26,328 of 27,368 people found the following review helpful
Did a teenager write this???,
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This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Paperback)
I really don't like writing bad reviews. I admire people who have the courage to put pen to paper and expose themselves to the whole world, especially those writing erotica. Having just finished this book, however, I feel compelled to write a review.
About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old's fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he's not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he's never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their "dream man" and came up with Christian Grey.
Then come the sex scenes. The first one is tolerable but as she goes on, they become so unbelievable that it becomes more laughable than erotic. She orgasms at the drop of a hat. He says her name and she orgasms. He simply touches her and she orgasms. It seems that she's climaxing on every page.
Then there's the writing. If you take out the parts where the female character is blushing or chewing her lips, the book will be down to about 50 pages. Almost on every single page, there is a whole section devoted to her blushing, chewing her lips or wondering "Jeez" about something or another. Then there's the use of "shades of". He's "fifty shades of @#$%% up," "she turned 7 shades of crimson," "he's ten shades of x,y, and z." Seriously?
The writing is just not up to par, the characters are unbelievable, and the sex verges on the comical. I don't know what happens in the remaining books and I do not intend to read them to find out. But given the maturity level of the first book, I imagine that they get married, have 2 perfect children, cure world hunger, and live happily ever after while riding into the sunset, as the female character climaxes on her horse causing her to chew her bottom lip and blush fifty shades of crimson. Jeez!
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Showing 1-10 of 1000 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Apr 15, 2012 6:01:55 PM PDT
Iced Camaro says:
OMG having read all three books I must say your forecast of the story is actually pretty spot on. (seriously, it's pretty much what happens in the end, complete with "twilight over the sound" as the backdrop).
In reply to an earlier post on Apr 15, 2012 7:42:28 PM PDT
Thank you for letting me know. That is hilarious!
Posted on Apr 18, 2012 12:04:41 PM PDT
Lorraine Mayzlin says:
OMG, of all the reviews, this one, by far is the most comical -- thanks! I have shared it on my facebook wall for the rest of the world to take heed (and laugh with me).
You should consider writing yourself, you are really good at it.
Posted on Apr 19, 2012 6:55:32 AM PDT
LOVE this review! I have been ignoring this book but it just keeps popping up everywhere I turn, and now it's #1, so I came to check reviews to see what all the fuss was about. This helped me tremendously because everything you mentioned would have drove me insane! She sounds like Bella from the Twilight movies, which is quite possibly my least favorite character ever.
Posted on Apr 20, 2012 10:42:44 AM PDT
M. Hart says:
Your review is perfect! Couldn't have said it better.
Posted on Apr 21, 2012 5:23:52 PM PDT
Carla Crites says:
LOL! No way a teenager wrote this!! Today's teenage would have a strong voice, loads of experience and be shocking the "holy heck" out of us!!
Posted on Apr 25, 2012 8:48:16 PM PDT
Elvira J says:
Thank you! Was considering buying this against my better knowledge to get my Free SuperSaverShipping but I think I shop around a little more. I hate nothing more than a poorly written book -whatever topic. Your review is great, thank you, I was laughing so hard I almost climaxed ;)
Posted on Apr 26, 2012 2:52:10 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Apr 26, 2012 3:09:18 AM PDT
Margaret Mitchell says:
I love your title and review! So funny! I thought the same. I told my husband it was something a teenager going through puberty would write. So silly!
Posted on Apr 26, 2012 10:40:10 AM PDT
Contagious Reads says:
To the person who says the female character sounds like Bella...didn't EL James write Twilight fan fic? Isn't this book just based on that? I thought I read somewhere that she just took Edward and Bella and made them grow up and not be vampires. I could be wrong.
Posted on Apr 30, 2012 4:16:41 PM PDT
J. Isidor says:
I seriously laughed out loud at work. THANK YOU for saving me from this horror.