26,047 of 27,063 people found the following review helpful
Did a teenager write this???,
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This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Paperback)
I really don't like writing bad reviews. I admire people who have the courage to put pen to paper and expose themselves to the whole world, especially those writing erotica. Having just finished this book, however, I feel compelled to write a review.
About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old's fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he's not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he's never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their "dream man" and came up with Christian Grey.
Then come the sex scenes. The first one is tolerable but as she goes on, they become so unbelievable that it becomes more laughable than erotic. She orgasms at the drop of a hat. He says her name and she orgasms. He simply touches her and she orgasms. It seems that she's climaxing on every page.
Then there's the writing. If you take out the parts where the female character is blushing or chewing her lips, the book will be down to about 50 pages. Almost on every single page, there is a whole section devoted to her blushing, chewing her lips or wondering "Jeez" about something or another. Then there's the use of "shades of". He's "fifty shades of @#$%% up," "she turned 7 shades of crimson," "he's ten shades of x,y, and z." Seriously?
The writing is just not up to par, the characters are unbelievable, and the sex verges on the comical. I don't know what happens in the remaining books and I do not intend to read them to find out. But given the maturity level of the first book, I imagine that they get married, have 2 perfect children, cure world hunger, and live happily ever after while riding into the sunset, as the female character climaxes on her horse causing her to chew her bottom lip and blush fifty shades of crimson. Jeez!
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Showing 91-100 of 1000 posts in this discussion
Posted on May 25, 2012 8:26:20 AM PDT
Hilarious!!!! I have only read the 55 page sample and you've already captured my sentiments about the immature writing style and overuse of "Jeez!" Oh, and let's not mention "Crap" and "Double Crap." I just purchased the entire book and wish I had seen your review prior to doing so...at any rate, thanks for the much-needed laugh today!
Posted on May 25, 2012 9:29:02 AM PDT
patricia a whelan says:
I am an avid reader and based on the popularity of this book I was about to buy it. Just a quick look at the reviews---yours was number two---very funny and informative---I will not be making this purchase---Thank you SOOOO much for saving me precious time and money!!!
In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2012 10:14:45 AM PDT
A. Ryan says:
You just inspired such a great idea--there should be a genre called "RIDICULUM" subcategory of "FICTION" , for books such as these.
Posted on May 25, 2012 12:04:31 PM PDT
Cricket Gray says:
I had heard through the grapevine (facebook and friends) that these were great books, on bestseller lists, blah, blah, blah. I came to see what all the fuss is about and it looks like one either loves or hates these books. I'm SO glad that I read your review!! It sounded like something I would have written, the same things that drove you crazy would have driven me crazy. Thank you so much for writing it educating me AND bringing a smile to my face. That was fun to read! =o) Oh, and My name is Christianne Gray. Seriously! Haha!! I laughed out loud when I read the name of the main character!! Thank you for saving my eyes, and my intellect.
Posted on May 25, 2012 12:51:36 PM PDT
Annette Delaney says:
Thanks for your honest and funny review! I have been ignoring the hype of this book ever since I first saw it advertized and read a review. But it seems that it's hard to ignore. Aftyer a male co-worker of mine was talking about it (not having read it himself) I decided to read more reviews. now I'm determined to save my money and not give in to all the advertizing!
In reply to an earlier post on May 25, 2012 1:20:40 PM PDT
I can't believe your name is Christianne Grey. That is too funny. :)
Posted on May 25, 2012 1:22:40 PM PDT
right on!!! I stopped reading this book... I couldn't have said it better.
Posted on May 25, 2012 1:25:25 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on May 27, 2012 6:48:52 AM PDT]
Posted on May 25, 2012 1:27:44 PM PDT
I love this review so honest and helpful! glad I didn't waste my money lol Thanks!!!
Posted on May 25, 2012 1:28:41 PM PDT
Jonia M. Kuenzi says: