Customer Review

24,360 of 25,303 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Did a teenager write this???, April 15, 2012
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This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey (The Fifty Shades Trilogy) (Paperback)
I really don't like writing bad reviews. I admire people who have the courage to put pen to paper and expose themselves to the whole world, especially those writing erotica. Having just finished this book, however, I feel compelled to write a review.

About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old's fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he's not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he's never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their "dream man" and came up with Christian Grey.

Then come the sex scenes. The first one is tolerable but as she goes on, they become so unbelievable that it becomes more laughable than erotic. She orgasms at the drop of a hat. He says her name and she orgasms. He simply touches her and she orgasms. It seems that she's climaxing on every page.

Then there's the writing. If you take out the parts where the female character is blushing or chewing her lips, the book will be down to about 50 pages. Almost on every single page, there is a whole section devoted to her blushing, chewing her lips or wondering "Jeez" about something or another. Then there's the use of "shades of". He's "fifty shades of @#$%% up," "she turned 7 shades of crimson," "he's ten shades of x,y, and z." Seriously?

The writing is just not up to par, the characters are unbelievable, and the sex verges on the comical. I don't know what happens in the remaining books and I do not intend to read them to find out. But given the maturity level of the first book, I imagine that they get married, have 2 perfect children, cure world hunger, and live happily ever after while riding into the sunset, as the female character climaxes on her horse causing her to chew her bottom lip and blush fifty shades of crimson. Jeez!
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Tracked by 49 customers

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Showing 11-20 of 1000 posts in this discussion
Posted on May 1, 2012 2:02:47 PM PDT
AL Sam says:
Omg, you are so right on the money! I was half-way myself and I thought, are there any other women out there who think that this is complete bull? Who is the writer fooling? It strays so far from what a real woman would do and I find it truly hilarious that women find this story erotic. It is laughable and complete nonsense. Yes, there may be some entertainment value I grant that but I truly found it ridiculous and incredulous. I truly think Anastasia would end up with a personality disorder rather than fall in love with Christian with the way he manipulates her (pun intended) lol!

Posted on May 2, 2012 11:23:38 AM PDT
V. Smith says:
This comment is the only thing that made reading the book worthwhile. Hilarious and so accurate! I can't stop laughing, haha.

Posted on May 2, 2012 9:48:57 PM PDT
rte891 says:
Everything you said about this book is true! and so funny!

In reply to an earlier post on May 3, 2012 6:43:04 AM PDT
Nancy says:
I completely agree. Also, she needs a thesaurus: salacious, lascivious, and "cocks his head to the side". That would take it down another 50 pages. Sex scenes . . . skipped them. They got to be so boring!!!!! Meant for young girls never in love and married women with no sex life!

Posted on May 4, 2012 2:40:49 PM PDT
Tara says:
Hehe! You are hysterical! That last paragraph still has me grinning!!

Posted on May 17, 2012 2:52:05 PM PDT
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your comment!!! I have tears flowing down my ace from laughing so hard. You truly are a talented writer and should strongly consider writing a book!!! You made my day with that comment.

Posted on May 17, 2012 9:11:40 PM PDT
Someine asked me today if I had heard of "Shades of Grey". After reading some of the reviews (yours especially), I think I give this series a pass. Thanks for the heads-up, and sorry you had to suffer through the book!!!!

In reply to an earlier post on May 18, 2012 2:52:17 AM PDT
A.W. says:
You are correct. This was a twilight fan fiction before Ms. James changed the names to non-plagiarizing ones. I even have the pdf of the fan fic version somewhere here on my computer, which is just as pathetic as the changed version. I think the only thing that was changed was the names of the characters. Her publisher didn't do her any good.

Posted on May 18, 2012 7:02:59 AM PDT
Dana says:
Spot on review. LOL!!! sorry I wasted my precious reading time on this one.

In reply to an earlier post on May 18, 2012 11:10:24 AM PDT
Lanna Kaye says:
I think you live inside my brain!!! lol Your sentiments are mine, right down to your opinion of Bella. It is quite entertaining to read all the reviews and comments going on here. I love it.

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