, we would do well with teaching the principles of emotional intelligence that are the foundation of Gottman's recommendations.
Less high school drama, anyone??
In reply to an earlier post on Mar 2, 2009 4:02:20 PM PST
D. Hungerford says:
Christy, I don't understand why you think it wouldn't be appropriate. We tell kids that they need to be educated before they try to apply every other subject. We don't let them build bridges or perform brain surgery until they've been taught how, yet they are supposed to forgo learning about marriage until they have decided to be in one. Sink or swim, eh? What is your concern, that they will want to suddenly just go out and get married? I would think that reflecting on the hard work that makes up the reality of marriage would make them take it much more seriously and give it more thought before they try to do it. Maybe then they will be able to build a bridge that actually stays up.
I'm also not clear why you refer to it as a "marriage" book. Putting the word in quotes makes it sound like a euphemism, like "marital aid". It's a marriage book, not a "sex" book.
Posted on Jun 29, 2009 6:13:53 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jun 29, 2009 6:14:05 PM PDT]
Posted on Jun 29, 2009 6:18:35 PM PDT
If it makes you feel better, this book was required for one of my college classes (FSU): Family Problems and Social Change. I kept the book after finishing the course and have found it useful in my own marriage. Although I am not sure that the book should be read in high school due to the varying emotional readiness of such students, I do think it would be helpful for couples in serious relationships to read.
Posted on Nov 17, 2011 10:20:21 AM PST
Kĺre Fog says:
If one were to establish a mandatory course in marriage at the high school level, and to incorporate Gottman´s research, then one should be aware that not all that Gottman writes is correct. He has cheated in some respects, and has been criticized rightly for this by some of his scientific peers. See the critical review of the book (2 stars) that I have posted:
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 2, 2012 9:13:53 PM PST
FCT Riglet says:
"Although I am not sure that the book should be read in high school due to the varying emotional readiness of such students"
That's exactly why it should be read in high school.
Have you guys even read the book? Talking about complaining vs criticism is not appropriate? Really? They have emotions & they're using them whether anybody likes it or not, so let's help them use them in a healthy and functional way.
Posted on Jul 22, 2014 5:07:10 AM PDT
I don't think a mandatory course in relationships (perhaps incorporating Gottman's research) would be out of line for high school. However, a mandatory marriage course implies that all high school students are expected to one day get married. While parents may hope this for their children, it seems (to me) out of line for a public school system to require a course that sets students on a path that may be wholly out of line for many students, including those not legally allowed to wed because of sexual orientation (which is an issue in its own right), students interested in certain religious vocations, or students more focused on career or educational pursuits at this point in their lives and who may not choose to pursue a serious, long-term relationship for a decade or more after high school. In the required class in my high school that focused on marriage and future planning, there was very little social science, academic rigor, or diversity in the curriculum. A social psychology course that focused on building healthy relationships would have been far more beneficial and inclusive.
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